


to slay a god

by bertererei



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amputation, Cannibalism used as a gag, Child Soldiers, Foul Language, Gen, Manga Spoilers, Mindless Gore, Minor Character Deaths, OOC, Psychological/Emotional/Physical Breaking People/Children, Rated For Violence, Suicide, Unnecessarily Cruel Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-02-28 18:34:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 149,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18762070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bertererei/pseuds/bertererei
Summary: Manga Spoilers. Please be warned.------That’s the thing about Eren. When he childishly says that he’s going to slay a god, you honestly end up believing him. But this is possibly a new low.“What if we take bunch of 50-60 meter tall Titans and have them stand on each others’ shoulders? That should be high enough to reach the heavens, right?”





	1. Today is the day

**Author's Note:**

> If you know Zeke's backstory, nothing here should be spoilers. If you don’t know it and don’t want to be spoiled, please exit out of this tab.
> 
> Warnings: There are some heavy topics in this story that should be on level with canon. But just in case, if foul language, mindless gore, unnecessarily cruel violence, suicide, child soldiers, and psychologically/emotionally/physically breaking people/children are things that bother you, please do not read this. I'll add tags and warnings to each chapters as they appear.
> 
> Notes: Couple of canon details were changed for this story. The biggest one being that the Marley has the Attack Titan (so it was never lost, sorry Freedom Seeker). Another being that Zeke never sold out his parents. Lastly, Carla was born inside Liberio internment zone (So this is a Warrior!Eren story). 
> 
> The rest of the changes will become clear as the story goes. Because of these changes, though, the characters may feel OOC. Please be wary of that.
> 
> Chapter titles are from Sekai no Owari’s “Dragon Night.” Shhh, don’t judge me.
> 
> Ready?

The first time Marcel sees Eren, he thinks he’s looking at a life-sized porcelain doll. There’s not a single twitch of emotion on that young face. His green eyes are dull and lifeless. If it wasn’t for the fact that Eren moves when told to and speaks when prodded, Marcel would’ve believed that someone put a statue in their classroom for shits and giggles.

But Eren is most definitely a living, breathing Eldian, just like Marcel. Just like Porco. Just like any of the Warrior candidates in this classroom.

“What are you staring at?” Porco asks, kicking Marcel’s chair mercilessly.

“Porco, don’t kick public property.”

His little brother rolls his eyes. “Okay. What are you staring at?”

It’s not quite that Marcel doesn’t want to answer. But answering will most definitely lead to Porco “talking” to Eren. It’s not like Porco is a bad person or anything. But he’s always more aggressive than he needs to be, often taking pride in mocking others for amusement. And Marcel has no idea how Eren will react to that.

Will it be that same blank stare he always has in class? Or will there finally be some kind of life sparking behind those eyes?

He wants to know, but he doesn’t dare to send his brother to find out. 

Instead, Marcel just smiles and says, “Don’t you think Pieck looks extra cute today?”

Porco raises a brow like he doesn’t trust Marcel’s words. But Pieck must have overheard them because she smiles her usual friendly smiles.

“Don’t use me as an excuse, Marcel. It’s rude.”

By the time Marcel has finished entertaining them long enough, Eren has left for the day. Marcel cuts his losses and gives up for now.

*

It’s the same every day.

They wake up early in the morning, show their permission slips to the guards, and make their way to the training ground. After intense lectures after lectures, it’s break for lunch, some practice drills where they get to show off their physical prowess, and then back to some more lectures before finally being released. Then they get to head straight home without getting sidetracked, least they want the soldiers to come after them.

It’s repetitive and boring, but there are some fun moments mixed in. 

Like watching Annie wipe the floor with guys much bigger than her. Like Bertolt shooting every single target on the dot. Like Pieck calmly picking the correct answers to the matching games that they play during lunch. Like Colt shyly offering to share some sweets he brought in because his mom made too much last night. Like Reiner sweating bullets as he desperately tries to keep up with the pace that everyone sets. Like Porco jeering at him for not being good enough, only to stop when he realizes that there’s someone even further behind than Reiner.

Like Eren sitting far away from the rest of them with his usual blank expression like a doll.

“You’re staring again,” Porco complains. At least this time, he doesn’t kick Marcel’s chair.

“No, I’m not.”

Porco rolls his eyes. “Jeesh, if you’re that curious, just talk to him.”

And before Marcel can stop him, Porco makes his way over to Eren’s desk. Porco acts exactly as Marcel feared. He kicks Eren’s desk and snarls, “Yo! Anyone home?”

Eren doesn’t react. He doesn’t seem to register that Porco is there. And that serves to make Porco mad.

Marcel moves to stop his little brother, but it’s far too late.

Porco slams his hand on Eren’s desk and yells out, “Hey! I’m talking to you, you dimwit!”

For a second, they figure nothing will happen. Eren will continue to ignore Porco like he has been, Marcel will drag Porco off while apologizing to Eren, and then he’ll use this as a chance later to talk to Eren again.

But before that second passes, Eren stands up, his chair clattering loudly behind him. He grabs Porco by the front of his shirt. And you don’t understand. His eyes are  _ burning. _ It’s like someone lit a candle or perhaps it’s more accurate to say someone lit the fuse to a bomb. 

He looks so alive, and Marcel has never seen anyone more beautiful.

“Hey, what do you know? You’re not just a doll,” Porco taunts, lips curving up into an excited grin.

Another second passes before Eren releases Porco without doing anything. He sits quietly back down. And no matter how much Porco tries to get a rise out of him, Eren doesn’t respond to any of it.

“Tch. You’re no fun.”

But Marcel feels like he’s been clued in on a secret.

*

“What a loser! He came in dead last again! Haha!” Porco laughs when their scores are announced for the whole class to hear.

Marcel feels that it’s unnecessarily cruel. But the part that gets his attention is not that Eren scored last, but that Eren received a zero.

A zero on an essay means that he turned in a blank sheet of paper. 

From the sharp look in Annie’s eyes, a sad and disappointed look in Pieck’s, and a worried frown on Bertolt’s face, it’s clear that Marcel isn’t the only one who noticed. But no matter what any of them try to say to Eren, he continues to stare blankly ahead like a doll.

Physical training is similar. 

Eren doesn’t put in an ounce of effort. It’s obvious and it shows in the ugly way their instructors yell abuse to strike “dedication” in their hearts. Eren allows himself to be easily flipped over by Annie, whenever the instructors pair them up. Eren doesn’t shoot his rifle at the target range. And when the instructors give him an earful, he fires everything in a neat cluster of holes way off-center as if mocking them. Even Reiner can defeat Eren when it comes to hand-to-hand, and you don’t understand, Reiner is the weakest of them all!

Once or twice, Porco challenges Eren for a match. But the fire from that one time is nowhere near Eren’s eyes. Eren allows himself to get pushed around and beaten by Porco’s relentless need to try to get a rise out of him.

He will most likely be dropped. Of that, everyone is certain.

But Eren doesn’t seem to care much about it.

Marcel finds that apathy a thousand times pathetic.

*

It’s because Marcel is always watching Eren that he catches this scene.

The soldiers are talking about this or that. Marcel hadn’t been paying attention, because you’re not supposed to eavesdrop on Marleyans, especially not soldiers. But Eren must have been listening, because his eyes are blazing as his clenched fists shake. His mouth is pulled back in a beast-like scowl, revealing his gritted teeth. And it’s not the first time Marcel has thought this, but damn, Eren’s impossibly enchanting when he’s like this.

Like this with anger radiating off of him in waves. 

Like this with such vitality shining in his eyes.

Like this. Like an actual, breathing person and not a doll.

Marcel is so mesmerized that it takes him a second to react when Eren moves.

Because, of course, someone who looks that angry marching towards Marley soldiers could only mean one thing. And Marcel may seem naive, but he’s not an idiot. If he lets Eren go now, he’ll never see the green-eyed boy ever again.

“Eren, wait!”

Marcel wraps his arms around Eren’s waist. He digs his heels into the ground to stop Eren from keep walking forward. It seems to work somewhat, because Eren sets his angry eyes on Marcel instead.

“I don’t know why you’re so angry, but you can’t challenge the soldiers. You’ll die.”

“Then I’ll die,” Eren tells him, his voice surprisingly calm for someone with such livid eyes.

A thousand and one thoughts run through Marcel’s head. Some of them are blind panic that the first time Eren has willingly chosen to talk to Marcel, it’s about his own death. Others are morbid curiosity as to why Eren is like this. But the one that’s dominating all of his feelings right now is…

“What a waste.”

Eren cocks his head to the side and glares at Marcel. “What is?”

“It’s just… In order to fight one soldier, you’re going to let yourself die?”

“I’ll kill him,” Eren hisses, voice a low rumble that surprises Marcel. “I’ll kill him and the friends that are near him.”

“So in order to kill… what? Three soldiers? You’re going to die?”

Eren nods as if it’s that simple. “That’s right.”

Marcel can’t make heads or tails of it. But he knows that if he lets go, Eren will walk to his death without any hesitation. So what can he do? What should he say? All of his careful studies of strategies and tactics fail when it comes to Eren. How is he supposed to approach this?

“Tch. He’s gone.”

It seems that Marcel got lucky. 

Eren relaxes, whatever aggression he had before completely disappearing in seconds. He’s back to being a doll again. Marcel feels a crushing disappointment in his chest.

Then Eren turns his blank, expressionless face towards Marcel as if silently asking him to let go.

“W-wait, I… I’m curious. Why do you want to die?”

Eren’s blank expression betrays nothing. Marcel can’t figure out if Eren is even considering to answer his question. Is this annoying? Should Marcel release Eren? Does Eren plan on just staring at him blankly like this for who knows how long?

Then Eren slowly licks his lips and whispers out, “I want to meet god.”

*

They can’t exactly go to Marcel’s place back in the internment zone, since Porco will most likely raise hell if Eren’s there. But it’s not like they can stay out in public where Marley soldiers can pass by any time. When Marcel brings that up, Eren nods in agreement.

“Follow me.”

So Marcel follows Eren back to the internment zone. Then they make their way to a clinic.

“Eh? This is your place? You’re a Jaeger?” Marcel can’t help but to ask. 

In their internment zone in Liberio, the Doctors Jaeger (father and son duo) are very well known. One, for the tragedy that continues to befall their family. And two, for the wonderful work they’ve put in to save as many lives as they can. The amount of gossip that surrounds this family is equal parts good as it is bad. Marcel is a bit too young to understand all the nuances of those gossips, but he understands that this family has gone through quite a lot, especially in the last few months.

“Yup.”

Just a little, Marcel wishes that Eren will say a little more than what’s strictly necessary. It makes having a conversation very one-sided.

They walk into the clinic and are greeted by two cheerful, “Welcome back!”

Eren doesn’t respond. He walks past his grandparents as if he doesn’t see them. Marcel finds it rude. Not to mention, Doctor Jaeger (the elder) and his wife have both taken care of Marcel and Porco when they were sick. They are very warm and kind people. That much, Marcel recalls.

“H-hello,” Marcel greets them. “I’m Eren’s friend. I’m Marcel Galliard.”

They both look astonished at that. “Eren brought home a friend?!”

Immediately, both begin to pile questions after questions, some inquiring about Eren’s well-being, others about Marcel’s interests, and a few about how Marcel’s family is doing. Eren must have been annoyed, because he returns to grab Marcel’s hand and drag him away.

“Do you want me to bring you snacks?” Eren’s grandma yells behind them.

Seeing that Eren doesn’t respond, Marcel takes it upon himself to say, “Yes please! Thank you!”

“Ahhh, what a lovely young man! I hope Eren learns some manners from him!” 

“Darling, you know what Eren’s going through-”

Marcel can’t hear the rest of their conversation thanks to Eren dragging him into his room upstairs.

The room itself is pretty bare. 

There’s a bed against the furthest corner of the room, right next to a window. There’s a desk set up right next to it. And then a dresser. Aside from that, the room doesn’t seem to have any sign that someone lives here. Marcel finds it pretty sad.

“So uh… your grandparents are… really nice people.”

Eren doesn’t respond. Instead, he motions at his bed for Marcel to sit. When Marcel does, Eren pulls his chair out from the desk and turns to face him.

“You… don’t talk much, huh?”

For a second, it looks like Eren’s going to retort. But then he seems to emotionally shut down and look away at the ground. Marcel is mustering up the courage to ask something when someone knocks on the door, completely dashing his plans.

“I brought you snacks!”

“O-oh, thank you!” 

Marcel moves to accept. A peek at Eren assures him that Eren hasn’t moved at all. The snack is a plate filled with various fruits and two cookies. Marcel thanks Eren’s smiling grandma and closes the door.

“Do you want-”

“No.”

What a quick response. 

Marcel feels his lips twitch in exasperation. “You didn’t let me finish.”

“I don’t want to eat.”

It seems like a waste. Eren’s grandma probably put this plate together while considering their health and taste palate. Marcel picks up the cookie and bites into it.

“It’s delicious! Are you sure-”

“I don’t want to eat,” Eren grits out, pronouncing each word like forceful staccatos. 

“Alright. Okay. No need to get mad.”

Well, that’s not quite true. Because at the very least, if Eren’s getting mad, he starts looking less like a doll and more like a human. It’s a little like a magic spell. Something that can breath life into an inanimate object.

Marcel sits back down on Eren’s bed, setting the plate next to himself. He then turns to Eren, who seems like he’s waiting for something. A quiet minute pass as Marcel munches on the cookie. When it becomes clear that neither of them are going to start, Marcel decides that enough is enough.

“So uh… why do you want to meet a god?”

“To kill him.”

Eren says something so childish with such straightforwardness that Marcel can’t bring himself to laugh. He wants to accuse Eren of joking around, but those green eyes are dead serious. It’s frightening Marcel a bit.

“K-kill…?”

But Eren doesn’t add any more to that, so Marcel has to wreck his brain for more questions to ask.

“S-so you want to die so you can meet god and kill him?”

Eren nods. “That’s the fastest way. Everyone says so. People who die early are those that god wanted specifically by his side.”

Who the hell says such morbid things? 

“That’s not true. Even if there’s a god, there’s no way-”

“That’s what everyone said at the funeral. That god looked down and picked the prettiest flower for himself.”

The funeral…? It takes a second before it clicks. 

The wife of the younger Doctor Jaeger was framed for a crime that everyone says that she didn’t commit (“Carla’s a housewife! She doesn’t go outside of her house outside of shopping with her sons. How could she have been outside of the internment zone without permission?” - “Shhhh, don’t speak so loudly. The walls have ears.”). She was put to death about a month and a half before they began their Warrior training. And following a week after that, the young Doctor Jaeger hung himself (“Do you blame him? This is the second wife that’s been taken from him!” - “Those poor Jaeger boys.”).

It never occurred to Marcel that Eren here might be the son of the younger Doctor Jaeger and his wife that recently passed. Hell, he hadn’t even realized that Eren’s last name was “Jaeger.” He realizes how stupid that sounds, okay? It just took him some time to piece these puzzles pieces together. That’s all.

“Why… do you want to kill a god?” Marcel asks despite feeling like he has an idea why.

“Because ‘god’ is the one who created this ridiculous world.”

Marcel wants to laugh, but it gets stuck in his throat. Eren is serious, isn’t he? Hah. What a laugh. That they would, from the same observations, arrive on such wildly different conclusions.

“Yeah, it’s a waste,” Marcel finds himself saying again.

Eren tilts his head to the side, waiting for an explanation. 

“If you die to meet god, then you won’t be able to come back to change the world.”

“So?”

Marcel doesn’t understand. What’s the point of killing a god if you can’t shape the world to your will afterwards? Why would you kill a god and just walk away? Once that god is gone, you can get rid of this stupid divide between Eldians and Marleyans. You can get rid of this cruel “Titans” curse that has haunted the Eldians for far too long. You can make it so that there are no more child soldiers. That there are no more of these stupid internment zones. You can do so much with that kind of power! Why would someone just willingly walk away from that?

“Just because you kill a god, it doesn’t mean anything will change. All you’re doing is selfishly satisfying your desire and then running away.”

Eren doesn’t seem mad. His expression is the same blankness as always. It makes Marcel want to reach over and slap him, just to see if that’ll flicker something, anything in those eyes. Then evenly, Eren speaks.

“Then what should I do?”

What should he do?

It’s a question Marcel has asked himself a million times. What should he do? It’s such a simple question yet the possibilities are endless. 

The first time he asked himself that question, the answer had been “be a good son.” That quickly became “be a good brother.” And then eventually, it became a goal to become a Warrior, because if you do that, then you can let your family be honorary Marleyans! But when he returned to the internment zone after getting first place on the placement exams, his mom’s expression froze on her face before she covers her mouth, a soft sob pouring out before she quickly shoves it all aside with a smile so fake that Marcel’s own face ached.

“I’m so emotional because I’m so proud of you!” she said, her eyes set on something behind Marcel.

A soldier. A Marley soldier who had been passing by. 

Later that night, when Marcel came down to the kitchen for a drink of water, he heard his mom sobbing in his dad’s arms. “Thirteen years,” she had been saying. “My baby will only get thirteen more years.”

It’s not until then that it finally sinks in for Marcel exactly what it means to be a Warrior. Exactly what it means to have this “honor” bestowed upon him. Exactly what it means to become a Titan. Exactly what it will mean if both himself and Porco receives this “honor.” And it’s much too late for him to suddenly produce poor results. Because then, they’ll understand that he’s doing this on purpose and come after his family.

He asked himself again then. 

What should he do?

What should he do? About this corrupt world, about this stupid world, about this cruel world? What should he do? He’s just a little kid who recently turned five and began his Warrior training. For a small and naive child like him, what can he possibly do?

“Too smart for his own good” is an apt description of him that many people foolishly say as a praise.

By piecing together the whispered gossips from the adults and his own observations, he comes to a simple conclusion. Because, hey, don’t you see? These Marley idiots forgot the most important thing. Knowledge is a double-edged sword, and they are willingly giving it away to any Eldian who have a half a brain cell.

So why wouldn’t you take advantage of that? Why would anyone just choose to be apathetic when such a wonderful chance is presented before them?

“Work with me,” Marcel says.

Eren doesn’t react. That’s fine, Marcel didn’t expect him to until he finished explaining himself.

“I don’t know how much you pay attention in class, but I’m one of the top students. Do you understand what it means to be at the top?”

“You become a Warrior,” Eren answers. 

He doesn’t give Marcel a look like he’s stupid for explaining something that even a child knows. He just calmly waits for Marcel to get to his point.

“That’s right. I’ll become most likely to inherit one of the Titan powers. A power that’s akin to a god. From there, it’s just a simple step, don’t you think? A leap of faith, if you will.”

Marcel pauses to lick his lips. It’s not for dramatic effect, mind you. It’s just that his mouth feels dry after eating that cookie. It has nothing to do with his own nerves. He’s not nervous at all. 

Except that’s a complete and utter lie.

There’s not a single twitch on Eren’s face. There’s no shift in emotion. Marcel can’t judge whose side Eren is on.

If Marcel continues to speak, he won’t be able to take it back. He won’t be able to laugh and say that he’s just joking. This is treason. His entire family can be carted off for this. Porco will never forgive him if he takes the Warrior position from him. If Marcel’s the reason why they’re all “sent to Heaven.”

But in the same breath, he can’t forget about Eren’s eyes. Those brilliant green locked on the soldiers, brimming in anger.

Surely, Eren feels the same way as Marcel?

“I will give you the opportunity to kill a god. I will take you to god without you having to lose your life in the process. In return, work with me. Become a Warrior. Help me destroy this stupid system.”

Eren stays silent for a second. And another. And another. And…

“If I become a Titan, can I reach god?”

“If you became a Titan, you’d be able to eat god or kill him or whatever it is you want to do,” Marcel points out. 

There’s another second of silence.

Then Eren surprises him by grinning widely. His eyes are lit with excitement and anticipation. It’s a sight that Marcel didn’t think he’d be able to see so easily. That it’ll be this simple.

But it turns out that Eren’s actually quite a simple person.

“Alright,” he says, holding his hand out for a shake. “I accept.”

*

“Hey, what did that soldier say for you to get that angry?” Marcel asks as he bites into one of the apple slices on the snack plate.

“I didn’t hear anything he said,” Eren tells him.

Since agreeing to work with Marcel, Eren has slowly been showing a little more emotion with every question Marcel asks. At this rate, Marcel is going to be completely caught off-guard if Eren reverts back to his doll-like state.

“Then why were you so mad?”

There’s a flash of murderous rage in those green eyes before Eren forcibly closes them, probably to calm himself. Marcel feels that it’s a shame. Eren should just let it all out. That hot anger makes him look much more human.

“He’s the one who insisted mom was out without permission.”

It clicks.

“So you figured you might as well as give up on your life in exchange for his?”

“Yeah. You can’t commit suicide. Grandma said that when dad killed himself. So I figured I’ll die in a fight.”

Who would’ve thought that someone who always looked so much like a doll would actually turn out like this? But to be honest, Marcel can’t help but to like this Eren a lot more.

“You’re not what I expected,” Marcel says.

Eren surprises him by flashing his teeth in a grin that has more teeth than charm. “Want me to stop talking?”

“Oh, no, no! I like you much better like this! Hey, why do you shut yourself out during classes? It’s weird that you don’t hang out with the rest of us.”

“Zeke said to.”

Marcel blinks. “Zeke?”

Eren isn’t talking about the most likely candidate to be the next Beast Titan, is he? Now that Marcel thinks about it, what’s Zeke’s family name? It can’t be…?

“My brother. Technically, he failed to become a Warrior candidate. But the former Beast Titan took a liking to him, so he'll be inheriting that.”

Jeesh, what’s with this family? It seems that for every tragedy, they’ve also gotten something out of it that soothed it. If that’s the case, then Marcel hopes that Eren becoming a Warrior is the “good” to his parents’ deaths. 

But he’s not so naive to believe such cruelty. 

“I guess he didn’t want you to shorten your life, huh?” Marcel says. “I get that. As much as I’d love to have Porco by my side, I don’t want him to live only for 13 years. Especially if it’s going to be the same 13 years as me. I don’t want my parents to suffer through that.”

Eren’s lips press into a thin line. 

Marcel isn’t sure if he said something he shouldn’t have, so he quickly adds, “But we’ll change that once you kill god.”

There’s a sparkle in Eren’s eyes that Marcel doesn’t expect. It’s quickly followed by an almost shy dip of the head, a flush of red overtaking Eren’s cheeks. 

“I-I know it’s weird. You don’t have to encourage me, if you think it’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid,” Marcel says as sincerely as he can. “I will come up with a plan to let you kill god.”

“Once we kill god, will we really be able to change the 13 years?”

Marcel nods seriously. “Of course! We’ll be able to create a brand new world. One where people don’t have to suffer for dumb reasons.”

There’s a small pause before Eren nods once. Firmly. His eyes are serious.

“God-slaying heroes, huh?” Then Eren’s lips curve into a wolfish smirk. “I rather like the sound of that.”

And Marcel really loves this human side to Eren he finally gets to see.

*

“Excuse me,” Eren’s grandma calls out while knocking on the door. “Are you staying for dinner, Marcel?”

At the sound of his grandma’s voice, Eren shuts down emotionally. The blank expression is back on his face. Marcel wonders if maybe this is his defense mechanism. But defense mechanism for what?

“Oh shoot! Is it that late already? I have to be home.”

Marcel apologizes to Eren, who walks him to the front door. Marcel makes sure to apologize to Eren’s grandparents, too.

“You’re such a good child,” Eren’s grandpa says with a soft smile. “Please take care of Eren in the future.”

“I will!”

Eren’s face is blank when Marcel says goodbye. It doesn’t sit well with him. This might be crossing a line, but Marcel figures that Eren will allow him this much. 

“Hey,” Marcel says, thumping Eren’s chest lightly. “Let’s walk together tomorrow morning.”

There’s just a flicker of light in Eren’s eyes, but Marcel knows that he got his point across. Later, he’ll have to ask Eren about why he shuts down like that around his grandparents. But he needs to focus on getting home right now. Wouldn’t do to worry his mom for being too late.

*

Porco crosses his arms, imitating their mom’s glare, when Marcel finally arrives home. His mom’s lips are pulled into a disapproving frown, and he knows that there’s no sweet talking out of this one. Even his dad looks like he’s aged a few years waiting for Marcel to arrive. Marcel really feels guilty about that.

“I’m really sorry! I lost track of time,” He says quickly to his anxious family.

“What were you doing? You weren’t behind me when I turned to look on the way back,” Porco accuses.

“I was talking to…” 

The word “friend” is almost out of his mouth before he swallows it down. Friend. Are they? Or is that a feeling that’s completely one-sided on his part? Can he really call them friends when they’ve only started to talk today? When he’s only really gotten to known Eren for few hours at best?

“… my partner,” he manages out in the end.

“Partner?” Porco asks, wrinkling his nose. “For what?”

Marcel can’t allow the rest of his family to know exactly what he’s planning. It’s not that he worries that they’ll turn him in for being a traitor to the Marleyans. His family is far too loving for that. But he knows Porco. Once it sinks in exactly what the truth of the situation behind the Warriors is, Porco won’t be able to keep himself from exploding in anger. And that’s exactly what Marcel wants to avoid.

“For life? Haha… Is that weird to say?” 

“W-what do you mean?” his mom asks, eyebrows jumping up to her hairline. By her side, his dad looks like he doesn’t know if he should celebrate or mourn the loss of his firstborn son to his future significant other.

Marcel grins easily as he sheepishly admits, “There’s this guy in class that I got the chance to know. He’s usually quiet, but we clicked. I feel like he’ll make a great partner for me, you know? When we’re Warriors together.”

Porco’s glare is murderous. Marcel’s most likely going to get a tongue-lashing from him later. But their parents seem to have more or less bought it. After all, he’s told the truth without saying everything. That’s good enough, right?

“A guy in class? Marcel, don’t tell me it’s that guy you keep staring at?” 

Marcel grins widely, pretending that he doesn’t see the angry way Porco’s shoulders shake. 

“Yeah. It’s Eren.”

*

He knows that Porco is pissed from the way he sticks close. No matter what Marcel tries to say or do, Porco refuses to let him go to the Jaeger clinic by himself. So hoping against hope that Porco won’t say or do something stupid, Marcel relents and goes to pick up Eren. 

“Wait, he’s a Jaeger?” Porco asks, voice tinged in slight pity the same way Marcel’s own has been.

“Yeah. I was shocked, too.”

Porco curls his lips in like he’s smelled something putrid. “That’s why he’s like that, isn’t it? All depressed and shit because of… his parents?”

That’s not it at all, but Marcel isn’t about to go around spilling Eren’s secrets to everyone. He just gives his little brother a small nod.

“Fuck,” Porco groans. He digs the heel of his hands into his eyes. “I didn’t even think that he… Ugh. Rather than partner, you want to be his white knight, don’t you?”

It’ll be for the best that Porco thinks like that. That Porco believes Marcel to be such a good person that his interest in Eren is altruistic. In fact, Marcel would really appreciate it if that’s the image Porco holds of him for as long as possible. “My brother is a good person.” That lie will surely protect Porco from the craziness that Marcel wishes to attempt with Eren, right?

“When you put it like that, I sound like a predator!” Marcel complains lightly.

Porco gives him a disgusted look. “That’s because you are! Tch! If it’s like that, then I have to get involved, too.”

H-huh?

That’s not what Marcel thought Porco would say. He thought for sure Porco would back off. Figuring that dealing with a kid who lost both his parents to be too difficult to handle. But it turns out that he might have underestimated his little brother a bit too much.

“I’ll help,” Porco grumbles, cheeks flushed in embarrassment. “Stop looking at me like that.”

“A-are you sure? It’s… not like you-”

“Shut up! I’m embarrassed as it is! Don’t remind me!”

And Porco refuses to say more on the topic, so Marcel drops it for now.

*

Eren has a bright red scarf wrapped around himself as he waits for Marcel. His expression is blank. Marcel thinks that once they get him away from his grandparents, he’ll start to become more human, though.

“Good morning!” Marcel greets the family. “This is Porco, my brother.”

Porco gives an awkward wave.

Eren’s grandparents gush at them both. And it’s only because Eren starts walking off that both Marcel and Porco have an excuse to finally escape.

“You’re not going to say goodbye to them?” Porco asks, side-eyeing Eren.

No answer. Eren doesn’t even look towards Porco like he’s heard. Porco looks like he might lose his temper, so Marcel quickly steps in.

“It’s fine if Eren doesn’t want to talk.”

“What? You don’t want to hear Eren’s ‘cute’ voice greeting you so early in the morning, Mr. White Knight?” Porco grouches.

Eren finally glances at them. He dips his head so that the lower half of his face is hidden by his scarf for a bit. After a pause, he lifts his head and manages out a soft, “Good morning.”

Porco freezes like someone just splashed his face with ice cold water. His lips seem to be debating whether he wants to scowl or to grin. And it just ends up in an awkward grimace that makes Marcel laugh.

“Good morning, Eren,” he says delightedly. “Did you sleep well?”

Eren nods, looking a bit stiff. His cheeks tint a light red before he says softly, “T-thank you for getting me.”

“I told you I would,” Marcel reminds him gently. 

There’s a soft look on Eren’s face that Marcel likes quite a lot. He hopes that this can become a daily routine.

“I-I’m here, too,” Porco reminds them by aggressively standing between Marcel and Eren. 

Eren nods. “Good morning, Porco.”

Porco’s face turns red, much to Marcel’s amusement. And with him standing next to Eren like this, he seems to match Eren’s new scarf.

“G-good morning,” Porco manages to mumble out. Then a little more angrily (as if to use it to hide his embarrassment), he asks, “What’s with the scarf?”

“My mom made it. Before she died. So I thought it’ll be fitting.”

“Fitting?” Marcel asks.

Eren nods. “To show my resolve.”

That’s all he says, but Marcel understands. That scarf is a physical sign of the partnership between the two of them. It makes Marcel quite giddy to be in on the secret.

*

Everyone looks at the three of them in surprise. But no one realizes that anything has changed until their lessons begin.

Their instructor for the morning is a military strategist. She goes over some of the recent military battles in the last twenty years and make them analyze the costs, benefits, and potential outcome before telling them the true outcome of each battle. This is her fifth lecture with them. And by now, they’ve more or less figured out that she likes the shock value of battles. She’ll make sure to put in at least three battles where the outcome was something completely different than what they predicted.

In the middle of describing to them the initial situation, she stops suddenly. Everyone looks at her curiously before following her line of sight to Eren.

Eren is dutifully taking notes.

The instructor slowly makes her way across the room and stops by Eren’s desk.

“Are you… seriously taking notes?” she asks, her voice a strange tone of voice.

Eren looks up at her with his usual blank expression. “Yes.”

“But why?” 

The blank expression takes on a hint of confusion.

“Should… I not?”

She looks like she’s at a loss for words. It takes her a few seconds before she shakes her head and returns to the front of the class. She resumes the lecture, periodically staring at Eren in disbelief.

*

Pieck talks to Eren first. With a friendly smile as her weapon, she approaches Eren.

“I’m glad you’re participating in class,” she tells him.

Eren stares at her blankly for a second longer. Then he dips his face down so that the lower half is covered by the scarf. There’s a soft flush on his cheeks as if he’s touched by the gesture.

“T-thank you,” he says. 

It sounds awkward. But it’s the most amount of emotion they’ve been able to get out of him as a whole. Almost immediately, Colt and Bertolt are both by Eren’s side, trying to engage him in more mindless banter, just to get him to lower his guard. Eren seems to find this sudden attention too much, though. Because he pulls his scarf up as much as he dares to hide his face.

“Pwhahahaha! Your face is as red as your scarf!” Porco teases.

That seems to be too much.

Eren stands up abruptly, his scarf slipping down to reveal his scowling (and blushing) face. He grabs Porco by the front of his shirt, looking torn between wanting to throw a punch and knowing he shouldn’t fight.

Porco makes the decision for him. He reels his head back and then slams it forward in a headbutt that Eren clearly didn’t see coming. Eren releases Porco, gripping his forehead with a soft groan.

“What’s your head made out of?”

“Rocks,” Porco announces proudly.

“And you’re proud of that?”

Porco grins widely. “Owned you, didn’t I?”

“Everyone, to your seats,” the next instructor orders as he walks in.

The class quickly rushes to do as told. Their next lesson begins without any fanfare, although the instructor does pause in shock when he realizes that Eren is paying attention and taking notes. 

Marcel thinks that this is a good step forward.

*

Things get rowdy during lunch time.

Part of it is the excitement of having Eren finally open up to them. The other part is that Eren is surprisingly easily baited. Or perhaps it’s more correct to say that Porco is over the moon that finally someone is rising up to his baits like he has always wanted. Everyone else always ignores him, scolds him, or lets themselves get walked over by him. But this is the first that someone actually fights back.

Eren and Porco have grabbed the front of each others’ shirts, growling lowly. 

At first, the rest of the class has has no idea what to do. They glance at one another, clearly wanting someone else to step in. Marcel, thinking quickly, stands up and-

“Go Eren!” Pieck shouts, laughing as she cheers.

The room goes quiet for a second before everyone erupts, cheering for whoever they think will win (A surprising amount of people seem to be cheering for Eren, not that Marcel is shocked. That’s just your karma, Porco, he thinks). Some of the more subdued members of their class just meekly smiles or stands back, looking at them like they’re all idiots. 

“Cheer for me, too, damn it!” Porco snaps at them all.

“Pfft… Hehe… Hahahaha!”

Everyone stares in disbelief as Eren bursts into fits of giggles and laughter. He has long released his hold on Porco’s shirt (which Porco reluctantly also does) and is now holding his stomach as he laughs. His scarf slides down enough to unwind once but doesn’t fall off completely. There’s a healthy flush to his cheeks. 

Probably because they’ve actually never heard or seen Eren laugh before, they all find it impossible to look away. Because look, the person that they’ve all considered to be a doll is  _ laughing. _

Marcel’s the first to join him. 

And because Marcel’s laughing, the others take it as cue that this is okay. That this is something that they can all accept as the new norm.

*

Marcel isn’t too sure what he expected of their afternoon hand-to-hand session. But it’s probably not this.

Eren is flipped onto his back for the umpteenth time. Annie stares down at him with just a small hint of a smile on her face. But almost as soon as Eren’s back touches the ground, he twists back onto his hands and knees to say, “Again!”

There’s a glint in his eyes that seems to burn with determination. A grin begins to slowly form on his face that looks manic. Just a little, Marcel feels like Eren might, just a tad, look too much like he loves the feeling of getting the wind knocked out of him again and again. Of being beaten back down to the ground by Annie again and again.

Whatever small smile that might have been on Annie’s face has long faded. It has been replaced with something akin to slight annoyance, if not the beginnings of inkling terror. She’s probably getting tired of doing this over and over. But Eren shows no sign of wanting to stop. Like he’ll continue to launch himself at her forever until she completely crumbles.

It’s most definitely freaking out the instructor, because he’s taken a step back and doesn’t even shout at them to stop staring at Annie and Eren. The rest of the class is unabashedly watching the duo, wondering what will snap first? Eren’s body or Annie’s patience?

As much as he wants to find out the answer himself, Marcel thinks that it won’t be good to let Annie get too angry.

“E-Eren, st-”

“Go Eren!” Porco yells, surprising Marcel. “End Queen Annie’s tyrannical reign!”

Everyone holds their breaths as Eren launches himself at Annie again. But Porco’s words must have annoyed Annie a bit too much.

She mercilessly slams Eren down to the ground and punches him in the gut hard. Eren curls into a small ball, making soft retching sounds. Marcel winces in sympathy.

It’s clear to everyone watching that Eren can’t go on. 

Annie flicks her head, throwing her bangs out of her face. They move back to cover her eye within seconds. But everyone saw her cold glare in that precious few seconds. With a sneer on her face, she points to Porco.

“Your turn.”

And so Queen Annie’s tyrannical reign over the hand-to-hand session continues for another day.

*

“Augh! She’s too much!” Porco complains as they walk to the clinic back together once their training is over for the day.

“She’s fast and strong,” Eren mumbles. He touches his stomach gingerly. 

“You can’t attack her directly like you did. That’s why you got beaten down,” Porco advises as if he was any better.

Marcel tries hard not to laugh at the two of them. Sensing his mood, Porco growls at him.

“Don’t laugh. You didn’t even fight her today.”

He knows better than to provoke his brother, so he puts his hands up in surrender. “Nothing wrong with that. Fighting alone doesn’t determine victors.”

Porco rolls his eyes, looking at Marcel like he’s disgusted. And Eren…

“Yeah. If it’s a lethal enough hit, then winning should be a piece of cake.”

Both brothers turn to stare at Eren, who seems to be lost in thought as he mumbles under his breath. When he realizes that they’re staring at him, Eren glances at them curiously.

“Lethal enough hit? We’re not trying to kill Annie here!” Porco exclaims.

Eren’s cheeks flush. “N-n-not Annie! I… I meant…”

In his embarrassment, Eren lifts his scarf to hide the lower half of his face, mumbling up the rest of his words. But Marcel thinks that’s for the best. They shouldn’t let Porco in on their plans just yet.

“Ah, we’re here already,” he says, motioning at the clinic. He means this as a prelude to say goodbye, but Porco must have missed the memo.

“Hello, we’ll be intruding a bit!” Porco yells out as he boldly walks into the clinic as if he owned the place.

Eren and Marcel exchange a glance before running in after him in alarm.


	2. The sun sets on our home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the positive support! This is a pretty self-indulgent work, so I wasn't sure how it'll be viewed. But I will do my best to at least keep it as entertaining as I can!
> 
> Warning: Karina (aka Reiner's fucked up mom), insecurity, questions about family

As the day passes, Eren seems to be more and more comfortable with the rest of the Warrior candidates.

There’s less blushing embarrassments as Eren hides behind his red scarf. In their place is a more explosive personality that matches Porco in terms of aggression. Calling them friends with good sense of rivalry is probably a great way to describe the two of them. They’re always competing for this and that, but at the end of the day, they’re always laughing together and joking around.

It means that Porco lays off of Reiner.

For at least that, Reiner is grateful to Eren. He really is.

But he can’t shake off the feeling that this is the worst possible thing Eren could have done to him.

After all, without Eren standing at the bottom of the class, Reiner is now dead last.

He is going to be dropped as a Warrior candidate.

*

“How’s training going?” his mom asks during dinner every day.

At first, it was easy to tell her the truth. There’s this guy who’s always at the bottom of the class. But recently, he finds it impossible to meet her eyes.

She probably understands from his silence just how worthless he really is.

“Isn’t there an exhibit for the parents in a few days?”

Yes. And he fears that if she comes, she’ll see that he can’t do it. He’ll never be good enough. He’s never been good enough. He’s the reason why they’ll never live as a family with his dad.

“Reiner, why aren’t you answering?”

Her voice is sharp. If he doesn’t say anything soon, she’s going to lose her temper.

He stands up. “I’m sorry. I-I just realized I forgot to pick up chives.”

Before she can tell him to stay, that he can buy chives tomorrow, he bolts out of the house with some pocket change.

*

He knows all he’s doing is delaying the inevitable. He should be a good son and tell his mom the truth. He’s just not good enough. He’s not smart. He’s not strong. He’s not fast. He’s not even a good shot. There’s no way they’ll pick him to be a Warrior.

Not when everyone is just that much better than him.

He has a small bag of chives that he picked up. He doesn’t think it’ll last them two meals. But he has them now. So he has to go home and…

His eyes catches sight of a bright red that he’s gotten too used to seeing during the day.

Eren is buying some flowers at a vendor. There’s no sign of Porco or Marcel next to him. Is he getting those flowers for his mom? Reiner feels a little giddy at the thought that maybe Eren struggles with his mom like Reiner does.

“H-hey! Eren!” he calls out without a second thought.

The other boy turns towards his direction curiously. When he sees that it’s Reiner, he surprises Reiner by smiling softly and waving.

Reiner figures that’s as good as an invitation.

*

“You out on errands?” Reiner asks. He shows his small bag of chives. “I am too.”

Eren chuckles. “Nah. This is for me.”

“You got flowers for yourself?” Reiner can’t help but to ask in surprise.

He’s a little shocked by the little pout he gets in answer.

“Nothing wrong with rewarding myself with treats.”

“Aren’t treats normally something sweet to eat?”

Eren stops walking to stare at Reiner expectedly. It takes Reiner a second to realize that Eren must be waiting for him to offer to buy him some.

“S-sorry, I didn’t bring any more money.”

Instead of a disappointed sigh, Reiner’s greeted with Eren’s laugh.

“No, no. I wanted to know if you wanted any. My brother’s back, so I have some pocket money.”

*

The two of them buy ice creams to eat while walking through the market. Reiner is acutely aware of how late it’s starting to get. But he can’t bring himself to return back home to face his mom. So he pretends that everything is fine by hanging out with Eren.

“If your brother’s back, then that means he’s a soldier, right?” Reiner asks.

If he recalls correctly, there should be a group of Eldians soldiers that just returned from a battle. One of those soldiers were supposed to be the next person to inherit the Beast Titan. What was his name now? Zeek? Zike? Reiner can’t recall. But he remembers that this soldier's abilities were rumored to be above and beyond just a normal Warrior's. Reiner wants to be someone just as strong.

Eren makes a face that makes Reiner feel like he’s been clued on a secret. If only he was smart enough to figure out what.

“Yeah,” Eren says softly. He bites into his ice cream, possibly trying to finish it before it melts.

“How lucky. I don’t have any siblings, so I didn’t get any heads up on how to get through the Warrior candidate training.”

Eren stills. And that should have been a hint. But Reiner has never been good at reading people. He doesn’t see the danger signs.

“Did he help you out? Does he give you pointers whenever he’s back? It must be nice to-”

“Reiner, are you an only child?” Eren asks suddenly.

“Huh? Y-yeah. It’s just me and my mom at home.”

“Ah, must be nice.”

Reiner isn’t used to hearing such a thing. Typically whenever he says that it’s just him and his mom at home, the response he gets is pity. Poor Braun has to raise a kid all by herself. That’s the normal reaction, isn’t it? Reiner’s existence is a taxing burden on his mom. That’s why he has to do everything he can to make things better for her. That’s why he has to become a Warrior so that he can get his dad back. So that they can be a family.

“Nice?” he finds himself echoing. “How is it nice? I don’t have a dad.”

“Dads are dumb.”

Eren says that like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. He finishes his ice cream and turns to Reiner with a smile like they’re talking about the weather.

It must be nice, Reiner can’t help but to think bitterly as he finishes his own ice cream. To have a dad that you can badmouth all you want. Even if Reiner badmouths his dad, he doesn’t know the first thing about him. What does he look like? Does Reiner take after him? The fabled “dad” that his mom talks about is always just a grey silhouette with a question mark for a face.

“I wouldn’t know,” Reiner says evenly. “But I will soon.”

“Oh? Is your mom getting remarried? Congratulations,” Eren says.

Reiner shakes his head. “No. She’s not remarrying. My dad’s a real Marleyan. So when I become a Warrior and our family get the honorary Marleyan status, we’ll be able to live together.”

This isn't something that Reiner has kept secret. He thought for sure that everyone knew about the reason why he wanted to become a Warrior. Then again, Eren has been pretty expressionless back then. Perhaps he hadn't heard. Or perhaps he did and it didn't register. Whatever the case, Eren is listening now.

“So you want to be a Warrior to unite your family?” Eren guesses.

“Yeah!”

Eren nods. “That’s a noble cause.”

Reiner feels his cheeks heat up. What a nice guy. He wishes that he spoke to Eren about things like this earlier. He’s easy to talk to, kind of like Bertolt. Except when Reiner talks to Bertolt, the responses he gets is more muted, kind of like Bertolt doesn't really know how to respond. Eren, though, seems to know exactly what to say to make Reiner feel better.

Their little talks have led them to the end of the stretch of the market. Reiner wonders if this is a good time to say goodbye, but Eren doesn’t seem to have any intention of that. Eren keeps walking forward, leading them to who knows where. And Reiner, because he doesn’t want to return home, continue to follow him, step after step.

“But is that what everyone wants?”

… Huh? What’s Eren asking about? Reiner doesn’t understand the question.

“Does both your mom and dad want to be united? Do they want to live as a family? Because if not, then aren’t you just selfishly demanding something childish from them?”

Yeah, it’s not clicking. What Eren is asking isn’t making any sense.

“Why wouldn’t they want to be a family? They’re my mom and dad.”

Eren looks a bit surprised at that. “Who cares if they’re your mom and dad? There’s a reason why your dad doesn’t live with you now, isn’t there?”

“I told you, it’s because he’s a Marley-”

“If he truly loved you and your mom and truly wished to be with you two, he would have found a way. The fact that he didn’t kinda speaks volumes. Besides, how do you know that he’s really a Marleyan? How do you know that he’s actually real? Have you met him? Or is everything you know about him something that your mom said?”

Reiner feels something cold in his chest. He doesn’t have a name for this almost nasty taste in his mouth. He grits his teeth, feeling quite defensive even though Eren’s speaking the truth. This, he can't help but to think, must be why Porco and Eren are always fighting. Despite being quite good at saying nice things to bolster you up, Eren's also good at dealing heavy blows with his words.

“Well, what about you?” he manages out finally.

Eren raises a brow at him. “What about me?”

“Your brother’s back from a battle, but you’re not even at home. Your brother gave you some pocket money to play around, too. And instead of using it for a way to thank him for all his services and all that he’s done, you’re out here.”

“Pfft!” Eren covers his mouth, trying to stifle his laughter.

Reiner is starting to feel frustrated. “What? What’s so funny?”

“You! Hahaha! Thank him for his services? He didn’t even want to be a Warrior! Hey, do you know what he did when I was of age to join the training? He told me to fail. He said I should purposefully fail everything so that they’ll see I’m too useless a brat to be used.”

The cold feeling in Reiner’s chest seems to expand. It feels like he’s freezing. Like his inside organs are slowly turning to ice. Is there even a name for this kind of frigid feeling?

“He’s a soldier that fights for the cause of Marley. You should-”

“Did you hear me? He told me to purposefully fail the Warrior candidacy. How’s that for fighting for the Marley cause?”

Reiner wants to protest. He wants to defend this unknown brother of Eren. But everything he says falls short, most likely because he doesn’t know Eren’s brother well enough to judge. So he finds himself clamping his mouth shut and sullenly glaring at Eren.

Eren dares not to be bothered. He just continues to walk forward, leading Reiner to… Hey, wait a minute. Isn’t this the-

“Are we at the cemetery?”

The Liberio cemetery is tucked into the corner of the internment zone. Reiner hasn’t been here too often but has passed by it once or twice to know how creepy it is. There’s always someone here, crying and mourning the loss of someone. It makes Reiner feel uncomfortable. Like he’s peering into their intimate details of their lives.

Eren glances at Reiner as if he’s shocked that Reiner is still following him. But he doesn’t tell Reiner off. Instead, he just turns back towards the cemetery and just… walks in?

“H-hey, that’s rude! Where are you…?”

Why is this guy so frustrating? Reiner knows that he can easily walk away. He doesn’t have to follow Eren into the cemetery. But he still prefers this infinitely over dealing with his mom.

So he follows.

*

The two of them are silent as Eren moves with precision of someone who has been here before. Reiner doesn’t want to think about it. He doesn’t want to think about the fact that Eren seems to have some place he specifically want to go to. Or the fact that Eren looks much too comfortable here.

And when Eren finally stops, Reiner doesn’t want to comprehend what he’s seeing.

Eren puts the flowers down in front of a tombstone with the words “Carla Jaeger” written on it. Below are years that she was alive. A quick calculations tells Reiner that she lived for much too short of a time, that she died young. And that’s all Reiner wants to focus on, and not the fact that Eren is the one putting the flowers down. Not that Eren has a pensive look on his face. Not that Eren must have bought those flowers specifically to put them here.

Because all of that means that this person is someone that Eren held dear once upon a time.

They stay in silence for few more seconds before Eren turns to Reiner with an amused smile.

“Why are you still here?”

And that’s just it, isn’t it? Reiner could have left any time ago. There’s no need for him to be here. He should have left. He should’ve gone home. He still have the small bag of chives he promised to bring home to his mom. But he finds himself glued to this spot, all the while insisting that he doesn’t want to know anything about Eren.

“I-is that your…?”

He can’t bring himself to say it.

But Eren seems to understand anyways because he makes a dramatic gesture. He motions at the tombstone with the name, “Carla Jaeger.”

“This is my mom. Mom, meet Reiner. He’s a classmate.”

Then he motions at the tombstone right next to that one. “Grisha Jaeger,” the name reads on this one.

“This is my dad. Dad, this is Reiner.”

Reiner thought that’d be all, but Eren moves to motion at one more tombstone on the other side of his dad’s.

“This is my Aunt Faye. Aunt Faye, Reiner.”

Once finished, Eren turns back to Reiner as if this is a regular occurrence. Like he didn’t just introduce Reiner to bunch of his family members - dead family members. What the hell is Reiner supposed to do with this information?

What does Eren want from him?

“This isn’t fair,” Reiner blurts out.

Eren’s brows furrow. “Huh? Fair? What does fairness have to do with anything?”

“Your parents are dead, Eren! What the hell do you know about family? You have no right to judge me and what I want in life.”

No, no. That’s not what he wanted to say. That’s not what he wanted to say.

“I want to have a whole family! I want my mom and dad to live with me. I want to have that fairy tale happiness. What’s wrong with that? So what if your parents are dead? What if your brother’s actually a traitor to the cause? Why the hell does that give you the right to judge me?”

That’s not it at all. That’s not how he really feels.

“Did it feel like I was judging you?”

Eren takes a step towards him, and Reiner finds himself backing away. He can’t meet Eren’s eyes. He can’t look at Eren. He feels nothing but shame and self-loathing building in his chest. He doesn’t understand. Why is he like this? Why is he so pathetic? Eren’s right. Even if Reiner is successful and becomes a Warrior, his parents will never want to live together with him.

Why would they? Look at him!

“Reiner-”

“Shut up! God, don’t you get tired of listening to yourself? Why don’t you admit it? You’re just jealous that you don’t have a fam-”

The wind is knocked out of him. Reiner gasps for air, but his lung is struggling to intake any. Eren punched him in the chest, and that area is definitely sore. But that’s not what hurts. That’s not why his eyes are beginning to water. That’s not why he fell to the ground, crumpled in a ball.

“Cool your head,” Eren says. “Then try to talk again.”

It’s far kinder than Reiner expected. He thought that Eren would be angrier. That Eren would be merciless as he is with Porco.

Then he realizes that Eren isn’t talking to him.

He’s talking to himself. He’s telling himself to be calmer. He’s scolding himself when Reiner's the one who lost his cool.

Reiner can’t help it. He bursts into tears. His shoulders heave with sobs, and he can’t stop the pathetic sounds from leaving his mouth. Why is he so weak? Why is he so useless? Why is he like this?

He feels a warm hand on his head. When he slowly looks up, Eren’s hand is blocking his view from seeing Eren’s face. But Eren’s sitting on the ground next to Reiner. Is he mad? Is that why he’s hiding his face? Does he find Reiner as pathetic as everyone else does? What does Eren think of all this?

With such self-pitying thoughts in his head, Reiner cries.

*

He feels sheepish when he’s done. Sheepish and tired. Eren left his hand on Reiner’s head the entire time. Reiner can’t tell if Eren meant that as something to comfort him or if it’s something that’s supposed to be more sinister.

Honestly, he doesn’t really care.

“S-sorry,” he manages to say. He slowly pushes himself up to a sitting position.

“N-no,” Eren mumbles. He finally moves his hand away and pulls his scarf up to hide the lower half of his face. “I’m sorry, too.”

“I didn’t mean it,” Reiner tells him. He hopes that his sincerity is getting across, because he doesn’t know how else to explain himself.

“I… didn’t mean to hit you,” Eren admits.

“Everything I said, it was really hurtful and I didn’t mean any of it. It just came out and-”

Eren puts his hand on Reiner’s shoulder. “Breath, Reiner. I don’t care about that.”

“But it was really rude!”

There’s a small pause as Eren tilts his head to the side. His scarf slides down to reveal a small frown.

“Was it? I… actually thought it was pretty honest. It’s rare for you to actually let it out. You’re always just taking whatever Porco says or whatever anyone else deals you. I’m the one who shouldn’t have lost my temper and hit you like that.”

Eren allows a small smile.

“But I thought you looked a little more… human when you were yelling.”

Human…? What an odd word to hear from Eren, who seemed like a doll only a little while ago. But at the same time, Reiner can’t help but to find it fitting. Human. Eren said that he looked more human when he was yelling. When he was finally letting out all the bottled up feelings. When he was finally expressing his emotions, even if it was misguided and misdirected. So this is what it means to be human, huh?

“C-can I tell you something? It’s… it’s going to sound pathetic and useless but I-”

“Reiner,” Eren says, interrupting him. “Anything that you want to say is important. That’s what Marcel told me. We are already being caged inside of these walls and by the Marleys and by the adults. So at the very least, we should be honest with our words and feelings among us. We’re on the same side, after all.”

The same side… Reiner feels so much hope from those three words. The same side. Not Marley's side. Not the adults' side.

But their own.

“I… don’t really care about having my family live together. I like living with just my mom. But I don’t think I’m allowed to think that. You’re supposed to want a big family, right? You’re supposed to want a mom and a dad to tuck you in at nights. And my mom always sounds like she wants to live with dad. Like she really misses him. So for mom, I want to become a Warrior. I want to make her happy.”

He takes a shuddering breath. Although he doesn’t really feel like smiling, he finds himself laughing.

“I’m so pathetic. I can’t even make her happy. There’s no way someone as dumb as me, someone as weak as me can become a Warrior. I’m just… useless. I’m too lacking.”

“That’s not true. My brother failed his Warrior test. But he'll inherit the Beast Titan.”

There’s a small pause as Reiner tries to register that. Wait. Eren’s big brother is…? Actually, now that he thinks about it, he recognizes the name “Jaeger” from somewhere, doesn’t he? What was it now? His mom said something about them in passing before. Oh, that's right. His mom had referred to it as… "That whore got what she deserved. What did she think would happen when she used to work as a barmaid? She should have realized just how lucky she was for marrying someone as smart as Doctor Jaeger. And now he's dead by taking his own life. What a shameless family."

That's right. That's the kind of things his mom often said.

A kind, loving mom is something that he never had. Why is it suddenly clicking into place?

“I doubt they only look at our abilities. Don't get me wrong, innate ability is good, but those things can be trained. As long as you're willing to put in the effort, you can get better. It makes more sense that they'd want someone more loyal to the cause. You can't train loyalty like you can train abilities."

“Loyal…? B-but everyone is-”

Eren flashes a grin that seems a little mischievous. “Nah. We’re not all good people like Pieck. We’re all in this for our own selfish motivations and plans. That’s why, I want you to have that choice, too. Don’t be a pawn, Reiner. Think for yourself. If you want to become a Warrior, be a Warrior for yourself. If you want to yell at me for judging you, do it because you're mad at me. If Porco is annoying you, just punch him. Stop holding yourself back so much. You look too much like that blank doll-me."

Oh, Reiner realizes quite belatedly.

Eren had been worried about him.

“Do you… talk like this to everyone?”

The only answer Eren gives to that question is a grin.

“Hey, why do you want to be a Warrior?” Reiner finds himself asking. “What’s your ‘selfish’ motivation?”

He rather likes how wide Eren’s grin become. He likes the way Eren’s eyes light up. He likes the way Eren leans in close to whisper the secret.

“I’m going to kill god.”

Ah, Reiner thinks. He doesn’t like this.

“G-god?”

Eren giggles as he stands up. “C’mon, we should be heading back. I bet your mom’s missing her chives, and my brother’s panicking.”

Reiner is still stuck on the god part. But he dutifully accepts the hand that Eren offers to help him stand. The two walk a good portion of the way back together before they wave goodbyes.

“God?” Reiner is still mumbling that when he finally returns home to face his mom’s wrath.

*

The exhibit for the parents means that they don’t have to sit through lectures all day. Instead, they compete in various short matches and drills before being dismissed at noon.

“Obviously, I’ll team up with Marcel,” Porco brags even though they don’t get to choose who their teams will be for the matches. “We’re going to bring you down, Eren.”

“Hm… I’d much rather have Eren on my side than you,” Marcel admits with a sheepish smile.

“W-what’s that, jerkface? I’m your brother! Don’t tell me you like your Princess more?” Porco accuses.

“I also prefer Eren!” Pieck volunteers with a happy smile on her face.

Porco scowls at her. “No one asked you! And for that matter, I don’t want you on my team either!”

Reiner watches the minor scuffle a beat longer before glancing over at Eren. Typically, whenever Porco gets like this, Eren is the first to step in with a friendly banter. The two of them will mock each other before attempting to punch each other. Eventually, the two will settle down before an instructor gets there, often because of Marcel's scolding.

But for once, Eren doesn’t seem to be paying attention.

He has his head lowered so that his scarf is covering most of his face. At this angle, he kind of looks like he’s sleeping while standing up.

Reiner walks over to him and taps him on the shoulder.

“Hey, you awake?”

Eren’s head snaps up. His face is flushed when he realizes that he’s been caught. He quickly holds his scarf up to hide as much of his face as he can. Just a little, Reiner can’t help but to find it cute.

“It’s fine, Eren. Did you not get enough sleep?”

Eren must be too embarrassed to speak, because he just nods.

Reiner tries not to grin too widely. “Me too. I was too nervous to sleep last night.”

“Me too,” Bertolt says quietly as he comes to stand with them. There’s a light flush on his face as he dips his head shyly. 

"Are we going to be okay? None of us got proper sleep!" Reiner jokes.

“Eren, you’re on my side, right?” Porco yells when he realizes that he can’t win against both Pieck and Marcel.

When Eren doesn’t answer fast enough, Porco makes his way over. He shoves Reiner to the side without a second thought and grabs Eren by the shoulders. He gives a desperate shake.

“We’ll make both Pieck and Marcel pay! If we team up, we’ll be unstoppable!”

The shake causes Eren’s scarf to unwind enough to reveal Eren’s flushed face. There’s a short pause as Porco stares blankly at the fact that Eren isn’t yelling back. Then his face turns red. He releases Eren and jumps back like he has been burned.

“You alright?” Bertolt asks Porco, looking concerned.

Porco covers his scowl and spins on his heels. He runs off to god knows where, leaving everyone confused. Eren lets out a soft sigh and puts the scarf more securely around himself.

Reiner can’t help but to note that Eren’s flush doesn’t seem to have receded completely. But before he can say something, the instructor arrives and orders them to get in line.

*

Reiner feels the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

His mom is watching.

His mom is watching, and he has been placed in the same group as Porco.

The first drill takes place on the field. There are two areas that have been divided up. There are few fake bushes and boxes placed around to make makeshift hideout areas for the two teams. The goal is to break into the others’ hideout and steal their flag. In order to accomplish that, they’ve been given rifles, all loaded with blue or red paint for the different teams. If you are shot and marked with the paint, then you are effectively “dead” and can no longer participate.

Reiner is on the same team as Porco, the blue team.

Marcel is on the red team.

In fact, the red team is composed of the best of their class. It’s Marcel, Pieck, Annie, and Bertolt. The blue team is made up of the bottom of their class: Reiner, Porco, Colt, and Eren.

Their instructors must have done this on purpose. They built these teams to make the red team look even better in front of their parents.

Their parents and current Warriors (Eren’s brother, Reiner supposes is there, too).

They’re all standing by the side of the field, watching with the instructors. They might be talking, too. Reiner can’t tell from here. His mom…

“Tch! They’re mocking us!” Porco growls, grinding his teeth.

“I-I think we can win,” Colt says without any conviction.

“That so? I assume you have a plan then?” Porco sneers.

Colt looks down at the ground. Reiner decides not to engage by glancing at Eren. Eren’s… scratching something on the ground with a stick. He looks satisfied before he pulls down his scarf and looks at them.

“Here’s the plan,” he whispers.

They have to gather close to hear his soft whisper. It’s strange. Eren usually has a loud and clear voice. Reiner assumes it’s because he wants to make this feel like a real battle council before they launch a suicide mission against someone more powerful than them. Because Eren is surprisingly pretty dramatic like that.

“The first person they’ll send is Annie. Reiner, I need you to distract her.”

Reiner feels himself stiffen. “M-me? I can barely last few seconds against her in a fight.”

“That’s fine. Few seconds is all I need.”

All he needs? Reiner feels a chill. Does Eren plan on sniping Annie in that few seconds while she’s distracted by Reiner? Is that even possible to do if you're not Bertolt?

“Wouldn’t Bertolt snipe Reiner before that?” Porco points out.

Eren nods. “But he won’t shoot. Not against Reiner. But he’s the most dangerous person we’ll be facing. That’s why Colt and Porco, you guys need to distract him.”

“You’re going to snipe him? After sniping Annie?” Colt asks, surprised.

“Yeah. I’m not as good a shot as Bertolt, though. So you guys need to be careful.”

Porco nods seriously. “So you want us to just run like crazy in the middle of the field until he fires?”

“Not quite. I want you two to run unpredictably towards their hideout. More importantly, Porco, I need you to take out Marcel. Colt, your goal is Pieck.”

Colt looks nervous, but he agrees.

“I’ll offer as much support as I can," Eren concludes.

Porco’s lips pull into a scowl. “This is Marcel’s plan, isn’t it? You can’t make plans worth shit. This is too logical and reasonable to be your plan.”

“Yeah. It’s Marcel’s.”

How wonderful, Reiner thinks. So they're just going to give up then. They're not even going to bother trying. He can't tell if he wants to laugh or to cry.

“W-we can’t use Marcel’s plan!” Colt exclaims.

“Rather, more so than plan, it’s a prediction. We went over it last night. All the different ways we could possibly split into groups. And if that’s the case, what kind of plans would be the most suited for each person,” Eren tells them.

Reiner frowns. “But that means he’ll know that this is what we’re going with.”

“Yup.”

Porco sighs. “Basically, you want us to move and hit them so fast and so hard that even if Marcel can predict it, he won’t be able to defend against it.”

Eren grins widely, his eyes sparkling with confidence. There’s a soft flush on his face that makes Reiner feel like Eren's trusting them too much. Like there's unnecessarily heavier burden on them than there needs to be. This is supposed to be just a drill, damn it. 

“Tch. You’re a slave-driver worse than Marcel!”

Despite the complaint, Porco is already getting ready to run. He glances at Colt and Reiner.

“C’mon, get to it!”

*

Eren’s right. The first to move is Annie. Well, that's not quite right. Marcel's right. This is, after all, what Marcel predicted.

So Reiner rushes out, too.

He and Annie meet. There’s possibly already bullets flying everywhere, but Reiner is too focused on distracting Annie to focus on anything else. By the time Annie has kicked him down to the ground, bright blue paint covers her front.

She scowls and glares at Reiner, having put together that he was the distraction. By then, Reiner is already covered in bright red paint. Both of them sit down on the ground to signal that they’re out.

It’s just as Eren said. As long as they move fast, they will be able to circumvent Marcel’s plans.

Colt is sitting on the middle of the field, bright red paint on his chest. It looks like Bertolt got him before he can get closer to the hideout. Porco, though, got lucky. He has just jumped over to the other hideout. Since he hasn’t been shot, Reiner assumes that Bertolt has already been taken out.

Everyone's eyes are on Porco.

Is he going to be able to kill both Marcel and Pieck? Is he-?

Reiner feels someone grab him by the back of his shirt, yanking him up.

It’s Eren.

The words that he has already been shot and is out of the game is halfway out of his mouth. But Eren pushes him forward, ignoring those words. Eren’s breathing is a bit harsh, but that’s probably because of the adrenaline rushing through his veins. Because that’s how it is for Reiner right now. Eren balances his rifle on Reiner’s shoulder as he pushes Reiner to walk faster and faster and-

“What…? Reiner? You’ve already been shot. You can’t-”

Pieck makes the mistake of peeking out of the hideout to see what’s going on. Eren doesn’t hesitate to shoot her down. Although that should have been everyone, Eren doesn’t release Reiner. He forces Reiner to go into the hideout to check that both Porco and Marcel are sitting on the ground. They must have taken each other out when Porco rushed in here earlier.

“Huh? What are you doing? You’re dead,” Porco points out to Reiner as if he doesn’t know.

"Using the bodies of your fallen comrade as a shield, huh? That's cold, Eren," Marcel remarks, answering the question that they've all been wondering.

Oh, Reiner realizes belatedly. He was a shield. That's right. The instructor didn't say anything about using the fallen as a shield.

Eren finally releases Reiner. He stumbles over to pick up the red flag and walks out of the hideout.

From here, Reiner watches as Eren holds the flag high in the air.

The sign of their victory.

And almost as if his adrenaline finally ran out, Eren falls.

Reiner gets there first because he’s the nearest. He catches Eren and realizes belatedly that no, it’s not because of adrenaline. Eren’s knees didn’t give out because they won.

Eren has a fever.

He’s gasping softly like he can’t get enough air into his lung. His scarf is probably not helping the cause, but Eren gives Reiner the angriest of glares when Reiner tries to move it off of him. There’s a horrible flush on Eren’s face. And Reiner realizes that he saw the signs and didn’t realize what he had been seeing.

Marcel’s by Reiner’s side in seconds. He gently touches Eren’s cheek, brows furrowing in worry. Porco and Pieck crowd around them, asking them all what’s going on.

“Eren!”

Although he probably doesn’t have permission to rush onto the field like this, Zeke makes his way over. He forces everyone to back away, to give Eeren some room. Then he picks up Eren in his arms, making the smaller boy look even smaller next to his bulk.

“Permission to take him home, sir?” Zeke asks of the instructor. His voice is low, almost breathless like he’s just barely holding back from screaming.

“Granted. Make sure he knows not to return until he’s better.”

Zeke relaxes noticeably. He thanks the instructor before standing up and leaving. Reiner hears him whisper, “Don’t worry, Eren. Big brother is here.”

Reiner knows that Eren didn’t seem to like his older brother all that much, but he can’t help but to think that Zeke is rather sweet to his younger brother.

*

Aside from that match, Reiner has zero wins under his belt.

He thought for sure he’d get a tongue-lashing from his mom once they get home, but his mom doesn’t even look at him.

Somehow, that makes him feel better. Perhaps it has to do with what he and Eren talked about in the cemetery few nights back. But he feels like it's finally sinking in. 

That it's better to just leave this distance between them. 

Reiner will never be the hero that she envisioned him to be. He cannot be the Warrior who unites his mom and dad. He cannot be that happy kid living the dream of having both his parents under the same roof. 

So rather than continuously disappointing his mom by promising to do what he can't, to be who he isn't, Reiner will just walk away. He'll lengthen this distance between them. He'll turn the other way. He'll allow this silence to stretch on into infinity.

He packs a bag of essential items like underwear, clothes, books, and his favorite teddy bear. He walks to the door and pauses.

Just in case, he looks around for his mom. She's sitting in the kitchen, staring bleakly at an empty cup. She doesn't look up when he calls for her. She doesn't say anything.

Nothing about how she's disappointed. Nothing about how it's fine. He can make things better. As long as he can display loyalty, as long as he catches up to the rest of his teammates, as long as he continues to obey her…

"I'm leaving," Reiner tells her.

Again, no response.

Perhaps, from the beginning, this is what he should have done. Perhaps, from the beginning, his mom never wanted him. Perhaps he had just been waiting for someone to point that out to him.

His heart feels heavy when he opens the door. But as soon as the sunlight hits his skin, he finds himself grinning.

"Don't be a pawn," Eren had once told him. "Think for yourself."

Reiner rushes to embraces his newfound freedom. 

*

He’s not the only one at the Jaeger clinic. He expected that both Marcel and Porco would come (only because it sounded like they're always over at Eren's place), but he didn’t think he’d see Bertolt, Colt, Pieck, and Annie.

“Everyone’s here,” he greets them, hoping they won't notice his bag filled with his things.

“Of course, we were all worried,” Pieck points out.

“I wasn’t worried. Pieck dragged me,” Annie says sternly.

Bertolt glances at her and then quickly looks at the ground. He probably followed her here. Reiner can't help but to find that cute. Later, he'll have to tease Bertolt about that and encourage him to tell her his feelings.

“My mom brought sweets for everyone, but since Eren didn’t get any, I brought them over,” Colt explains with a sheepish smile.

“I was going to beat him up. But Zeke is… uh… really overprotective,” Porco grumbles.

“It’s kind of like this is our squad,” Marcel giggles. “Even if we can't all be Warriors, I hope we can continue to fight together.”

Reiner doubts that the last comment was meant for him specifically. But he feels like everyone glanced at him at those words. He surprises them and himself by smiling back. 

“Please, have some fruits!” Eren’s grandma says as she brings out a plate of sliced fruits for them to enjoy.

“Thank you so much for taking care of Eren,” Eren’s grandpa adds. He looks like he's just barely holding back from crying. 

A loud bang upstairs catches their attention. It’s followed by thunderous footsteps and Zeke yelling out, “Eren! Wait!”

“S-shut up! Leave me-” Whatever else Eren wants to say is swallowed by violent coughing.

The group peers over to the stairway, where Eren is curled up near the top, coughing. Zeke is gently rubbing his back, trying to convince his brother to go back to bed.

“Y-you alright?” Marcel calls out.

Eren’s head snaps up at the sound of the voice. His eyes are bright as he turns towards Marcel, a grin already forming at his lips. When his eyes land on the rest of them, he freezes. His eyes begin to water, and his lips quiver. Reiner can't help but to notice the striking similarity between Eren and his grandpa.

Eren covers his eyes, just barely holding back a sob.

Zeke gently puts his arm around Eren’s shoulders and is immediately pushed away.

“Hey, it’s okay. We’re all here for you. We want you to get better,” Zeke says, his voice soothing. Just a little, Reiner feels jealous at how gentle Zeke treats Eren. If Reiner had an older brother, would he treat Reiner just as gently?

After a second’s hesitation, Marcel makes his way up the stairs and sits next to Eren. Zeke stands up and takes a step back to give them some space.

“Sorry for taking so long. I’m here,” he says.

Eren throws his arms around Marcel and buries his face in his chest. Marcel wraps his arms around him and runs his fingers through Eren’s hair. They look close. They look close, and Zeke looks like he’s heartbroken that his little brother rejected him.

Reiner wonders what it must be like to be loved like that.

*

“T-thank you,” Eren stutters out once he’s gotten his tears under control. “I… I’m really… grateful that you are all here.”

They’re in Eren’s room. Reiner doesn’t think that the room itself is small, but with all of them crammed in here, it feels that way. It’s just the young Warrior candidates in here. Eren’s grandparents and Zeke have been forbidden from entering.

“Should you be moving around?” Annie asks sharply.

Not worried, huh? Yet she’s the one who insisted that Eren go back to bed.

“I’m feeling better.”

But there’s still that flush on his face. Reiner wonders if Eren realizes that.

“I uh… didn’t realize you were Zeke’s little brother,” Colt says.

Eren’s face darkens. “Unfortunately.”

Marcel chuckles and pats Colt’s shoulder. “Eren just get shy about how doting Zeke is."

"I do not!" Eren protests. He sticks his tongue out at Marcel, who just laughs good-naturedly. 

“He,” Porco says, pointing at Eren’s face. “Also doesn’t get along with his super nice grandparents. Isn’t this guy the worst?”

“Shut up, Porco,” Eren grumbles.

“Y-you should… treat your family better,” Bertolt stammers.

Eren turns his cold gaze at Bertolt, which makes the tall boy flinch. Reiner squeezes Bertolt's shoulder to offer some support.

“Hey… what’s a family?”

They all look uncertainly at Eren. But Pieck bravely tries to answer.

“People who are very important to you.”

“Those that you will go to hell and back for,” Marcel adds with a light smile.

Reiner thinks about his mom. He thinks about the cold distance between them. He thinks about his uselessness, his inability to be of a help to his mom. Isn't that what a family is? Someone you're indebted to. 

“People that I love dearly. And they love me back just as much,” Colt admits with a blush.

“A pain,” Annie says. And because everyone is looking at her, she blushes slightly and continues with, “But a pain you’re willing to put up with.”

That one makes a little more sense to Reiner. A pain. That's right. He has been nothing but a pain to his mom. And her constant pushing of what he should be was a pain, too. He thinks about the dead members of Eren’s family that Eren introduced him to. That causes pain, right? Separation through death?

But the others make it sound like there's more to it than that. That there's something a little more gentle. Kind of like how Eren's older brother had held him close.

Is that family?

And if that's family, then what is it that Reiner had?

“Those that I want to protect,” Bertolt says softly.

“Whether they’re related to you by blood or not, you will do everything for them,” Porco says.

That's right. There's also that layer to consider. You're supposed to be related to your family, right? But Porco says that you don't have to be related. And Porco is stupid at times, but he has Marcel as a brother. So he must know what he's talking about when it comes to family. And if it's fine that you're not related, then…

Then…

"Aren't we family?" Reiner blurts out. 

Everyone stares at him blankly. Reiner realizes that he shouldn't have said anything at all. He feels his cheeks turn red, and he wants the ground to swallow him whole. He doesn't want to be here. Damn it, why did he say something like that? Why-

"I always wanted a brother!" Pieck squeals. She throws her arms around Reiner, hugging him affectionately.

Before he can wrap his brain around the fact that Pieck just hugged him, she moves on to the next person. She hugs Annie, then Bertolt, then Porco, and…

"A family?" Eren asks, brows furrowing in confusion.

Marcel laughs. "With how much time we've spent together, we probably do count as a family! Isn't that great? That means I can sleep over whenever I want."

"That's clearly not what that means!" Porco protests. He smacks his brother's arm. "Who the hell wants to be family with you people? You guys are all gross!"

"Okay, we'll all be family without Porco," Pieck decides for them.

Porco realizes his mistake and turns to Pieck, his face red. "Y-you can't do that! Don't leave me out!"

"I… don't think this is how families work," Colt says meekly.

"Do you care?" Annie asks him.

Colt thinks about it with a frown on his face. "Maybe? I'm not sure. Shouldn't we care?"

"I-I want to be a family with all of you!" Bertolt yells out. His voice cracks a bit, which makes him blush. But he resolutely sticks to what he said. "T-there's nothing wrong with that, is there? Why should we have to antagonize each other? We'll all be fighting for the same cause."

"A family that fights together against our opponent!" Marcel says.

"Who are our opponent?" Reiner asks slowly. 

Eren grins widely. Reiner knows what he's going to say. He moves to stop Eren the same time Marcel speaks up.

"Anyone who opposes us," he says lightly.

Eren gives Marcel a questioning look, and Reiner understands a bit too much in that moment. Marcel and Eren must have already had a talk about Eren's plan of killing god. Then that means that Marcel knows that it's stupid and is trying to downplay it.

Reiner thinks that's for the best.

*

The rest of the group eventually leave around dinner time. They probably all have parents to go back home to, after all. 

Eren glances at Reiner and the bag that he's still carrying. Although Reiner doesn't say anything about it, Eren points to his desk.

"Feel free to use what you need," he says.

"Y-you sure?"

"You're the one who brought all your things over without saying anything. Isn't it too late for doubts?" 

Despite those words, Eren's grin is teasing. Reiner feels grateful.

"Thanks for letting me stay."

*

Reiner has more or less come to terms with the fact that he will not become a Warrior. He will never be able to make his mom proud. He will never live together with his dad.

But that's fine.

The Jaegers take him in without much hassle (though Zeke does look worried at times). Later, Reiner learns it's because Eren rarely asks for anything, so they couldn't refuse when he asked for Reiner to stay. This means that he ends up clashing against Porco constantly whenever Porco and Marcel come over for meals or just to play. But Reiner is starting to feel a bit more confident about himself.

So who cares if he can't become a Warrior? Who cares if he's dead last in class? Really, Porco? Is this the best you can come up with to insult Reiner?

Perhaps sensing that it's no longer a sore topic for him, Porco soon drops that. Instead, he starts picking fights for other silly things like eating broccoli first or putting on his left boot first. It feels a little like the arguments Porco has with both Marcel and Eren. And it's not until then that Reiner realizes that grudgingly, Porco has accepted him as one of them.

This is now his family.

These are the people who clearly love and care for him as much as he does them. And for now, he thinks that that’s fine. That this is okay. That this is all he’ll ever need in life and-

“Annie, you’ll inherit the Female Titan.”

“Bertolt, the Colossal Titan.”

“Marcel, the Jaw Titan.”

“Pieck, the Cart Titan.”

“Eren, the Attack Titan.”

“Reiner, the Armored Titan.”

But sometimes, life refuses to let you settle into happiness.


	3. The night will come out to say hello

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a roll~
> 
> Warning: Karina again, nameless OCs, mentioned attempted suicide, beginnings of madness, implied gruesome deaths. The last three is very minor, so no need to worry about them!

“Which Titan are you hoping to get, Marcel?”

Eren peers at Marcel, who has made himself home on Eren’s bed with a book. Marcel glances up from his book to stare at Eren. Eren isn’t sure why, but he quickly averts his gaze and pretends that he’s more interested in the ceiling tile.

“The Jaw Titan.”

That’s not what Eren expected at all. He snaps his attention to Marcel, who sits up on the bed to face Eren, who is sitting in his chair. This reminds Eren of when they first talked together in the room like this. The memory makes him giddy.

“The Jaw? Not the Attack Titan?”

“The Attack Titan is more suited for you, Eren. Your fighting style is more heads-on attack, attack, attack.”

Eren isn’t sure why, but he feels a little insulted. “No, that’s Porco.”

“I would rather he didn’t get a Titan,” Marcel admits with a sheepish smile.

That’s something Marcel has said before. That he didn’t want Porco to share their fate of inheriting a Titan because of the 13 year time limit. But Eren thought they would get rid of that once they kill god. Does this mean that Marcel doesn’t believe it’s possible? Or, more likely, did Marcel forget about the promise?

Eren pulls his scarf tightly around himself. “That’s why you’ve been staying late to talk to the instructors, right? You’re trying to convince them to pick someone else?”

Marcel looks guilty as he nods. “Yeah. I’ve been trying to put in a good word for Reiner. He really wants to be a Warrior, right?”

For his mom that he has abandoned. Eren doesn’t think it’s any of his business to say, though. Reiner wouldn’t appreciate him telling everyone what happened. After all, Marcel is close to Eren, but not necessarily with Reiner. Eren thinks it’s because of Porco.

“Why the Jaw Titan?” Eren asks instead.

“Because the Jaw Titan is the fastest. I’ll be able to rush to your defense to cover your back!”

*

Eren wonders if Marcel feels happy about this.

It’s not just Porco who looks like he’s in shock by the news. It’s also Reiner. Both of them are dazed as they’re walking home. Eren has to constantly steer them away from walking into someone or a lamp by accident. If not for Bertolt’s help, Eren fears that he might have lost both of them.

“Take him home,” Eren says.

He puts Porco’s hand in Marcel’s. And Porco must really be shell-shocked if he allows this to happen without a single protest.

“E-Eren? Why are you angry at me?” Marcel asks, brows furrowing like he can’t figure this out.

“I’m not,” he lies.

He turns to Bertolt, making sure that Reiner’s hand is in Bertolt’s. “Take him to the clinic for me. I’ll meet you as soon as I’m done.”

“Wait, Eren!” 

Marcel tries to grab him, but Eren easily dodges him. Out of all of the Warriors, Eren has the fastest reaction time, after all.

“Go home,” he tells them.

And before they can protest, Eren bolts back the way they came.

*

He doesn’t know how much weight his own words would have, especially on something that has already been decided. But he doesn’t want to give up without trying first. Even if this is something that Marcel doesn’t want, he feels that it’s only right that Porco gets a fair chance.

But to be honest, Eren doesn’t get the chance to say anything.

Because there, right there, is that Marley soldier.

It’s already been years but Eren still remembers him.

The cold sneer on his face. The mocking tone of his voice. The superiority in his eyes as he looked down on them.

_ “Your mom was outside the interment zone without permission.” _

Hot anger grips his heart, pumping through his veins like blood. He feels something coil in his stomach. His muscles tense up. Is he a spring? Is he going to launch an attack? How should he go about doing this? A surprise attack from the back?

No, it’ll be much more satisfying to see terror in that man’s eyes. It’ll be much more satisfying to see blood drip from that man’s chest. Eren doesn’t have a knife (they’re not allowed to carry one, even though they've already received training on how best to use knives). But there is a decently sized rock by the roadside. If that soldier is hit on the head with this… 

_ “Eren, you must be lukewarm.” _

Once upon a time, his grandpa told him this while clutching tightly to his shoulders. 

Not red hot, because that means everyone can feel his passion and that’s how Aunt Faye was taken from them. Not blue cold, because that means everyone can feel the ice of his fury and that’s how Zeke’s mom was taken from them. But lukewarm means that he’s somewhere in the middle, never feeling, never speaking, never…

Sorry, Eren apologizes in his head. He tried. He really did.

But he hates being a blank doll.

One rock for each hand. With this, he will-

Someone tugs viciously at his scarf, choking him. He falls backwards from the sheer force of it. Someone catches him from behind him, arms wrapping around him in a surprisingly secure hold. Immediately, Eren thinks back to that moment when Marcel first talked to him. That’s right, even back then, it had been because of  _ that  _ soldier that they talked.

“Marc-”

But it’s not Marcel.

It’s Bertolt with wide, terrified eyes with his arms tightly wrapped around Eren. It’s Reiner with his hands clutching almost desperately at Eren’s red scarf. They’re both looking at Eren like he did another suicide rush against Marcel’s team in a drill. 

_ “Suicide rush isn’t a valid tactic! If there’s no one left at the end of the battle, then that’s not a victory!”  _

That’s right. Colt often scolded him like that after those drills, brows furrowed in anger that he very rarely displays. 

“Why…?” Bertolt whispers. His voice shakes like he’s about to burst into tears. And damn it, that’s not what Eren wanted at all.

There’s a lump in Eren’s throat. He drops the two rocks and tries to convince the two of them to let go of him (No seriously, Reiner. His hold on Eren’s scarf is choking Eren periodically). They don’t let him go.

“If you attack a soldier, they’ll kill you.” Reiner’s voice is shaking, too. 

“I-I wasn’t going…” 

Eren can’t finish that sentence. He can’t bring himself to lie to the two of them. 

“P-Porco won’t take the Attack Titan just because you’re dead!” Bertolt yells. “He’s not that weak!”

And isn’t it horrible? Isn’t it tragic?

Eren hadn’t even been thinking of Porco.

All the anger from before turns into shame. It’s too overwhelming. Their viewpoint of this world seems so pure and sweet. Eren wonders if there was ever a time when he thought of the world like that. When he believed in someone’s good side like that. When he believed in the good of the world like that.

He bursts into tears before he can stop himself. And probably because he’s crying so earnestly, both Bertolt and Reiner do, too.

*

The three of them arrive at the Jaeger clinic with puffy red eyes. 

Eren’s grandma exclaims in surprise when she sees them. She quickly ushers them into the kitchen, where she sets to make them all warm honeyed milk. Eren is too tired to do anything but accept it.

“Did you fight with Marcel and Porco? It’s rare that they don’t come over,” she says.

Those names makes Eren choke up again. His heart aches. His eyes burn. Despite having cried so much before, he still have tears left over. He furiously wipes his eyes, but all that does is remind him that he’s already rubbed them raw before.

“Oh, darling,” she coos. She places her hand on Eren’s head, gently patting him like it’s supposed to be comforting.

And maybe for someone else it is. It just feels mocking to him.

After all, isn’t this the same as a reminder of his uselessness? He has failed twice to kill that soldier now. And so caught up in his own selfishness, he hurt Bertolt and Reiner. That’s not even to talk about how he looked down on Porco. And Marcel…

“I… I’m going to talk to him.”

It’s the only thing he can say to get himself out of the situation. 

He pushes his grandma’s hand away and abandons his drink. Making a point to not look at the look of hurt on her face, he marches towards the door and-

“Eren, wait!”

Both Reiner and Bertolt are by his side. It doesn’t look like it’s worry on their faces, though. Eren gets the feeling it might be… determination?

“I don’t need chaperons,” Eren tells them, feeling confused.

“But we’re family. We don’t need a reason to be together,” Bertolt says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

Reiner wordlessly takes Eren’s hand. Seeing that, Bertolt takes Eren’s other hand. Then the two look at him expectedly as if waiting for his approval despite having already taken his hands.

They’re awkward. Eren knows that these two are worried he might do something stupid (suicidal?) again. 

But he appreciates their gesture anyways.

*

Porco must be feeling better.

That’s all Eren can think when Porco bursts out laughing at the sight of the three of them, hands holding while Eren’s eyes are still red and puffy from crying.

“Pfft! Hahahahaha! W-w-what are you guys doing?! Hahahaha! Ow, ow. My stomach… pfft!!”

“I-it’s not funny!” Eren snaps. 

He feels his cheeks heat up, but he doesn’t let go of Bertolt’s and Reiner’s hands. He wants to, though. He really does. But he doesn’t feel like he has earned that right.

“W-where’s Marcel, anyways?”

It takes Porco few more seconds to get his laughing control. And once he does, he points upstairs to his shared room with Marcel.

“He’s crying in his room. So make sure to cheer up your White Knight, Princess.”

*

It’s not like Eren is trying to eavesdrop. But he can’t help but to be curious as to what they’re talking about without him. He slows his pace going upstairs to listen in.

“A-are you angry? About me inheriting the Titan power instead of you?” Reiner asks Porco.

There’s a small pause before Porco sighs, possibly no longer finding the topic funny. “I’m not blind, you know. You worked hard. I know that. Everyone knows that. It just means that Colt’s going to have the coolest guy in the world survive past 13 years with him.”

How mature.

Eren feels like he underestimated Porco too much. Later, he should apologize.

“Besides, you were a pretty nice shield for our Princess during drill time. Even if it was just Eren dragging your ‘dead’ body!”

Please, that was just once, and Eren had been desperate to finish the drill fast because of his cold! Can they just forget about that already?

But it sounds like the three of them are now laughing while reminiscing about the past. Eren supposes he shouldn’t put his own talk off for any longer.

Taking a deep breath, he knocks on the door.

“Marcel? It’s me, Eren.”

The door slams open, and Marcel launches himself at Eren. Eren, who hadn’t been prepared for this, falls backwards and lands on his back. He can feel the hot tears on his face that’s not from his own eyes. He can feel Marcel shake as he tightly wraps his arms around Eren.

Everyone around him seems determined to turn him into a crybaby today.

Eren holds Marcel just as tightly and allows himself one more cry.

*

“I-I’m sorry. But I… I don’t know what I did wrong,” Marcel stutters out.

The two of them are in Marcel’s and Porco’s shared room. It’s probably bigger than Eren’s own, but it doesn’t feel like it. Eren thinks the two beds have something to do with it. Now that he thinks about it, perhaps sharing his bed with Reiner every night is unusual? But he doesn’t think another bed will fit in that room. Not to mention once they start going on missions like Zeke does, they will rarely be home anyways.

“Y-you didn’t. I… I was grumpy because I misunderstood. I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

It feels awkward all of a sudden.

For the first time since meeting Marcel, Eren finds that he is at a complete loss for words. What should he say? Should he say anything? Or should he just stare at Marcel and wait for him to say something? Actually, isn’t that what he used to do? Just wait almost impatiently in hopes that Marcel asks him the right question so he can talk?

A glance at Marcel assures him that he’s not alone in feeling like this. Marcel is fidgeting, his cheeks flushed red. It’ll be absolutely adorable if Eren can relax enough to enjoy it.

They’re saved by a knock on the door.

“You guys done yet? Mom made muffins for us,” Porco calls from the other side of the door.

To think a day will come when Porco rescues him twice. Eren giggles.

“I don’t think that was funny,” Marcel complains.

But his lips are twitching, and it’s clear that he’s holding back from laughing.

Eren knows that they’re going to be okay.

*

When it’s time to leave, Eren and Reiner first walk Bertolt home. Then they stop by the cemetery.

“Are you going to tell your parents about becoming a Warrior?” Reiner asks him.

Eren shakes his head. “They probably already know. I just wanted to see them.”

Reiner stays quiet next to Eren. The two of them sit in front of Eren’s mom’s grave for some time. It’s nice. Eren used to sneak out here at nights when his grandparents were asleep. But now, he has a friend he can come here with.

“Sorry, are you bored?”

“Hm?” Reiner says. He turns to Eren with a smile. “Nah. Just thinking about my mom.”

That’s right. Reiner has been staying with Eren for a while without saying a word to his mom or about his mom. Does he miss her? Does he still dream of living as a family with his mom and dad? Is it rude that Eren never asked about it?

“Do you want to go tell her? About you being the next Armored Titan?”

Reiner opens his mouth and then wordlessly closes it. He seems to think about it carefully before sighing heavily.

“I don’t know. Half of me wants to. I want to see the look on her face as I gloat that I did it. Even though she gave up on me, I was still able to make it. But… I’m scared. I’m really, really scared. What if I do go and tell her, and she takes me back? What if I am able to have that dream family life with my dad and my mom?”

“Why is that scary?”

Reiner’s smile looks strained. “Because even though I’m so happy right now, I’m tempted by a promise of an illusion that I know can never come true.”

“Do you think that dream family of yours is just an illusion?” Eren asks, trying to wrap his mind around Reiner’s thought process.

“Of course, it is. There’s no way that it can come true. Not with the way mom is. And as you’ve said, if dad really wanted us, he would have found a way for us to be together. So it can’t come true. I know that.”

There’s a protest stuck at the tip of Eren’s tongue. He wants to argue. He wants to tell Reiner that that’s not necessarily true. That it could have been some other thing that prevented Reiner’s dad from reaching out. But he knows that that will just be a childish whine. 

They both know too much about this filthy world to believe in such a rosy fairy tale.

“Reiner, I’m here,” Eren tells him. And for good measure, he reaches over and holds Reiner’s hand.

There’s a soft smile on his face as he squeezes back.

“Yeah. Thank you.”

*

By the time they make it back to the Jaeger clinic, it’s dark outside. Eren wonders if his grandparents have already eaten. Because his and Reiner’s stomachs are both making horrific gurgling sounds.

“We’re back!” Reiner calls out.

“Welcome back!” comes the usual cheerful greeting. “Have you eaten? Would you like dinner?”

“We’re very hungry!” Reiner says. 

He drags Eren into the kitchen.

And promptly freezes.

Because there, drinking tea at the Jaeger clinic kitchen, is none other than Reiner’s mom.

*

Karina Braun has a pleasant smile on her face as Reiner and Eren sit down at the kitchen table to eat. Judging from how stiff Reiner is, Eren gets the feeling that this isn’t going to end well. He makes sure to be extra careful in being lukewarm so that he might as well be back to being a blank doll.

“You’re grown so much, Reiner,” she says as if she has any right. “I was so worried when you didn’t come home. I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Do you know how worried sick you made me?”

If she had been truly worried, why didn’t she look for him earlier? For that matter, did she come here because she heard that Reiner will inherit the Armored Titan? But who did she hear that from? Only the Warriors and their families should know at this point in time. Did someone talk to her about Reiner? 

Eren keeps his mouth shut by shredding his loaf of bread in his hands. Reiner just stirs his soup instead of eating anything. And to think they were both so hungry just moments ago.

“We were under the impression you knew where he was. I am sincerely sorry that we didn’t double-check ourselves,” Eren’s grandpa says gently. 

“No, no. I’m just so thankful that Reiner is well! It’s terrifying to even think about what could have happened to him.”

“Reiner has been nothing but polite to us. We really wish Eren would learn from him,” Eren’s grandma adds with a light smile.

Karina beams. “Reiner is such a good boy! It was so hard raising him all by myself. But I’m sure you understand, seeing that Zeke is such a wonderful Warrior. It’s only a matter of time before Eren follows his older brother’s example, I’m sure!”

Eren doesn’t care about people comparing him to his older brother. He’s long stopped caring about that since his mom’s funeral. But it seems that Reiner is far more kind-hearted than he should be in this situation.

Reiner slams his hand on the table, startling the adults.

“Don’t talk about Eren like that.”

Karina frowns.

With just that simple expression, Eren feels the temperature of the room go down. No wonder Reiner has been so torn about returning home. She’s terrifying.

“S-sorry about that,” Eren’s grandma says, jumping to keep the peace.

“Y-you’re right, of course. That was rude of us. Sorry, Reiner, Eren,” Eren’s grandpa says.

How very lukewarm of them. Already, the temperature of the room feels like it’s returned to normal. 

“I have been wondering,” Karina says, finally getting to the reason why she’s here. “It was announced today, wasn’t it? Who gets to inherit which Titan?”

Eren’s grandparents turn to stare at him like it’s his fault that they don’t know that.

“Y-you didn’t mention anything about that, Eren.”

Why should he? It’s not like they ever asked. If they were so curious, they had plenty of chances to ask Porco or Marcel or Reiner. So it’s completely on them for not taking the initiative. 

“I’m sure for Eren, it was a piece of cake to be named a successor. What about you, Reiner? Did you manage to inherit a Titan?”

It sounds like a threat. And isn’t that hilarious? What’s she doing at someone else’s house, making threats like she has any power? 

Eren stands up. His grandparents try to stop him, but he really doesn’t care to play along anymore.

“Reiner, I’m tired. Will you tuck me in?”

He wonders if he should have been more firm. Instead of giving Reiner a choice, he should have just yanked Reiner out of the room. Because Reiner is staring at his soup like he’s repenting for a sin he never committed. 

Eren absolutely hates the look of defeat on his face.

“Hey Rei-”

“Sorry, Eren. I’m… I’m going to go home with my mom.”

If Eren could, he would like to punch the smug expression on that woman’s face. But he’s too caught off-guard by Reiner’s words that he doesn’t know how to react.

“I’ll be okay,” Reiner lies to him with a pained smile. “So don’t worry. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

The immediate reaction Eren wants to take is that of anger. He wants to drag Reiner behind him and force protection on him, even if it means he’ll be resented. But then he recalls Porco. Despite everyone thinking that Porco wouldn’t be okay with not inheriting a Titan, he turned out fine. Porco was far stronger than anyone gave him credit for.

Eren wants to try believing in people, too.

Reiner is strong, he reminds himself. He, like Porco, will be okay.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Eren says.

*

It’s awfully lonely to have his bed to himself again. 

He doesn’t sleep well that night.

*

“Jeesh, you couldn’t even make an effort to look like you care about inheriting the Attack Titan today?” Porco complains as he pokes Eren’s forehead.

It’s too early in the morning (as it is every morning when they walk to the training grounds). Eren is too tired to fight off Porco’s constant pokes.

“Did Reiner go home?” Marcel asks, glancing around.

Eren nods. 

Porco’s attacks cease as if he’s finally catching onto Eren’s mood. He pulls his hand away from Eren with a scowl on his face.

“Good for him! He’s only been singing about becoming a Warrior so his parents can be united or whatever. I’m sure he’s happy.”

Happy…? That expression on Reiner’s face was anything but. Not for the first time, Eren wants to go drag Reiner away from that woman.

“Why don’t we go pick him up?” Marcel suggests with an easy-going grin on his face.

But there’s a glint in his eyes that lets Eren know that Marcel has a plan. That’s just like Marcel. He already has a plan even though he doesn’t have the whole picture yet. 

Eren makes sure to fill both brothers in as they run to Reiner’s.

*

Reiner hasn’t left yet. He is in front of his house with his mom, looking like he’s being scolded for god knows what. Eren wouldn’t be shocked if she’s making a fuss in front of the house on purpose so that everyone can be witnesses.

“Hey Reiner!” Eren yells.

The first expression on Reiner’s face is confusion. But when his eyes catch sight of the three of them, his lips begin to curve into a grin. Then he must have realized exactly where he is, who he is with. Because he quickly controls his expression to be as neutral as possible.

That damned blank, doll-like expression Eren hates.

The three of them run up to Reiner. Eren grabs his hand to pull him away. Instead of letting himself be dragged off, Reiner seems to look at the three of them, confused. Eren feels frustration pooling in his stomach. Why can’t Reiner just get a clue?

“C’mon, slowpoke! We’re going to be late!” Porco lightly kicks Reiner’s legs to get him moving.

“Please excuse us. We’re in a hurry,” Marcel tells Reiner’s mom with a pleasant smile.

Without giving a chance for either of the Brauns to say something, the three of them drag Reiner out of there.

*

“T-thank you,” Reiner says, his eyes already wet with tears. 

Now that they’re far enough away from the Braun household to slow down, Eren notices just how pale Reiner is. Just how dark the bags under his eyes are. Despite not having seen each other since last night, Reiner looks like he’s suffered for years. 

There’s a nasty taste in Eren’s mouth. This is what he gets, he can’t help but to think. When he tries to believe the “good” of people. He ends up just hurting those he wants to protect. He should never have let Reiner go off last night. He should never have decided to so meekly believed that things will turn out.

Things never turn out right. 

Why hasn’t he learned that by now?

If he wants anything done, he has to do it himself.

“I should have stopped you last night. I’m sorry,” Eren tells him.

Sorry for believing that Reiner was like Porco. Sorry for believing that Reiner will be fine. That Reiner is strong. That Reiner doesn’t need to be protected.

Reiner shakes his head. “No, this gave me closure. She’s not going to change.”

Both Marcel and Porco are making valiant efforts to pretend that they can’t hear this conversation. Eren feels a tad bit bad, but he’s also grateful. He doesn’t want to handle Porco’s teasing right now.

“Will you stay with me?”

Reiner’s smile looks soft. Even though it’s just a question (Eren should stop asking and giving people choices. He should just go with his gut instinct. It’ll hurt far less people), Reiner already looks better.

“Yeah. It’s uncomfortable sleeping alone.”

Porco’s head snaps over towards them with a livid expression on his face. “What’s this about you two sleeping together?”

“There’s just one bed in Eren’s room, Porco. And no sign of a sleeping bag or a futon. Did you not put that together?” Marcel asks his brother with a teasing grin.

“Someone’s taking your Princess, you dimwit! Do something!”

*

It feels a little weird to be separated as soon as they arrive to the training grounds. But Eren supposes this makes sense. Aside from Bertolt, who would need all the space to become the Colossal Titan, the rest of them are taken to large warehouses that looks to have been repurposed for this.

The Marley soldiers are lined against the walls with cannons and shotguns. Eren wonders if those actually do any damage to Titans.

“Pfft. Aren’t you Zeke’s little?” the current Attack Titan drawls when Eren gets close enough. 

The current Attack Titan has been chained in place in the middle of the warehouse. Despite being in such a disadvantageous position, he grins like he is the one with all the power. Eren finds this confidence unnerving. But he knows better than to show it outwardly on his face.

Lukewarm, he reminds himself. Be a blank doll that he hates so much. 

“Yes. I am Eren Jaeger.”

The current Attack Titan seems to find that quite hilarious. He bursts out laughing. “You brothers have the shittiest luck! Hahaha!”

Eren isn’t sure what to say, so he stays silent. And instead, he observes. The current Attack Titan has light steam coming off of him, signaling that he’s healing. How odd. Did he struggle against being chained down like this? But his demeanor right now doesn’t suggest that he’s protesting against being eaten. Then how did he hurt himself?

“Hey kiddo, you're going to go mad. Possibly before your brother’s 13 years are up. You okay with that?”

“Mad?” Eren echoes.

“It’s a gift for all Attack Titan holders. Well, I guess it’s more fair to say that it’s a gift for all the Titans. We’re all mad. I mean, we have to be to willingly turn ourselves into monsters. But us, Attack Titans, have it particularly bad. After all, we’re always drenched in blood. Hahaha!”

The current Attack Titan sounds a little drunk on laughter. Eren has heard enough. He holds up the syringe that was given to him for this purpose. Turn into a pure titan and eat the Attack Titan for his power. 

How barbaric.

“Hey kiddo,” the Attack Titan calls, “do you know what I am called?”

“You are the Attack Titan,” Eren answers easily. Did he forget what he is? Is that what he means by going mad?

The current Attack Titan howls with laughter that sounds more and more manic. Is this truly the future? Is Eren looking at what he will become? What all of them will become? If Eren doesn’t kill god… 

“That’s right. I’m the Attack Titan!” 

There’s no pride in those words. If anything, it sounds bitter. 

“I’ve done everything I can. There's no need to regret anymore. I leave the future in your hands, Silver Bullet.”

Eren stabs himself with the syringe.

“Don’t hesitate when you kill god.”

He wishes he delayed just a bit to figure out what the Attack Titan meant.

*

“H-how are you feeling?” 

Eren understands that the only reason the Marley soldiers are asking after his well-being isn’t because they’re worried for him. This is their way of trying to gauge his sanity level.

After all, the previous Attack Titan seemed like a mad dog, laughing like a maniac. A “Silver Bullet,” he called Eren. What does that even mean? And how had the previous Attack Titan known about Eren’s plan to kill god?

He wraps his scarf securely around his neck.

“I am in control.”

They don’t relax. 

*

Zeke is waiting for him outside of the warehouse with the rest of the soldiers. Did his brother really have nothing better to do than to beg the higher ups to be allowed to be here? Eren pushes down his ire to keep his doll-like blankness on his face. 

Lukewarm, he reminds himself.

There are Marley soldiers around them. It’s for the best that Eren stays lukewarm, no matter his true feelings. 

“E-Eren! H-how are you feeling? Are you alright? Do… do you have access to… the m-memories?”

Does Zeke wants to know if Eren has seen the atrocities that his brother caused when out under orders as the Beast Titan? 

The answer is yes. 

Although they said that it’ll take some time for the memories to sink in (if they do at all), Eren seems to have more or less have gotten it all. The cruelties that the Warriors committed under orders, the sheer amount of destruction they caused, the loss of so many comrades…

All things Eren expects to have to shoulder himself when he is sent on missions. It’s not that horrifying. He’s learned of worse things during lectures. 

_ “I leave the future in your hands, Silver Bullet.” _

“Eren?” Zeke asks anxiously.

“I’m fine,” Eren forces himself to say. Just to shut Zeke up.

His brother doesn’t seem comforted at all. Eren honestly doesn’t care.

*

The previous Attack Titan sits at a round table in a small cottage that Eren has never been to before. 

“What is this?” Eren asks him. The last thing he remembers is Reiner’s arms around him before he fell asleep. Is this a dream? That makes the most logical sense.

“Paths,” the previous Attack Titan says.

What the hell does that even mean? Eren asks again, but the previous Attack Titan just shrugs in answer. They’re getting nowhere. It’s annoying as hell, but Eren doesn’t know how long this will last. He needs to take advantage of it.

“What did you mean about me killing god?”

The previous Attack Titan laughs. “That’s what you focused on? It’s nothing. Your brother mentioned it once. That you wanted to kill god or whatever.”

“Zeke did?” 

That can’t be. Eren never mentioned anything about wanting to kill god to any adults. The only ones who should know are Marcel and Reiner. Any other time Eren tried to mention it, Marcel always derailed the conversation so that Eren could never say it. So how could Zeke know about it?

“Surprised that your brother actually pays attention to you?”

Eren feels his cheeks heat up. Damn it. Why is he rising to the bait like this?

“If you’re just here to talk about Zeke, I’m leaving.”

“No, no. Don’t do that. I don’t know if I’ll be able to talk to you again if you leave now.”

“Why do you need to talk to me anyways?” Eren grumbles.

The previous Attack Titan raises his brow. “Oh? You’re far more honest like this, aren’t you? Haha! Despite hating your brother so much, aren’t you the exact image of him? Neither of you show your true selves in front of Marley soldiers.”

Eren honestly can’t stand this man. He turns to leave, but the previous Attack Titan calls out to him.

“I lied. You get to face god. I’ve seen it.”

When Eren turns to glare at the man, he just grins cheekily.

“If you want to know more, sit down. Let’s talk a bit, Attack Titan to Attack Titan.”

*

“What do you know about the Attack Titan?”

Eren doesn’t have to think to answer. “It’s the most powerful Titan in Marley’s control. It has a diverse utility, but its main role is to be the spear that splits the enemy.”

“How boring,” the previous Attack Titan sighs. “You seriously just cited the textbook at me.”

“Then what did you want to hear?”

The previous Attack Titan stares at Eren for a bit. “Can you really kill god with such little creativity?”

Eren can’t figure this man out. Is he here to offer help? Or is he just going to bitch at Eren the entire time?

“Hey, have you seen my memories?”

“Yes.”

The previous Attack Titan seems to pause for a second as if he didn’t expect that. He rubs the back of his neck, looking awkward all of a sudden.

“So you’ve seen my beloved, huh?”

If he means the Marley woman he loved, then yes. Eren has seen her. 

The two of them loved each other dearly, even Eren could see that from the memory. But the previous Attack Titan was just an honorary Marleyan. Worse still, he was a Titan monster who left for long periods of time on missions. When he returned one day to their shared apartment, he found her hanging by the neck from the living room fan. He pointed out that she had been beaten and tortured before being hung in that room for multiple days, but it was ruled as a suicide.

That’s when the “madness” began.

Although that’s the word that the higher ups used, it’s clear to Eren that it’s just suicidal urges. Is it really madness to want to die after your beloved had been so horribly mangled before being put to death? It’s the same thing Eren’s dad did. Except the difference is that Grisha was a normal human so when he killed himself, he stayed dead.

“Then you should understand where I’m coming from. The Attack Titan - hell, any of the Titans - isn’t something those filthy Marleyans should touch. Just because of something that happened hundreds of years ago, we have to consent to being less than dogs? Why? We are powerful! We have all the cards! Why the hell do we have to obey?”

The previous Attack Titan grips his head in his hands, nails digging into his scalp. If he could, he might try to rip it out. Eren wonders if that would actually hurt in this dream.

“No, I don’t understand.”

There’s a small pause as the previous Attack Titan slowly releases his head. Small lines of steam signal that yes, he must have drawn blood when he dug his nails in. But he doesn’t make any movement like he’s hurt by it. Has he become numb to pain? Or is that just how it is in this dream?

After a pause, the previous Attack Titan lets out a mocking laugh and sneers.

“Too young to get it, huh? Or is it that you’ve already been brainwashed by what the Marleyans say? Do you believe in their ideology? That we deserve to suffer? This is just payment for a time that no one even remembers anymore? What the hell has Zeke been teaching you?”

For now, Eren decides to ignore the quip at Zeke.

“As you’ve said, the power of the Titans is powerful. It’s something akin to a god’s. And with this power firmly in your grasp, you chose to massacre people. You chose to obey Marley’s orders. Instead of trying to make a difference, you made the decision to do nothing at all.”

Eren leans back in his chair, crossing his arms in front of himself.

“So no, I don’t understand. I can never understand that kind of pathetic whines.”

Realization flashes in the previous Attack Titan’s eyes. He opens his mouth but is unable to speak. Wordlessly, he closes it. There’s a glint in his eyes as he stares at Eren that might have been unnerving if this was reality.

But right now, Eren is comforted by the thought that this is a dream. He has nothing to fear. Nothing to hide. 

No need to be lukewarm.

“As a Titan, you already know where our weakness is. You had plenty of chances to kill yourself, if that was really your goal. Instead, you just sat around and moped and pretended to be ‘mad.’ Am I supposed to pity you? Congratulate you? Ah, I suppose I should thank you for your cowardice in defying Marley, because if not for that, I wouldn’t have the Attack Titan.”

The previous Attack Titan finally seems to have collected himself. Because he…

He starts laughing.

“Hahahaha! What the hell? I thought you were just a brat, but aren’t you just perfect? Yeah, I get it. It has to be you.”

The previous Attack Titan stands up and walks around the round table. Sensing a fight, Eren quickly get to his feet. Just in time to turn to meet the man standing. But it doesn’t seem like the previous Attack Titan has any ill will. He’s grinning widely like he’s seen something delightful.

“It’s you,” he says, tapping Eren’s chest with his forefinger. “I, and every other Attack Titans before me, suffered so that you can inherit this Titan. We endured and we went mad, all for the sake of you.”

Is this man trying to blame it all on Eren now? But that doesn’t seem right. The previous Attack Titan actually sound like he’s excited. Like everything is finally clicking into place.

“That’s why you are not allowed to burn out. You are not allowed to run away. You will be the Silver Bullet that pierce the Marley and the heavens. Rage. Fight. Kill. Don’t you dare let anything stop you. Make them all hear your roar.”

The previous Attack Titan clenches his hand into a fist and places it against Eren’s heart.

“And no matter what, don’t you dare hesitate when you kill god. If you do, you’ll lose everything.”

*

Eren jerks awake.

He can hear the birds chirp outside. The sun is slowly coming up, dipping the world in a faint rosy blush. Reiner must have gotten cold during the night, because he has stolen all the blankets and the pillows again. Eren carefully maneuver off of the bed without disturbing him.

The place that the previous Attack Titan touched in his dream feels warm. Almost like he has inherited the flames of that man’s life.

Eren shudders at the thought.

He makes his way down to the kitchen, making sure to avoid the squeaky floorboards. No need to accidentally wake anyone else. He’ll just get a quick drink of water and try to wrestle his blanket back from Reiner.

“Oh, Eren? You couldn’t sleep?”

What rotten luck. Zeke is in the kitchen with what looks to be paperwork. What’s he doing that in the kitchen instead of his own room? Eren doesn’t mean to scowl, but he doesn’t feel like being lukewarm when he just want some water.

“Why are you here?” he grumbles.

Zeke surprises him by beaming. “Are you taking interest in your brother? I’m so happy!”

How does this man so naturally make people want to punch him? Eren ignores him and makes a beeline for the sink. 

“Eren, are you really okay with living for 13 more years?”

What’s with this question? Isn’t it too late to ask that now?

“I… wanted you to live a long life. Grow old and have grandkids. Maybe even grand-grandkids.”

Anger flares in Eren’s chest. The spot where the previous Attack Titan touched… His heart seems to burn. Has he always felt this intense of an anger whenever he talked to his brother? He feels like this isn’t how he normally is. This isn’t how much anger he typically feels, right? Or maybe it's just that he doesn't recall because he hasn't talked to his brother like this in ages?

“I see, so in your world, living a long life means trying to drown your beloved brother in the bath water?”

Zeke’s mouth closes with a snap. Eren doesn’t want to see the look of absolute hurt and guilt on his face. But it’s too late. He’s seen it. And he fears that that image will be burned into his mind.

Without getting his drink of water, Eren turns to leave.

“I wanted to save you. Even if it means the rest of the world burns, I want to save you. That hasn’t changed, Eren. Please believe me.”

“And I haven’t changed my mind. Before your 13 years are up, I will kill you.”

*

Eren yanks a pillow out of Reiner’s grasp. The force of it seems to have woken Reiner somewhat, he tiredly asks if everything’s okay.

Okay?

He doesn’t know.

The smoldering anger in his chest doesn’t seem to want to go out. He feels like he’s going to suffocate. Like he’s going to explode. Like he won’t ever be able to be lukewarm again.

Clutching to that pillow, Eren curls up in the corner of the room. He doesn’t trust himself near anyone right now. 

_ “Hey kiddo, you're going to go mad.” _

The previous Attack Titan’s words echo mockingly in his head.


	4. The war that never ends still wages on today

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many things I want to explore with this world. I sincerely hope I get the chance to do so without forgetting anything.
> 
> Warnings: Off-handed amputation, typical canon-level violence, war, implied Bertolt's crush on Annie, and major character death

“What the hell were you thinking, Hoover?!”

Bertolt flinches as the superior officer yells, face red in anger. He feels himself shake. Embarrassingly, his eyes begin to water as well. Why does military superiors always have to yell? He knows he messed up. He is repenting. But if they keep yelling at him like this then-

“Because of your indecision, we almost lost the Attack Titan. Do you understand that?”

There’s a lump in his throat that seems to have multiplied in size. What he wants to say in his own defense can’t seem to get around it. His chest squeezes painfully. 

Probably because of his lack of response, the officer sighs.  

“Think carefully about your position as the Colossal Titan.”

With that, Bertolt is finally dismissed.

*

In the months following their inheritance, the superior officers kept them busy by running vigorous tests to find their limits. Whatever it was that the officers found must have been good, though. Because as soon as those tests were over, they were dragged straight into battle.

For Bertolt, this is true hell.

The countless drills they’ve ran cannot have prepared him for war. The senselessness of death. The sheer amount of destruction. The grave injuries his fellow comrades (“Family,” Reiner’s voice insists in his mind) received due to his own inability. 

Rather than having to go through this day in and day out, he would much prefer to exchange places with Colt or Porco. This is, of course, is something he can never say in anyone's presence, in fear that they would misunderstand his intentions.

“Bertl! Did they finish yelling at you?” Reiner asks when he spots Bertolt in the hall.

“Ah… y-yeah…”

Reiner smacks Bertolt’s back. “Straighten up! C’mon, man! So what if you got yelled at a bit? It’s nothing to be upset about!”

“But… I hesitated to kill the enemy. Because of that, Eren got shot.”

The cannon had been in front of him, too. But because Bertolt saw the expression on the enemy’s face, he hesitated. And in that second, that person had fired the cannon, blowing off Eren’s Attack Titan’s face. If that cannon’s aim had been a little to the side, then it could’ve hit Eren’s nape instead. To make sure that the Attack Titan wouldn’t remain vulnerable, Marcel had used his Jaw Titan to rip Eren out from the nape and retreated.

Luckily, the Beast Titan was able to decimate the enemy so the mission itself wasn’t a failure. But the fact that the Attack Titan is out of commission is a huge blow to their military might. Especially when this mission was supposed to have been an easy one.

Reiner can’t seem to come up with a reassuring reply. He rubs the back of his neck, looking like he’s thinking really hard for something good to say.

“Well,” he says finally, “at least it was Eren, our fastest healer.”

Bertolt doesn’t feel comforted at all.

“Is he still in the building? I want to visit him.”

Reiner nods. “Y-yeah. Let’s go together.”

*

They placed Eren in one of the empty classroom for the Warriors, possibly because none of the Titans actually need treatment. Not to mention, Eren probably refused to go home to the clinic.

When Bertolt and Reiner get close enough to the door, it slams open. An angry Marcel seethes as he marches out. He doesn’t seem to have noticed the two of them and leaves the building without a glance back. Few seconds after, Porco runs out after him. There’s a small pause when he notices the two of them. But he seems to decide that his brother is more important because he runs after Marcel, yelling at him to stop.

Reiner and Bertolt exchange a glance before walking through the door.

The room was clearly used as a storage area before this. They managed to squeeze in a couch, where Eren is resting. But the rest of the room is filled with boxes and boxes of who knows what. If Zeke ever sees this place, he’d probably throw a fit and try to drag his little brother back home. But as things are, Bertolt gets the feeling that this is a secret from Zeke until Eren’s fully healed.

Colt stands near the furthest corner of the room, almost as if he’s trying to disappear. Pieck is nervously fidgeting, which is unusual enough. Eren is missing his red scarf. And isn’t that hilarious that Bertolt notices the missing scarf first and not the missing limbs? Did Marcel get careless when he ripped Eren out of the Attack Titan? That’s the only thing Bertolt can think of that would cause those wounds.

There’s a thick tension in the room that makes Bertolt anxious. Just what happened? They’re used to Porco and Eren fighting. But for Marcel to storm out, looking that angry? These two obviously fought. But for what reasons?

“H-hi,” Bertolt says. He winces at how croaky his voice sounds and tries clearing his throat. “I-is everything okay?”

“Fine. Just peachy,” Eren growls.

He doesn’t sound fine or peachy. Bertolt feels sweat trickle down his spine.

“E-Eren, I uh… I’m really sorry.”

That seems to cool off Eren’s temper. He turns sharply towards Bertolt, looking more confused than angry. 

“For what?”

Bertolt tugs at the collar of his shirt. “F-for getting you shot. I should’ve taken out that cannon. But I hesitated.”

Eren slowly breaths out, and it seems to have helped calm him down. When he looks back at Bertolt, it’s with a loose grin.

“It’s fine. I should’ve been more aware of my surroundings. I had plenty of time to dodge it, but I was overconfident. Sorry about that. You probably got scolded badly because of me, right?”

Scolded badly doesn’t even begin to describe it. There was Zeke’s tongue-lashing, Porco’s angry shove, and even Annie’s kick. The superior officer’s lecture was terrifying, but compared to Annie’s cold glare, it really wasn’t all that bad. It just so happened that the lecture happened at the end of all the other Titans’ wrath, which is the only reason why Bertolt wanted to cry.

“I feel really bad, though. You could’ve died.”

“But I didn’t. Besides, it’s better that it hit me instead of anyone else. I heal faster than all of you combined.”

Colt and Pieck still look like they’re not quite over whatever it is that happened. Bertolt wonders if he should ask. As he’s contemplating this, Reiner sits down on the ground next to the couch and pokes at Eren’s missing limbs.

“How are you going to do daily things with your arms and legs gone?”

Eren shrugs. “It’ll just be a few hours to heal.”

“O-oh, but you won’t be able to eat these apple tarts!” Colt says. He rushes over with a small basket filled with little goodies.

“I still have a mouth,” Eren reminds them.

Reiner picks one of the tart from the basket, looking like he’s going to feed Eren. Immediately, Eren opens his mouth for the treat. But instead of feeding him like a good person, Reiner bites into it himself.

“Yum! This is delicious!”

“W-whua…? I thought you were going to feed me!” Eren exclaims.

“Eat it yourself. You have a mouth, don’t you?” Reiner teases.

Eren’s cheeks flush red. “That's mean! You spend way too much time with Porco!”

But this kind of silly banter seems to be just what they needed. Both Colt and Pieck look more at ease as they laugh and tease Eren. Bertolt takes pity and picks up a tart to hold up to Eren’s mouth.

“My savior!” Eren cheers.

He bites into it, looking quite happy.

It’s not much, but Bertolt decides that at least until Eren’s limbs are back to normal, he can help out like this.

“Oh, you guys already started?” Annie asks as she walks in. She has a bag in her hands that Bertolt guesses is filled with more sweets or drinks.

“Welcome to our humble party,” Eren greets her with his mouth filled with tart.

Annie gives her a disgusted look. “Don’t talk with your mouth full. Hm? Where’s Porco and Marcel?”

Eren scowls, which is apparently all Annie needs to deduce what happened. She sighs and passes her bag to Pieck. Pieck accepts it and begins to take out bottles of juice for everyone. Bertolt makes sure to grab an apple juice for Eren.

“Stop fighting with Porco. His self-esteem is low enough without you smashing it,” Annie tells Eren.

“Then why don’t you let him win during hand-to-hand?” Eren grumbles.

“That’s different.”

But Annie doesn’t explain how it’s different.

“I didn’t fight with Porco.”

Both Pieck and Colt look like they don’t want to talk about this. They try to steer the conversation away from the topic, but Annie brings it right back.

“You fought with Marcel?”

Eren’s scowl deepens. “He ripped my scarf.”

“You fought with Marcel over that raggedy thing?”

Bertolt winces. He quickly holds the juice to Eren to try and distract him. It, of course, doesn’t work.

“It doesn’t matter how raggedy it looks. It’s my scarf, Annie. My mom made that for me!”

“B-but Marcel was just really worried about you. He was trying to save you at the time when it ripped. Can’t you just forgive him?” Colt blurts out.

Eren gives him a glare, which immediately shuts him up. Pieck consolingly rubs Colt’s back.

“It’s just a scarf, Eren. If it bothers you that much, just ask your mom to make you another one!”

Annie must have realized that she shouldn’t have said that halfway through. Because her eyes are glued on the livid expression on Eren’s face.

And now that Bertolt thinks about it, have they ever talked about Eren’s parents? They talk about Eren’s grandparents and his older brother. But his parents? 

“I want to be alone. All of you, leave.”

*

Few seconds after they close the door, they hear the muffled screaming from the other side. 

It’s not something that Bertolt has noticed for the first time. But recently, Eren’s been a lot more expressive. In fact, just last week when Bertolt was over for dinner, Eren casually remarked that he loved the omelette his grandma made, causing her to burst into tears. And even when there’s a Marley soldier nearby, Eren no longer takes on the blank, doll-like expressions like he used to. 

Bertolt is still trying to figure out if this is a good thing as they listen to the muffled screams.

“His mom’s dead, isn’t she?” Annie asks, rubbing her brows.

“Yeah. Both of his parents are dead,” Reiner informs them.

Bertolt wants to know how Reiner knew that but also realizes that, of course, Reiner knows. The two live together. Later, he’s going to grill Reiner on just how much he knows, why he knows them, and why he never shared with the rest of the group. Don’t get Bertolt wrong. He understands that there should be some things that are kept secret. But he doesn’t want secrets like these that can explode later into weapons that can hurt everyone.

“How was I supposed to know that?” Annie growls. She looks a second away from knocking down the door.

Pieck stops her. “No one’s blaming you. We’re all just tense from the battle. Let’s just go home and cool down.”

*

Reiner stops in the middle of walking back to the internment zone.

“I left my bag,” he lies.

Without waiting for an answer, he runs back towards the building. They all stare at him for a second longer before sighing.

“Good thing Eren doesn’t have limbs to beat him with,” Colt says lightly.

Bertolt can’t believe he actually finds that funny.

*

“Is… everything okay, Bertolt?”

“Hm? Yeah. Everything’s fine. Why do you ask?” Bertolt asks his mom, who is standing worriedly by the door of his room.

“Why are you going through your winter clothes? Are you cold?”

Bertolt glances around his now messy room, thanks to his carelessness in going through the boxes of winter clothing. He better put all of these back before leaving tomorrow.

“N-no. Not cold. Just… Mom, do we have a red scarf?”

His mom raises a brow. “A red one? Like the one that your friend wears?”

“Yeah. His got ripped. So I thought maybe he might feel cold without anything.”

No, it’s not because Bertolt finds it awkward to see Eren without a scarf, okay? And it most definitely has nothing to do with the fact that Bertolt is still feeling guilty. Because although Marcel might have been the one to rip that scarf, it’s Bertolt who put Marcel into that position in the first place by not getting rid of the cannon fast enough.

“I don’t think it’s red, but we have some scarves you can take him.”

“Thank you!”

*

“Your limbs still haven’t healed?” Bertolt asks in disbelief when they go to meet Eren in the morning.

Eren’s cheeks are red in embarrassment. “I-I don’t know why. I’m usually faster than this.”

“I made sure he ate everything, too,” Reiner reports with a frown. “Maybe it’s because they were all sweets?”

Pieck opens her mouth and then quickly closes it. Annie notices it, though.

“If you’ve got something to say, just say it.”

“It… could be because you’re guilty,” Pieck says slowly. “Maybe once you and Marcel make up, you’ll be able to heal again.”

“Alright. I’ll drag him here,” Annie decides. 

“W-wait! We have to meet up with the superior officers first and report in, remember?” Bertolt reminds them.

“I’ll be fine here. You guys go report in,” Eren tells them.

It’s clear that Annie especially doesn’t like this, but they are Warriors of Marley. If they don’t report in as they should, they can easily be dismissed. Losing each other is the last thing they need right now.

Before he leaves, though, Bertolt makes sure to wrap the brown scarf his mom was able to find around Eren’s bare neck. It’s brown with some strange symbols on it (“It’s the yggdrasil tree,” his mom told him while laughing when he asked). But he thinks it’s better than having Eren’s neck be bare.

“U-uh…? T-thank you?” Eren asks more so than states.

Bertolt smiles. “You looked cold.”

When he turns to leave, he sees the judgement on the others’ faces. He’s not sure why. Isn’t it natural to make sure that your family is safe and secure?

*

“As soon as the Attack Titan heals, we’ll be going forth with our plans to claim the Founding Titan.”

Bertolt feels his back tense.

So it’s all moving as Marcel predicted. He glances at Marcel, who keeps his gaze coldly forward. Does the fight between himself and Eren still bother him? Bertolt would like to think so, since Marcel’s usual calming smile is nowhere to be seen.

“Where is Eren anyways?” Zeke asks the younger Warriors. There’s something cold in his eyes that makes Bertolt sweat. Is he still angry about the cannon fire? Or is this about the fact that Eren didn’t go home last night?

“He’s still healing,” Pieck offers.

Zeke’s lips press into a thin line. 

The Marley soldier in the room snorts. “Still healing? Jeesh, isn’t he supposed to be the fastest out of all of you?”

“With all due respect, sir, I ripped off his arms and legs. According to the nurses, that kind of damage typically takes a few days to heal,” Marcel says.

His tone is neutral. There’s no hint of the fight he had with Eren in his voice. It’s because there’s no sign that everyone looks even more tense. Just a little, Bertolt wishes that Porco (and Colt) are both in the room so they can judge exactly how Marcel is feeling by gauging Porco’s reactions. But this is a meeting for the Titans and the superior officers for the future. There’s no room for those two.

Zeke’s eyes are on Marcel with an unreadable expression. Bertolt won’t be shocked if he was quietly promising something tortuous for Marcel in his head. Sometimes, Bertolt can’t help but to sympathize with Eren’s obvious irritation with his older brother. This kind of doting is definitely way too much!

“I guess that gives you guys few days to rest up. We’re going to send a team of three. Pick among yourselves who to send.”

“Sir, can it be a team of four?” Marcel asks.

The soldier raises a brow. “You want us to risk sending away that many Titans? Have you forgotten that we can be pulled into a war any second, Galliard?”

“The most logical choice for this mission is four people. The Armored Titan to knock down their Walls, the Colossal Titan to match their Titans hidden in the Walls, the Attack Titan and myself to switch off getting Armored and Colossal to those Walls as well as providing back-up support against those Colossal Titans.”

What a clinical answer. 

But they all know that this is something that Marcel has been planning and re-planning since they became Titans. They have all been clued in on these plans. At this point, it’s just Marcel reciting something he has carefully constructed.

“I disagree. The Female Titan can do just as much damage as the Attack Titan,” Zeke says sharply. “If we are allowing four to go, then it should be Annie, who is rational.”

Marcel surprises them by nodding. “That is correct.”

It seems that their fight was really bad. To think a time will come when Marcel will agree to not have Eren on his team when he has the choice. It’s one thing when the instructors assign them teams. But everyone knows that Eren and Marcel work best together.

“But the best results are always given when the Jaw Titan and the Attack Titan work together. I don’t think that should be discredited,” Marcel continues.

“S-sir, i-it would be improper to have one girl with three other guys,” Bertolt stammers. “So it makes more sense to take the Attack Titan.”

Annie’s eyes are glaring holes into him. Oh god. He shouldn’t have said that. Because it’s not just Annie, it’s also Zeke who’s glaring at him.

“If it’s Eren and I, even if we don’t have the Colossal Titan or the Armored Titan, we’ll be able to produce the results,” Marcel states.

The soldier sighs. “I’ll let the Generals know. You guys keep talking and figure things out. Dismissed.”

*

Annie grabs Marcel by the front of his shirt and drags him off. 

“Wait, we’re not done talk-”

They ignore Zeke and run after Annie.

*

“Stupid! Idiot! Worthless!”

With every insult she grits out, Annie kicks Marcel again and again. Marcel is covered in steam, signifying that he’s healing himself as fast as Annie can kick him. He doesn’t fight back (Not that any of them can win against Annie, especially when she’s angry like this). 

“Okay, that’s enough,” Zeke, who must have followed them to the back of the building, scolds.

Annie kicks Marcel one last time before taking a step back.

“I understand that you’re upset, but there’s no need to take it out on Marcel.”

That sounds reasonable enough. But Bertolt gets the feeling that Annie isn’t lashing out about their plans to take the Founding Titan.

“Now, let’s go over this again. You are not taking Eren to the Island of Paradis.”

“With all due respect, sir, that’s up to Eren to decide,” Reiner says.

Zeke doesn’t look happy about that. “He’s healing right now. It’ll be better that we take care of this while he’s out of commission-”

“It has to be Eren,” Marcel grits out. 

“We’re not talking about personal feelings. You are not taking Eren into the unknown-”

“But aren’t you the most emotional out of us right now?” Marcel stands up, wiping his mouth clean of any remaining blood. “It has to be Eren. If I’m with him, then there’s nothing we can’t do. Unknown enemy territory? An army of Colossal Titans? An entire civilization that we have to wipe out? We can do it. The two of us together will change this world.”

Zeke doesn’t look happy at all. But Bertolt doubts he’d be able to convince Marcel or Eren or any of them otherwise. They're all a little hard-headed like that.

Marcel takes a deep breath, seemingly coming to a conclusion. He nods seriously to something that they cannot hear.

“Please excuse me. I need to talk to my partner.”

Almost clumsily (as if he’s too excited that he forgot how to walk), Marcel runs.

They follow after him.

*

Zeke makes a strangled sound when they all bolt for the empty classroom. Bertolt realizes belatedly that they probably should have distracted him, but this is more important. It’s clear that they all want to see the conclusion of this fight, even if they’re not all completely sure what happened.

They arrive in time to see Marcel kneel before the couch that Eren’s on. Eren looks at Marcel and then at them in confusion and disbelief. Before he can speak, though, Marcel puts his forehead on the ground.

“I’m sorry! That scarf is very important to you. I knew that, but I still disregarded your feelings when you tried to bring my attention to it.”

Marcel looks up so that their eyes meet. Bertolt can’t help but to feel that this is possibly the first time they’ve seen Marcel look this desperately sincere.

“But Eren, I haven’t forgotten. Even if there isn’t a physical representation of your resolve or our promise, our goal won’t disappear. I know we haven’t talked about it in a while, but I’ve always been planning. If you don’t forgive me, I… won’t know what to do with myself.”

Eren lowers his head to hide his face in the brown scarf, but he can’t hide the his reddening ears. Bertolt relaxes, knowing that things will be fine between these two.

“I… was terrified. I thought that maybe I was the only one who was clinging onto that goal. That maybe you’ve already forgotten all about it. But… you never gave up on that childish hopes of ours, huh?”

They look sweet like this. Bertolt is really glad that he grabbed that brown scarf. Even though it’s not the right color, he feels like it isn’t right if Eren doesn’t have a scarf.

“Eren, they want us to invade Paradis Island and claim the Founding Titan,” Marcel says.

There’s a small pause before Eren looks up, confident grin on his face.

“Then we can’t disappoint.”

*

“No!” Zeke all but yells. “No, no, no! I cannot allow you to go to that island!”

Bertolt wonders if he’s the only one concerned that Zeke is yelling at the top of his lungs about this while the rest of them have more or less settled into the empty classroom. They don’t have any more snacks from yesterday (Bertolt has a mental image of Eren cursing Reiner for feeding him nothing but sweets), but there’s still some juice left.

“Depending on exactly what their defense mechanisms are, this mission can stretch into months,” Marcel explains to them. 

He’s sitting next to Eren, who finally has both his legs back (His hands are slower, but Bertolt gets the feeling that might be because Marcel is helping him drink his juice). The rest of them are leaning against the boxes, listening carefully while offering their own insights.

“If that’s the case, then doesn’t it make more sense to take me?” Pieck points out.

Marcel smiles apologetically. “It does, but only if the mission does stretch that long. Besides, if it gets that long, I fear what Porco might try to do.”

Pieck nods in understanding.

“Are you sure just the four of you is enough?” Annie asks. She has her arms crossed in front of herself, but she seems to be gripping her arm extremely tightly. 

“T-that’s right! You should at least let me go.” Zeke seems to have finally realized that he’s being ignored. This time, he tries to interject into the conversation.

“I doubt the higher ups will let you,” Eren points out. “To be honest, I’d feel more confident going with just Marcel and me.”

Bertolt looks down at the ground. He knows, okay? He’s useless compared to them. Especially after his mistake costed Eren his legs and arms. If that happened on enemy territory, they’re good as dead.

“But our Titans won’t be able to deal with the Walls like Colossal and Armored can. Not to mention, I’d feel safer having a reliable sniper like Bertolt and steadfast Reiner.”

That’s… not a joke, right? Eren really does mean that?

When Bertolt looks back up, Eren gives him a grin.

“Given our skill sets, I think this is the best possible team for this mission.”

*

With Marcel and Eren teamed up, it’s only a matter of time before the higher ups agree.

The next few days are a flurry of participating in a parade, packing up, and saying goodbyes.

“It’s going to be strangely quiet without you guys,” Pieck says softly.

They’re gathered together at the Galliards for a small party before they depart tomorrow. The parents and guardians are talking together in the living room, so the rest of them escaped to Marcel’s and Porco’s shared room for one last briefing.

“You make it sound like they’re going away forever,” Porco grouches.

Pieck side-eyes Porco before grinning widely. “Oh, poor Pock! You’re going to be so lonely all by yourself!”

“Shut up! I keep telling you to stop calling me that!”

Reiner bumps Bertolt’s shoulder and makes a small motion towards Annie. She’s standing near the door, not making any eye contact. She has an empty cup in her hand.

“If you don’t talk to her now, you’ll regret it,” Reiner says lightly.

He presses a cup of orange juice into Bertolt’s hand and gives him a push. Bertolt stumbles a bit before quickly catching himself. Everyone seems to be more or less distracted. Colt is engaged in what looks to be an exciting conversation with Eren and Marcel, Pieck is mercilessly teasing Porco, and Reiner gives him a thumbs up before going to join Colt and the others.

This is his chance.

Taking a deep breath, Bertolt makes his way to Annie’s side.

“H-here,” he stammers, offering the juice.

Annie looks surprised, but it doesn’t look like she wants him gone. She accepts it with a simple thank you.

“Well… uh…” 

Bertolt glances around the room. Reiner meets his eyes and makes a motion towards Annie. Look, he’s trying his best, okay?

“It’s… kind of surreal, huh?”

Bertolt wants to smash his face in. What the hell does that even mean? Why would he say that? Why couldn’t he have said something more normal?

“Yeah, it is,” Annie says, taking a sip of the juice.

It completely silences the doubt in Bertolt’s head. 

“It’s scary. But I think this will be a success.”

“Of course. We haven’t failed a mission.”

Why is it so hard to come up with something to say? Was it always this difficult to speak? Or is this because it’s Annie?

“Hey Bertort,” Annie says, finally glancing at him. “Be careful.”

“O-of course!” Bertolt nods enthused. He can feel his cheeks flush. Annie told him to be careful!

“Not just against the devils but also of them.”

She nods towards Marcel and Eren, who have now been joined by Porco. Porco and Eren must be arguing, because Marcel is laughing at them merrily. Pieck throws her arms around Eren, laughing all the while, which makes Porco snap at her. Colt laughs as Reiner says something teasing to Porco, whose face flushes red.

“H-huh? W-what do you…?”

Annie shakes his head. “No, it’s nothing. I’m probably overthinking it.”

“But if it’s something that bothers you, you should share it. That’s what Eren always says.”

Annie purses her lips. Is it that hard to trust Bertolt? He feels a little sad at the thought, but he understands. It’s not like they are particularly close in the first place. 

“If something happens to one of them, I doubt the other will be able to stay sane.”

But isn’t that for everyone? If any one of them is injured, everyone will be frantic. When Bertolt says that, Annie lets out a soft sigh before allowing herself to smile a little.

“That’s true. As I’ve said, I’m probably overthinking it. You guys will be fine.”

Bertolt feels like he’s been given wings. Like if he were to start walking now, he’d start skipping away. Like if he were to jump now, he’d fly all the way to the moon.

“W-when I come back… t-there’s something I want to tell you.”

Annie looks at him curiously. “Come back quick then. I’m not a patient person.”

*

“Ah, before we forget,” Pieck says. 

She motions at Colt who takes out four small packages that’s been hastily wrapped. The two give one to Marcel, Eren, Bertolt, and Reiner. Porco and Annie stay silent, both looking somewhat bashful.

“It’s our gift to you!”

Marcel moves to unwrap his package first. Seeing that, the others do, too. Bracelets. Inside each package is a bracelet that they must have painstakingly made by braiding different colored threads together. 

Bertolt’s eyes feel strangely hot.

Pieck holds up her wrist with a grin. Colt has a sheepish smile as he holds up his own. Annie’s expression is stiff, but it looks more like she’s struggling to keep a straight face. Porco’s face is beet red as if he’s terribly embarrassed by this. All of them have bracelets, too.

“Even if we’re apart, we’re still Warriors together,” Pieck says. “So come home safely.”

*

“I’m still against it!” is Zeke’s greeting when they’re getting ready to board the ship come morning.

Eren looks like he’s a second away from snapping at his older brother. But seeing that the higher ups are here, that’s probably a bad idea. Bertolt quickly thinks about what he should do. If Eren decides to lunge for his brother’s neck, should he just casually step forward to stop him? What should he say? Or should he not say anything at all? Reiner once stopped Eren by pulling on his scarf. Should Bertolt risk it?

Marcel taps Eren’s shoulder and whispers something in his ear. Although Eren looks like he’s regretting a lot of things, he pulls down the brown scarf that Bertolt got him and smiles sweetly at his older brother.

“But Big Brother, who else but you can come rescue me if I’m in trouble?”

Bertolt doesn’t think he’s the only one caught off-guard by the sudden cutesy-ness that Eren is displaying. To be honest, it’s quite terrifying. If he didn’t know who Eren is as a person, he might actually have fallen for it.

“Eren!” Zeke yells. He pulls his little brother into a tight embrace. “I’ll come save you! You just yell out, and I’ll be right there!”

It seems that Zeke has completely fallen for it. 

Bertolt wisely decides to look away from the annoyed glare Eren shoots Marcel.

“Be safe,” Bertolt’s own parents tell him with tears in their eyes. 

It looks like there’s more that they want to say. There’s more that Bertolt wants to say, too. But there are Marley soldiers everywhere, so he doesn’t dare. He assumes it’s the same for his parents.

“Please make me my favorite meal when I get back,” Bertolt tells them.

Colt squeezes Bertolt’s shoulder and gives him a nervous smile. “Don’t hesitate,” he says.

“I won’t.”

He glances around and spots Porco offering his hand for a shake to Eren. Eren ignores the hand and pulls him into a hug instead. Porco’s face flushes red, but he doesn’t seem to protest.

“Bring your stupid White Knight home safely, Princess.”

Pieck holds Reiner tightly in her arms, possibly whispering their goodbyes, too. But there’s no sign of Annie. 

Bertolt wonders if maybe he raised his own expectations too high. He thought for sure that Annie would be here. Perhaps she’s just running late? But even Annie’s dad is here.

“Hey Bertl, we have to start boarding!”

“Coming!”

*

“Now then, let’s revisit our plans.”

Marcel looks serious as the four of them crowd together around the map they’ve been given.

“The truth of the matter is, I actually think it’ll take us longer than a month to pull this off.”

“W-why didn’t you mention this earlier?” Bertolt exclaims.

Marcel taps the map. “Because otherwise, the others wouldn’t have let us go.”

Reiner glances at Bertolt. The two silently try to understand why Marcel is suddenly revealing this to them now. Eren, though, looks like he has full trust in Marcel’s plans. What is that like? To be able to trust someone completely like that? Even if they're family and they have fought for a long time together (five years now, isn't it?), there are times when Bertolt still feels like he doesn't know everyone well enough. But these two always…

“The initial part of the plan hasn’t changed. It’s just that we have too little information in regards to those inside the Walls. After we destroy the outermost Wall, we should sneak inside and blend in for a bit to get information.”

“Why can’t we just attack whatever looks like a castle?” Reiner asks.

Marcel makes a face. “And if the royal family doesn’t live in a castle? We would waste too much time attacking randomly in order to find the one with the Founding Titan’s power. Not to mention that kind of indiscriminate attack might end up with us killing the Titan and losing it.”

That is pretty solid. But Bertolt absolutely hates that they will have to be spending more time on that island than previously planned. Made worse by the fact that if they’re infiltrating to get information, that means that they’ll be forced to interact with the devils on that island.

“I thought you were being suspicious.”

They flinch at the sound of Annie’s voice. She steps out from the shadows of the room, glaring at Marcel with a deep-set frown.

“A-Annie?!”

She doesn’t seem all that bothered by their shock. But she does take the time to explain why she’s on the boat.

“I asked Zeke if he’s really okay with Eren going on this journey with bunch of unruly guys.”

It takes a second for that to sink in.

Then Eren puts his head in his hands and groans. “Of all the…! Damn him!”

“And…”

Annie lightly kicks Reiner so that he moves so she can sit next to Eren. But instead of sitting, she reaches over and yanks off Eeren’s brown scarf. With zero regards to how they’re all feeling, she then takes out a bright red scarf from inside of her jacket pocket and wraps it around Eren. 

Bertolt stares at the discarded scarf on the ground. He wonders why he strangely feels like he can relate to it.

“I patched it up, so it probably feels different. But red suits you more.”

Eren touches the scarf gingerly. His eyes are beginning to water as he breathlessly whispers, “T-thank you.”

Annie nods and finally sits down. She points at the map. 

“So what’s the plan,  _ dear  _ Marcel? Or are you going to hide that from us until it’s too late to turn back?”

Marcel looks annoyed, but his gaze softens at the sight of the red scarf. And Bertolt gets it, he really does. The red scarf looks the best on Eren. But are they just going to ignore the fact that Annie threw Bertolt’s scarf (and his feelings) on the ground? He feels like he’ll never be able to forgive her for this betrayal.

“I wish I can give a definite answer to that, but it’s hard to make a plan when we don’t know what’s waiting for us,” he reasons. “The best I can offer is that once we get inside and have more information, I’ll tell you the new plan.”

“So once again, you’ll keep us in the dark,” Annie surmises.

“T-that’s not fair, Annie,” Reiner tries to protest.

But Annie shakes he head. “We’re going into enemy territory. If our leader can’t be honest with us, then isn't that our leader telling us that there's no need for honesty when we're all expected to die?”

Bertolt feels like that’s way too over-dramatic, but it gets the point across. Marcel sighs heavily.

“That’s not… Okay, look. I really don’t know what’s going to happen. What are we going to find? What kind of technology do they have? Do they have any other defense mechanism aside from the Walls set up? What’s their hierarchy like? We don’t know any of these things.”

Annie still doesn’t look convinced, much to Marcel’s frustration.

“Even if I come up with thousand different plans that I tell you right now, none of them will mean anything if it turns out that’s not what lines up with reality.”

How Annie is still managing to keep a cold expression, Bertolt has no idea. Marcel’s words make perfect sense to him. Even if Marcel is a genius who can come up with million plans (which he isn’t, by the way. Marcel is smarter than average, but he’s not a genius), all of that will fall apart if they can’t predict what’s beyond those Walls. Was Annie always this bullheadedly stubborn? That’s more Eren’s department, isn’t it?

“But I will say this. No matter what I plan, Eren will be the one to get the Founding Titan’s Coordinates.”

Even Eren looks shocked at that.

“E-eh? Me? Isn’t it better for you to have it?”

Marcel shakes his head. “It has to be you. I promised you, didn’t I?”

The sweet moment between these two seem impenetrable. Bertolt can’t help but to wonder how Reiner managed to survive living at the Jaeger’s for so long with these two like this.

*

“Eren? What are you doing by yourself?”

Bertolt finds Eren leaning against the railing of the ship, looking lost in thought. The red scarf that Annie patched up for him is safely tucked under his shirt so that it doesn’t fly off in the wind. Bertolt casually leans on the railing next to Eren and waits for an answer.

“I was just thinking about what I should do if everything goes wrong.”

If everything were to go wrong, huh? Bertolt can already see it in his mind’s eyes. Without a doubt, Marcel would prioritize saving Eren’s life, and Eren would do the same for him. Reiner would be most likely already dead at that point, because he takes the whole “shield” thing too seriously. And Annie… once upon a time, Bertolt would’ve said that he would confess his feelings. But after the whole scarf incident, Bertolt finds it impossible to forgive her. 

“The number one person I have to save is you.”

Bertolt blinks. 

Come again?

“W-wait, shouldn’t you save Marcel?”

Eren snorts. “Marcel can save himself. And if he really needs help, I’ll send Annie.”

Not even Reiner? And isn’t sending Annie the worst plan? She’d probably kick Marcel to his death just because. She’s just that kind of a coarse person, and wow. Bertolt’s starting to realize just what kind of person she is now that he’s no longer gushing over how cool and how pretty and how amazing she is.

“As soon as you’re safe, I’ll go back for Reiner.”

Wait, how is the situation set up that Eren has to go back out for Reiner? Just what kind of worst case scenario is Eren imagining?

“W-why are you saving me first?” Bertolt finally manages to ask.

Eren looks at him in surprise. “Because you’re the tallest.”

That makes no sense!!

Bertolt doesn’t know what kind of expression he made, because Eren looks concerned. Before they get distracted, Bertolt asks Eren to explain himself better.

“Hm? Well, you’re the tallest out of all of us, right? The Colossal Titan is super tall that he can touch the sky. So if I were to jump from your shoulders or if you were to throw me, I’ll be able to reach the heavens!”

Oh my gosh, that’s actually really adorable. Bertolt covers his mouth, trying really hard to fight the blush on his cheeks from becoming noticeable. No wonder Zeke is always doting on Eren. If Bertolt had a little sibling, he’d probably do the same. Maybe that’s what he’ll ask for from his parents when they return home. A cute, little sibling.

“What are you going to do after reaching the heavens, Eren?” Bertolt asks, fighting the urge to coo at Eren like one would a kid.

“I’m going to kill god.”

Bertolt chokes on air.

That’s seriously not cute.

*

“We’ll send a pick up crew three months from now,” the Marley soldiers tell them after dropping them off the shore. “And if you guys aren’t here, you’ll have to wait six months. Double that wait time every time you miss a ride.”

Bertolt finds it unnecessarily cruel. Isn’t it better to just say that after a certain point, they’ll give up on the Warriors? 

“Transform once you’ve gotten further away from the shore. We don’t want any accidents. Speaking of, if you’re that desperate to come home, you can probably swim back as monsters, can’t you? No need to waste fuel on you Eldians.”

Eren snarls, but Marcel keeps him in check by linking their arms together. With a polite smile that never fails to amaze Bertolt, Marcel waves the soldiers goodbye.

Then the five of them are off.

*

“Should we start running now?” Eren asks after they’ve walked for some distance.

Bertolt wants to cry. He knows that when Eren says run, it’ll just be Annie, Eren, and Marcel switching off to get them to the Wall while gathering as many of the Pure Titans as they can along the way. But that also means that this is it. The beginning of their mission.

Marcel glances at everyone. “Why don’t we have a quick meal first?”

Thank god for Marcel, Bertolt thinks. 

*

They set up a small campfire and heat up some water for tea. There are some military rations in their packs, too. They make sure to take small portions of it. Just in case they need to make it last. 

“I wish we had Colt’s mom’s snacks,” Reiner sighs.

“Apple tarts,” Eren says dreamily.

“You should’ve asked for them before we left,” Annie scolds.

Marcel bites into the military ration and grimaces. “I didn’t think these will taste this bad… But at least once we’re infiltrating, we’ll be able to eat their food.”

“Would… we be able to eat it?” Bertolt can’t help but to wonder.

Marcel makes a face like he’s never thought about that. Actually, they’re all looking at Bertolt in shocked horror. Did they really not think that the devils inside the Walls might eat something different from what they do?

“B-but they’re still Eldians in there,” Reiner tries to reason.

They fall silent.

“H-hey, what do we do if they look different from us? We won’t be able to sneak in,” Bertolt realizes.

Marcel holds up his hand. “C-c-calm down. L-let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

But Marcel’s the one who sounds like he’s panicking the most.

“We’ll get to that when it happens,” Eren declares. “First off, we should-”

Out of all the Warriors, Eren has the fastest reaction time. That’s something that they’ve tested over and over again, whether it be in snowball fights or against enemy’s bullets. But the one who moved first this time is Marcel.

He pushes Eren out of the way.

And they’re all frozen in shock and horror as Marcel disappears inside the mouth of a Pure Titan with a crunch.


	5. Tonight the fight will stop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the wonderful encouragements! We're finally getting split POV chapters, so I hope everyone enjoys what the Warriors in Liberio are up to while Eren and co struggle. ^^''' 
> 
> Warning: War, gore, cannibalism used as ongoing gag, amputation, needlessly cruel violence, Levi

Colt bites down on his hand to muffle the screams as much as he can. He knows it won’t actually make much difference, what with bullets firing nonstop outside and all. He doubts that his own screams will add much to the noise of the battlefield.

But Marcel is trying to think, to come up with a new plan, now that everything has gone to shit and they can no longer stick to their original one. And Colt would like to minimize disturbing him as much as he can.

Bertolt is by Colt’s side, desperately trying to stop the bleeding while keeping Colt’s organs from spilling out. He keeps whispering something that sounds like a chant or a prayer. Colt can’t really tell because of the thick steam covering Bertolt’s face as it tries to heal him from the damage he’s already taken. But he thinks that Bertolt might be crying, because he occasionally feels something hot on his face that’s not his own tears.

Porco is lying on the other side of Colt, gasping softly for air. Eren is with him. Head bowed while clutching tightly to Porco’s hand. There’s thick steam surrounding Eren, almost as if he’s trying to transfer his own powers of healing to Porco. If it works, Colt really wishes that they’d try it on him, too.

Reiner and Annie are both outside, trying to take the heat off of them as they all wait for Marcel to declare that he has a new plan. The only upside to this is that Pieck isn’t here, since the higher ups deemed that she wasn’t needed for a blitz attack. So even if all of them are killed right now, Pieck at least will be okay.

Colt doesn’t find that comforting.

Marcel’s shoulders slump. “It’s no good,” he says, digging the palm of his hands into his eyes. “There’s no way out of this.”

So this is the end.

Colt closes his eyes, wishing this didn't feel so final. They worked so hard. They fought so hard. But this is it? What was all of their training for? What did they spend their last five years doing?

“That’s wrong, Marcel.”

Eren’s voice is soft. Too soft to be heard clearly through the gunshots of the battlefield. But Colt overhears it anyways.

Colt opens his eyes, searching for Eren and his soft voice. He’s not by Porco’s side anymore. Instead, Eren stumbles over to Marcel (stumbles because his legs haven’t fully healed the broken bones). Eren leans heavily on Marcel, resting his forehead on Marcel’s shoulder.

“You still have me.”

Marcel scowls. “No. We’re not doing that. You’re injured, Eren. I doubt you can even shift right now.”

As always, these two are on the same wavelength. Colt wonders what strategy could be so devastating that Marcel would make that kind of a face. That Eren would look this peaceful as he offers it. Just a little, he dreads that it might be another suicide charge. Except this isn’t a drill anymore. If they do that, then…

“We can’t let Reiner and Annie handle this indefinitely. They’re probably tired.”

“But if you go out right now, you’ll die. Do you understand that?”

Eren nods. “But I’d have tried something. I would die knowing that I did everything that was within my ability to do.”

“Please use me, too,” Bertolt says. He doesn’t move from Colt’s side just yet, though. “If you can throw me high in the air, I’ll be able to shift one more time. At the very least, that should buy us time to run, right?”

“If we do that, you’ll be left behind,” Marcel growls.

“Not if we use that chance to attack them. We use Bertolt as a distraction and destroy them. Isn’t that what we’ve been tasked to do?” Eren points out.

Marcel purses his lips. He clearly doesn’t want to do this. But they’re running out of time. The longer they wait, the shorter Annie and Reiner can support them if they decide to rush or run.

Colt pulls his hand out of his mouth. He tries to take a deep breath, but that doesn’t work too well. So instead, he just wets his lips the best he can to speak.

“Marcel, don’t… don’t give up.”

Did he not hear? Marcel doesn’t show any sign that he did. Colt frowns. Maybe if he speaks louder…

“Listen, you scaredy cat,” Eren snaps, making all of them flinch. “I don’t care what you think will happen if we go with this plan. All we have to do is change that outcome, right? We’ll just force our victory.”

“Y-you can’t just-”

Eren reels his head back and smacks it against Marcel’s jaw. Colt doubts it hurts, but at least it stops Marcel long enough to think.

“If it’s the two of us together, we can deliver the best results. That’s what we’ve bragged about since our training days, remember? So stop thinking and just trust me.”

There’s the beginnings of a grin on Marcel’s face. It looks like he has an idea.

“Yeah,” he says, ruffling Eren’s hair. “Sorry for making you wait.”

As always, Eren’s voice reaches Marcel, just as Marcel’s voice always reaches Eren. These two revolve around each other, forcibly bending the world to their will along the way. It always leaves Colt in awe. How do they do that? How do they have so much faith in each other?

How are they always able to change the world to benefit them the most?

The results of that mission can hardly be called a victory. But all of them come back with their lives (even if Colt and Porco have to spend the next few months in the hospital). Pieck is undoubtedly upset. But she doesn't have a proper chance to express her displeasure before the other Warriors are sent off on another mission.

And another…

And another…

And another…

*

“I can’t believe they’re gone,” Colt whispers as he stares at the departing ship.

Porco is uncharacteristically quiet. He doesn’t even respond when Pieck puts her arm around his shoulders to cheer him up. The other adults and soldiers have slowly started making their way back, leaving the three of them in this melancholy silence.

“By the way, have you guys seen Annie?” Colt asks. “I thought she’d be here, but I haven’t seen her all day.”

Pieck glances at him in surprise. “You didn’t know? She snuck on board.”

Porco’s head snaps up. “That was an option?”

“W-wouldn’t she get in trouble for doing that?” Colt exclaims.

“I think she cleared it up with the higher ups. At least, she was probably worried because of what Marcel said.”

Porco pulls himself free from Pieck’s hold to look at her seriously.

“What did my brother say?”

Pieck glances at the two of them before making a small motion towards someone else who is still at the dock. Reiner’s mom, Colt recalls. He doesn’t know the full story between Reiner’s mom and Reiner, but Eren doesn’t make his dislike of her a secret. And seeing that Reiner all but lives at the Jaeger clinic, it’s not hard to put the pieces together.

“Let’s talk somewhere private,” Pieck tells them.

*

They gather together in Porco’s and Marcel’s shared room. Colt tries not to think about how empty this room feels with just the three of them here.

“Annie and I ran late in finishing up our reports two nights ago. And we happened to overhear Marcel talking to the higher ups. He said that his initial calculations were way off. That this mission will likely take years.”

Pieck looks apologetic at Porco, who looks like he hasn’t quite grasped the situation.

“W-why didn’t he just say that to all of us?” Colt wonders.

“Probably… and this is something that Annie and I have hypothesized without any proof, so please take it with a grain of salt. I don’t think Marcel went there with the intention of just taking the Founding Titan.”

Both Colt and Porco stare at Pieck, waiting for her to fill them in. She looks a little exasperated at them, as if she had expected them to be smarter than this. Colt feels a little bad, but she should've known better. She is talking to the two people who were passed over as potential candidates to inherit the Titan power. 

“I think he went to recruit the people within the Walls to fight against the Marleys.”

Porco abruptly stands up. Colt watches uncertainly as Porco kicks his brother’s desk. He looks a little like a child, throwing a tantrum. So Colt lets him be.

“T-this is treason. If… if anyone figures out-”

“I told you, it’s just a hypothesis,” Pieck says soothingly. “I’m sure we’re overthinking it.”

If that was the case, then Pieck wouldn’t have tried to keep it hidden like this. This is most likely something that’s very real. Oh god, there’s a traitor among them. Worst still, it’s Marcel. Marcel, with his calming smiles and charming nature. Marcel, their de facto leader. Marcel, who is trusted the most by the higher ups as one of the few people who can control the Warriors.

“When they come back, we have to be on their side,” Colt blurts out.

Pieck looks shocked at that. Porco stops kicking his brother’s desk to turn to Colt.

“You want to side with a traitor?”

Porco’s eyes are cold. Does he truly think of his brother as a traitor? The thought makes Colt infinitely sad. The last thing he wants is for them to split up like this. He gently rests his hand on top of the bracelet on his wrist.

“Since it’s Marcel, Eren is already on his side. That’s why they kept insisting they wanted to go together without anyone else,” Porco points out. “Reiner’s dumb, so they probably never told him in case he accidentally blabs about it. But the guy owes Eren. It’s not hard to think that he’ll follow Eren without any questions. Bertolt is easy enough to push around. The only liability there is Annie.”

“W-what are you saying?” Colt whispers.

“Pock, Marcel isn’t going to kill Annie,” Pieck snaps.

Porco hesitates for a second before pulling out a letter from his brother’s desk. “Can you say that for sure?”

He hands the letter to Colt and Pieck. It’s a letter written for Porco from Marcel. It’s clear that Marcel expected this letter to be found much later, possibly after few months have passed. In it, there are Marcel’s apologies for leaving Porco behind, a very vague mention of why the mission is taking such a long time, and three detailed plans for killing Reiner’s mom.

“It’s for Eren,” Marcel’s letter says. “I don’t think Reiner cares too much about what happens to his mom anymore. But Eren seemed upset. So I thought it’d be a nice surprise for them when we come back to find that she’s dead. Of course, if you find a better method than these three, feel free to go for it. Even if it’s sloppy, since it’s just Eldian attacking another Eldian, no one will blink their eyes at it.”

“If he can so casually ask his brother to kill Reiner’s mom, then I don’t see why he wouldn’t kill Annie,” Porco concludes once they finish reading.

“Eren will stop him. Any time Marcel goes too far, Eren always stops him,” Pieck argues.

Colt considers for a second and offers, “Bertolt and Reiner will side with Eren. That’s three-on-one. Marcel won’t risk that.”

That seems to at least pacify Porco for now. He crosses his arms and sits down on his bed, glaring at Pieck and Colt like this is their fault.

“For now, we shouldn’t do anything rash. And we’re most definitely not killing Reiner’s mom,” Pieck decides for them.

Porco sighs but nods in agreement. “Fuck. I hate this. I can’t wrap my head around this at all. Why are they doing this? What’s the point?”

Colt stares at the letter again. “Probably the same reason why they do anything.”

Both Pieck and Porco stare at him. And isn’t that hilarious? For once, he’s the one filling them in. Feeling a little self-conscious, Colt holds up his wrist, showing off the bracelet.

“For us.”

 

* * *

 

This has got to be a fucking joke, right?

They haven’t even gotten to the Walls. They haven’t even started their mission yet. They had just been taking a break.

What do you mean a Pure Titan?

Eren finally moves. He makes a cut on his hand with a dagger they all carry for this kind of situations and rushes towards the Pure Titan. The Attack Titan manages to hold it down in place. And because that’s just who the Attack Titan is, he throws his head back and roars and roars and roars.  

The loud sound finally snaps the rest of them back to reality. This is no time to mourn. This is no time for shock. If Eren’s screaming that loudly, then it’s only a matter of time before they’re swarmed by more Pure Titans.

“We need to move!” Reiner shouts. “Bertolt, grab our packs. Annie, rope!”

But it turns out that they might not even need ropes. Eren yanks the human girl who emerges from the Pure Titan, ripping off her limbs without any care. Immediately, she’s surrounded by steam, already healing herself. At least that will prevent her from shifting any time soon. They all gather in Eren’s hands, and he takes off running before other Pure Titans come after them.

*

Eventually, Eren slows to a stop. He puts them down on the ground before exiting his Titan.

He looks exhausted. And Reiner wants to apologize for not moving fast enough. For not being the shield he promised to be. But it doesn’t look like Eren’s in any mood to listen.

“Hey,” Eren says. He kicks the girl lightly. “Wake up. Hey!”

Reiner can’t muster up any sympathy for her. He decides to leave this to Eren and turns to Annie and Bertolt.

“Let’s set up camp here.”

“Is that wise?” Annie asks. She glance around them nervously. “What if another one jumps out at us?”

“We’ll have to keep watch. Right now, we need to figure out what we’re going to do. Are we still following through with Marcel’s plans or-”

Bertolt suddenly darts forward. Annie and Reiner turn just as Bertolt grabs Eren and pulls him off of the girl.

“That’s enough, Eren! You’ll kill her!”

The girl coughs weakly, blood spewing everywhere. They have no idea just what Eren kicked or how much, but her entire face is covered in steam now (And that’s not even counting the steam covering the rest of her body). How lucky, Reiner humorlessly think. He doesn’t want to see the damage.

“She won’t die with this little,” Eren says. But he relaxes his posture, signaling that he’s not going to lash out anymore.

Bertolt reluctantly releases him, but he hovers closely to stop Eren, just in case.

Reiner’s mouth feels dry. “L-Let’s set up… c-camp…”

“Oh, are you the leader now?” Eren asks.

His voice is casual, but his eyes are cold. Reiner doesn’t know how to respond. He’s never seen Eren like this before. Like he’s considering everyone around him as potential enemies. Like he’s waiting for the rest of them to turn against him. But wasn’t it Eren who said that they’d be on the same side? Wasn’t it Eren who accepted Reiner?

Reiner shows off the bracelet on his wrist.

“Eren, I don’t care who the leader is. But we are on the same side. Let’s figure this out together, okay?”

There’s a tense silence before Eren covers his face with his scarf. He forces himself to take a deep breath. When he’s calmer, he pulls his scarf down.

“Sorry,” he says. “I’m really sorry. That was unnecessary. I don’t think we should set up camp, though. This might happen again.”

“Then what should we do?” Bertolt asks.

“For now, let’s brainstorm what we can do,” Annie suggests.

They nod in agreement.

*

The four of them place their packs together in one spot and stand around it, facing outwards. Annie has the girl by her feet (they don’t trust Eren with this girl). At least if it’s like this, they’ll be able to see if a Pure Titan is sneaking up on them. Or at least that’s their hope.

So far, the girl has healed her face. But her limbs are still slowly growing back. They may have to cut them off periodically to make sure she doesn’t shift and try to kill them.

“One,” Eren says, “we turn back right now.”

They lost Marcel, but they at least have this girl. They will be able to let Porco eat her and regain the Jaw Titan. It doesn’t make up for the fact that they lost Marcel, but in the eyes of Marley, they haven’t lost anything too valuable. They might get some slaps on the wrists, but otherwise would be relatively safe.

Reiner likes this option quite a lot.

“Two, we go on with Marcel’s plan.”

Even without looking, Reiner is sure that Annie is against it. And if Annie says so, Bertolt will most likely side with her. If Eren ends up saying he wants to go along with Marcel’s plan… Reiner doesn’t know who he’d side with. But no matter how he turns it over in his head, they don't know Marcel’s plan aside from getting to the gate. It’s not valid enough option to follow through.

Unless this girl has access to Marcel’s memories. But surely, Eren isn’t hinging everything on such a slim chance?

“Three, we throw both of those out the window and do our own thing.”

Reiner turns to look at Eren, but Eren is keeping his focus on watching for any attacks. Feeling bad for having lost his focus, Reiner turns back to look at the scenery.

“The first option makes the most amount of sense,” Bertolt says lightly.

“I agree,” Annie says.

“Me too,” Reiner says.

Although he wants to turn to look at Eren, he doesn’t want to make that mistake again. This is a simple decision, isn’t it? Why is Eren hesitating to say something?

“I’m going to go with Marcel’s plan, even if I’m alone.”

Reiner feels a chill go down his spine. “W-wait a minute. Eren-”

“You’re not doing that,” Annie snaps. “We’re going home.”

“The next ship doesn’t come until three months later,” Eren points out. “We don’t have enough rations to last us that long. Unless you want to go for cannibalism? Since we heal, it’ll probably work out. And even if we decide to not eat and just sit there, we’d probably be able to make it to three months. We'll probably be cranky as hell and exhausted. But that could work if you guys just want to sit tight for someone to save us.”

“T-that’s…” Bertolt doesn’t seem to know how to finish that sentence. Reiner feels the same way.

Eren sighs. “Rather than waiting, I want to do something.”

A tense silence settles between them. Reiner personally wants to just go back home. But Eren’s right. That’s not an option for them unless they decide to swim back. Swimming had been part of their training, so Reiner at least know they should be able to get somewhere. But he’s not sure if they wouldn’t be separated along the way or get lost in the vastness of the ocean.

“Okay,” Bertolt says, surprising them. “I’ll go along with you. We’re going to take the Founding Titan and go home heroes, right?”

“ _You’re_ going to go along with it?” Annie asks in disbelief.

“What would you rather do? Stand by the shore and do nothing?”

This is probably the most snippy Bertolt has ever gotten with anyone. Is the stress of the situation getting to him already? Reiner has been under the impression that Bertolt liked Annie, too. Bertolt, this is really not a good way to treat your crush!

Annie lets out a frustrated growl. “Even if we grab the Founding Titan, if we don’t have a way back home, then it’s all moot!”

“Not necessarily,” Reiner says. “If we have the Founding Titan, we will be able to command the people inside the Walls. We don’t know what kind of technology they have in there, but if we can get someone to build a ship…”

Reiner sighs and rubs the back of his neck. Yeah, that sounds like a childish wishful thinking. There’s no way it’ll ever be that simple or easy. The others must understand how he feels, because they don’t even try to mock him for his useless idea.

“If we get the Founding Titan, we can command other Pure Titans, right?” Eren asks.

“Yeah. That’s the theory, anyways.”

There’s a small pause before Eren asks, “And the Walls are made up of 50-60 meter tall Titans, right? All the size of Bertolt’s Colossal Titan? That the Founding Titan can control?”

“If you say that you want to make those Titans form a long line so we can walk across them like a bridge over the ocean, I’m going to kill you,” Annie promises.

“I think that could work, too. But it’s just… What if we take bunch of 50-60 meter tall Titans and have them stand on each others’ shoulders? That should be high enough to reach the heavens, right? The rest of them can stand in line to make a bridge like Annie said.”

Annie turns around and grabs Eren’s shoulder, shaking him. “Are you stupid? You want me to kill you? Is that it? You want to go to heaven that badly? Then I’ll send you there right now!”

“Both of you stop it!” Reiner snaps. But his words don’t have any weight behind them.

Bertolt moves to physically pull Annie away from Eren, surprising everyone. He gives Annie a cold look that makes her freeze. Then he turns to Eren, looking quite furious. Eren actually shrinks back as if he’s guilty. Reiner feels just a bit terrified watching. Who is this person and what did he do to their sweet and shy Bertolt?

“You want to reach heavens to kill god?”

Eren nods, unable to meet Bertolt’s eyes.

Bertolt closes his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath. When he opens them, he looks like the usually calm Bertolt.

“Okay, for now, we should calm down. There's a reasonable way to-”

Bertolt’s words are interrupted by a low groan. All four of them stop to stare at the girl on the ground.

That’s right. How did Reiner forget about her?

Since everyone is more or less occupied, Reiner turns to her.

“Hey, you alive?”

“What…? Who…? Where…?”

It seems that the girl can’t quite string her thoughts together into words yet. Reiner kneels down next to her.

“This is the Island of Paradis. Do you remember that?”

There’s a small pause as the girl turns her face to look at the four of them. Her eyes dart from each of them before settling on Reiner. She licks her lips slowly.

“Do you have any water?”

Reiner nods. “Yeah. I’ll get some for you.”

He stands up to grab a canteen from their packs. And in his moment of distraction, Eren moves.

Eren stomps down on her nose, earning the sound of cracking bones. Bertolt quickly pulls him back before he does anything more.

“What the fuck?!” the girl exclaims. “What’s your problem?!”

Then it must have sunk in that she doesn’t have limbs. Because her face contorts from pain to terror. She looks at the four of them with hate, and this is really not what Reiner wants to deal with right now.

“Eren, please just… don’t,” Bertolt says, struggling to keep his temper in check.

“If she’s thirsty, she can drink her own blood.”

“Eren!”

Reiner will let Bertolt deal with Eren right now. He turns back to the girl with the canteen.

“Uh… S-sorry, I guess.”

“Don’t apologize. She’s the one who ate Marcel,” Eren points out.

Bertolt sighs and picks Eren up. With a small dip of head, Bertolt walks a bit of a distance away to give them some space. It sounds like they’re conversing quite pleasantly, surprising enough. Annie moves to stand by Reiner, as if offering him her support.

“Let me try this again,” Reiner says. “You used to be a Pure Titan, do you remember that?”

The hate in the girl’s eyes don’t disappear. But she nods.

“Yeah. 60 years of nightmare.” Then something must have clicked, because her eyes light up in understanding. “I ate one of you, didn’t I? That’s how I got this form back. And that’s what he’s going on about this ‘Marcel.’”

“You’re clever,” Annie says.

The girl smiles, all teeth and no charm. “Just trying to save my life. So what’s up with you guys? How did eating one of you let me turn back to human?”

*

The information exchange is easier without Eren constantly kicking up a fuss.

This girl’s name, ironically enough, is Ymir. She claims that she doesn’t remember how she ended up as a Pure Titan. Reiner doesn’t believe her, but he doesn’t care enough to push for information about her life.

They introduce themselves as Warriors and give her the bare minimum about the Titan powers. And once everything is more or less settled-

“So what are you guys planning to do here exactly?” Ymir asks.

Her eyes constantly drift over to check that Eren and Bertolt are still a good enough distance away. Reiner doesn’t blame her, especially after what Eren did. But from here, they’re going to need to actually talk to Eren to decide what to do.

“That’s what we need to figure out,” Reiner sighs. “That’s what we were doing when you woke up and interrupted us.”

Ymir gives him a look. “Don’t you go blaming it on me. You guys ripped off my limbs.”

“You who ate our friend first,” Annie points out.

Ymir clicks her tongue. “Fine. Fine. I get it. Call that batshit guy over. You need to talk to him, right?”

*

Reiner doesn’t know what Bertolt said to make Eren this calm. But the five of them can now at least sit together to talk (He says sit, but Ymir is on her side, staring up at them). Just a little, Reiner feels uncomfortable that they have all but abandoned watching the area for any Pure Titans. They’ve been talking here for a long time. What if another one sneaks up on them?

“Hey, can you access Marcel’s memories?” Eren asks Ymir.

Ymir looks defensive, probably getting ready in case Eren gets violent again. “Sorry. I don’t have any sweet parting words for you, Princess.”

Eren nods, looking like he’s calmly accepting that. But Reiner is prepared this time. He grabs Eren and pulls him back just in time for Eren’s kick to miss. Ymir's lips curve into a smirk. This bitch knew that would get a rise out of Eren. Why is she provoking Eren on purpose for?

“You fucking jackass! If you don’t have access, then you wouldn’t know about that nickname!”

“I know it’s hard, but I need you to calm down, Eren,” Reiner whispers.

Eren grips at Reiner’s hold on him before slowly relaxing. Reiner doesn’t trust him enough to let go, though.

“You know, if it bothers you so much, why don’t you just eat me?” Ymir taunts.

For someone who doesn’t have her limbs to fight against them, she sure is confident. Reiner wonders how she can be so fearless. Or is it because that they keep pulling Eren back that she acts like this? Should they just let Eren go just once?

“Annie, can you-”

Reiner doesn’t have to finish.

Annie has already moved. She stomps down hard at Ymir’s neck. Not enough to snap it, but most definitely enough to shut her up.

“Next time you speak out of turn, I’ll cut your tongue,” Annie promises.

Bertolt covers his face and takes a deep breath.

“Okay,” he says softly. “Let’s figure this out then.”

*

Annie sit next to Ymir with her dagger visible in her hand. It keeps Ymir quiet for the duration of their talk.

“If we’re infiltrating, having her with us will drag us down. I agree with her sentiment. We should eat her so we don’t at least lose the Jaw Titan,” Annie says.

“But doing that would mean one of us will have two Titans,” Bertolt points out. “That’s the same as losing the Jaw Titan to Marley, since we don’t know how to separate them again.”

“Not that I’m saying we should do this. But if we kill that person with two Titans, it’ll just return to a random Eldian, so that could work, right?” Reiner suggests.

“Then Marley will lose two Titans! We don’t know where the Titan powers will go. For all we know, it could go to someone within the Wall,” Annie snaps.

Reiner winces. Right. He didn’t think that one through.

“Rather than infiltration, what if we went for a heads-on attack?” Eren suggests.

When everyone just stares at him in shock (because Eren can’t be serious, right? They aren’t actually going to consider something so ridiculous, right? There’s a reason why Marcel shot down any heads-on attack. Did Eren forget?), Eren clarifies himself.

“We’ll keep the beginning part of the operation same. Annie and I can take turns to get you guys to the Wall. Then Bertolt and Reiner destroy the Walls. From there, we’ll all just take turns destroying things until we get to their King. I’ll eat him, and voila. Everything’s solved.”

No, absolutely nothing is solved.

Reiner feels like he’s developing a headache.

“Wasn’t the reason why we’re not doing that in the first place because we don’t know what’s waiting for us in there?” Reiner says.

Eren shrugs. “But think about it logically. Just how developed can their technology be? They’ve never tried to contact the outside world. They’ve just been stuck inside of those three Walls. For all we know, there might not be anyone on the inside.”

“It could be that they’ve been watching the rest of the world, though. They could know the technology that we have out here. Just because they never contacted us doesn’t mean they don’t know about us,” Reiner argues.

“Attacking heads-on is a no,” Annie says firmly.

“Then why don’t you infiltrate by using the suicidal group?”

Annie lets out a sigh. She grabs Ymir by the hair and yanks it back, forcing Ymir to look up at Annie.

“W-wait, Annie. Let’s let hear this first,” Reiner says. He nods at Ymir.

Ymir glances uneasily at each of them before smirking. “There’s a group of people that comes out from within the Walls every few months. Lucky for you guys, the last one was a while back. So they should be coming out any day now.”

“From… within the Walls?” Bertolt asks in disbelief.

“Yeah. No clue what they’re trying to accomplish. But they always show up on their horses and get eaten up by bunch of Titans before retreating back.”

Reiner glances at Bertolt and Annie. They all look just as lost as him. But Eren…

“If that’s the truth, then we better hurry to the Wall. We can’t miss them when they come out.”

“W-wait,” Reiner says, holding his hands up. “We’re just going to believe her? What if we get close to that Wall, and they shoot us down?”

Ymir scowls. “I get that you guys don’t trust me, but I’m telling you the truth. There’s a group of suicidal people… Ugh, let’s see… Yeah, I can’t remember what they call themselves. But you can’t miss them. They have wings on their backs, and they fly all over the place.”

“This is becoming less and less believable,” Annie growls. She prepares to stab Ymir but is stopped by Eren.

“They can fly?” he asks, his eyes sparkling in excitement.

“Eren, you don’t seriously believe her, do you? She killed Marcel!” Reiner exclaims. Bertolt nods in agreement to Reiner, so Reiner knows that he's not being ridiculous. Eren is.

“But Marcel won’t lie to me.”

Reiner knows that this is going to be cruel. But he can’t let that comment slide. He grips Eren by the shoulders.

“That’s not Marcel. Eren, I know we haven’t had the chance to digest what happened, but you have to keep focused. That’s not Marcel.”

Eren’s eyes fog up before he quickly looks down. He takes a deep breath and nods. When he looks back up, he offers Reiner a meek smile.

“Sorry.”

Then a little louder, Eren turns to face everyone. “I think we should go with what Ymir said.”

Ymir’s brows jump up to her hairline. “Really?” she asks, sounding shocked.

Reiner really doesn’t like this.

“We have nothing to lose. We’re stuck here at least for at least three months anyways. If there is really a suicidal group that can fly around, I want to meet them.”

“And if they’re not real?” Annie asks, crossing her arms in front of herself.

Eren pauses to think about it. Then he grins innocently, making Reiner yearn for a simpler time.

“I’ll eat her myself.”

*

They keep Ymir as limbless as possible while making the trek to the Wall. Annie and Eren switch off, as they said they would. Luckily, they don’t encounter much in terms of Pure Titans. It probably has to do with the fact that they’re not calling all the Pure Titans in the area towards them.

After few more hours of nonstop running, they finally arrive at the Walls they’ve heard so much about.

“Wall Maria,” Bertolt whispers.

They all have to crane their necks up to see just how high the Walls are.

“Is the Colossal Titan really that tall?” Bertolt asks them.

“Yup,” Reiner tells him.

Annie kicks Ymir lightly for attention. “Hey, you’re sure they’re going to head to that forest first?”

“Yes. Now will you please stop kicking me?”

They ignore Ymir’s words as Eren heads towards a forest a good distance away from the Walls. He clears the area briefly, making sure that they’ll be safe before putting them down. Then he exists out of his Titan and comes to stand with the rest of the group.

“How many days does it normally take for them to come out?” he asks Ymir.

Ymir makes a face. “It just depends. For all we know, they could have already returned home.”

“Then isn’t this useless?” Reiner wonders.

“Let’s make a fire,” Eren decides.

They all glance at him, waiting for him to explain himself.

“If they see smoke from a fire, they should know that we’re here. Even if it’s not their time to come out, it’ll probably make them curious enough to check.”

“Oh, we should think of a cover story,” Bertolt says as if to distract them. “It’ll be suspicious if bunch of kids are walking around Titan-infested land without any protection.”

Eren goes quiet for a second before he turns to Ymir. Immediately, both Reiner and Bertolt move to stop him in case he gets violent.

“Aside from the suicidal group, are there any other people that leave the Wall?”

Ymir shakes her head no. “It’s just them. They never get that far, either. It’s only recently they’ve made it to this patch of the forest. For all we know, they might not even make it this far this time around.”

“Then it’s probably safe to assume that they have no idea what it’s like out here. If we were to say something along the lines of we’re from a town that got attacked by Titans, they’ll probably believe us.”

*

They set up their camping equipment in the forest while keeping an eye on the gate of Wall Maria.

“It’s official,” Bertolt sighs. “We’re out of rations.”

Already, huh? But with all the craziness that occurred, Reiner supposes it’s more surprising that they’ve managed to last this long. He wonders about how much supply they must have lost when Ymir first attacked them.

“I guess we have to starve until the suicidal group finds us,” Reiner groans.

Annie stares at Ymir with an unreadable look. As if realizing that something dangerous might happen, Ymir forces a smile on her face.

“W-what’s with that look? Don’t tell me you’ve fallen for-”

Ymir is promptly silenced by Annie’s kick.

“Cannibalism is always an option,” Annie says, staring down at Ymir.

“But then you’ll have to let my limbs actually grow out, you know?”

“We can eat the other stuff,” Eren remarks, surprising them.

Ymir makes a face like she really doesn’t want to know if Eren’s serious. To be honest, Reiner doesn’t want to know either.

“S-should we drink something hot?” he asks in an effort to change the topic.

Bertolt shakes his head. “We’ll run out of water if we do that.”

“Isn’t our situation way too perilous?!”

*

The next few days they spend there are dreadful.

They always leave one person to watch over Ymir (assuming that one person isn’t Eren, of course). While the others desperately try to find something they can eat here. They’ve managed to find some weeds and plants that looks safe enough. But no animals.

You would think in a forest this dense, there will be a way for animals and birds to survive. Or perhaps the Pure Titans keep them away? Aren’t Pure Titans supposed to only eat humans, though?

Reiner sighs.

“I miss meat.”

Annie points at Ymir.

“We’re not eating each other,” Reiner groans.

“Just keeping our options open.”

Bertolt and Eren said they were going to find water, since their dew collecting contraption isn’t quite enough for all five of them. Reiner hope they didn’t go out too far. He’d rather that they stay together without anything to drink than to lose someone again.

“How much longer do we have to be here?” Reiner groans.

“At least 86 more days,” Annie answers.

The two sigh.

“At least we have plenty of wood for fire,” Reiner mumbles.

Annie glances at the Wall. “They should be able to see this smoke, can’t they? Why aren’t they coming?”

“Maybe there is no one left inside.”

Ymir thankfully doesn’t speak up, letting the two converse peacefully. Reiner doubts this peace will last.

*

They start to get snippy with each other as the days pass. There’s nothing left to drink or eat. But since they’re all Titans here, they can at least survive without food or water. It’s just that their moods are really bad, and they’re all sluggish. Even just maintaining their small campfire is becoming a headache.

“Let’s just break down that Wall,” Bertolt says, head buried in his hands.

Eren surprises them by laughing. “I thought I’d snap first, but Bertl did!”

Reiner has half a mind to point out that Eren has been snapping at all of them randomly. But he doesn’t want to get kicked again. Despite laughing and smiling so readily, he’s always the first to get violent.

Now that he thinks about it, has Eren always been like that? Eren is a lot gentler, isn’t he?

No good. Reiner’s too hungry to think properly.

“Eren, please don’t tease me,” Bertolt grumbles. “I have a headache…”

“We all have headaches. Shut up,” Annie growls.

Recently, Annie and Bertolt have gotten to arguing a lot. Reiner is too tired to even speak. Where are they getting the energy to get angry?

“Hehehe… You guys are way too easy.”

The four slowly turn towards Ymir, who laughs at them. There’s an inkling of a feeling in the back of Reiner’s head that seems to whisper that they’ve forgotten something important. Something…

Hey, why does Ymir have all of her limbs?

Actually, didn't they run out of rations a little too quickly? Could it be? Did this girl somehow manage to hide their rations for herself? While she was limbless? Is that even something that's possible to do?

He jerks with the realization that shit, shit. They fucked up.

“No wonder Marcel never told you anything. He knew you would mess up. Just like this.”

That’s the last thing she says before she transforms.

Reiner didn’t even see where her wound is. But there’s no time for that. Because the very first person she lunges for is Eren.

A shield, Porco told Reiner to be. A shield. But how the hell can he be a shield if he’s this far away? If he’s this slow? If he’s too starving and thirsty to move properly? Why was someone as useless as him given this power? If Porco was here, he would be able to protect Eren better, right? If Colt was here? If Marcel was…

She doesn’t have the Jaw Titan’s signature jaw. But her speed is on par with what Reiner remembers Marcel’s to be. Within seconds, she has Eren’s body flung into a tree. The next person she goes for is Annie. Makes sense. These two physically harmed Ymir the most.

Reiner just barely manages to catch Annie’s thrown body. Vaguely, he can hear Bertolt yelling for Eren. But he can’t bring himself to focus on that. Because right now, Ymir is standing right in front of him and…

Instead of hitting him, Ymir smirks.

Then she quickly maneuvers up the trees. What? She thinks they can’t follow? He’ll just turn right…

He realizes a beat too late exactly why Ymir ran. Because those round eyes staring at him right now can only belong to a Pure Titan.

They have two choices.

One, they stay and fight. By that, Reiner really means that he fights while protecting everyone. As the Armored Titan, that should be easy enough. Except what if they’re spotted by the suicidal group or whatever? Do they know about special Titan powers? What if they come after him and kill all of them? Or worse still, it turns out that Reiner is much too hungry and starving to transform properly? That’ll just turn him into a liability.

Two, they run. They can’t outrun a Pure Titan, not on human legs. But they’re still trained Warriors in a dense forest. They should be able to use the trees to find a place to hide, right?

“B-Bertl! We need to run!”

Bertolt doesn’t question his decision. He just grabs Eren and runs to keep up with Reiner.

They’re abandoning their packs. Somewhere along the way, it seems their campfire went out. But right now, their lives are important and-

Reiner trips.

He drops Annie, whose body limply rolls once before coming to a stop. And damn it, damn it. What the hell is wrong with him? Why would he trip at a time like this? They need to run. They-

“Reiner! Annie!” Bertolt, realizing that Reiner isn’t by his side, is rushing back.

It looks like Eren is slowly coming to in Bertolt’s arms. He must have hit his head, because there’s blood dripping down his face, accompanied by steam. His eyes dart around, quickly taking in the situation. Then his eyes meet Reiner’s. Even without saying anything, Reiner understands what that look of determination on Eren’s face means.

“No, get away! Don’t-”

Eren frees himself from Bertolt’s grasp, completely uncaring if that movement knocks Bertolt to the ground. He puts his hands in his mouth and blows as he stumbles to run away from them. A shrill whistle resounds in the forest, catching the Pure Titan’s attention.

With a sickening grin on its face, it runs towards Eren.

It looks like Eren isn’t fully ready to fight, though. He stands there without attempting to run (Did he run out of energy? Is he too hungry to run away?), letting the Pure Titan get closer and closer-

What happens next can only be described as divine intervention.

A hurricane? A whirlpool in the air? Neither of these things describe the sheer amount of destruction that occurs in the precious few seconds.

There’s blood everywhere, splattering the world. The nape of the Pure Titan has been shredded.

And from the hurricane (whirlpool? Tornado? What do you even call that?), a man slows his spinning and lands with a soft thud. The Pure Titan collapses next to him, slowly disintegrating. The man doesn’t even glance at it.

The man’s back is to Reiner, showing off the bright green cape embroidered with…

This has to be a fucking joke, right?

Wings.

On this man’s back is embroidered wings.

And yeah, they hadn’t believed Ymir at all when she mentioned that these people had wings on their backs and could fly around. But this is…

“Are… you an angel?”

Eren stares at the man’s back with a look on his face that Reiner doesn’t know how to read. Reiner does note that Eren is no longer shrouded in steam, but he seems to still be bleeding. Is this a precaution? Reiner isn’t sure, but they better make sure that Annie doesn’t give them away. He glances over to see that Bertolt is now by Annie’s side, gently trying to shake her awake.

“What’s that, brat?” the man speaks, glancing behind himself to stare at them.

His voice is rougher than Reiner expected. He thought the man would have a more princely voice. Or perhaps it’s just the manner of the scowl on the man’s face? He doesn’t look like a hero who just rescued four kids from a Pure Titan.

“Are you an angel?” Eren asks again.

The man finally turns around to face them. His cape flares around himself, revealing just a hint of a uniform underneath. He sheaths two swords (swords? Blades? They look too thin to be swords. But they caused that much destruction against a Pure Titan) that he had been holding in each hand into large rectangular objects by his hips. What is this contraption? What is it for? Is it a weapon? Is it something else?

“Your shitty eyes rotten, you shitty brat? I’m human.”


	6. Everybody has their own version of what’s just

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor details in “No Regrets: Birth of Levi” contradicted what’s in Attack on Titan, so I went with canon details. Like in canon, Commander Shadis will be not at all receptive towards Erwin's plans. 
> 
> This chapter also has a lot of exposition and talking. I'm sorry for such a boring chapter.

“Well, maybe you should’ve thought about that before you just upped and left!”

Pieck freezes at the door at the sound of Porco’s voice. She left home pretty early today, so she thought she’d be alone. What’s Porco doing here, talking to someone? Usually, he takes forever to come in… No, that’s not right. Porco always comes in with Marcel and Eren and Reiner. If he got up at the usual time to come in, he probably didn’t realize how early it was until he got here alone.

“It’s a lie, right? You aren’t… you aren’t actually a traitor, right? You’re going to bring everyone back safely, right? Marcel?”

Her hands feel clammy. Not talking to someone, she realizes.

Talking to himself.

Idiot, she wants to scold. Why would he do that here, where a Marley soldier can walk by any minute?

She places her hand on the door. Taking a second to compose her face, she slams the door open with a bright, “Good morning, Pock!”

Porco flinches and scrambles to straighten himself. His face is beet red as he does everything but stare at Pieck.

“G-g-g-good morning,” he stutters.

He keeps trying to look at her without actually looking at her. It’s rather endearing. Does he want to know if she heard? Well, she supposes there’s no harm in teasing him a bit.

“You shouldn’t be confessing your forbidden love to your brother in an empty classroom, you know. What if a soldier overhears?”

Porco’s blush deepens and spreads. Even his neck seems to be beet red. Pieck tries hard not to laugh too loudly at the sight.

“What forbidden… I-it wasn’t like I was trying… I made sure it was empty… W-why are you here so early anyways?!”

“Didn’t you hear? I’m being sent out with Zeke on a war campaign.”

*

Being the Cart Titan means that she’ll always be sent on long missions. That’s a fate that she resigned herself to when she inherited this power. She will be away from home (from her father. From her fellow Warriors) for long stretches of time. Especially since the others are often more likely to be sent on shorter, blitz missions.

“We can’t let anyone know that five of our Titans are currently in Paradis. So we’ll begin an aggressive war campaign,” is the official reason why they’re being sent out.

But Pieck has seen how tense Zeke is, how uncomfortable the higher ups always look when they talk to him now. It’s not hard to put together that this is an excuse to send Zeke away.

“I’ll be in your care in the coming months,” Pieck says pleasantly to Zeke.

Zeke’s depressed look takes a second to transform into a pleasant smile. He turns to Pieck with a sheepish dip of the head.

“And I’ll be in your care.”

Fake.

The smile on this man’s face is fake. The soft tone of voice is fake. The sheepishness is fake. This man’s eyes are too bright with fire for his meekness to be anything but fake.

So that’s how the Jaeger brothers work.

Eren with his doll-like blankness. Zeke with his weak act. And all the while their eyes burn with intensity of the things they cannot say. Pieck knows she’ll get a mouthful from Eren if she ever mentions this, but not for the first time, she feels that the brothers are quite alike.

“Do you like sweets, Pieck? We can pick some up while we’re campaigning.”

Does this man plan on scavenging sweets from the wake of destruction they’ll leave behind them? How terrifying. Not to mention, how fitting. Eren would probably do something like that, especially if he spots strawberry turnovers, Marcel’s favorite.

Pieck giggles. “There’s nothing that hits the spot quite like Colt’s mom’s sweets. I’ll have to decline.”

“Is that so?” Zeke pauses for a moment as if realizing something. “B-by any chance, do you know what Eren’s favorite snack is? He used to really love the banana pudding I helped his mom make, but he won’t touch it anymore.”

Would it be betrayal if Pieck says the truth? She knows Eren doesn’t like his older brother. But she’s always thought it was in a shy, “This doesn’t make me happy or anything!” kind of manner. Just in case, though, she decides to play it safe.

“He absolutely loves strawberry turnovers!”

Zeke looks baffled at first, but it quickly changes to gratitude. The smile on his face is most definitely not fake.

“I see. So that’s what he likes now.”

Just a little, Pieck feels guilty for lying. “When they return, let’s all eat the sweets Colt’s mom makes together!”

She sincerely hopes that this day will come soon.

*

Colt’s face falls when he hears the news that Pieck will be leaving. He tries to bravely put on an encouraging smile, but he’s failing spectacularly.

“C-congratulations!” Colt manages out in the end. His smile looks more like he wants to burst into tears.

In front of the Marley soldiers, they cannot afford to show anything but happiness for the sake of Marley. They all know that. It’s probably why Porco takes the time to kick Colt’s leg rather harshly to give him a reason why his eyes are tearing up.

“T-that really… hurt…” Colt whispers, furiously wiping at his eyes.

“Oops. Sorry. I thought you were a log,” is Porco’s silly excuse.

Pieck stares at the two boys for a beat longer. Although they do not possess the power of the Titans, they are still Warriors. If things turn bad, they might get pulled into battle, just because they have the training for it. If that were to happen…

“I’m going to return as soon as I can,” Pieck tells them seriously. “You guys hang on until then, okay?”

“What’s with that? You’re the one about to go off to war. You be careful,” Porco growls.

As always, Porco’s way of showing affection is rough. But they’ve all more or less gotten used to that.

“B-be safe! And if things get bad, just abandon Zeke and come home,” Colt whispers lowly to her.

Pieck laughs at that. “You know I wouldn’t.”

She pauses for a bit before holding up her wrist. The bracelet’s color is still as vibrant as when they first braided it together. It seems almost magical. As long as they have this, they’re all connected.

“Until we all see each other again.”

 

* * *

 

This is the worst.

Erwin is starting to get impatient.

Their typical excursion outside of the Walls has been delayed due to a mishap in counting their supplies. Erwin has an inkling of a feeling that it was done on purpose by someone who didn’t want to go out. But as he doesn’t have any evidence of foul play, he’s forced to sit tight in this bar of Shiganshina District for the rest of the group to get their act together.

“If you need to shit, then go,” Levi casually remarks as he sits down next to Erwin.

What a coarse guy. It seems that no matter how many times Erwin tries to tell him about manners, this guy will always fall back to this. To be honest, Erwin thinks this is just Levi’s quiet payback for the hell they went through in the past year.

“I wish you’d use family-friendly language,” Erwin sighs.

“I’ll use it when there’s a shitty family to be friendly towards.”

Erwin wonders why he bothers trying.

“Black tea, please,” Levi orders from the barmaid. “Put it on Squad Leader Erwin’s tab.”

“We’re in a bar, Levi. Erwin’s paying. Why don't you get something more expensive?” Hange asks as she sits down on the other side of Levi.

Erwin pauses. “I’m paying?”

“Hear that guys? Squad Leader Erwin says he’s paying!”

A cheer rises from the waiting soldiers, all sniggering like they knew Hange’s devious plan will work out. Cheeky brats. But Erwin can’t help the smile on his face. It’s nice to see everyone relax and fool around like this before they go off into battle.

Oh, but he should remember to redirect the tab to Nile before he leaves.

*

Commander Shadis gathers all of the Squad Leaders for what Erwin assumed would be a strategy meeting. But instead of a comfortable room of an inn, they find themselves on top of Wall Maria, looking out.

“Do you see that?” one of the Garrison members asks, sounding nervous. “It’s smoke.”

It’s faint, and hard to make out against the evening sky. But once it’s been pointed out, Erwin can't stop staring at it.

“That’s not smoke from Titans,” Erwin mumbles.

“It’s campfire. There’s… there’s someone _out_ there.”

There’s… someone out _there…_?

Immediately, Erwin’s mind is back to when he was a child, raising his hand to ask his dad a question. He always believed that by going out of these Walls, he would one day find the answers, the truth. But to think that the answers will come knocking on their gate!

“Whatever it is, we keep it quiet,” Shadis decides.

“Commander, this is our chance! We might be finally be able to get some answers!”

Shadis turns his disapproving eyes at Erwin, looking at him like he’s a new recruit. “Or it could be a trap.”

“You think the Titans learned how to build a campfire?”

Erwin sees the other Squad Leaders hesitate. He doesn’t understand their fears. Why are they hesitating so much? Isn’t this what they wanted to find? The truth is right there, beckoning them closer. Don’t they want to know? What was the point of joining the Survey Corps, of fighting Titans, of sacrificing so many of their comrades?

“Erwin, don’t go looking for trouble.”

*

Mike glances at him worriedly, and Erwin realizes with a start that he has been grinding his teeth since returning from his talk with Shadis and the other Squad Leaders.

“Did Commander Shadis shut down your idea again?”

Erwin has a half a mind to complain to Mike about the unfairness of it all. But what’s that going to accomplish? He should try to take the next couple of days as an impromptu vacation and let his men have as much fun as they can. In the meanwhile, he’ll come up with the best possible plan to twist Shadis’ arm to allow them to find out the cause of that fire.

“Ah, there you are! Erwin!” Nile shouts when he spots Erwin enter the bar. “You asshole, pay for your own damned squad!”

*

It takes Erwin a week to wear down Shadis.

“Tch! You want to know that badly? Fine! Take your squad and check it out!”

With permission granted, Erwin makes a quick work of getting his squad together. It should be a light enough squad to travel fast, but they still need to consider that someone might be injured out there. Therefore, at least one cart and a medical staff is a must.

“Oh, oh! Can I volunteer to come along? If the Titans really learned how to make campfire, I want to be the first to examine it!” Hange declares, waving her arm in the air.

“That’s supposed to be a secret. Where did you hear that?” Erwin asks.

Hange laughs. “There’s literal smoke outside of the Wall. Of course, everyone’s heard of it!”

Then again, Erwin supposes this is their fault for thinking that any of their soldiers can keep their mouths shut. But this also makes things easier in terms of explaining what he wants to do.

“Alright, Hange. You’ll be with us. I’ll let your Squad Leader know. Can I entrust medical supplies to you?”

“Ehhhh? But I wanted to play with the Titans!”

Despite saying such, Hange is already calling for the medical supplies she would like for them to take. How reliable.

“Levi, I want you to scout ahead. If there’s any Titans, rush forward. Pick two others to ride with you.”

“I don’t need any back up,” Levi says coldly. But he’s already pointing at two others to follow him.

Erwin realizes belatedly that it wasn’t just him that wanted to go out.

“Were you all just waiting for me to get the okay to go?”

Mike gives him a smug smirk. “For a tactician, you can be so incredibly slow.”

*

The smoke goes out as they’re riding towards it. Erwin can’t tell if it’s because the people realized that they were coming and was trying to hide evidence of being there or if maybe they ran into trouble. He can’t imagine someone would be so stupid to think that having a campfire on for nearly a week wouldn't have caught attention. Therefore, he is going to give these people the benefit of the doubt and believe that they must be in trouble.

“Levi!”

“Got it.”

Levi and the two assigned to him speed up. Erwin himself wishes that he could rush over there, but he has to play it smart. He only have the twenty members Shadis allowed. He cannot allow any of these people to be killed in this short trek.

“Mike, do you smell any Titans?”

“Yeah. Towards the forest. I hope our friends can hang in there until we get there.”

*

Well, this… This is certainly not what Erwin expected to find.

There are four children outside of the Wall.

One is a tall boy with black hair. He’s currently clutching tightly to an unconscious blonde girl in his arms. He looks terrified as he stares at the Survey Corps members as if he’s waiting for them to turn into monsters. There’s a blonde-hair boy right by their side. He doesn’t show much on his face, but he keeps his eyes locked on Levi, as if he’s fearful of him. The last boy looks to have a head injury, because there's blood smeared on the right side of his face. The blood red of his in jury matches his red scarf. He sticks right next to Levi, one hand clutching tightly to Levi’s cape. Levi looks super annoyed at him.

Each of these kids wear something that reminds Erwin faintly of a military uniform. A smart part of him want to turn a blind eye to that. He wants to pretend that this is just a coincidence. These kids just happened to come from the same orphanage, so they dress similarly. But the rational side to him cannot toss this idea to the side.

“Erwin, it’s just these kids,” Levi reports. “There were three Titans in the area. The two I took with me… They didn’t make it.”

So much for bringing everyone back alive. Erwin mentally sighs but nods in acknowledgement of the report.

“Is that your boss?” the kid with the head injury asks, tugging on Levi’s cape. Levi yanks his cape out of the kid's grasp.

“Yup.” And then to Erwin, “Where’s Shitty Glasses? This shitty brat is bleeding.”

Although this kid looks more or less fine with Levi, Levi looks very annoyed at the kid. Erwin thinks that Levi should be kinder. It's better for them to have at least one of these children not be completely terrified out of their minds when talking to the Survey Corps members. But he supposes that'll be asking too much from Levi.

“Hange is coming with the cart,” Erwin says.

The kid peers curiously up at Erwin from behind Levi. When their eyes meet, the kid flinches and hides behind Levi’s leg.

How cute.

Erwin kneels down so he’s more on eye-level with the kid. He smiles kindly in hopes that it’ll encourage the kid to trust him.

“Hello, I’m Erwin. I’m the leader of this squad,” he says, holding up a hand to shake. “Nice to meet you.”

The kid peeks back out from behind Levi’s leg. With a shy smile, he takes Erwin’s hand.

“I’m Eren. O-oh, I’ll introduce you to everyone.” Eren then points behind him at the tall boy holding the blonde girl. “That’s Bertolt and Annie.” Then he motions at the blonde, stoic boy. “That’s Reiner. They're my family.”

Family, huh? Erwin is quite tempted to believe the orphanage theory of his. But he’s not that naive. He can’t afford to be.

“This area is very dangerous. So we’re going to have to move as soon as the cart arrives. Do you have anything you need to grab?”

There’s something sad about the way Eren smiles. “It’s just us now.”

“From now on, we’ll protect you,” Erwin promises.

Eren giggles and pulls up his red scarf to hide the lower half of his face. And for just a second, Erwin imagines that he heard a soft accusing, “Liar.”

“Did you say something?” Erwin asks, trying not to let his feeling show on his face.

The kid pulls his scarf down and smiles innocently at Erwin. “Do everyone have wings on their backs?”

“Do you mean the ‘Wings of Freedom?’” Erwin glances at Levi for clarification, to which he receives a nod. “It’s a special privilege given to us of the Survey Corps. It means we are fighting for the betterment of humanity with these wings on our backs.”

Eren’s eyes sparkle in excitement. “Of freedom…” he whispers, voice a hushed awe.

“Squad Leader Erwin! We’re here!” Hange yells out as she arrives with the medical cart. “Where are the injur… Oh my god, children? What are children doing outside of the Wall?”

Hange all but jumps out of the cart and runs for Eren. Seeing the manic expression on her face, Eren quickly hides behind Levi’s leg. Levi’s hand hovers dangerously over his blade holsters. Erwin isn't sure if that blow would be for Hange or Eren, but he figures he'll save himself by standing up and taking a step away. Hange squats down in front of Eren with a giant grin on her face.

“Hi! I’m Hange Zoë! You don’t have to be scared. I’m here to make sure your head’s okay, alright?”

Eren peeks out from behind Levi’s leg. “Are you a doctor?”

“Not quite, but I’m functioning as one right now.”

“Then please look at Annie!”

*

Bertolt and Reiner both glare distrustingly at them when they approach. Probably because he understands their unease, Eren rushes to them. There seems to be a soft discussion that the children do not allow Erwin or the other Survey Corp members hear. Then whatever Eren said must have done the trick because both boys reluctantly allow Hange to come near.

“She doesn’t look to have any external injuries,” Hange says with a frown. “What happened before she was knocked unconscious?”

“We were attacked by a Titan,” Bertolt whispers.

Hange presses her lips into a thin line, thinking. Then she turns to Erwin. “I can’t do much to help her out here. We should head back.”

Translation being that she has no idea what’s wrong with Annie. Erwin nods.

“Thank you for your help. Kids-”

“Get on the cart, right?” Eren asks Erwin with a grin.

Right. Because of Annie, they forgot that Eren has a head injury.

“Yes.”

Erwin turns to ask Hange for help, only to realize that she is already preparing bandages while waiting for the children to climb onto the cart. Guess he didn’t have to be worried. Despite being a ditz at times, she’s always good at calculating her next move.

“Let’s ride back!”

*

They lay Annie down in the cart. Reiner and Bertolt sit next to her almost as if they’re trying to guard her. Eren sits next to Hange, letting her wipe the blood off and wrap his head in bandages.

Erwin rides at an equal pace with the cart to keep his eyes on the children.

“Jeesh, this is a nasty gash,” Hange says. “How’d you get this?”

“The Titan threw me into a tree,” Eren grumbles with a pout.

“Do either of you have injuries?” Hange asks Bertolt and Reiner.

The two shake their heads, looking warily at Hange. As soon as Hange finishes wrapping the bandage around Eren, they immediately pull Eren to their side, huddling together like frightened kittens.

It must have been hard, Erwin thinks. To be in that forest for nearly a week, waiting for someone to come help them. But how did they get here? Are they children from within the Wall? But how did they get out? Not to mention the clothes that they’re wearing are all too uniform to be casual. Erwin doesn’t really want to think of these children as such, but he can’t rule out to possibility that these kids are trained.

But trained for what?

“Uh… B-by any chance, do you have any water?” Eren asks Hange.

“Hm? Oh! Yeah, of course. Do you guys all want some?”

Hange pulls out a small canteen for Eren to take. For the other two, she looks around the cart and finds two more small canteens. Erwin realizes belatedly that he hadn’t realized that she packed some water. At least, he’s really hoping she gave them canteens of water and not booze.

Eren accepts the canteen and rushes to Annie’s side. Seeing that, Bertolt and Reiner follows him without glancing once at Hange’s offer. Hange (and Erwin) watches curiously to see what Eren will do.

After unscrewing the top, Eren carefully holds the canteen over Annie’s mouth and…

The cart lurches from hitting a rock. The water spills out of the canteen and all over Annie. Possibly because of the shock of having water thrown on her face, Annie jerks upright.

It happens within seconds. Erwin isn’t fast enough to react to it.

But Annie has a dagger in her hand that they didn’t see her pull out. She swings wildly. And to stop her from accidentally injuring herself or anyone else, Eren grabs the dagger with his left hand and pulls her head down against his shoulder with the other.

“Annie, it’s me,” Eren says soothingly. “I’m sorry about the water. It was an accident. Forgive me?”

There’s a small pause as Annie lets that sinks in. Then she must have realized what she’s done, because she pulls away from Eren. She puts her dagger away and holds Eren’s injured hand with wide eyes.

“Don’t worry about it! It’s just a scratch!” Eren tells her lightly.

“Here, let me look at it,” Hange says.

Eren does as bid as Annie glances around. Her eyes meet Reiner’s and then Bertolt’s. Then she slowly looks around the cart and at the Survey Corps members.

“Hello, I’m Erwin Smith. I’m the Squad Leader,” Erwin introduces himself.

“Squad Leader of what?” Annie asks.

“The Survey Corps.”

“They have wings on their backs, Annie!” Eren tells her excitedly.

Annie raises a brow. “Wings…? Don’t tell me they also fly around?”

“They do,” Bertolt says.

Reiner nods to confirm. Then he points at Levi. “You see that man over there? He killed a Pure Titan on his own by flying around.”

Erwin takes note of the word used. “Pure” Titan? Do these kids have a different way of categorizing Titans?

“I guess we owe _that person_ an apology,” Annie says with a soft sigh.

“Annie, are you sympathizing with her?”

The question is asked innocently enough. A little bit teasing, if you will. But Erwin’s horse is in the perfect position to see Eren’s face as he turns to look at Annie.

Those eyes… They’re not the eyes of an innocent child. They’re eyes that will eliminate anyone or anything that stand in his way. Eyes that fearlessly spills blood for the sake of a goal, a dream. Eyes of someone who will never be kept down.

Eyes just like Erwin’s own.

“Of course not,” Annie says, seemingly unbothered by Eren’s change in mood.

She casually raises her hand to push her hair behind her ear. There’s a strangely colorful bracelet on her wrist that Erwin can’t help but to notice. Those colors aren’t something that you find on threads within the Walls. At least, he doesn’t recall seeing anything so vibrant. Is this another sign that these kids are truly from outside the Walls?

The movement of pushing her hair behind her ear must have meant something, because Eren smiles a little sheepishly.

“Sorry. I know you won’t. I… guess I’m tired.”

Erwin isn’t fooled. There’s something more to these kids than what they let on. Will it lead to the truth that he has been seeking? Or will it end up to be another dead end? More importantly, will they become the turning point to get support for the Survey Corps to journey out the Walls?

“Alright! All finished!” Hange declares, interrupting the sweet mood. “Eren, you should get Annie here to kiss it all better. It helps you heal faster!”

The kids all look at Hange confused, if not a little grossed out. Have they never heard of something like this before?

“Kisses don’t heal you faster, Ms. Hange. Medicine does that,” Eren tells her worriedly. He pulls his hand closer to himself as if he doesn’t trust Hange with his injuries anymore.

The squad members listening in all try to stifle their laughter. Erwin himself gets a good chuckle out of it.

“Ah… I-it’s one of those, you know? Where you feel the love from the ones you love and it kicks your body into overdrive to heal!” Hange tries. It seems she is determined to not to lose to Eren.

Bertolt surprises them by moving next to Eren’s side. He kisses Eren’s bandaged head and then his bandaged hand. Then he settles down to Eren’s right, arm around a flustered Eren protectively while smiling innocently to the people watching.

Reiner and Annie glance at one another before shrugging. Annie kisses Eren’s bandaged head while Reiner kisses Eren’s hand. Eren’s face is beet red as he stares disbelievingly at the three of them.

“T-there’s no medical…”

Reiner presses his back against Eren’s while Annie leans to touch Eren’s left shoulder. Eren, still blushing, seems to have given up protesting. They look cozy like that. Four children who have survived three Titans (that Erwin knows of) outside of the Walls, cuddling together to offer each other comforts.

But that’s not how it looks to Erwin.

It looks more like they’ve taken a defensive stance against the Survey Corps, watching the adults with caution. Each of the kids, while looking like they’re just resting against each other, are looking in different directions. This is a position they’ve taken to keep their eyes on all targets around them while looking like they’re resting.

These kids most definitely know more than they’re letting on.

Erwin can’t wait to hear their stories.

*

It’s not just Commander Shadis waiting for them at the gate. Pixis is there, too, with a relaxed and friendly smile that betrays nothing of how he must truly feel. Both of their expressions, however, fall to shock when they see the four children.

“What…? H-how can this be?” Shadis whispers.

“Children, did you… run away from inside the Walls?” Pixis asks slowly.

“We’ve never been inside these Walls,” Eren answers distractedly.

He’s staring around at the massive height of the Wall as well as the soldiers running around. The other children seem just as amazed by the sheer amount of activity here. Their fascination with the Wall and the other people is proof enough for Erwin that these kids have never seen this before. But Pixis and Shadis haven’t seem to have caught on.

“Let’s discuss this inside,” Erwin suggests.

Pixis nods. “Yes, you’re right. We shouldn’t stay out here for too long. Hello children, I’m Dot Pixis. I’m part of the Garrison. We take care of the Walls here.”

“I’m Eren. This is Reiner, Annie, and Bertolt. We made a fire out there in hopes that you guys would come help us. Did you not see it?”

Eren’s voice is light. The expression on his face is of innocent curiosity. The other children have looks that are far more honest. They’re accusing and distrusting. Almost like they know why the people within the Walls hesitated to extend their hand to help.

It’s under the combination of those stares that really drives home guilt to the gathered soldiers here.

Erwin can’t help but to feel impressed. These kids definitely know what they’re doing. How devious. Now if only Erwin can figure out whose side these kids are on… If all else fails, what can he use to force them to work with him?

“W-we had reasons why we couldn’t come,” Shadis manages out.

Eren nods seriously. “I see. It must be tough inside, too.”

“Y-yes.”

Erwin fights against the urge to laugh at the sight of how uncomfortable bunch of children can make grown adults.

*

The people of Shiganshina crowd around despite how much the soldiers try to make room for the cart to get through. The fascination they have matches the fascination on the children's faces as they look around excitedly (and in Annie’s case, like she’s struggling to look as unimpressed as possible).

“Welcome to Shiganshina District,” Hange tells the children with a laugh.

“Are all the towns inside the Walls like this?” Eren asks her.

Hange grins. “Of course not! They’re all different!”

The way Eren’s eyes shine feels like Erwin saw something intimate. Like it’s a hint to something dear to Eren’s heart. If Erwin can figure out exactly what that is, he should be able to force these kids to be on his side, right?

To get the truth of this world…

“They’re all different,” Eren echoes faintly.

He sounds like he’s far away. Like he’s too lost in thought to return. If the other children weren’t so excitedly staring around them, Erwin wonders if they would have been worried. Is this a normal behavior for Eren? Or is this something special? Is this something that Erwin can use?

Just how far has he fallen that he’s looking for ways to use children?

*

They go to Pixis’ office to talk. Erwin makes sure that they have a medical staff to look over Hange’s handiwork, just in case.

Eren grabs Levi’s cape and gives it a small tug. Levi raises a brow but stops to listen to what the kid wants.

“I-it’s okay if it’s just military rations. But… c-can we have some food?”

Levi turns to Erwin, his lips drawing back into a sneer. Erwin can’t help but to wonder if Levi realizes just how terrifying he looks right now.

“Hey, bring out your shitty food to feed these shitty brats!” Then Levi, still with the scowl on his face, turns to Eren. “Happy, shitty brat?”

Erwin honestly can’t tell if Levi likes these kids or not.

*

It occurs to Erwin belatedly that these kids might have been sitting next to the fire outside the Wall, desperately waiting for a rescue without any food or water. Because any sort of distrust and suspicion fly out the window when the Garrison soldiers bring food over for them.

The four children sit at the table, staring at the food in dazed disbelief. Erwin stands by the wall with the other Squad Leaders of both Survey Corps and the Garrison (and Levi, Hange, and Nile). Pixis and Shadis have their chairs pulled to the side to see the kids when they talk.

“W-we can eat all of this?” Reiner asks, his voice just barely above a whisper.

Pixis meets eyes with Shadis for a second before smiling kindly at the salivating kids.

“It’s all yours. Please, help yourselves.”

Eren moves first. He rips a piece of bread that’s still steaming (did the Garrison members seriously bring out oven hot bread for the kids?) and bites into it. He flinches slightly, making the other three tense.

“I burnt my tongue,” Eren tells them as an explanation.

Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie look at one another one last time before reaching for the food.

They’re crying, Erwin realizes with a stab of guilt. They’re crying while eating. Is the food just that good? Or is it more that they haven’t eaten in a while? Either way, it doesn’t change the fact that they’re quietly sniffling and trying hard to hide that they’re crying while eating.

Although they’re all dying to know where these kids came from and why they were outside of the Walls, none of the adults can muster up the strength to ask them questions when they’re eating so happily.

*

The kids must be feeling full, because they’re starting to slow down. They also seem a little more aware of their surrounding. They’re glancing around, taking note of exactly who else is in the room with them.

“Thank you for the food,” Eren says as he turns his chair to face Pixis and Shadis. “I bet you guys have lots of questions for us, right?”

The other kids follow his lead and position their chairs to face the two Commanders. Perhaps because they’ve just eaten, they look pretty satisfied and not suspicious at all.

Erwin straightens, but Shadis make a motion for him to stand down. Damn it. Guess he’ll have to wait for his turn. Erwin balls his hands into fists and tries to contain his irritation.

“Yes, let’s start with the simplest one. Where did you come from and why were you in that forest?” Shadis asks.

“Eh? From there? But isn’t that the most obvious one? We’re from outside of these Walls. Our town was attacked by Titans.”

Pixis raises a brow. “A town outside of these Walls? Does such a place truly exist? All of humanity hid inside here from the Titans.”

All the children look shocked by that. As Erwin thought. There is something out there. Something that the King has made sure that they will never recall.

“You think all of humanity fit within these Walls?” Reiner asks, incredulous.

“Whoever didn’t fit became Titan food. That is the history that we teach within these Walls,” Erwin blurts out before anyone can stop him.

The kids look stricken. Like they can’t imagine such a thing. So it’s true. There’s a world outside of these Walls. There’s more to this world than these Walls caging them in and the Titans.

Erwin’s dad’s theory is true.

“W-wait a minute,” Bertolt says, holding up his hand. “So your history says that everyone outside is dead? And that… that you guys within these Walls survived because… what? You guys were chosen?”

“No, no. We survived because we came inside these Walls. There is nothing outside except the Titans. The Wall protects us from the them,” Pixis says.

“Protect…? Do you even know what those Walls are made of?” Annie asks, her voice low.

“It was made a long time ago. The technology used then was lost,” Shadis tells her.

The children stare at the two of them in complete bafflement. Whatever it is that they teach outside of these Walls, it seems that it doesn’t line up with what they know inside. Erwin can’t help but to grin. The truth, he thinks. It’s finally within his grasp.

“Ah, I see. If it’s like that then it doesn’t matter what we say here.” Eren lets out a sigh and leans back into his chair. “What a pain! Marcel, I don’t want to deal with this!”

Annie kicks Eren’s chair. “Explain.”

Her voice is sharp. And from the way both Reiner and Bertolt look uncomfortably uncertain, it seems that only Eren has arrived on this conclusion.

“It’s one of the 18 theories Marcel had as to why no one from inside the Walls ever tried to reach out. In order to keep everyone within the Walls compliant, the King modified everyone’s memories to believe that there’s nothing outside of these Walls. That they’re being kept safe from the monsters at their doors.”

Erwin feels himself tremble. His father’s theory! It’s being echoed by a child who has never heard of it before! He glances over at Nile, who looks like he still hasn’t processed this.

“Who is this ‘Marcel?’” Pixis asks Eren.

Erwin bites down on his fist to stop himself from snapping. Why is Pixis asking such a mundane question? Ask about the Theory! Ask about how Eren arrived on this conclusion! There’s so many things that they can ask. Why is Pixis wasting his time with this?

Eren opens his mouth and then shuts it suddenly. He looks like he’s struggling to get the words out. Seeing that, Reiner reaches over to squeeze his knee.

“Marcel is our… was our leader. He was eaten by-”

“He saved me. If I wasn’t an idiot, he wouldn’t have been eaten! If I just paid more attention…! He should’ve just let me die instead.”

Bertolt stands up and walks over to behind Eren as Eren is speaking. He grabs Eren’s chair and picks it up. With a simple motion that a normal child probably shouldn’t be able to do (at least Erwin wouldn’t have been able to do when he was their age), Bertolt throws Eren off of his chair. Eren lands harshly against the ground and rolls once before he catches himself. He glares up at Bertolt from the ground. His body tenses like a cat getting ready to pounce.

Erwin isn’t the only one caught off-guard by this. The adults all look somewhere between shell-shock and like they want to stop this. Except what exactly can they say? Should they physically separate them? What are you supposed to do in this case? 

“B-Bertolt, that’s enough,” Reiner stutters as he grabs Bertolt uncertainly by the arm. Annie also looks lost as her head continues to dart between Bertolt and Eren.

Bertolt ignores both of them.

“‘Marcel can save himself,’” he says, sounding like he’s repeating something he’s heard somewhere. “Isn’t that right, Eren?”

There’s something that flashes in Eren’s eyes. It’s gone too fast for Erwin to catch. But whatever it was must have been exactly what Eren needed. He covers his eyes with his hands, his shoulders shaking slightly.

“Don’t belittle what he did. We need him? Yes, of course. But we need you, too. Every single one of us is irreplaceable. Or does none of that mean anything to you now?”

Bertolt walks up to Eren, shrugging off Reiner’s hold. He holds up his hand for Eren to take. Erwin can’t help but to note the bracelet on his wrist. It looks just like the one that Annie has. Is that a sign that they’re all involved in this, whatever this may be? Does Reiner and Eren have one, too?

Eren pulls his hands down from his eyes and looks surprised at Bertolt’s offered hand. There’s a faint smile on his face as he accepts it to stand up. The look they exchange seem to confirm something for the two of them.

“Sorry about that,” Eren says, turning his attention back to Pixis and Shadis.

There’s an easy grin on his face now as he walks back to sit down on the chair. Both Reiner and Annie relax, and Bertolt makes his way back to his own chair.

How fast, Erwin thinks. In that short time, these two just confirmed something. There’s so many puzzle pieces suddenly all spread out before him. But Erwin doesn’t know what the whole picture is supposed to look like. How should he even begin to start putting these pieces together?

“Let me start over so things make a little more sense. Our town was attacked by Titans. It happened too suddenly for us to properly defend ourselves. They… They just picked people off the streets and gobbled them up. It didn’t matter how much you begged or what you offered them. One by one, people disappeared into those giant lips stretched into grins. Crunch, crunch, and blood gushed everywhere like some kind of a bad dream…”

Eren pauses when he realizes that his voice is shaking. He clears his throat, forcing a smile on his face that looks much too feral.

“Marcel grabbed us. We got on horseback and rode in desperate hopes of finding some kind of help. I… I don’t remember how far we rode, but when we stopped to rest, we were attacked by another Titan. We… lost Marcel. Marcel and the horses. In our panic, we just ran blindly. That’s how we ended up in that forest. We were able to use the dense trees to hide ourselves from the Titans somewhat. When we saw the Walls, we knew you were those that followed King Fritz. But we weren’t sure if we could ask for help or if we can approach the Walls without the Titans giving us chase. So we made the campfire.”

Erwin can’t find a fault in those words. At least, not yet. The things he want to know has more to do with this town of theirs that they came from. Are there others like that town out there? How many? How have they been keeping safe from the Titans all this time? And why haven’t any of them tried to talk to them within the Walls until now? Come on! Why aren’t Shadis and Pixis asking any questions?

His patience reaches its limit. He can’t wait anymore.

“That theory you mentioned earlier that Marcel came up with? How did you come to that conclusion? What do you mean about the King modifying people’s memories?”

Both Shadis and Pixis give him disapproving stares, but they don’t stop Erwin.

Eren glances at him and sighs. He runs his fingers through his hair as if he’s faced with a complicated problem he doesn’t know how to begin.

“So uh… If I remember what Marcel said correctly… It’s too odd. Even if you make the argument that the basic human instinct is to live comfortably without any change, there will always be someone who craves freedom. That person will climb over the Walls and reject the safety of this cage. But seeing that these people have not made any contact with the outside world, there must be someone or a group of someones actively preventing such a thing.”

What the hell?

This kid just described the biggest obstacle that the Survey Corps faces without knowing a thing about them. Is it that obvious what is happening within these Walls? But no, that's not quite true. The other children look like they're just starting to understand the situation. Then that means that this "Marcel" person was someone like Erwin's father, someone who questioned things and arrived on theories after observations.

“How does that translate into modifying memories?” Pixis asks, finally looking interested.

“I told you, that’s just one of Marcel’s many theories. Mr. Erwin said that the history taught here claims there’s no outside world. Coupled with the fact that you guys don’t even know what that Wall is made out of tells me that it has to be this theory. Because the very first people who settled inside of these Walls would have remembered enough to tell their children what the world was like or what those Walls are made up of. Even if the government says to learn one thing, it’s easy enough for a family to spread the truth in secret.”

“What exactly are you saying the Walls are made out of?” Shadis snaps.

“Titans.”

Erwin feels like he’s been splashed with the blood of his comrades on the field. The Squad Leaders all let out various exclamations. Even Levi and Hange look shocked.

The children watch their reaction with discomfort. Just a little, they seem to shift closer together without making any big movements.

“W-what are you talking about? How can the Walls be made out of Titans?!” one of the Squad Leaders yell.

Eren stares at him with such calm that’s got to make the Squad Leader feel foolish for yelling. “Let me guess, you guys also don’t know about the Nine Titans?”

“What are those?” Pixis asks.

“The Nine Titans of Ymir. They’re-”

Reiner stops Eren. “We’re just going to tell them? Isn’t that too reckless?”

Annie nods in agreement. Bertolt, however, remains still as if he’s not sure which side he’s on.

“It’s fine whether we tell them or not. The minute their King realizes that we’re here, he’ll order for our deaths while manipulating everyone’s memories to forget that this ever happened.”

Erwin realizes with a start that he forgot to account for that. 

If their King is a powerful being who can change the people’s memories, then it’ll be a piece of cake for him to change theirs right now. They shouldn’t have publicized that they found these kids. It doesn't matter that they attained the truth, if they'll all just forget about it! That's not good enough. What can Erwin do to prevent this? What should he try?

“Hey shitty brat, that means you have a plan for when that happens, don’t you?” Levi asks.

Eren stares at him blankly for a bit before grinning innocently. Erwin is caught off-guard by it. It’s too odd of a timing. Why would he smile like that now?

“Before you forget me, will you teach me how to fly?”

Levi raises a brow. “And what will you do with that knowledge?”

“I’m going to kill god.”

Is this "god" the one that Eren believes to be the one who created this world? Or is it a metaphor? And why kill god? If it was Erwin, he would much rather have a conversation with this "god" to learn more about the world. Then he'll decide if it's even worth the effort to kill this "god." But more likely, once you learn about all the details of the world, wouldn't you end up agreeing with "god" as to how the world is currently ran?

The look on Eren’s face isn’t so innocent anymore. It reminds Erwin of the look Eren had earlier on the cart when he was questioning Annie’s loyalty. A burning determination that refuses to yield to any obstacle. 

Instead of bafflement or disbelief like the rest of the people in the room must feel, Levi responds to such a look with an excited glint in his eyes. There’s a hint of a grin on his face. Erwin wouldn’t be shocked if Levi didn’t actually hear any words. He just saw that look in Eren’s eyes and took a liking to this kid.

“Alright. I’ll teach you.”

Looks like they’ll be taking responsibility for these kids, whether Shadis wants to or not.

If what Eren says is true, then the next move will be from the Military Police. What should Erwin do to counter that? How should he keep these children within his grasp while keeping his memories? 

“Before that, let’s see if we can avoid losing our memories,” Erwin says.

Shadis is giving him a look that promises death, but Erwin can’t focus on it. He’s much too excited by the prospect of what these kids represent.

“How does losing our memories work? Do you know?”

Eren shrugs. “No clue. But Marcel guessed that the King's power doesn’t work on everyone. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have left anyone outside of the Walls. He would have ordered them all to be inside here.”

“You think the memory wipe won’t work on you?” Hange asks.

The other children give Eren a look that seems like they really don’t like him talking about this. Erwin wonders if this was a secret in their town. But then they wouldn’t have acted as if this was common knowledge. Is there more to this that Eren isn’t saying?

“Most likely. That’s why the King will have to order our deaths instead. After all, until we die, we’ll just keep telling you the truth every time you forget.”

“Or they can just take you away before making us forget. It doesn’t necessarily have to be death,” Pixis guesses with a pensive look on his face.

Eren lets out a soft gasp as if he hadn’t thought of that. Right. These aren’t his plans. These are things that he’s just repeating from this “Marcel” fellow. Erwin does feel that it’s a waste that such a clever mind was lost to a Titan. He would’ve loved to have talked with this guy.

“Then…” Eren looks at them seriously. “I’ll make it so that they have no choice but to kill us. If they leave even one of us alive, we’ll make them pay for it dearly.”

These kids have something else planned. That much is obvious. But what? Erwin wishes he can be alone with these kids to earn their trust to figure this out more in depth. What kind of a trump card does these kids hold? What are their plans? Because the more they talk, the less it feels like a coincidence that they’re here because of a Titan attacked their town, and more that they chose to come here for a bigger purpose.

“A-are all of you mad? You’re just… going to trust this? They’re children! For all we know, they’re just making things up as they go. Titans inside the Walls? Killing god? Lose our memories? All of this is preposterous!” Shadis points out.

“It doesn’t really matter to me whether you believe me or not,” Eren tells him. “You’ll forget either way.”

Erwin shakes his head. “No, no. We’re going to prevent that from happening. We of the Survey Corps are the strongest within these Walls. No matter who comes after you, we’ll protect you. As long as we do that, our memories will stay intact.”

“And how exactly are you planning on doing that?” Shadis growls.

“By doing the same thing that we’ve been doing to get funding for our activities.”

From the way Shadis’ face falls, Erwin knows that the Commander knows exactly what he’s talking about.

“You’re… seriously not going to…?” Shadis whispers.

Erwin finds himself grinning despite himself.

“I’m going to take this gamble.”

*

Mike and the rest of Erwin’s squad are waiting for him when he exits the meeting. Erwin doesn’t know what they’ve been conversing with one another about, but their mood is grim. He hopes that his next orders to them doesn’t make the mood worse.

“We of the Erwin Squad will protect these four children with our lives.”

He is pleasantly surprised when his squad members grin and let out relieved laughter. “Thank god,” Erwin hears someone say.

Mike gives Erwin a thumbs up.

“You shouldn't celebrate so early. This means that we’ll be going against the Military Police,” Erwin warns them.

“Hah! Like we haven’t done that before!”

Erwin finds his lips twitch into a smile. His soldiers are good people. This is probably going to lead even more of them to their deaths, but they, as always, are volunteering their lives for the good of humanity.

For Erwin’s own selfish goals.

“Squad Leader Erwin!” Hange yells out as she runs over to them. “Please let me in on this, too. I have no plans on abandoning those kids now.”

“Are you sure? You’ll be going against Commander Shadis,” Erwin reminds her.

Hange just grins. “Like that’s the worst thing I’ve ever done!”

That’s right. Even if this King of theirs is erasing the truth, there are people within the Walls that are willing to fight (to die) for the sake of it.

“As you’ve just heard, we do not have Commander Shadis’ backing. We’ll be working independently from the rest of the Survey Corps. It’ll be dangerous and not at all beneficial. Are you still with me?”

“Leave it to us, Squad Leader!”


	7. Maybe war is something that is natural for us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Minor character death, domestic fluff, and misunderstandings (but probably not what you're thinking of) for humor purposes. Please don't think anything weird of it and just laugh.

Porco has hated this for as long as he can remember.

Marcel is someone that he cannot quite reach. Even if Porco stands next to him physically, it always feels like Marcel isn’t quite present. Like Marcel doesn’t see him.

“Lost in thought,” the adults used to say. “Head in the clouds.”

“That’s why, Porco, you have to make sure to hold Marcel’s hand. Otherwise, he’ll fly away.”

It can’t be helped, Porco reasoned. His brother is air-headed. That’s why Porco needs to be down to earth. That’s why Porco needs to become louder to snap his brother out of his thoughts. That’s why Porco needs to kick his brother to get his attention. That’s why…

But Eren isn’t that. He’s not any of that. Or perhaps it’s better to say that Eren wasn’t that, wasn’t any of that? After all, the Eren now with the Attack Titan under his name is someone fearsome that Porco at times feels like he doesn’t know. Like he can never reach again.

Eren was a porcelain doll, moving only as the adults directed. 

Until Marcel went out of his way to reach out to him.

The Marcel who is an air-head. The Marcel who is always lost in thought. The Marcel who needed Porco to kick or yell at in order to get the attention of. 

That Marcel grabbed Eren’s hand and grounded himself in reality.

Marcel, who has always been out of reach for Porco, became tangible for Eren. And for Marcel, Eren began to allow the doll-like mask to slip. Even when Marcel charged recklessly forward, looking for something that Porco never understood, Eren matched him step for step. Their eyes seem to be locked on something beyond the horizon that Porco couldn’t see. Couldn’t dream of seeing.

And now Porco knows that it was a plan to overthrow the government.

How many times has he seen it? Marcel and Eren, locked in a serious discussion together? But the minute Porco (or anyone else) came nearby, their conversation ceased and they took on mellow smiles so different from their talk just seconds ago. Was it then? For how long have they been working on this plan without letting anyone know? 

He clutches the letter from Marcel in his hands. He’s read it so many times that he’s more or less memorized everything. And yes, he knows what Pieck said. He knows the moral consequences of what he’s about to do.

But his brother (his air-headed, out-of-reach brother) asked this of him.

Isn’t that the same as his brother finally looking at Porco, finally seeing him there? And to test whether or not Poco can be trusted (to be part of treason), Marcel asked him to do just this one little thing.

Psilocybin, Eren once mentioned in passing. It’s found inside of these special mushrooms. In small quantities, it’s enough to send you on an euphoric trip. But if you’re foolish enough to take a larger dose, it will haunt you with nightmarish images that will prompt you to do something rash.

“Like what?” Marcel asked.

Eren’s face had paled at the question. But he recounted for them the story of the two men who came into the clinic last night after a bad trip. One man had curled up in the corner of the room, begging that he’d rather die than to have this crying baby clutch onto his leg for eternity ("He kept telling us to cut it off. And he kept cussing out this woman who wasn't there, saying that she was laughing at him for not wanting their child."). The other man had gotten violent, swinging his fists at Eren’s grandpa and calling him a monster ("We had to physically restrain him until the mushroom ran its course. Grandpa didn't like the idea that he might try to grab a scalpel to stab grandma or me.").

One of the three methods that Marcel has detailed for Porco is to give Reiner’s mom some of these special mushrooms and let her deal with it.

Did he pass the test, Marcel? Is Porco finally worthy enough to be treated as an equal? To be put on the same level as Eren? To finally be able to stand with them without being left behind?

Porco didn’t think it’ll be this easy, to be honest.

He got really lucky, though. Apparently there was a loose screw on one of the cabinets in the kitchen. Karina, in her effort to run away from whatever monsters she saw in her head, rammed her knee into it and didn’t realize it. Because of all the racket she made, screaming and throwing various items in her house, the neighbors rushed to get her help. But she refused to let anyone get close, calling them names and violently fighting against them.

So they left her.

Porco doesn’t know exactly how long they’ve left her for. But from the whispers of gossips of the adults, it seems that the reason she died was because of that loose screw. If Eren was here, Porco thinks he would have explained exactly the medical reasons of what went down. But Eren isn’t here. All Porco can do is pretend he had nothing to do with this while the adults gossip about “Poor Karina, she just wanted to unite with her baby’s father.”

But Colt sees through that.

*

Colt’s punch doesn’t hurt. Porco has fought and wrestled with both Reiner and Eren. Nothing that Colt throws can rival the power behind Reiner’s or the intensity behind Eren’s. 

But it stings in a different way.

“We told Pieck we wouldn’t do this! So why, Porco?”

“You said so yourself, didn’t you? That we should support them. That we-” Porco holds up the bracelet on his wrist. “-are always doing things for each other.”

Colt lowers his voice. “But you… you  _ killed  _ someone, Porco. You-”

“Yeah, I did. How is that any different from what we normally do as Warriors?”

The two stare at each other for a second longer. Then Colt covers his face like he’s the one with a guilty conscious when Porco’s the one who killed Reiner’s mom. And damn it, Marcel. Why the hell couldn’t he have trusted them from the beginning? Why did they have to find out about everything like this?

“B-because we’re… we’re all Eldians,” Colt stammers, voice so low that Porco almost thought he imagined it.

He grabs Colt by the shoulder and gives a small shake. The bracelet on his wrist is visible like this. Without meaning to, Porco ends up emphasizing that bracelet again.

“Hey Colt, what’s more important to you? Family or the rest of the world?”

Colt’s face is pale. 

Making him choose like this is unfair, Porco knows that. That’s why, he’s going to force Colt to walk away and-

“No, you’re right,” Colt says, eyes determined. “I’m being naive. If we’re going to fight, then we need to prioritize. It needs to be family first.”

Porco realizes he might have underestimated Colt a bit too much.

But look. Now when everyone returns home, it’ll be to two more comrades in arms and not dead weights.

 

* * *

 

“For now, we’ll let you guys stay in these rooms,” Erwin tells them with a kind smile on his face. “I figured you guys would want to divide between girl and boys-”

Annie grabs Eren’s hand without letting Erwin finish.  “Thank you,” she says, dragging Eren towards one of the rooms.

“W-wha…?! A-Annie, w-wait!”

Luckily, both Bertolt and Reiner run to Eren’s defense. Reiner stands in front of the door and Bertolt grabs Annie’s arm that’s clutching Eren’s hand.

“You’re not the only one who wants a go at Eren,” Bertolt says. “You don’t get to monopolize him.”

“Fine,” Annie grumbles, looking annoyed. “You guys come, too.”

Eren feels a shudder go down his spine. They’re pissed as hell. Is he going to be okay when they look this mad? Sure, he’s the fastest healer, but that doesn’t mean he likes being beaten constantly.

“What was the point of getting them separate rooms?” Eren hears some of the Survey Corps members complain.

More so than that, can anyone please come save him? He desperately tries to make eye contact with Erwin, who just waves cheerfully at him. Then maybe Levi-

“Please don’t mind us if you hear strange sounds,” Reiner tells the adults.

Eren blinks. “W-wait, I have to handle all three of you at once? Even if it’s me, there’s something called a limit, you know?”

He sees the horrified blushes on the adults faces as the door to the room closes. Except that makes no sense. Why are they blushing for? Just save him, damn it!

*

Annie first throws him to the ground in an achingly familiar way. They haven’t done this since they were training. Perhaps because of the long absence, Eren can only land harshly against the ground with the wind knocked out of him.

She doesn’t even go easy on him.

And from the ways both Reiner and Bertolt are glaring at him, it looks like they won’t stop her any time soon.

This sucks.

“I thought it was just Marcel who was keeping us in the dark. But I should’ve realized that you’d be just as guilty.”

_ “You know, they’re going to be mad when they find out that we’ve kept them in the dark. When that time comes, Eren, I’m counting on you!” _

_ “Oh, come on! Why do I have to?” _

_ “Because Annie scares me!” _

When Eren rights himself, Annie immediately goes to kick him in the face. He can feel blood in his mouth as well as the steam. His healing is already kicking in, huh? He better make sure that he doesn’t accidentally heal the head injury or the knife wound on his hand. 

“Annie, move over. You’re not the only one angry,” Bertolt reminds her. Reiner cracks his knuckles by his side.

Even though Eren has more or less accepted that this will be his fate, it doesn’t mean that he’s happy with it. 

Damn it, Marcel. 

Why did he have to go and leave all the hard things to Eren?

*

When they have cooled down somewhat, Reiner is the first to be by Eren’s side with a wet cloth to help him wipe some of the blood off, seeing that even Eren’s healing couldn’t keep up with the three of them. He supports Eren to sit on the bed while Annie and Bertolt brings chairs over for them to talk.

“Ready to listen?” Eren asks them.

“Yeah,” Annie says, looking a little apologetic. “Thanks for letting us vent.”

“No, I think I deserved that. If I was in your shoes, I don’t think I would’ve stopped.”

They at least have the good graces to not agree with him. Oh well. As the fastest healer (and as the one remaining that kept things a secret from them), he probably doesn’t have any right to complain.

“How much have you kept from us?” Bertolt asks.

“A lot of what we kept silent were things that are just theories. Since we don’t have any basis for them, Marcel didn’t feel comfortable sharing them.”

“But he shared them with you,” Reiner says. 

He doesn’t sound like he’s accusing Eren of anything, though. It just sounds resigned. Eren doesn’t know how to analyze that as Marcel would, so he just flushes it.

“Since I was able to get some confirmation, I’ll share those with you.”

“No.” Annie shakes her head firmly. “Tell us everything. Don’t pick and choose what you think we want to hear. I want to know everything.”

*

When Eren’s throat gets parched, Bertolt gets him a glass of water. None of them stop him from talking, so Eren tells them everything that he can remember. It’s nearing dawn when he finishes telling them everything. And by then, he has healed everything but the head wound and the hand wound as he planned. All three look terribly confused and lost, and for that, Eren apologizes.

“It’s… a lot, I know-”

Bertolt punches him. Then he grabs Eren by the front of his shirt, lips pulled back into the fiercest scowl Eren has ever seen on him.

“Why didn’t you just tell us?! Why did the two of you hide this from us? Aren’t we family? Aren’t we Warriors together? Eren, why couldn’t you trust us?”

_ “Hey Marcel, how do you come up with these theories? Sometimes, you speak like you’ve been there yourself. I-is it your memories?” _

_ “… Eren, there’s someone I’m going to introduce to you later. But you have to keep that man and these theories a secret from everyone in return. Can you do that for me?” _

It’s easy to ask “why.” And it’s even easier to answer. Eren’s kind of shocked that they want to waste time with such trivialities when they should really figure out what they should do from here. But they asked him to be honest, so he’s going to tell them everything.

“When I said ‘I want to kill god,’ you thought that I was being ridiculous. Right?”

The guilty looks on their faces says enough. Eren nods.

“Yeah. I know. It is ridiculous. It’s stupid. Childish, too. But Marcel said he’ll come up with a plan for me to kill god. Marcel didn’t laugh. Even though I told him it was okay to… It wasn’t that I didn’t trust you guys. It’s just that I trust Marcel more.”

Bertolt releases him with a sigh. He sits back down on the chair, looking like he’s been defeated.

“Eren, Marcel’s dead,” Annie reminds him coldly.

Yes, he knows. They don’t have to constantly tell him that. He feels Marcel’s absence acutely even without these reminders. 

“Yeah. He is,” Eren agrees. “And he didn’t even leave any plans for me if he were to ever die first. But if there’s one thing that’s for sure…”

He lifts his wrist, showing off the bracelet that’s there. 

_ “Even if we’re apart, we’re still Warriors together.” _

“Marcel and I both wanted to protect our family. We wanted to give all of you plausible deniability. So if anything went wrong, at the very least, you guys could blame it all on us without being punished.”

Reiner lightly smacks Eren’s shoulder. “That’s way too selfish, don’t you think? How dare you leave us out of all the fun?”

Eren didn’t even think of it that way. But he definitely feels much better now that he has it all off his chest. Now that the terrible theories and plans are out in the open for Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie to hear. If he and Marcel had done this earlier… If the two of them depended on their family, would things have turned out differently?

Would Marcel be sitting with them in this room, planning for the future?

*

“We should have a plan for the worst possible outcome,” Eren tells them.

He glances at the window and sees that the sun is slowly settling into the sky. They better hurry before the Survey Corps members wake up and come in to check in on them.

“The worst? You mean for when we’re all dead?” Annie deadpans.

“Sort of. Before all of us end up dead, I mean. So if one of us dies or loses our memory. Or maybe multiple of us end up dead. What I mean is, we’ll keep our Titans a secret from everyone until then. And if it happens, then those left alive will destroy the gates and call for as many of the Pure Titans as they can.”

“Destroy the gates?” Reiner asks. Then he pauses as he realizes what Eren’s talking about. “Ah, that’s right. The Walls might be harder to break down, but if it’s just their gates, any of us should be able to break it.”

Eren nods. “If it ever comes to that, then I want all of them to feel it. The despair of losing someone. The pain of fighting for your life. These people dare to sit back in the comforts of these Walls while we were dying under the Marley rule. They dared to forget the sins of our ancestors while we have to pay for it. So we’ll let them feel it, too. What it feels to lose family.”

“Yeah, that’s only fair,” Bertolt agrees.

“Count me in.” Reiner grins confidently.

“I’m fine with all of this, but there’s one more thing we should do,” Annie says.

They motion for her to continue.

“It sounded like they have no idea what Titans really are or about Marleys and Eldians. Let’s keep that a secret from them, too.”

“Why?” Reiner asks her.

“Because once they figure out that Titans are actually Eldians, they’ll be able to guess that there are people who can turn back into humans. In other words, they might be able to figure out our Titan shifting abilities before our reveal. If that happens, we might not get a chance to get revenge.”

Eren nods. “Yeah, that makes sense. Let’s do that.”

And with that figured out, they need to plan exactly what their next steps will be.

“Because we’re children, they might try more official means of getting rid of us first,” Bertolt guesses.

“Official? Like assassination?” Reiner asks.

Annie rolls her eyes. “I’m pretty sure he means using the military. Even if Erwin’s Squad decides to protect us, there’s not much they can do if their higher ups commands it of them.”

“Do you really think that?” Eren recalls the look in Erwin’s eyes when he said he’d take this gamble. “Hey, why don’t we take a gamble, too?”

*

When Hange knocks on the door to invite them to breakfast, the four of them begin their new plan right away.

“G-good morning. M-may I land a h-hand in any t-task that you’re doing?” Bertolt stutters to Hange with a nervous smile.

“Hello,” Reiner greets Mike with self-conscious smile. “I-is there anything I can do to help you today?”

Annie mumbles a greeting to Erwin before sitting next to him to eat breakfast. When he excuses himself from the table, she follows him without a word.

As for Eren…

“Morning, Mr. Levi! Will you teach me how to fly?”

*

“I talked to Commander Shadis about it,” Levi admits, surprising Eren. “But we don’t have any gears for someone as tiny as you.”

“E-ehhhhh? What’s with that?! But I wanted to fly!”

Levi gives him an unimpressed look. “Whining to me isn’t going to change your size, shitty brat.”

Eren pouts into his breakfast. “But you promised you’d teach me.”

He thought that Levi would get annoyed and leave. He thought that he’d have a long day of chasing Levi around, begging to be taught how to fly.

He doesn’t expect for Levi to stand up and motion for Eren to follow him.

“I can’t teach you how to fly, but I can at least fly you around.”

*

“Are you allowed to fly in town?” Eren can’t help but to ask as he follows Levi outside.

“No one’s expressly forbade it.”

“It’s a technicality then? Mr. Levi, won’t you be in trouble?”

Levi raises a brow. “For what? It’s not like I’m blowing off work to play around.”

His words are so matter-of-fact that Eren can’t refute it. Is this one of those things that happen regularly here? Eren honestly can’t tell. Well, with how well-protected these people are with the Walls and all, it’s probably fine for these kinds of small mischief. Whatever. It works for Eren, anyways. He won’t be reporting back firsthand experience on how to use this flying machine, but it should be close enough.

“C’mon.”

Levi picks Eren up in his arms. And without giving Eren a chance to respond, Levi takes off.

*

The wind is strong up here. No, no. That’s not quite right. It feels more like they’re cutting through the air itself, creating a strong gust as they move. 

Amazing.

Despite how primitive their technology looked at first glance, this vertical maneuvering equipment is truly a masterpiece. To allow a human to fly this freely through the skies…!

That said, Eren notes its limits, too. It needs to fire its anchors in order to propel you around. Miscalculating where to shoot them or if there’s nothing to shoot them at would immediately spell your doom. It won’t work in an open field. But if Eren can stack those 50-60 meter tall Titans on their shoulders, he might be able to use one of these to fly all the way to heaven!

“Enjoying the view?” Levi asks.

Eren tries to yell back an affirmative, but he thinks that his voice got lost in the wind.

As if understanding that, Levi lands in the middle of a market street. He puts Eren down on the ground and begins to walk forward.

Does that mean to follow him? Eren isn’t sure. But since he doesn’t know how to get back to everyone, he figures he shouldn’t lose Levi. He reaches up and grabs Levi’s cape.

“Shitty brat, my hand is right here. Why would you go for the cape?”

“I’m allowed?”

Levi sighs with annoyance and grabs Eren’s hand. “If I don’t do this, you’ll get lost, right?”

“That’s really rude to assume about someone!”

“Yeah, yeah. Stop grabbing my cape, shitty brat.”

Eren pouts. “You know, I have a name. It’s Eren.”

Levi doesn’t even respond. Did he not hear? Or is he doing this on purpose? Eren can’t figure this person out.

“Eren! Eren! Eren! Eren! Eren!”

Shouting his own name like this in the middle of a crowded street is kind of embarrassing, but at least it gets Levi to stop walking and turn to face him. Levi’s face is dark as he scowls down at Eren. Eren glares defiantly back, daring Levi to scold him.

With a soft “Tch” sound, Levi rubs the back of his neck. “Okay, okay. I get it, Eren. Shut up now.”

That was surprisingly really easy. Could it be? Is this man actually really simple?

Eren giggles. “Mr. Levi, I bet you’re well-loved.”

“The hell are you saying, shitty brat?”

“It’s Eren!”

Levi looks like he has a headache. “Eren,” he repeats like a sigh.

What an awkward person.

*

“Why uh… are we here?” Eren asks as Levi inspects the ground before motioning at Eren to sit.

“To watch the show,” Levi says.

A street performing group has a makeshift stage set up in what Eren assumes is the town square area. Many children (looking much younger than Eren, by the way) are happily sitting on the ground and cheering. Levi looks like he’s disgusted by something, and he refuses to sit down.

If Levi brought him here, then that must be because Levi wanted to an excuse to watch this show. After all, everyone else watching are children, so it must be awkward for an adult like him to squeeze in to watch. And to make sure that no one misunderstands, Levi’s going to have that nasty look on his face? 

For the sake of this awkward adult, Eren has to heroically suffer through this children’s show, huh?

He wonders if his friends are faring better with their assigned targets.

*

The show seems like an adaptation of Rapunzel. Eren loses interest after the beginning few lines. Instead, he finds himself looking at the crowd and the people walking by.

The children inside of the Walls seem to have all the time in the world. They watch the show delightedly as if it’s the best thing they’ve seen. None of them look like they’ve ever had to fight for their lives. Like they never had to live with the fear that any wrong move would get their entire family killed. 

They kind of look like the Marley children Eren has seen in passing.

The adults are just the same. They all look like they’re occupied with their own thoughts and problems. But none of them have the signature downcast gloom that all Eldians that make it to adulthood have within the internment zone. In fact, some of the Garrison soldiers that walk by looked to be drunk this early in the morning.

Everyone here looks so merry. Like they can never imagine anything going wrong. Like they’re content. Like the world will always be this blissful. Like fucking sheep, waiting for slaughter.

It’s almost enough to make Eren burst out laughing. Because what the hell? Where’s the fairness in the world?

These are the people who selfishly abandoned the rest of the world to hide inside of these Walls. And instead of repenting for any of the crimes that they’ve committed, they went ahead and forgot it all. Now they get to live this pleasant and happy lives while on the outside… 

Isn’t it hilarious? For every Eldian that suffered, that got murdered, that got forcibly dragged into the military, there’s someone in here with a happy smile, living a simple life. It’s the punchline to a horrible joke, and Eren gets to be the one to witness it. 

Is this what Marcel wanted to see? When Marcel decided that he wanted to infiltrate inside these Walls, what was his goal? Because right now, Eren feels like he’s being consumed by his own rage. It’s suffocating how much he just wants to laugh and laugh and laugh as he tears these happy people apart with his hands, with his teeth, with just about anything he can grab.

He glances towards Levi, figuring he doesn’t want to stay here any longer. But the damned man is nowhere nearby. 

Did he abandon Eren? 

If so, then that was quite well played. Eren didn’t even see it coming. Damn it. Why the hell does he feel so hurt for? In the end, Levi is yet another enemy that Eren will eventually have to kill. Marcel told him, didn’t he? Even if they infiltrate and get to know the enemy, they must never form attachments. They must always keep their family as the forefront in their minds and hearts.

He stands up and leaves the area. Let’s see, they flew quite crazily, but Eren doesn’t think it’ll be completely impossible to make his way back. And if all else fails, he can ask those drunk Garrison soldiers for help. It’s a pain, but nothing that’s impossible to deal with.

“- am right! You’re throwing punches because you know you can’t win. You can’t ever win now that someone outside the Walls have come!”

Eren glances towards an alleyway where three guys are ganging up on a smaller blonde kid. Are they stupid? What does that even accomplish? Is winning like that even fun? Not even Porco goes after Colt.

_ “What? The hell’s up with that? If I want a fight, I want someone who can match me. It’s more satisfying defeating someone at my level.” _

_ “Is that why you always choose Eren, Pock? You consider Eren your equal?” _

_ “W-w-what’s up with that?! Shut up, Pieck! No one asked you!” _

“So hit me all you want! But in the end, all you’re doing is proving me right!”

Hah. What confidence. 

As a thanks for that little laugh, Eren decides that he’ll help out. You should always repay debts or whatever, right? 

To be honest, he might just be bored for a fight.

He kicks one of the three guys and realizes just how soft they are. There’s no muscle in those large bodies of theirs. At least nothing noteworthy. But just because they’re a little bigger, they decided to gang up on someone as weak as Reiner? So if left alone, they’d come after Reiner, right? Then that means it’s fine for Eren to destroy them before they ever get that chance, right?

_ “Why are you so concerned over what others think, kiddo? Just go for it! You’re the Attack Titan! You’re supposed to attack!” _

“W-who are you? Why are you getting involved?!”

And the one that Eren kicked struggles to stand back up as he shouts, “Why did you hit me?”

Guess Eren was too kind with him if he can stand back up. One kick should have been more than enough. Is he getting rusty from relying too much on his Titan powers? Porco would never let him hear the end of this if he ever found out. 

“I need a reason to get involved?” Eren asks them.

They look back at him like he’s crazy. And it occurs to Eren belatedly that they don’t know that he’s the Attack Titan. That his purpose in life is to attack, no matter who the enemy, no matter what stands before him. And it’s not like he can just tell them the truth. 

“Uh… if I need a reason then… I guess I don’t like seeing cute blondes in trouble.”

The three guys stare at Eren for a beat longer. Then the guy that Eren kicked earlier points.

“Get him!”

*

Eren thinks that since he only used kicks to take care of this, he gave them a fair handicap. But even so, they don’t last more than three hits total. It can’t even be considered a warm up. The three of them run off, crying about something or another. Eren feels dissatisfied.

“Uh… T-thank you for your help?” 

Right. The blonde.

Eren gives him a smile and begin to walk away.

“W-wait! M-my name is Armin. Who are you? I don’t remember seeing you around before… B-by any chance, are you one of the kids who came from outside of the Walls?”

If Eren were to start running now, he’s pretty confident that he’d be able to get away. But he’s curious. 

“Yeah. I’m Eren. I’m from outside of these Walls.”

Armin’s eyes are bright as he stares at Eren. “Are you that good at fighting because you fought against Titans out there?”

“I… guess that’s one way to put it.”

Armin lets out a small squeal. “That’s so cool! Hey, my parents really believed that there was an outside world out there. Everyone made fun of them. And eventually, they were killed for trying to get out. B-but you being in here means that they were right! There is a world out there! There’s… the ocean does exist!”

… Huh? Wait. Killed? For trying to get out?

Erwin didn’t say anything about that. None of the Survey Corps members even implied that. You can be killed for wanting to leave? But the Survey Corps can leave whenever they want, right? No, that’s not it. They’re allowed to leave because they’re part of the military. 

_ “It’s a special privilege given to us of the Survey Corps.” _

Without noticing Eren’s thought process, Armin launches into a spiel about what he believes is outside of the Walls. His eyes are bright and sparkling. The hope in those eyes catch Eren’s breath. 

Eren thought that they were different. That those inside of these Walls are privileged and protected. That they were satisfied to sit on their butts inside here and let the world go by. That they were nothing but little sheep. Hopelessly defensive for whatever the world may throw at them. But that’s not quite true, is it?

_ “Information! Without it, we can’t make effective plans! Why can’t Annie just understand that? I’m not keeping her in the dark about this on purpose! I just don’t have enough information!” _

There’s more to this place than Eren first noticed.

“... I-I’m sorry. Did I speak too much? I just got really excited,” Armin asks, wincing. He must have realized how silent Eren is and assumed the wrong thing.

“It’s fine. You’re not speaking too much. I was just caught off-guard.”

Armin gives him a sheepish smile. “The ocean… D-does it really exist?”

“Yeah. It is really that vast. And it’s super salty. It’s really sparkly and pretty, especially when the sun is going down.”

But the only time Eren has seen it is when the ocean was littered with bodies as the enemy’s battleship sank down to the depths of the ocean or when they were being taken from one mission to the next. He has never gone to the ocean to play or to just enjoy the scenery. 

“T-there’s also fields of sand, right?”

“Fields of…? Ah, you mean the desert? Yeah. It exists. It's dry and humid, but when it becomes night, it gets super cold. Or so I've heard.”

“And fire water!”

Eren tilts his head. Fire…? “Y-you mean lava?! I haven’t been to any active volcanoes. But I’ve seen pictures of the damages they’ve caused.”

“What about ice ground?”

“Ice…? You mean like the Arctic? It’s freezing as hell there. I don’t recommend it as a vacation spot! Oh, but the aurora is really pretty.”

He says that, but he only knows of the Arctic through the previous Attack Titan’s memory. He has never been to that place himself. 

Armin jumps up and down, excitedly. “It is out there! It is all out there! The world written in my grandpa’s book! It’s not a lie at all!”

The world written in a book, huh? Eren can put up the pretense all he wants, but in the end, he himself haven’t been to majority of these places. The yearning of wanting to leave these Walls that cage them in… It’s the same whether they’re from inside of these Walls or are from within the internment zone. 

Eren feels like he owes these people an apology. He made an assumption about these people without knowing anything at all. All because he wanted to hate them. But in the end, they’re all the same. 

None of them are allowed a will of their own. 

“Hey, are you going to try to get out here?” Eren asks him.

Armin grins widely. “Of course!”

“How? Wouldn’t you be killed?”

“We have a really cool military division called the Survey Corps! They have the Wings of Freedom on their backs! I’m going to join them and go see the ocean!”

The Wings of Freedom again, huh?

Marcel would doubtlessly find that charming. He’d probably meet Eren’s eyes with excited ones of his own, a giant grin spreading on his face. 

“Hey, tell me more about the world out there!”

*

“There you are, you shitty brat!” is the only warning Eren gets before he feels something smack his head.

“Ow! What…? Mr. Levi?”

Despite how hard he smacked Eren, Levi doesn’t look like he cares too much that Eren is here. If anything, he kind of looks amused by something. Does this man delight in violence? Is that what this is? Can Eren report this to Erwin?

“Why the hell did you wander off for?” 

Eren is baffled. “Me? Wander off? You were gone! You just left me in the middle of that boring show!”

“What do you mean boring? Aren’t you kids supposed to love shitty things like that?”

Huh? Didn’t they go to watch that show because Levi wanted to see it?

“Hell no! Why would I find that kind of things fun? It’s for babies!”

Levi actually seems to think about that. He lets out a sigh and rubs the back of his neck like he’s troubled by this. Then he finally notices Armin.

“Who’s this?”

“This is Armin. He wants to join the Survey Corps. Armin, this is-”

“Levi Ackerman, Humanity’s Strongest Soldier!” Armin squeals.

Eren blinks. “You’re famous?”

But Levi is scowling like he doesn’t like that nickname. He picks Eren up and starts to turn away, letting Armin have a good view of the embroidered wings on his back. Eren gets the feeling this was done on purpose. 

“Tell your friend bye.”

Jeesh, how impatient.

Eren turns to wave at Armin despite thinking that.

“Thank you for talking to me! Hey Armin, when you get your wings, make sure to go see the ocean!”

“I will! Thank you for coming within these Walls!”

Before Eren can think to add anything more to say, Levi takes off.

*

The next place Levi drags him into is a knife store. Eren honestly can’t tell if this is Levi’s quiet threat to not betray the Survey Corps. But at least the knives in this store all seems to be kitchen knives.

“Oh, Mr. Levi! Welcome! I’m afraid the knives you asked for aren’t quite ready yet,” the shop owner greets.

“I’m not here for that. We’re here for the brat.”

Eren’s head snaps up. “Me?”

They’re getting him a kitchen knife? Does Levi expect him to cook or something? Sure, Eren helped his grandma make food once or twice in an effort to poison Zeke, but that’s all he knows how to make, you know? Poisoned meals. Then again, he hadn’t done that since Reiner started living with them in case the meals accidentally got switched. It’s possible that he doesn’t remember how to make meals, period.

“You see any other shitty brats around here?” Levi asks him.

While Eren is fuming, the shop owner delicately brings to Levi’s attention that giving children sharp, pointy things is not a good idea.

“It’s fine. Eren’s old enough. He’s… Hey shitty brat, how old are you?”

“10!”

Levi nods and turns back to the shop owner who has a thunderous expression.

“He’s older than he looks. He’s 12. Ready to join the military.”

“Mr. Levi, I cannot sell any knife to you, knowing that you’ll be giving it to a child!”

Levi rolls his eyes. He picks up one of the smaller knives (possibly one meant for cutting fruits) and throws it loftily in the air towards Eren. The knife makes slow rotation, one that’s easy to see and time where the handle is.

“Eren, catch!”

What is he, a dog?

This is insulting. Eren is a trained Warrior! He can catch a knife thrown at him even if it was faster than this. He tenses and watches the hilt carefully. And just when the hilt comes up towards him, Eren reaches forward to grab…

The blade.

He feels the blade dig into his skin, drawing blood. The tears are already gathering in his eyes. Damn it! Damn it! How did he mistime something as simple as this?! He’s not going to cry! He will not cry!

“… Are you stupid?” Levi asks him.

“I’m not!” Eren grits out while fighting to keep his tears from falling.

Faintly, he hears the shop owner panicking as he runs to the back to bring a first aid kit. He gently takes the knife out of Eren’s hand and tosses it without a care that it’s good he’s supposed to sell. Instead, he puts every ounce of effort in cleaning Eren’s wound and bandaging it.

“Luckily, it’s a shallow cut,” the shop owners says in relief. He pats Eren’s head and kisses the now bandaged hand (How wonderful. Eren now has two bandaged hands). “You are very brave for not crying.”

Any normal time, Eren would be pissed that this man dared to assume that Eren would cry over this little of a cut. He can heal these kinds of things within seconds! But he’s kind of stuck on the fact that the shopkeeper kissed his bandaged hand.

“W-why did you kiss it?” he asks.

“Oh, I’m so sorry! I do it for my kids all the time that I just did it naturally. Sorry about that. Have you heard the saying, ‘Kiss it better?’ It’s that. Well wishes for it to heal quickly and cleanly.”

It seems such a foreign thought. “Kiss it better?” Why? Eren will heal regardless. Until now, everyone left the Titan shifters alone. And when Porco and Colt were hurt, the adults dealt with it in clinical coldness that Eren is used to seeing from his grandparents. But this is the second time someone has mentioned that phrase to him since coming here.

He can't wrap his mind around it. 

“I am not selling any knives to you!” the shop owner tells Levi.

Levi gives Eren an annoyed look. “Shitty brat, why did you grab it by the blade for? Now I’m getting scolded.”

“Mr. Levi!” the shop owner yells.

“Fine. Fine. I’ll just buy one of these smaller knives inst-”

The shop owner shakes his head. “Mr. Levi, if you keep pushing this, I’ll cancel your order.”

Levi clicks his tongue. “You drive a hard bargain. Fine. Have it your way. Eren, I’ll buy you a knife when we get to the capital. Until then, stop grabbing shitty knives by their blades.”

“Mr. Levi!!!”

*

Eren thought Levi will be in a nasty mood after being chased out from the knife shop. But Levi doesn’t seem to care all that much. 

“It would have been easier to buy one from here. But it’s more likely that there aren’t any good knife that’ll fit your tiny hands.”

“I don’t need a knife,” Eren tells him. “I can protect myself just fine.”

Levi rolls his eyes. “Like how you protected yourself by grabbing the knife by the blade? Twice, too. Jeesh, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re a masochist. You a masochist, shitty brat?”

“I don’t know what that word means,” Eren grumbles, feeling embarrassed for not knowing it.

There’s a small pause as Levi stares at him for a beat longer. Then he looks away, disgust clear on his face. 

Is it that bad to not know this word?! What could it possibly mean? 

“C’mon, we’re going in here.”

Levi drags Eren into a bakery.

“Eh? Why here?”

“Kids like sweets, don’t they?”

Eren frowns. It kind of feels like Levi is going out of his way to do what he thinks kids like. And it’s not a lie that Eren likes sweets. But he’s kind of really bothered that Levi is doing this. It feels a little like Levi is trying, like Zeke, to get on Eren’s good side by doing what he thinks kids like.

“Welcome!” the shop owner greets them.

Levi turns to Eren and pulls out a small coin purse. “Hold out your hand.”

When Eren does as told, Levi begins to take some coins out of the purse and put it on his bandaged hands.

“This is the currency we use,” Levi says seriously. 

He then begins to point to different coins and explain their worth to Eren. Once he feels confident that Eren has that memorized, he drags Eren toward the display of delicious looking bread and points at the price tags on them.

And like a demon, Levi begins to quiz Eren on exactly how many coins (and which coins) he would need to buy the different bread on display. Any time Eren gets it wrong, Levi mercilessly pinches Eren’s cheeks. But when Eren does get it right, Levi asks to buy the bread.

After a while, Eren points at the bread that he does want to eat and does the calculations. There doesn’t seem to be any strawberry-flavored goods or anything with chocolate, but there are a lot of apple-flavored breads. Eren feels himself salivating at the thought of eating them.

The shop owner watches the two of them with a bright smile on her face. “Are you teaching your little brother about money? It’s really cute.”

Eren scowls. “He’s not my broth…”

He trails off when he notices the expression on Levi’s face. He looks… kind of down? Did he want to be a big brother? Eren feels disgusted at the thought. Levi is nothing like Zeke. As of now, Eren doesn’t have a reason to want to kill Levi, and he would like to keep it that way until it's time to do so.

“My brother’s a coward. He pretended to be weak so he wouldn’t have to join the military,” Eren blabs. “Mr. Levi is nothing like that! Hey, did you know? Mr. Levi’s apparently this ‘Humanity’s Strongest Soldier!’”

The shop owner’s mouth drops open. “O-oh! You’re Mr. Levi? I am so sorry for my rudeness! Hm? Wait a minute. Then… Is this one of the kids who came from the other side of the Wall?”

“Nice to meet you,” Eren tells her.

There’s a brief moment of pause for that to sink in. Then the shop owner lets out a loud squeal and excitedly begin to put bunch of bread into the bag that Levi bought.

“We don’t need that many,” Levi says, disapprovingly.

“This should be celebrated! The Survey Corps finally proved everyone wrong! There is life outside of these Walls! Mr. Levi, please don’t worry. I want to give these to you!”

Levi scowls. “You're messing up my lesson!”

*

After much insistence from the shop owner, they end up accepting one bulging bag of bread that Levi holds in one hand. She tried to give them more, but Levi put his foot down and refused it.

“She messed it up, but you understand the basic gist of how money works, right?” Levi asks as he takes Eren’s hand.

“Y-yeah. But what’s the point of teaching it to me?”

“It’s in case we lose our memory. You kids will have to figure out how to live on your own, right? Knowing how money works will help you far better than trying to barter.”

“Barter?”

Levi sighs. “When you trade for things instead of buying them.”

Eren nods. Like when Colt’s mom bakes the Jaegers cake for regular check-ups. “But it’s not like we have any money under our name. Isn’t it better for us to barter?”

Then again, what exactly can bunch of kids offer to trade? The only thing Eren can think of is assassination, but from the way the knife shop owner reacted, he doubts anyone within these Walls would hire children for that. They’re much too soft compared to the Marley soldiers. 

“It could be,” Levi agrees softly. “But once you start selling your pride, you won’t be able to hold your friends like you did last night.”

Eren freezes. Huh? Does… Does Levi know? About the things that Eren and his friends talked about last night and early this morning? Does everyone from the Survey Corps know? Damn it! And Eren willingly separated the group without a second thought! If these people know, then they'll kill Eren and his friends! He was naive! Why did he look down on these people so much? If Marcel was here, he would never have made this elementary of a mistake and-

Levi stops walking and glances at Eren with a frown.

“What, shitty brat?”

“D-did you… Did you hear?” Eren stutters out. Should he turn? Should he start rampaging? If he does, will he make it in time to save everyone? At the very least, he won’t need to make a new cut to shift. 

Is this why Levi dragged him out into the middle of a market? Because he doesn’t think that Eren will kill innocent civilians? Then Levi is underestimating exactly what the Warriors did under Marley’s orders. 

“Everyone heard. You guys were so noisy last night that none of us could sleep. What the hell were you doing on the ground anyways? Use the shitty bed. Ah, but you guys did stop in the middle of the night, so I guess there’s that. It sounded pretty rough, but you seemed fine this morning. You used to things like that?”

O-oh! Levi is talking about the beating! Eren has no idea why Levi thinks that they should beat Eren up in a bed (or perhaps ‘use the bed’ means to literally beat Eren up with a bed? Just how strong does Levi think they are?), but this is much better than their conversation being overheard.

In his relief, Eren can’t help but to grin brightly. “I’m fine because I love them!”

Levi stares at him for a second longer before allowing the corner of his lips to twitch upwards into a smile. Then he begins to walk again, pulling Eren behind him.

“That’s good.”

They walk in silence for a bit before Levi suddenly stops. He kneels down so that the two of them are close to eye-level.

“Hey, I don’t know what I’ll do or say if I lose my memory. And I’m not going to irresponsibly tell you that I’ll care for you. But if you ever need help, come to me. If anyone tries to hurt you or try to force you to do something you don’t want, come find me. Tell me that you’re… Tell me that you’re here to collect the debt I owe Furlan and Isabel. I might get angry, but just repeat those names to me. I will help you.”

But why? Why is this man going out of his way to help Eren? It makes no sense. 

“You’re going to slay god, aren’t you?” Levi asks with a small smirk. “That’s reason enough for me.”

Levi stands and begin walking again, pulling Eren along by the hand. No matter how Eren turns it in his head, he doesn’t understand Levi’s reasoning at all.

Doesn’t he find it childish? Doesn’t he find it ridiculous? Everyone else has said so. Everyone but Marcel. Now that he couldn’t take Zeke’s place, is he trying to take Marcel’s? Just what is this man’s goal? It makes Eren anxious.

“Oh, I should also mention. If you’re ever in trouble - and this is with the assumption I have my memories - and you need help desperately, call for me. I’ll fly to your side, no matter where you are.”

Those words are too similar to what Zeke told him. It makes Eren uncomfortable. But Levi doesn’t slow his steps nor does he glance to look at Eren. He just continues on as if he hadn’t spoken.

Eren decides that he’ll pretend Levi didn’t say anything at all.

*

When they finally return back to the inn, it’s near lunchtime. Bertolt, Reiner, and Annie are sitting at a table full of food, not eating anything. Eren feels tad bit guilty that they’re waiting for him.

“We got bread!” Eren yells out as a greeting.

The three turn to him with such bright expressions that Eren doesn’t think. He just waves his hands in the air and-

Annie moves the fastest. She runs forward for a jump kick. And because Eren isn’t actually stupid, he ducks. He hears Annie’s kick hit nothing but air, but she must have done exactly what she wanted. Because she settles with one hand on Eren’s back. In that moment, Bertolt and Reiner arrive, both quickly surrounding Eren with their backs facing him so that they can keep their eyes on any potential attacks coming their way.

Huh? Wait a minute.

“W-what are you guys doing?” Eren asks, confused.

“What happened to your hand?” Reiner growls, his voice low.

Eren blinks and then looks down at his hand. He feels his cheeks flush in embarrassment at the memory of what happened. 

“Hey, shitty brat, tell your friends what happened so we can all eat in peace.”

Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie must realize that something’s off, because they slowly turn to face Eren. Their combined gazes (as well as Levi’s smug smirk), makes Eren’s blush spread.

“I… I grabbed a knife by the blade… Again,” Eren mumbles.

The three of them stare at him for a beat longer before they sigh heavily. But they’re all relaxed, so at least there’s that.

“L-let’s just forget about this and eat lunch!”

*

The four of them huddle close to eat, so they can whisper their progress report to one another.

“I followed Ms. Hange all morning. She was checking supplies, so I helped her count things. It looks like their only form of weapons are the things they use to fly. They also have very strict restrictions on the types of food they can eat and take outside. Their medicine and medical tools also looked primitive, but I don’t really know too much about that to say more,” Bertolt says.

“Mr. Mike took me to the stables to look after the horses. It looks like that’s their main method of transportation outside of the Walls. A normal human can’t outrun a Pure Titan, but on horseback, they seem to have better chances of survival,” Reiner says.

“Mr. Erwin sat in his office all morning and did paperwork. He tried to make small-talk, so I glared him down,” Annie says.

“Annie, you were supposed to get information,” Bertolt reminds her.

She blushes and glares at her food. “I panicked.”

“I got Mr. Levi to fly me around. Apparently, their flying thingie is called vertical maneuvering equipment, but it’s fairly limited in where you can use it. You need an anchor to to fly around, so on an open field, it’ll be completely useless. He also taught me about the money system here. It… seems like the Survey Corps is truly on our side.”

“We don’t know that for sure,” Bertolt reminds him sharply.

Eren thinks about Armin and about the kind shop owners. He thinks about the conversation he had with Levi on their way back. If Marcel knew he was hesitating this much, would he be disappointed? They weren’t supposed to get attached, after all.

_ “Stop thinking so hard and just attack. You’re the Attack Titan, remember, kiddo? Just destroy them all!” _

They remain quiet for the remainder of their meal.

 

* * *

 

“How was it?” Erwin asks his soldiers.

“Bertolt was really cute when he followed me around! He was very diligent and serious when I asked him to do anything. It was hilarious when he tried to follow me to the bathroom until I told him exactly where I was going. Hahaha! He turned so red! I want a cute assistant like that. Hey Erwin, make sure to assign someone like that to me in the future, okay?” Hange says. 

Then a little more seriously, she adds, “He seemed really interested in the medical tools that we have. When I asked about it, he told me that no one in their right mind would waste medical supplies on them. Then he apologized and told me that he doesn’t know much about medical tools because of that. These kids… what the hell were their guardians doing?”

“Reiner didn’t know the first thing about horses. He seemed frightened of them at first, too. He’s come a long way to be able to care for them now. But there’s no way that these kids were able to cross Titan-infested territory without any horses. Either they were dropped off in that forest or they had a different way of transporting themselves,” Mike says.

“I wish I can report something about Annie, but she remained tight-lipped. She just glared at me the entire time I was trying to do paperwork,” Erwin sighs. “Oh, but I did notice that she twitched slightly when I asked about her dad as opposed to her mom. She also blushed and looked away when I asked about the boys. At the very least, we know that these kids care deeply for one another.”

“These kids are definitely trained. Their movements are too coordinated for it to be something that they picked up while on the streets. That Eren’s quite crafty, too. He even pretended that he couldn’t catch a knife that I threw at him-”

Erwin’s eyes widen in alarm. “You did what?”

Levi flushes him to continue his report.

“But the other kids are too honest with their actions to hide it. The one we have to watch out for the most is probably him. When I abandoned him in the middle of a market, he never panicked. But… his compassion does seem genuine. Even when there was no need for him to get involved, he jumped to save a kid from bullies. He also seemed to hold back when fighting against those bullies, too.”

With a confident nod, Levi concludes his report with, “I don’t know what these kids’ goals are, but I don’t think they mean us harm.”

Erwin is still not quite over the fact that Levi apparently threw a knife at a kid. But he’ll have to discuss that with Levi more later. 

Because Nile is here with an official-looking letter in one hand. He makes his way to Erwin, agitation clear on his face.

“The Military Police is summoning the Survey Corps and those kids. Just like you guessed.”

Erwin really wanted to get to know the kids and earn their trust before they have to rush into a political battle. But it looks like the Military Police has no intention of letting that be. 

“Get ready to go. I’ll talk to the kids. Nile, can you pass this news to both Commander Shadis and Commander Pixis?”

His soldiers nod and begin to disperse. Erwin is about to go to the kids himself, when Levi suddenly turns back to him.

“When talking to those kids, prioritize Eren. If he goes along with us, then those kids will fall in line.”

Then Levi turns and leaves too fast to see Erwin’s shock. 

“Pfft. Surprisingly, he plays favorites, huh?”


	8. The people that fill me with hate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The backstory of Zeke that no one asked for is here! Please note that there are mild spoilers for Zeke’s backstory here, but a lot of it was also changed to fit the AU. If this isn't something you're interested in, please feel free to skip this one! 
> 
> Warning: Marleyan violence, implied brutal death, general messed up things
> 
> I've also decided that I'll take a bit of a break with this story once I hit Chapter 10, which should be the end of this first part. And when I return, it'll be with a time skip and a clearer idea on what I want to do with this.

“Accuse them,” Xaver said. “Your parents never thought about you, not even once. At least we’ll be able to save you and your grandparents.”

Zeke couldn’t do it.

He understood Xaver's words. He understood the sentiment. Felt grateful for it, too. 

But Zeke couldn’t do it.

Just like he couldn’t keep up with the Warrior training. Just like he couldn’t live up to his father’s and mother’s expectations. Just like-

“L-let me think about it,” he said instead.

But they both knew that he wouldn’t do anything about it.

*

His mother wasn’t there when Zeke came home the next day, but he didn’t think twice of it. His mother and father were always attached at the hips. They probably went somewhere together again. 

“Dancing.”

It wasn’t until Grisha returned alone that night that Zeke realized that something was wrong.

“Where’s your mother?” his father asked.

“I thought she was with you.”

*

Later, much later, Zeke learns exactly what happened. That Owl of Eldian Restorationists, in order to stop the entire organization from going under, pinned everything on Dina Fritz and turned her over to the Marleys. His mother was tortured for weeks and weeks for the sake of a foolish group of people who opposed the government. And when it became clear that she wouldn’t talk, the Marleys gave up and “sent her to heaven.”

But at the time, Zeke didn’t know that.

All he knew was that his mother was gone and his father was a mess. And for those tense months, he lived with his grandparents while running to Xaver for comfort.

For a short while, the Marleyans took his father, too. But there was nothing anyone could get out of Grisha Jaeger, deep in his grief. Grisha returned to them with broken fingers and a limp he never got over.

But he lived.

Zeke doesn’t know if the Restorationists disbanded after that. But he does know that his father stopped going to those meetings. 

And like a shell of a human, like a puppet with its strings cut, Grisha Jaeger went through the motions of life. He barely spoke, barely ate, and barely acknowledged anyone’s existence. He had to quit his work as a doctor at the general hospital and began to help out at the Jaeger clinic. And even then, he was barely present. Him being there was probably the same as him not being there.

Throughout it all, Zeke had Xaver to rely on.

“You’re a good boy,” Xaver would always tell him. “You’re a good son.”

Zeke took pride in that.

*

The disease that spread suddenly in the interment zone was the turning point. 

Perhaps it had something to do with being surrounded by so many people suffering. But Grisha worked hard with his father to find a cure. And with it, they saved the people of the internment zone. 

More importantly, they saved Carla’s parents.

Zeke liked Carla. 

Carla was a tornado that breathed life into the stale Jaeger household. As a thank you for saving her parents, she stopped by often with a bright smile and a little present every time. She was always cheerful and so lively. The silence of the house that followed after her departure always made Zeke feel melancholy. 

But she was a barmaid and was expected to show up for work. So every night after dinner, they said goodbye. And every afternoon around when Zeke returned from his Warrior training, she came over.

Zeke learns later that it was because she was lonely. Although her parents survived past the disease, they passed away soon after due to a mishap with her job as a barmaid. No one exactly clued in Zeke as to what that mishap was. But it’s not hard to guess that it was trouble with some Marleyans who was looking for a free lay.

She sought comforts of a family in the broken Jaeger household. And they desperately needed the gust of wind she brought with her. 

Grisha started to smile near her. He started to eat, to talk, to try to engage Zeke in conversations. If he still held firm to the beliefs that took Dina away, Zeke never heard him mention it again. Grisha kept his opinions to himself and began the slow trudge to recovery.

*

When Zeke was eight, Carla asked for his permission for her to court his father.

“I’m not saying that I want to replace your mother. But I love Grisha very much. I-I’m not asking you to accept my feelings. It’s also very possible that Grisha will say no, too. But I didn’t think it would be right without me asking you first.”

Zeke accepted her without a second thought.

*

He imagines that Carla fought an uphill battle. He imagines that Grisha tried to stay loyal to Dina for as long as he could. He imagines that Carla finally wore him down. And that they had some romantic moments together that Zeke doesn’t know how to imagine because he’s not a romantic person. It took them a year to finally get married and move into a new house. And in the following year, Carla became pregnant. 

“Do you think you won’t be welcomed at home anymore?” Xaver asked when he saw how anxious Zeke was.

Zeke shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know. I… don’t think Carla’s the type to. But if there’s a new baby in the picture then…”

“You’re a good boy, Zeke,” Xaver told him with a soft smile. “I’m sure it won’t come to this. But if you need a place to stay, you can stay with me.”

*

There was no need to worry. 

Carla loved Zeke as her own son, even if he never called her mom. And perhaps as a result of that love that he never had before, he in turn was able to love his little brother.

Eren was a charming baby who was quick to giggle as he was to cry. His eyes reminded Zeke of the grassy fields by the river that ran through Liberio. Zeke promised that he would take Eren there when he was older.

He bragged to Xaver and to everyone he met. Anyone who would give him the light of day, Zeke talked their ears off about how cute his little brother was. How, the other day, little Eren yawned and it was the most adorable thing Zeke has ever seen. How, when Eren was tired, he reached for Zeke’s hand, even though his tiny hand could barely wrap around two of Zeke’s fingers. How, when Zeke kissed his forehead, Eren giggled and asked for another and another.

Those were probably the happiest moments in Zeke’s life.

*

In order to prove his worth to the Marleys so that he could inherit the Beast Titan from Xaver, Zeke had to join the war campaigns. That meant that he had to leave home frequently to go to battlefields in hopes that he’ll be lucky enough to come back alive.

Every time he left, Eren cried, yelling for his older brother to stay. And no matter how much Carla scolded him for being selfish, Eren always hated saying goodbye to his brother.

That’s probably what gave Zeke the strong will to return home.

He may have failed and fallen behind during training. But there was nothing stronger than the will to live, to return back to his loved ones, to hear Eren’s giggling “Zee!” 

So Zeke learned to craft ruthless plans that left no enemy alive. He demanded absolute loyalty from those around him. And he delivered to the Marleys absolute victory after absolute victory.

All so he could come home to his little brother’s smiles.

*

He was 14 when he returned from a mission to find Eren alone in the kitchen. There was no sign of Carla, which should have been the first sign that something was wrong. Since getting married to Grisha, she quit her job as a barmaid and became a faithful housewife. Moreover, she rarely left Eren alone. If she had to, she always made sure to drop Eren off at his grandparents first.

The second sign that something was wrong was how much Eren trembled. The third was the split lip. The fourth was Eren flinching away from Zeke’s hand when he reached for his little brother.

“H-hey, it’s okay. It’s me,” Zeke said.

“Zee?”

“Yeah.”

Then and only then, Eren threw his arms around Zeke’s shoulders, babbling and crying about something that Zeke couldn’t make out. 

Later, he learned that some Marley soldiers showed up at the door and demanded for Carla to come with them. Eren, being the small child that he was, couldn’t understand why his mom had to go. When he protested, the soldiers got violent with him. Carla, to protect her child, yelled at Eren. And she left the confused child home alone and willingly went with the soldiers.

But Zeke didn’t know the reason why at the time. 

He just ran to his grandparents’ place in hopes that they could help.

*

Carla was returned to them a week later.

Well, to say that “Carla” was returned was probably overstating it. 

Grisha was home with Eren at the time. Apparently (this is yet another thing that Zeke learned later), the Marley soldiers returned to dump Carla’s corpse. Zeke imagines that it was Grisha who opened the door. That his father saw Carla’s body and froze. The soldiers, probably not expecting to see Grisha, got defensive. They probably said some things people shouldn’t say in front of little Eren. Then they gave Grisha Carla’s body (she must have been dead for a while. The stench was horrific) and left.

When Zeke returned home that day after spending the afternoon playing catch with Xaver, he found Eren in the corner of the kitchen, cowering. It reminded Zeke too much of the week before. But he braved through it, even though he felt confused and frightened.

“Eren?”

A flinch.

“I-it’s me, Zeke. Are you alright? Where’s dad?”

Thinking back on it, he wonders why he asked Eren to lead him there. He should have just walked around the house until he found his father. He shouldn’t have forced Eren to see…

Grisha cried silently in his room, clutching the rotting corpse of his second wife in bed.

Even if he wants to, Zeke doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to forget that sight.

*

Grisha returned to being a shell of himself, just how he was when Dina died. Zeke figured that would happen. What he didn’t predict was Grisha taking his own life a week after Carla’s body was returned to them.

Apparently after marrying Zeke’s mother, Grisha bought two plot of land next to Aunt Faye’s grave. He wanted to be buried next to Aunt Faye. And probably since he was involved in the Restorationists, he bought it in advance just in case something happened. 

They buried Carla in the plot meant for Dina. 

And a week later, they returned to bury Grisha between his second wife and his sister.

*

If Zeke knew then what he knows now, he would have taken the time to look after his brother. 

He would have been patient and kind. He would have showered Eren with every ounce of love he always has for his little brother since Eren was born. He would have held Eren’s hands and assured him that it wasn’t Eren’s fault. That Eren is a good kid, just like Xaver always did for Zeke.

But Zeke was just barely 15. What the hell did he know about taking care of a child? 

Eren had trouble meeting people’s eyes afterwards. He flinched at any loud noise and if someone moved too quickly near him. He constantly fidgeted. He stuttered when he talked. He couldn’t sleep alone at nights anymore. Actually, he couldn’t be left alone for too long, or he’d have a panic attack.

Nights were especially horrid, because Eren had constant nightmares that woke whoever drew the short straw to sleep with Eren. And some nights, Eren would even wet the bed, making things that much more annoying.

But because Zeke was a good boy, a good son, a good brother, he tiredly pat the empty spot in his bed and let Eren climb into his bed. Within minutes, he’d be awaken by Eren’s nightmares or a wet bed or whatever else his little brother would throw at him. Because of course, Eren would chose to be with his brother than his grandparents.

“You’re spoiling him too much!” had been Carla’s only complaint about Zeke when she was alive.

And he was now reaping what he sowed. 

Whenever Zeke was home, Eren stayed glued to his side. Eren followed him around everywhere. And it might have been cute once upon a time, but the terrified look on Eren’s face when he was left alone was anything but. He already knew how tired his grandparents must be, so he tried to his best to take care of Eren when he was home. Every minute, every second of Zeke’s life when he was at home was spent trying to soothe his little brother’s worries while his own mounting frustrations grew.

Eren was always bad at saying goodbyes, especially when Zeke had to leave for the training grounds. But his waterworks and screams for his brother to stay got progressively louder and grating.

“You know I can’t,” Zeke always reminded Eren before he left.

But Eren’s voice drowned his out. Like Eren had no intention of listening to Zeke. Like Eren never had any intention to listen. Like Eren believed that as long as he screamed his little lungs, the world would bend his way.

But the world wasn’t that kind. And Zeke’s patience could only last so long.

“Eren!” Zeke snapped for the first time at his little brother. “Stop crying! This is my duty. You already know nothing will change. Grow up already!”

His little brother stared at him for a beat longer before finally shutting his mouth. The household returned to relative peace.

“Z-Zeke,” his grandparents tried to call out to him.

“I’ll be off.”

Eren stopped making a fuss when Zeke left after that.

*

It’s ironic, isn’t it? 

Zeke used to rush back from training and missions to see his little brother. To see that adorable grin. To hear that delighted giggles. To hold that small bundle of joy in his arms. But now he was coming up with every excuse why he should stay here later. Whether it be last minute plans, talking to the higher ups, talking to Xaver, or even cleaning the halls.

Anything, if it meant that he didn’t have to go home.

Anything, if it meant he didn’t have to see his little brother.

Xaver must have realized that something was wrong, because he always found Zeke and offered to play catch.

And in one such session, all of Zeke’s feelings came tumbling out.

Xaver stopped throwing so that the two of them could sit together with the wall of the building against their backs. It reminded Zeke of when he first told Xaver about his parents. The day before he lost his mother. And after patiently listening to Zeke again, Xaver told Zeke about his own family. About his wife and son that he lost. About losing faith in the world, in himself. 

About believing that it might have been better if he hadn’t been born at all.

When Zeke returned home to the quiet Jaeger household late that night, those words kept echoing in his head.

*

It was three days before Eren was set to join the Warrior training.

This topic was taboo in the Jaeger household, even though everyone was counting down to it. As much as possible, Zeke’s grandparents tried to be as gentle as they could with Eren leading up to it.

And probably because of that, they asked Zeke to help Eren bathe that night.

It was after dinner, so his grandparents were downstairs, cleaning up the clinic. Zeke, who typically returned home much later than this, only agreed to come home early today because they asked him to.

Eren quietly allowed himself to be lifted into the tub once Zeke deemed the water temperature safe for a kid. He didn’t look to meet Zeke’s eyes once.

And it was only then that the guilt started sinking in.

He hadn’t been home in a while to be near Eren, huh? 

“E-Eren?” Zeke cleared his throat and tried again. “Look, it’s your favorite duckie.”

He held a small rubber duckie for his brother to grasp. It took a second, but Eren slowly reached for it. When his small hands wrapped around the yellow toy, he gave it a little squeeze. The toy let out a small wheezing sound like it was gasping for air.

Zeke found it funny. “It’s struggling, too, huh?”

Eren finally looked up, a hint of a smile on his face. But it disappeared quickly as his brows furrowed into worry, if not fear.

“Zeke? Are you hurt?”

“No, I’m fine,” Zeke lied as he wiped his eyes. “Just… missed you.”

That was honest to god smile on Eren’s face. And now that Zeke thought of it, how long had it been since he saw it? How long had it been since he heard Eren’s giggles? How long had it been? 

_ If only I hadn’t been born into this world… I wonder just how better that would have been…  _

“Hey Eren… do you… want to see your mom?”

His little brother’s eyes lit up. But he must have remembered something, because he shrunk in on himself. 

“I… I can’t see her. Because she’s dead.”

_ It’s terrible, right? _

From here on out, Eren would have nothing but suffering before him. That was the fate of all Eldians that had been abandoned outside of the Walls. They would continue to lose family, friends, and loved ones. They would constantly be broken by the system in place in this world. The brief moments of happiness would never be able to outweigh the bad.

“Eren, do you trust your brother?”

There was no hesitation. Eren nodded and looked to Zeke determinedly.

So Zeke tried to save his brother.

He pushed Eren down into the water and held him there. The small child had no chance. What could he possibly do to stop his older brother who was 10 years older than him? Eren struggled. He kicked his legs out, he dug his fingernails into Zeke’s skin, he thrashed his body in hopes of escaping the hold. 

But Zeke was a trained Warrior, even if he was nothing but a failure.

He was going to save his brother from this terrible fate waiting for them.

He was going to…

It wasn’t until Eren stilled in the water that Zeke realized what he had done.

“E-Eren…?”

It must sound so hypocritical. 

He was so determined to save his brother. But the minute he saw Eren’s still body in the water, he found himself freezing. What was he doing?

Was this really the right thing to do?

Was death really salvation?

Was there really nothing but suffering left for them?

But the very first time Zeke had heard Eren's giggles, he had felt like he had been saved. Like this little bit of happiness would stay embedded in his heart forever. Then maybe, just maybe, there was another way. Maybe there was something more to this.

Eren must have been waiting for this chance for Zeke to relax. He smashed his forehead against Zeke’s nose, causing Zeke to fall backwards on his butt. Eren clutched to the side of the bathtub, his small body heaving to take in as much air as he could. 

Then he looked up, eyes meeting Zeke’s. 

How should he describe Eren’s eyes? How should he say it to convey the almost spiritual moment? 

Eren’s eyes were burning green of anger, yes. But it wasn’t just that. It wasn’t just that Eren’s eyes looked like that of a feral beast’s. It wasn’t just that Eren’s eyes seemed to almost glow, overflowing with intensity that Zeke could never match. It was that… 

Eren’s eyes looks so alive.

Yes, that’s it. That’s the best way to describe it.

While Zeke believed that the best thing to do would be to choose death, to choose to never have been born, that small child chose life.

They must have made quite a lot of noise for their grandparents to rush into the bathroom to check on them. Zeke didn’t even realize that he left the door unlocked.

He truly wonders what they saw. Did they see the situation, of Zeke with his bloodied nose and Eren who was still gasping to breath, and knew exactly what Zeke had done? Or did they just assume that Zeke was a good boy, a good son, a good brother? Did they choose to believe that over what they saw? Or did they decide that no matter what they saw, they must live their lives with their heads down like they have always done?

“Zeke, are you alright? Oh, you poor boy! Look at your nose!” his grandma fussed over him.

And his grandpa…

“Eren, you must be lukewarm.”

His grandpa clutched Eren’s shoulders tightly, giving the lecture that Zeke had heard his father receive so often. 

But how was a five year old supposed to understand the meaning of that sentence? Zeke isn’t sure if he understands it, even now.

Eren, though, took those words to heart.

And became doll-like.

*

Eren obeyed any orders given to him without any sign of resistance. His eyes were dull and lifeless. The fire in those eyes in the bathroom seemed to be extinguished forever. He rarely spoke unless prompted to. And half the time, you didn’t realize he was in the room because of how quiet he was.

Zeke did that.

He took his bright and happy little brother (and for a while, anxious and skittish) and turned him into that.

An emotionless, unfeeling doll that moved as commanded.

“Eat your vegetables, dear,” their grandma said.

Eren silently cleaned his plate, even though he used to hate green peppers so much.

“Will you help me in the clinic today?” their grandpa asked.

Eren silently followed his grandpa into the clinic and waited for further instructions.

“You should fail the Warrior exam,” Zeke suggested to him.

And Eren did without any fuss.

Zeke wanted to die.

So he accepted more missions.

*

It was the night after Zeke inherited the Beast Titan from Xaver.

Zeke was sitting in the kitchen in the dark, going over all of his memories with Xaver that he received. The guilt that Xaver felt, the brief happiness that Zeke provided for him, the worry that Xaver felt for the Jaeger family…

Xaver was a kind man.

But he was also a man who was desperate for his own death. It wasn’t that things would be better if none of them had been born. It was just that Xaver didn’t want to take responsibility for the lies that he told.

After seeing Eren’s eyes that burned with the will to live, Zeke became sure of that. 

“O-oh, Eren! I-I didn’t see you there!” 

Eren didn’t glance at him. He walked towards the sink for a glass of water almost mechanically.

“W-were you thirsty? Haha… I… I see…”

If Zeke really wanted his little brother to see him again, if he really wanted his little brother to talk to him again, he was going to have to order him, wasn’t he?

Why had he been so certain that death was the correct choice? Why had he believed that this was the only way? Why did he have to learn this lesson only after hurting his brother?

“Eren, I only have 13 years left. It… probably doesn’t mean much to you. And I’m sure you’d be relieved once I’m gone, but I… in that time that’s left, I want to make it up to you for… for what I did.”

He heard the sound of the tap water turn on and then off. He watched his little brother drink, showing absolutely no sign that he heard Zeke’s words.

“Please say something.”

There was a soft sound of Eren putting the cup down. Then he finally turned towards Zeke, his eyes flickering to life. Brilliant green blazed with ferocity of rage. In the dark kitchen, all Zeke could make out were those angry eyes that promised destruction. 

Zeke was too taken by the sight to properly register what Eren said next.

“You’re not going to die in 13 years, Zeke. You’ll die much earlier than that. I’ll kill you myself.”

Then Eren turned and left, leaving Zeke in mild stupor. It took a moment. Not just to register what was said, but also to accept that it really did happen.

That Eren finally spoke to him.

That Eren finally showed emotions again.

Zeke covered his face as the tears fell freely from his eyes. It was not the forgiveness that he desperately wanted. But it was more than what he had before. Even if it hurt to bear Eren’s hate, he could do it.

If it meant that Eren would stop being a blank doll, Zeke would gladly hand his life over.

If it meant that Eren could be human again… 

*

“Ahhh, what a shame. If only it was a little more to the left…”

Zeke hums lightly to himself as he crumbles a boulder in his hands. The Beast Titan’s utility comes from one’s imagination. How the Marleys managed to take something this powerful and not realize its potential is something Zeke honestly doesn’t understand.

“You seem to be in a good mood,” Pieck says.

As always her voice sounds strange when she’s in her Titan form. But Zeke is starting to get used to it. Or perhaps it’s more that he doesn’t care enough about her to be bothered by it.

“We have to keep our spirits up in these long campaigns. It wouldn’t do to become depressed while away from home for too long. So if you see something you like, make sure to enjoy it fully, Pieck!”

“Of course.”

What a pleasant girl. 

Zeke is grateful that this kind of sweet person will be by Eren’s side in the future. Not just her, but Marcel and Porco and Reiner and Annie and…

Even if Zeke disappears from this world, Eren will be fine.

It makes him a little sad, but he’s grateful, too. These children are the ones who pulled Eren out of his shell. 

So for the sake of these children (for the sake of his cute, little brother), Zeke will dye this world in red and claim these territory as theirs.

*

“Jaeger,” a Marley soldier calls with cold eyes. “There’s a message from higher-ups for you.”

“Is that so? Thank you,” Zeke tells him with a polite smile.

The soldier’s lips presses firmly into a thin line. Someone who really hates Eldian, huh? 

“If it isn’t Sergeant Major Kruger! Were you assigned to take care of us for the campaign?” Pieck asks with a bright smile.

The Marley soldier’s lips pull back in disgust. “Unfortunately.”

“Don’t be like that! I know you love us!”

Zeke decides to stop Pieck before she gets hit by the scary soldier. “I’ll go get the message. Thank you, sir.”

The soldier glares at them one last time before walking off. 

“You shouldn’t provoke people like that,” Zeke warns Pieck.

She glances at him curiously before smiling. “Yes sir!”

*

“Jaeger, we are giving you permission to pick up your brother after the initial three months are up,” General Calvi says over the phone as if he’s doing Zeke a favor.

In a sense, Zeke supposes this is a favor. 

“I was under the impression that this mission could potentially stretch into years,” Zeke tries to test the waters.

The General is silent for a bit before he says sharply, “Your performance have been reported to be sloppy. If you can’t keep your head together, then go collect your little brother.”

Ah, so that’s their game.

He wonders who reported that his performance was sloppy. He didn’t think he was particularly bad. But he supposes he should send them a thank you for this.

In three month’s time, huh?

What kind of an expression would Eren show him? It’ll be three months, so something a little more loving, right? Even if it’s hate, Zeke supposes he’ll accept it gladly.

As long as his brother can be human.

 

* * *

 

Hange’s lips twitch in amusement at the sight of Squad Leader Nile Dok squatting before the children to give them a small bag of what she suspects are cookies.

“Listen carefully,” Nile tells them, his voice low to not catch any attention (even though the rest of the Survey Corps members have more or less spotted him). “The capital is a terrifying place. Anything you say will be used against you. Even if you speak the truth, they’ll twist it to fit their needs. If you try to hide by staying silent, they’ll use that to incriminate you. They will do everything they can to trip you up.”

The children nod, looking more curious as to why he’s telling them this than at what he’s saying.

“But you can trust Erwin. He’s a little loony, and he can get intense. But he’s a good guy. So if anything goes wrong, just turn to him and wait for him to fix things, okay?”

Hange sniggers. So even the great and aloof soldier like Nile is weak to these kids, huh?

“It’s rude to eavesdrop,” Mike tells her.

“Hey Mike! Look at this! This beetle is grey!” Hange says, pointing at a pebble on the ground.

Mike lets out a soft huff of breath that Hange decides to interpret as laughter.

“I wonder how it got all the way out here. It should really go to someplace safer if it doesn’t want to be stomped on.”

“Shitty Glasses, that’s a rock,” Levi growls.

“Oh! Is that so? I guess you’d be able to tell, since you’re so close to the ground!”

Levi’s face darkens as he reaches for his blades.

“The carriage is here. Let’s go!” Erwin yells out.

*

They let Mike sit on one side with the kids. Hange, Erwin, and Levi squeeze in on the other side. The rest of the squad members are expected to follow on their horses. 

“But I wanted to see the different towns!” Eren whines. “Why can’t we ride in the carts?”

“Because it’s a pain to protect you, shitty brat,” Levi tells him.

Eren pouts. “Just fly around!”

“We’re not allowed in the inner cities,” Hange explains in what she hopes is a soothing voice.

“Eren, be quiet and have a cookie,” Bertolt offers. He holds up one of the cookies from the bag that Nile gave them.

Hange is pleasantly surprised to see Eren accept the cookie and fall into a peaceful silence. She thought he’d protest more. Or perhaps it’s because it was Bertolt who gave him the cookie that he fell silent?

“While we’re traveling, I wanted to ask you guys more about your town,” Erwin says.

“We’ll do our best to answer,” Reiner tells him as he accepts a cookie that Bertolt gives him.

“You guys seemed to know a lot about our Walls but also looked fascinated to see it. Is your town’s defense different from what we have?”

“We have walls, too,” Annie says as she bites into a cookie that she took from Bertolt’s bag. “But our walls are meant to keep the monsters in, not out.”

Eren giggles. “Oh, that was a good one, Annie.”

The two exchange a glance that seems quite mischievous, even if Annie’s is more muted. Reiner sniggers, and Bertolt lets out a soft sigh like he’s not as invested in this joke. But there’s a slight curve to his lips that makes it clear that he also found it funny. 

Hange is really glad that these kids are having fun, she really is. But she really wants answers, too.

“Can you explain what you mean?” Erwin asks them with far more calm and composure than what Hange would’ve shown.

“It’s exactly what it sounds like. We have a walled off area where all the Titans live,” Eren says, grinning widely.

“W-whoa! Are you saying that you guys… just keep Titans as pets?” Hange asks in disbelief.

The smiles on the children’s faces are gone. There are more pensive looks on their faces. 

“I… think ‘slaves’ is a better word,” Bertolt says softly.

Slaves…? Like… They make Titans build houses or something? Or… Or maybe the Titans pull the carts like horses? Oh man, what if these kids rode on a Titan all the way to the Walls? And that’s why they couldn’t approach closer than the forest, in case they wouldn’t be allowed in? Then were the three Titans that Levi killed actually their ride?

“You say slaves, but w… t-the Titans are mainly used as weapons,” Reiner says.

What was he going to say before he caught himself? 

Levi quirks a brow. “As weapons? Can they be controlled?”

“Sort of. We call them ‘Warriors.’” Eren pauses to glance at his friends with a grin on his face.

That’s supposed to be another joke, Hange thinks. But it doesn’t seem to go as well as Annie’s joke. The other children give Eren a look that seems exasperated.

“Eren, that’s tasteless,” Bertolt scolds.

Eren pouts. “It was funny!”

“Tasteless,” Annie repeats.

Reiner sighs and gives Eren another cookie to shut him up. “W-well, anyways. That’s just how things were for us. As… you could imagine, the walls didn’t hold and the Titans got out. That’s how we got attacked.”

“I see,” Erwin says.

“You guys mentioned before about this ‘Nine Titans of Ymir.’ Can you tell us more?” Hange asks.

*

Mike holds his forefinger up to his lips, signaling for Hange and Erwin to be quiet. 

Eren, who had been excitedly telling them about the nine Titans, begins to nod off. Reiner gently pulls Eren’s head against his shoulder before resting his head against Eren’s. Annie and Bertolt have already fallen asleep. Annie leans against Bertolt, whose neck looks like it might hurt from the way his head is tilted against the wall of the carriage.

Looks like the kids are in no shape to speak any more.

Hange sighs.

But they did learn quite an interesting bit. Nine special Titans of Ymir, huh? To think there was more to Titans than the mindless ones that wandered outside the Walls (“Pure Titans,” Eren had called them). This knowledge, too, was taken from them by their own King? What else was stolen from them?

And in order to keep this current knowledge from being stolen, what should they do?

A glance at Erwin lets her know that he seems to be lost in thought. She hopes that he at least has a plan in mind, because she’s currently drawing a blank.

*

Bertolt shifts in his sleep, all but crushing Annie by bending forward. No surprise, Annie jerks awake. Her eyes dart around the carriage before landing on the mass of sheer limbs that is Bertolt. 

Hange, and the other adults, watches in curiosity to see what exactly Annie will do.

Instead of gently waking Bertolt up like Hange thought she would, Annie ruthlessly pushes Bertolt off of her. He lands on the floor of the carriage with a soft thud but manages to continue sleeping. With that finished, Annie settles against Reiner’s empty shoulder and drifts to sleep.

“Pfft… Hehehe…”

Hange tries really hard to hold her laughter in, and it’s making her stomach hurt that much more. Erwin elbows her, but his lips are twitching with a smile, too. 

“Oh! I’m going to draw this…”

Sticking her tongue out of the corner of her mouth, she takes out her notebook and a pen. She draws four circles and a line to denote where their spines probably are. Once she finishes, she realizes that she actually doesn’t know how to draw.

Erwin stares at her masterpiece for a second before holding his hand out. Curious, Hange passes her notebook and pen over.

The picture that Erwin produces is… It needs a lot more work than Hange’s. In fact, she will make the argument that it’s not even a picture but the beginnings of a formation.

“What are you drawing?” Levi asks, raising a brow. 

“The kids,” Hange answers.

Levi stares at Erwin’s masterpiece. “Your art’s shitty. Give it here.”

Despite saying such things, Levi’s drawing isn’t that much better either. It’s just bunch of shapes in space than anything legible. When Hange points that out, Levi glares at her.

“Mike, you’re good at drawing, aren’t you?” Erwin asks suddenly.

“Not ‘good.’ I’m the best.” Mike holds his hand out for the notebook and pen.

And yes, Hange cannot deny that Mike’s masterpiece is beautiful and amazing. But what does a sketch of four sleeping kittens have to do with these children before them?

“Erwin, when you look for my assistant, make sure he can draw,” Hange decides.

“Why does Shitty Glasses get an assistant?” Levi complains.

“Shhhh, the kids are sleeping,” Mike scolds them.

Unable to fight against Mike’s stern glare, Hange and Levi decide on a truce for now.

*

“But man, Bertolt sure is cute, sleeping like… pfftttt!!!” Hange covers her mouth, desperately trying to stop herself from laughing too loudly.

“Should we wake him up? That looks… like it might hurt,” Erwin says, tilting his head at Bertolt on the floor of the carriage.

Bertolt has somehow kicked his leg up on Reiner’s lap. But the rest of his body is still on the floor, twisting around in a manner that has got to be uncomfortable. 

“Nah. Let him sleep. He’s young so he’ll be fine!” Hange sniggers.

“I honestly can’t tell if you like him or not.”

“Of course, I like him! He’s a good kid. Not to mention he’s really cute.”

Mike snorts. “Reiner’s cuter.”

Almost as if he can hear their words, Reiner mumbles in his sleep. Actually, he might just be feeling uncomfortable, seeing that all of his friends are more or less leaning on him in their sleep. 

“Are your shitty eyes for show? Obviously, Eren’s the cutest,” Levi growls at them.

Erwin coughs into his hand, getting their attention without making too much noise. He smiles brightly at them. “Don’t be silly. Annie’s the cutest of them all.”

“She literally pushed Bertolt to the floor,” Hange reminds him.

“I know. Isn’t she adorable when she looks annoyed?”

Hange finds herself stifling her laughter again. “What the hell? Erwin, you’re secretly a doting dad?”

“I can say the same about all of you,” Erwin protests.

Mike sushes them. “They’re sleeping. Don’t be so loud.”

And, most likely knowing that this will spark another fight, Mike adds, “Besides, there’s no competition. Reiner’s the cutest.”


	9. Reasons to live

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another lots of talking chapter. lol. ^^'''''

The capital reminds Reiner of one of the cities that they’ve destroyed for a previous mission. Rows and rows of buildings that are interrupted only by giant cathedrals and imposing buildings. Government buildings, he guesses. They look fancy to be anything but.

Being inside of the carriage makes it hard to make out more than that. But it definitely feels like there’s more people here than out in Shiganshina. Or maybe it just seems that way because it's night?

“W-we’re expected to greet the King, aren’t we? S-shouldn’t we take a shower and change up first?” Bertolt asks, fidgeting nervously.

“Don’t worry,” Erwin tells him gently. “It's a bit late to see the King today. We are going to an inn to rest tonight. Tomorrow we'll get suitable clothes for you kids in the morning and meet with him in the afternoon."

“Are we going to have to wear stuffy clothes?” Eren asks.

“It shouldn’t be too restricting. But it should at least be clean,” Hange assures them.

“I’m not wearing a dress,” Annie tells them. “If you buy me one, I’ll torch it.”

“No one wants to see you wear a dress anyways,” Bertolt grumbles at her.

Annie shoots him a cold look before suddenly smirking. “No, you’d much rather Reiner wear one, wouldn’t you?”

Reiner wishes that they’d leave him out of this. Don’t they normally use Eren? Then again, it’s typically Porco and Pieck fighting… Oh, are these two trying to liven things up by emulating them? Is that what they've been doing this entire time? Should Reiner let them know that Porco and Pieck have a more gentle undertone to their bickering and teasing? Because thee two's arguments never feel too affectionate. 

The adults glance at one another questioningly, but they don't say anything to save him. But Reiner supposes it’s his bad for expecting them to.

“Oh! I want to see Reiner in a dress!” Eren says. He grins at Reiner like there’s nothing wrong with what he just said. “I bet you’d be pretty!”

Reiner bets that Eren’s just excited that he’s not the butt of the joke for once and actually has no idea what’s going on at all.

“We’ll make sure all of you get comfortable clothes,” Erwin tells them soothingly.

*

The inn that they stay at looks fancier than the one from previous night. Reiner feels a little uncertain that they are going to be staying here. Isn't it expensive?

"Hm? It's fine. Commander Shadis is paying for this. So feel free to splurge!" Hangs tells them.

Splurge meaning their meals? Reiner isn’t sure but doesn’t care enough to ask.

"Do you guys want to share one room again?" Erwin asks.

Bertolt nods. Then he pauses to glance at Annie.

"Do you want-?"

"I promised Zeke I'll protect Eren from you two."

She sounds smug about it, too. But Reiner supposes he knows where she's coming from. Eren is their princess. They won't be able to face Marcel in death (or Porco, for that matter) if they allowed Eren to be hurt anymore than he already has been.

"Alright," Erwin says with a soft smile.

Reiner doubts he really understands, though.

*

To be honest, Reiner thinks the meal tasted better in Shiganshina. But that could very easily be because they had been starving at the time. No one else seem to care or complain about it, so he decides to keep his opinion to himself.

“Oh, you guys are such good kids! You ate all of your veggies!” Hange says in shock when she glances at their plates.

“You… s-shouldn’t waste food,” Bertolt stammers, looking embarrassed.

Hange nods, looking like she’s quite touched. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out four small individually wrapped candies for them. 

“C-can we really have this?” Reiner asks, shocked.

Aren’t the Survey Corps spoiling them a bit too much?

“Don’t worry. I swiped them from Commander Pixis before we left,” she says with a snigger.

It’s apple-flavored taffy. It tastes a little sour, but it’s a delicious treat to have after dinner. Reiner bets that Eren absolutely loves this. He should see if he could get a few more of these to use as bribing tools.

“Thank you!” they chorus.

She preens, looking far happier than Reiner feels like a normal person would typically feel.

“If any of the other squad members ask who your favorite is, remember that I got you that treat!”

… That’s why.

*

The soaps here aren’t as nicely scented as the ones used in the Jaeger household. Reiner never thought that he’d actually miss the scent of lavender soap. He remembers he used to complain to Eren that he didn’t like the smell, especially after Porco teased mercilessly about the two of them smelling alike. Marcel had just laughed good-naturedly like always but… 

Since their clothes were taken to be washed, Eren’s scarf has been taken from him. Mike promised that they’ll bring the clothes back, especially the scarf. So Reiner knows that they can trust those words.

He looks kind of like a shaking kitten as he sits on the bed. He has his shoulders scrunched in, trying to make himself look as small as possible. Does he feel cold with his scarf gone? Reiner feels a little bad that they didn’t even think to bring the brown scarf that Bertolt gave him. It’s probably still on that ship.

“You smell weird. Did you wash properly?” Reiner says as excuse as he climbs into bed with Eren. He wraps his arms around Eren’s shoulders as a makeshift scarf. He buries his nose in Eren’s hair, and yup. The soap here sucks.

“I don’t! The soap here smells bad,” Eren grumbles. 

But he doesn’t push Reiner off. In fact, he leans towards Reiner like he’s quietly basking in the warmth. Reiner wonders if there’s any way to get the scarf back any faster. There has to be a better way than just hanging it up to dry, right?

Bertolt chuckles at their antics but moves to join them on the other side of Eren. Reiner wonders if this is helping Eren keep warm.

“Mine smelled pretty nice,” Annie mentions as she flicks her hair.

They all rise to the bait like idiots they are. But you don’t understand. She’s right.

“It smells like vanilla! That’s not fair!” Eren exclaims. “I want a refund!”

“We’re not paying for this…”

*

Although Erwin made it sound like they had a choice in the clothes they’ll get, the Survey Corps members just left a bag for each of them with various clothes in them. So yes, they have a choice from choosing from the bags (or by trading things from one another). But not much outside of that. Just a little, Reiner wonders if this is Commander Shadis’ quiet way of telling them to stop spending his money.

They let Annie change in the room first before they do.

Since they already discussed their plans of dealing with the King last night, they shouldn’t need any extra time to go over that more. But if they want to, Reiner wouldn’t complain. He’s not nervous or anything, but he bets that Bertolt will get nervous. Yeah. That’s why they should go over this!

“Eren, your dagger’s showing,” Bertolt says, tapping the small bulge at Eren’s back. 

These clothes have less give to hide their daggers as easily as their uniforms. But that could also be because Reiner is used to their uniforms and where to hide things. It’s going to be a pain to try and get their daggers out from under these new clothes. He wonders if it’ll be really that bad if they show up in their uniforms in front of the King. They’re all washed and dried now, so it’s fine, isn’t it?

“If we were wearing dresses, this would be much easier,” Eren mutters.

“Stop saying scary things and just hide it better,” Reiner scolds him.

“It’s fine! I’ll just hide it under my scarf!”

“That’s not how scarves work!”

*

They fall into position as they walk through the fancy hallways of the castle. Jeesh, it looks even better than the Marley offices. Is this just the difference of wealth between a king and military officials?

Annie walks in the front, just two steps behind Mike and Erwin. Eren is right behind her. And behind him are Bertolt and Reiner. The rest of the squad fall in line behind them. According to their talks, Commander Shadis and Commander Pixis are both already here with a Commander for the Military Police, greeting the King. Reiner wonders when they left and why they didn't come with this group if they were all going to see the King together.

“Hey guys,” Eren whispers to get just their attention and not any of the adults. 

From the way Erwin glances behind himself, Reiner won’t be shocked if all the Survey Corps members are listening in.

“Is something wrong?” Bertolt whispers back. Despite sounding like he’s okay, his brows are furrowed, and he’s sweating. Bertolt has come a long way, Reiner thinks. He doesn't look like he's going to puke.

“I’m not Marcel. Why am I in the middle?”

Reiner has a half a mind to smack him. Did Eren forget that he’s the one who moved to be in the middle? Besides, who cares what their position is? Sure, they typically stood with Marcel in the middle because that’s where Marcel had the best view to give them quick orders. But no one really cares about things like that.

“Because you’re our Princess,” Annie teases.

Instead of rising up to the bait like Reiner thought Eren would, he just goes quiet. 

“Eren?” Reiner asks, feeling worried.

“If I’m the Princess and Marcel’s the White Knight, what are you guys? My forest friends?”

Reiner wonders why he ever worries about this guy. He sighs as the Survey Corps members chuckle lightly.

*

King Fritz is an old man who sits on his elevated throne without a crown on his head. There are two guards who stand on either side of the throne with spears in their hands. How primitive, Reiner can’t help but to think. There are four men sitting on chairs, positioned to look at the people who entered in through the doors. From the regale way these men are dressed, Reiner guesses that they must be nobility.

Commander Pixis and Commander Shadis are both in the room along with a mysterious new Commander of the Military Police. The three move to the side so that the rest of them can enter.

The four children take note of the way Erwin and Mike kneel to greet the King and follow their example. Behind them, Reiner hears the other Squad members doing the same.

“At ease,” one of the men sitting down says.

The Survey Corps members stand up and move back, lining up the walls. Uncertainly, Reiner and his family slowly stand up to face the King.

“Well… I-I suppose welcomes are in order!” another men sitting down says cheerfully.

“Yes, indeed. Welcome, little children, to inside of these Walls!”

“We are from the noble families. And of course, this here is King Fritz. I’m sure you know of the Commanders.”

With polite smiles, the four of them introduce themselves. They then recite the story that Eren made up about them escaping from their town when the Titans attacked. No one interrupts them when they talk. And once they finish, no one seems to have any urgent questions to ask. In fact, it kind of feels like they’re all lost in deep thought.

Reiner feels his family glance at him. Alright, looks like he’s up first.

“Please excuse me for being blunt, but we were told that those from the royal line has a distinct mark. Can you show it to us so we know that you’re truly the King within these Walls?”

It’s a lie, of course.

But it’s one of Marcel’s theories that Eren shared with them. That the King within the Walls might be a puppet King, and the true royal bloodline was most likely one of the noble families. In other words, one of these four men sitting in these chairs.

If Reiner makes this baseless claim that those of the royal line has a mark, then one of two things could happen. The King can laugh it off and wave it away like a prank of a small child. Or the King will panic. In the case of the first option, nothing will happen aside from Reiner’s comment being brushed off. From that, they’ll have to decide whether to trust that this man is truly the King or if he’s good at calling their bluff. But if the King were to panic, then they would all know that Marcel’s theory is true. This King is a fake. Why else would he panic when asked to present the mark of the royal line?

“W-what? A m-mark?” one of the nobles asks, voice shaking with nerves.

Odd. 

The King hasn’t made any move like he cares about what Reiner just said. Instead, the nobles are panicking. Reiner glances at his family. Annie looks like she smelled something nasty. Bertolt looks thoughtful. Eren looks like he’s distracted by a bug on the ceiling. 

Curious, Reiner glances up, too. He doesn’t see any bug there. But probably because he’s looking up, both Bertolt and Annie glances up, too. Just what is Eren looking at? It just looks like any old ceiling. 

Erwin clears his throat. When the four glance at him, he makes a motion for them to pay attention to the King and the nobles.

Right. The nobles. Except for one, all the other nobles seem to be nervously glancing at the King and then back at them. That person, Reiner decides. That person must be the true King.

“I’m pretty sure there isn’t a mark. Are you sure you’re not mistaken?” the calm noble asks.

His eyes are sharp. They seem almost accusing, even though the noble tries to soften things up by smiling.

“If Reiss says so, then it’s probably true. King Fritz, there isn’t a mark, is there?” another nervous noble asks the King.

There’s a small pause before the King finally sets his eyes on Reiner. He lets out a soft sigh and looks away as if he could care less.

“See?” yet another noble says, suddenly gaining confidence. “There is no mark!”

The calm noble (Reiss, is it?) doesn’t let the smile fall from his face, but his eyes are still cold. It looks like this battle will be against him.

“You must have been mistaken,” he repeats.

“Is that so? I apologize for my mistake,” Reiner says as pleasantly as he dares.

“You’re young! All the past traumatic events must have made you careless,” one of the nobles says, laughing brightly like he hadn’t panicked few minutes ago.

Reiner glances at Bertolt, who gives him a small nod. Although he still looks nervous, Bertolt does a good enough job to smile and face the adults before them.

“There’s… something that we’ve discussed among ourselves and we wanted to ask the King and the nobles here to consider.” Bertolt pauses to give the adults a chance to respond.

“G-go right ahead!” the nobles say with fake smiles. “What do you want? A place to stay in here? A way to live comfortable lives? We can’t promise anything, but we’ll listen!”

Reiner is impressed with the calm look on Bertolt’s face. 

“Would you aid us in taking our town back?” 

They watch the adults’ faces carefully. The three Commanders seem to be fighting to keep their faces neutral. The Survey Corps members look like they’ve expected something like this. The King has an impassive expression. It’s not that he’s trying to hide his emotion; it plain looks like he doesn’t care.

As for the nobles…

“D-don’t be silly! You guys ran away, so you understand the horrors, don’t you? It’s impossible to take something back from the Titans. You guys are safe now. You should focus on that.”

“Besides, there’s nothing to take back now! The Titans must have destroyed everything!”

“They don’t destroy. They just eat humans,” Eren says. His eyes are still locked on something on the ceiling. 

This isn’t part of the plan. At most, it’s just a careless comment that Eren throws out. But the nobles latch onto it like hyperactive dogs.

“That’s all the more reason why we can’t send anyone out!”

“We can’t afford to waste lives like that!”

“It’s a fruitless endeavor! You should just be grateful that you guys made it out alive.”

“And you’re young. So you still have plenty of things to look forward to in life!”

“Just forget about that town and just live happily here!”

“Y-yes, that’s right! We’ll provide anything you could possibly want!”

The look on Bertolt’s face seems colder than what Reiner’s used to seeing. But Reiner’s sure that it’s reflected on his and Annie’s faces, too. Eren’s eyes are still glued on the ceiling. What does he find so fascinating? Or is this just how he’s processing things? This is the only way he can stop himself from lashing out, from screaming out, from violently striking out?

Being the Attack Titan must be taxing on someone as gentle as Eren.

Reiner touches his shoulder against Eren’s. It finally snaps his attention away from the ceiling and at Reiner. Although it looks a little confused, Eren gives Reiner a soft smile.

“I see,” Bertolt says to the nobles with a small puff of breath. “Yes, no one would want to risk their lives for something like that…”

Good. Now they’ve established a fake reason why they came to these Walls. This should at least throw the adults off their backs when they’re searching for the Founding Titan.

“Wasn’t the reason why the Survey Corps was put together for things like this?” Erwin asks.

No, no. Please don’t try to help them! 

“Squad Leader Erwin, stay silent,” Commander Shadis snaps.

Erwin presses his lips into a thin line. Reiner mentally cheers.

“I understand your frustrations. But you have to think about this logically. We of the Survey Corps have barely managed to travel to the forest right outside of our Walls. There’s no way that we would be able to travel to a town further away while taking four children with us.”

“But the Survey Corps have come a long way,” Commander Pixis says suddenly.

Reiner’s mental cheer dies down. He glances desperately at Eren, hoping he might know something wise to say. He’s always been near Marcel, so maybe some of his intelligence rubbed off of him, you know? Eren notices Reiner’s look and gives him a small nod. 

Eren tugs on Bertolt’s sleeve, catching his attention. They have a brief conversation with just their eyes. Reiner doesn’t have to hear to know what they’re saying. Because Bertolt gives Eren a grateful smile and takes a step back, letting Eren take the lead. Annie glances at them curiously but seems content with letting things play out.

“Typically, you’d only need about fifty or so soldiers to reclaim a town from only Pure titans. But… Well, I’d imagine that for you guys, you’d need a minimum of 200 men. Each should be equipped with enough explosives so even if they get eaten, they’ll be able to take that Titan out. Then-”

Eren is cut short by Shadis.

“We cannot allocate that much resources to this. I’m sorry. You have to give up on your town.”

As if to make his statement more prominent, Shadis then glares at Pixis and Erwin. Pixis makes a small motion that seems like he’s gracefully resigning. But Erwin doesn’t look like he’s done. It’s not until Mike grabs his shoulder that Erwin forces himself to relax.

That means they won’t bring this up again, right?

“We are very sorry,” Reiss says. The polite smile takes on an apologetic hint. “But we just can’t afford something like that. As children who ran away, you guys understand, don’t you?”

Guilt as a weapon, Reiner thinks. What a cruel man. If the situation they presented had been true, then Reiner imagines it would really cut deep. 

The four of them pretend to look at the ground like those words affect them. 

“Why don’t you tell us about the town you’re from? And the outside world? I’m sure it’ll help with the grieving process.”

“It’s… probably because I’m a child, but I’m afraid I don’t understand,” Eren says. He looks up to meet Reiss’ eyes. “From your words, it sounds like you want us to stay inside here with you guys. And that you don’t want anyone to leave. So why do you want to hear about the outside world? You have no plans of going there.”

“I-it’s… it’s good for the Survey Corps!” one of the nobles insist.

“So using this knowledge, you’ll aid us get our town back? But you just said that you wouldn't. I don’t understand your back and forth. Please speak more clearly.”

Is… it such a good idea to turn these adults into their enemies like this? There’s also no way to tell who has the Founding Titan as of now. But the air around the nobles is clearly much darker than it should be. Eren has a plan, though, right? He’s not just pouring oil into the fire for shits and giggles, right?

“Even if we don’t use this knowledge now to help your town, it can still aid our future. Or are you saying that you’re so petty that you’d deprive that of us?” the Commander of the Military Police asks, lips pulled back into a sneer.

“Sir, with all due respect, I’m a kid. I’m allowed to be petty.”

Reiner moves a second too late. Bertolt has already covered Eren’s mouth with his hands, looking like he might burst into tears. Annie is rubbing her temples. From against the walls, it looks like the Survey Corps members are doing their best not to snigger. 

“P-please excuse Eren!” Reiner says with a forced smile on his face. “He’s our youngest, so we spoil him quite a lot.”

“We’ll answer whatever you want to know about the outside world. And in return, you’ll let us stay here safely, correct?” Annie says.

It’s a little rougher than Reiner would like. But he supposes this is as gentle as they’re going to get from her. The only question is if the nobles will buy it.

“Yes, that is correct.” 

The nobles have fake smiles on their faces. Just a little, Reiner missed the harsh lines of hate from the Marley soldiers. At least those were honest.

“Why don’t you start by telling us how the rest of the world view us within these Walls?”

Bertolt looks like he’s locked in a deep discussion with Eren, their voices barely rising above a whisper. This has to be on Reiner and Annie, huh? 

“They think you foolish,” Annie says.

That… wasn’t part of the plan at all.

Are they just going to throw all of their plans out the window? What was the point of staying up so late to hammer out all the details? Is this how Marcel felt whenever things didn’t go according to plan? But even then, Marcel always had five other plans as back ups. It didn’t matter if one of them fell through, because he would easily come up with another.

They’re far too lacking compared to him.

“You made the choice to lock yourselves inside of these Walls while the rest of the world moved on. We have more or less developed weapons that can counter any normal Titans. But here you guys are, without even a sense of urgency.”

“W-weapons that can counter Titans, you say?” Commander Shadis whispers, eyes wide.

“H-how can such a thing exists?” the other nobles whisper.

Reiss’ eyes are on them, the polite smile frozen on his face.

“It… doesn’t always work. We were overconfident. That’s how our town fell,” Reiner adds quickly. 

He glares at Annie, hoping that she’d catch his intention. The plan was to keep quiet about that, wasn’t it? Just because Eren started pouring oil into the fire didn’t mean Annie should start fanning it! C’mon, please. Let’s just-

“But these weapons work 70-80% of the time,” Annie says. “How are your rates?”

… Why does Reiner even try?

The King still makes no move that he’s even heard this conversation. But it’s clear that the rest of the adults in the room are caught off-guard. Reiner wants to sigh. Their plans… Their carefully constructed plans…

“Okay, that’s enough!” Reiss declares, clapping his hands.

The fake smile on his face is bright as he turns to look at the four of them. “Why don’t we take a break for dinner and resume this conversation tomorrow?”

He’s running away. 

Reiner’s eyes meet Annie’s. They both understand what this means. Sometime between this dinner and conversation tomorrow, they’ll most likely be killed.

Damn it. Damn it. They needed more time to figure things out. Why did they jump the gun? Why can’t they just follow a damned plan?

Should they just kill everyone here…?

“Is it safe to assume that you’ll be providing us our meal, Mr…?” Eren asks, making a motion towards Reiss.

“Reiss. I’m Rod Reiss,” the noble says, the smile never budging from his face. “And of course, my family will be glad to offer you food!”

*

How… did things come to this?

The four of them are squeezed into a carriage with the three Commanders as they ride to Reiss’ mansion. The rest of the Survey Corps members that came with them will find their own transportation to the place. The King and the other nobles sounded like they had their own business to take care of, so they will not be joining for dinner.

Reiner wants nothing more than to shake both Eren and Annie. Except what’s that going to accomplish? They’re actually getting exactly what they wanted, minus the three adults who are glaring down at them right now. Sure, there were some hiccups. But the plan was to locate the true King within the Walls and get close to their family to find the Founding Titan. And isn’t that pretty much what they’re going to do?

But even if Reiner wants to celebrate, he doesn’t know how to in this oppressive kind of atmosphere. 

“Do you eat often at Mr. Reiss’ house?” Eren asks the three men, mercifully breaking the tense silence.

All three Commanders turn to stare at Eren. Reiner doesn’t know how Eren can stand those gazes without trembling. But this at least lets Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie take a breather.

“No. This is the first time I’ve been invited,” Pixis says. Although there’s a smile on his face, it doesn’t reach his eyes.

The other two make small noncommittal noises.

“So you don’t know what the menu will be?” Eren asks, sounding disappointed.

Pixis looks amused now. He touches his chin thoughtfully. “Perhaps he has some finely aged wine for us to partake in tonight. As one of the noble families, I imagine he has quite a wonderful selection.”

“I can’t drink that,” Eren points out.

“I’ll give you a sip,” Pixis promises, winking.

“Don’t give these children alcohol,” Shadis snaps. “Erwin will skin me.”

The third Commander sighs, finally letting the immense tense atmosphere disappear. “Hey kids, do you resent us for what was said in that room?”

Reiner glances at Annie and Bertolt, not really wanting to speak. Eren seems to pick up on that because he grins at the Commander.

“You’re actually a good guy?”

“Pfft! Hahaha!” Pixis laughs.

Shadis looks like he’s judging his fellow Commanders.

The Commander of the Military Police sighs, looking more annoyed at Pixis than at Eren. “‘Good’ or ‘bad’ person is relative. What’s good for some people isn’t for others. For example, if we had gone to reclaim your town, then it’ll be seen as good for you kids, but for our people who would have to die for your cause, it’ll be bad. Do you understand?”

“So I should’ve asked if you’d be a good guy to us?”

“That’s right. The answer, by the way, is no. I’ll always put my people before you kids. But you guys are the same, aren’t you? You’ll put each other before us.”

There’s a small pause as if Eren didn’t think of that before. Then his face brightens.

Reiner feels a chill go down his spine. He tries to make his body as small as he can to not get caught in the cross-fire. Any time Eren had that kind of expression on his face, it was right before he brought down whoever got in his way. Without Marcel here to stop Eren, this is going to be painful.

“So it’s fine if I’m ‘bad’ to you?” Eren asks.

The Commander makes a lazy motion with his hand. “Yeah. Yeah. Go crazy.”

“Hey, have you ever even seen a Titan? Some of the smaller ones are just about two or three meters tall. That’s what? Slightly taller than a tall man? They’ll be able to fit in this carriage, and they won’t have any issues in fitting into that room we were in. Even at that small of a size, they can eat humans. Unlike the bigger ones, they can’t just put the human in their mouth in one go. So they take little bites at a time.”

Reiner wonders which one of their missions that Eren is thinking of. When they had to fight alongside Pure Titans, it was typically larger ones. Perhaps Eren’s recalling a mission from the memories of the previous Attack Titan?

“It’s messier than when the larger ones do it. They tear into the flesh and rip it open just enough to let the blood and organs gush out. Their teeth doesn’t look that sharp, but it always-”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Commander Shadis says, holding his hand up.

All three of the Commanders look sickened by the short description, even though Eren hasn’t even gotten started. These people are so weak. Is this little making them queasy?

“No wonder you didn’t want to help us,” Reiner blurts out. “You can’t even handle that little!”

Shame colors their cheeks. And they don’t bother try to come up with an excuse. 

Reiner thinks that’s for the best.

*

The Reiss Mansion seems fancier than the castle. Or perhaps it just looked that way since the castle is in the city and this place feels a little more like the countryside? At least there’s a huge field of open grass. And that’s like… expensive, right?

“How was your ride?” Erwin asks them with a kind smile.

“Boring,” Annie tells him.

“The Commanders didn’t say or do anything inappropriate, did they?” Hange asks her seriously.

Annie begins to shake her head no. Then pauses. “They called us bad children. And that they’ll only give alcohol to good, little children.”

Reiner feels his eyebrows lift to his hairlines. What the hell is Annie saying? He smacks Bertolt for his attention and grabs Eren before Eren says something even more misleading. Bertolt glances at Reiner and then at Annie before sighing. It looks like he has no intention of stopping her, though.

“Annie, did they make you do anything you didn’t want?”

“It was really uncomfortable,” Annie says hesitantly. She looks at the ground, the perfect image of a victimized little girl.

Reiner didn’t think that Annie could do it. But it seems that she’s got more balls than all of them combined. Except is this really even necessary?

He realizes that Eren has stilled in his arms.

“H-hey, Eren?”

“Which bastards made Annie uncomfortable?” Eren growls lowly.

Alright, before this explodes into a huge incident, Reiner is just going to drag Eren away. He’s going to pretend he didn’t see the Survey Corps members reach for their blades as they glare at the three Commanders.

*

The first thing Reiss does is to introduce them to his family.

His wife is a short, elderly woman with a kind smile on her face. She seems to genuinely love children, because she ruffles each of their hairs with a fondness Reiner isn’t used to receiving. 

The eldest daughter is Frieda, who smiles at them fondly just like her mother. The eldest son is 17 years old by the name of Urklyn. His smile is a bit awkward, but that looks like it’s because he’s not used to meeting this many people at once. The second oldest son is Dirk at 14 years old. He gives them a small nod but otherwise hides behind his sister, 12 year old Abel. Abel shyly smiles at them and waves self-consciously. The youngest is Florian, a 10 year old girl, who stares at them suspiciously. 

It’s a huge family. 

Reiner can’t imagine just how much money it must take to feed everyone here. Then again, as the secret King of the Walls, Reiss can probably take whatever he wants without paying. What’s that like? To have that much power to do whatever you want?

With that kind of power, could even someone like Reiner protect his family?

There are a lot more male servants than female, Reiner can’t help but to note. But he doesn’t know if that’s just the people who are greeting them. It’s possible that there are more female servants cleaning and cooking, right?

“Then shall we feast?”

*

The quality of the meal given here is leaps and bounds over anything Reiner has ever tasted. It’s so good that he almost forgets his manners.

Almost.

It wouldn’t do to completely lose himself in front of the royal family members. Besides, Annie keeps giving him a disgusted look any time he even thinks about abandoning any manners. 

He makes sure to sneak food on Eren’s plate that he considers delicious. He realizes belatedly that Bertolt must be doing the same on the other side of Eren, because Eren looks confused as to why there’s so much food on his plate.

“Don’t waste food, shitty brats,” Levi warns them.

The three Commanders sit far away from the four of them. Reiner gets the feeling it has something to do with the way the Survey Corps members keep glaring at the three. Whatever else Annie must have said seem to have made them quite wary of the three. Although Erwin is sitting with them to eat, the rest of the Survey Corps members are standing by the walls like guards. Levi is standing across from them so he has a good view of their plates.

Reiss and his huge family sits with them at the table. The rest of the family seem more or less warmed up to them now. Abel and Florian especially seem taken with Annie as they constantly ask her questions that she ignores. The guys are a little more distant. Reiner thinks it might be because of the way Reiner and Bertolt both stay so close to Eren.

“Both of you, stop it,” Eren hisses at Reiner and Bertolt.

“Stop what?” Bertolt asks, eyes wide in surprise.

Eren tries to return the food back to Bertolt’s plate. “Eat your own damned food! I’m not a trash can!”

Reiner shakes his head and chuckles, prompting an exasperated glare from Eren.

“What?”

“You still can’t figure it out? We’re not trying to get rid of food. We’re sharing it with you.”

Eren mercilessly smacks Reiner. “Shut up and eat your own damned food.”

Reiner laughs, which only earns him a roll of Eren’s eyes. 

Just a little, it feels like they’re back at the Jaeger household.

*

The fact that Reiss allowed the Commanders and the Survey Corps members says quite a lot. But Reiner isn’t too sure what it exactly says, until they’re all asked to gather in Reiss’ study after dinner.

“I thought it would be a good time as any to make the proposal as to where these kids should go,” Reiss says with his fake smile.

“You three Commanders are busy with your own jobs. And Squad Leader Erwin, you already have such a huge load on your shoulders to take care of your own squad of… special people. If the kids stayed with me, then they’ll be able to eat delicious meals every day and be well-cared for.”

“I have no objections,” the Commander of the Military Police says almost immediately.

He eyes the four of them warily, even though it was Annie who caused him trouble. Not that Reiner would say that out loud, of course. Now that he knows what Annie is capable of, he’d really like to not pit her against him.

“I do agree that this peaceful environment will be good for the kids,” Commander Pixis says.

Commander Shadis hesitates, glancing at Erwin. He looks like he’s a second away from agreeing but then shakes his head.

“These kids have seen hell. If you put them in a peaceful area like this, they’ll go mad.”

Reiss frowns. This is a man who isn’t used to being disagreed with.

“And what exactly can the Survey Corps provide for these kids? Don’t tell me you plan on dragging these poor kids out to face the Titans again?”

Reiner has no plans of doing that. He is going to return home with Annie, Bertolt, and Eren. Yes, they’re missing Marcel, but at the very least, they’ll be able to return with the Founding Titan as planned. And if this goes well, they’ll be able to return in three months. How’s that for amazing? This damned mission won't stretch on to years like Marcel originally planned.

“But siding with the Survey Corps gives us the best chance of returning home,” Eren says.

“You’re still saying that?” Reiss sounds dismissive of Eren’s words. “What even is there, anyways? You said so yourself. The Titans destroyed and ate all the humans. There’s no one waiting for you back there!”

Reiner knows that they shouldn’t rise to this bait. He knows the key to a successful infiltration is to not get attached, to not show emotions. But he can’t forgive such a blatant lack of respect. No one back at home? Don't look down on their family!

“Even so, I… We need to return home.” Eren’s voice is surprisingly calm. Reiner doesn’t understand how Eren can stay so leveled. Right now, Reiner feels like shimmering water about to hit the boiling point.

“I’m saying that I’ll provide everything for you! You’ll have playmates. You’ll have food. You’ll have clean clothes. Anything you can ask for, you can have!”

Eren tilts his head to the side. His control over his temper is slipping. “I didn’t realize you were god. Can you return Marcel? Return my mom, my dad, and my aunt? Return all the people that died so pathetically? Return our pride to us?”

“That’s… that’s different. I mean within these Walls.”

Reiss glances at Shadis as if to silently say that he understands Shadis’ words. But he doesn’t give up. He turns to Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie.

“What about you guys? Surely, you want to find a place to settle down and live comfortably?”

“I was tasked with protecting Eren. Where he goes, I go,” Annie tells him.

“He’s all I have left,” Reiner manages out as evenly as he can.

“We don’t abandon family,” Bertolt claims, crossing his arms in front of himself.

Reiss’ lips press into a thin line.

“I think it’s clear what the children wants,” Erwin says. He steps forward to stand between the four of them and Reiss. 

It feels like they’re being protected. If Reiner wasn’t certain that Erwin had ulterior motives, he might have bought this act.

“Well, in the end, it’ll be the King’s decision. For now, why don’t we retire for the night?” Reiss suggests.

This man just doesn’t know when to quit, does he?

*

“Oh no! We can’t allow a girl like Annie to sleep in the same room as the boys!” the wife of the household exclaims. “Come on, Annie. You can spend the night with us girls.”

The cold glare on Annie’s face should have been enough to put a stop to that. But then Bertolt gets involved.

“Yeah, Annie. Don’t you get tired of being around us smelly boys?”

Her glare settles on him, but Bertolt for once seems to not care. He smiles pleasantly back. Reiner is starting to wonder if his crush on her is all gone. It’s just their interactions recently makes him really rethink about these two.

“It is a rare for you to have some girl time,” Eren says. “Go ahead, Annie. Have fun!”

Annie tilts her head to the side, realization flashing in her eyes. There’s a soft sigh before she gives them a small nod. With a cold look on her face, she turns to follow the Reiss wife.

“It’s unusual for you to take that stance,” Reiner can’t help but to remark as they watch her leave.

“We need information,” Eren reminds him softly.

Reiner can’t believe he forgot that they’re here to find the Founding Titan.

*

While Annie investigate on the girl side of the family, the three of them handle the guys.

Urklyn and Dirk look as awkward as Reiner feels when they interact. He can’t imagine how Annie is fairing.

“Are you going to stay with us?” Dirk asks. He doesn’t sound like he cares too much, though. 

“I’d rather stay with the Survey Corps. Out in Shiganshina,” Eren tells him with a smile.

“Shiganshina?” Urklyn raises his eyebrows. “But the Survey Corps headquarters are within the Wall of Sheena, though. If you do get to stay with them, it’ll be near here, and not so far away.”

“We don’t even get a choice, huh?” Bertolt sighs.

Urklyn gives them an awkward smile. “Can’t be helped. You guys are young.”

“Have you ever thought about joining the military?” Reiner can’t help but to ask.

Both Reiss boys shake their heads no. 

“We’re nobility, you know? We have to take care of the people of this town,” Urklyn explains.

“So you have no dreams of leaving this place at all?”

“None,” Dirk assures them.

*

“What do you guys think about Titans?”

Dirk shrugs. “They’re evil and stuff, right?”

Although Dirk seems to not care too much about this conversation topic, Urklyn looks like he’s sweating. Could it be that they’ve kept Dirk in the dark? “Too young” was probably their excuse. 

“Well, I… think that there’s a lot of complicated things that goes into-”

Reiner interrupt Urklyn. “Complicated? What’s so complicated about it? They’re Titans. They eat humans. Unless you know something that we don’t?”

Urklyn bites his lips. Just a little, Reiner is reminded of Bertolt and finds himself hesitant to push more.

“It’s fine if you don’t want to share,” Eren tells him with a soft smile.

Urklyn beams at Eren. But before he can say anything of gratitude, Eren continues.

“After all, the families and friends we lost when the Titans attacked are strangers to you. Why would someone who was coddled within these Walls care?”

Dirk must have caught onto the snideness of the remark. He glances between his older brother and Eren. As if testing the waters, he asks, “Caring for all of humanity is something that Frieda said we need to do.”

“Your sister?” Bertolt asks.

Dirk nods. “That’s why, please understand that we do care. We are deeply saddened by your loss. But there’s nothing we can do. This is just the way the world is.”

“Dirk, don’t say anymore,” Urklyn warns.

It seems both boys know more than they let on. But no matter how much Bertolt, Reiner, and Eren push or try to guilt them, neither of them say anything more than “This is just the way the world is.”

*

Reiner, Bertolt, and Eren are invited to stay in one of the guest rooms with Mike and Levi. It seems that Erwin was offered another place (possibly with the Commanders or alone, since he is a Squad Leader). The other squad members seem to have been given other rooms. They haven’t heard from Annie, but Reiner is pretty sure that she’s probably going to be spending the night with the Reiss girls.

“How many rooms are there?” Reiner mumbles.

“… We could probably play hide and seek for days with how many rooms there are,” Bertolt says.

“Want to play a round? I bet I can find both of you within the hour,” Eren teases them with a grin.

Levi glares at them. “Don’t cause trouble, shitty brats. Come on, help me clean this place.”

“Let them play,” Mike says. He makes a shooing motion at the three of them. “We’ll clean.”

“Thank you, Mike!” Reiner shouts as Eren starts to count.

*

Bertolt and Reiner split up. They don’t know this place well enough to know where they’re going, but at the very least, this excuse of playing a game will allow them to get away with a lot of things. 

After few false starts of closets and empty rooms, Reiner finds what looks to be a mini library. The entire room is filled with shelves and shelves of books. He wishes he had more time to more thoroughly examine the books here. But the search for any clues to who the Founding Titan is needs to come first. Just in case, though, he does skim through the books laying around on the tables. None of them, unfortunately, spell it out cleanly exactly who the Founding Titan must be.

The next room he ends up in (that aren’t closets or empty) looks to be a baby room. Since he’s not interested in this, Reiner closes the door for the next one.

“What are you doing?”

Dirk gives Reiner a look like he thinks Reiner is foolish. 

“H-huh? I-I’m looking for a hiding place. We’re playing hide and seek,” he manages out.

That must have been acceptable, because Dirk nods. “I see. Do you play like this often with the others?”

“We haven’t had the time to play recently,” Reiner says evenly.

Dirk lets out a soft sound and looks at the ground. Rather than “uncaring,” Reiner is starting to think that maybe this guy is just shy.

“You guys seem really close,” Dirk says.

Reiner nods. “We are close.”

Dirk hesitates. Typically, Reiner would have a little more patience than this, but he needs to find the Founding Titan’s identity. He doesn’t have time to babysit.

“Well, if that’s everything-”

“But you guys aren’t even family. You guys aren’t related through blood, and you don’t have the same last names. Why are you guys that much closer than me and my family?”

Reiner inwardly rolls his eyes. Who the hell cares? What part of Reiner doesn’t have time to babysit does this guy not get?

“I’m trying to find a place to hide,” Reiner reminds Dirk.

“R-right. Sorry for getting in your way.”

And now Reiner feels guilty. With a soft sigh, he rubs the back of his neck.

“Look, who the hell cares about blood relations? When you’re out there against Titans or whatever enemies, the only person you can rely on are those fighting for the same cause. I’ve long abandoned ‘blood relations’ for the sake of this family around me now. That’s all there is to it.”

Dirk goes quiet again. Reiner figures this is enough and turns to leave.

“So it’s fine if I meet up with Historia, right?”

Reiner doesn’t know who this ‘Historia’ is. But he figures what Dirk wants right now is an affirmation. 

“Yeah. No problem at all.”

Dirk grins widely, surprisingly Reiner. He holds out his hand.

“I’ll show you the best hiding place!”

*

It’s the wine cooler. 

And Reiner really is grateful that Dirk is looking at him with excited eyes awaiting praise, but he… the Founding Titan… Reiner mentally groans. This is what he gets for being a good person!

*

“So who’s Historia?” Reiner asks since they have more than enough time.

Dirk blushes. “My dad’s other kid.”

… Other kid? Like… His dad cheated…? To think that the secret King within these Walls had such dirty laundry he was hiding.

“I don’t hate her. I don’t really know her. But I don’t think it’s fair that only Frieda gets to go see her. Even if we have different mothers, I still want to get to know her.”

Reiner thinks about his own father. A Marleyan, his mother had said. Does he also have a new family of his own? Reiner never tried to look for that man. But if it did turn out that his father had a new family, how would Reiner feel about approaching them?

No good. All he can think about is Eren and Porco having a mock battle with their forks before dinner with Marcel trying not to burst out laughing. Annie sighing like she’s better than all of them. Pieck cheering Eren on while Colt meekly tells them to stop fighting. Bertolt standing by Reiner’s side, the two feeling content with just watching…

His eyes begin to mist. 

They’ll never be able to return to those days.

“Yeah, I don’t see anything wrong with you going to meet her. In fact, you should take her hand and drag her here. There’s more than enough space for her to live here, isn’t there? Instead of asking me and my family to stay, you should ask her.”

Reiner wonders if his words are irresponsible. In the end, this isn’t his problem. So he’s giving careless advice that might sound great to someone young and impressionable. But in the same breath, he can’t just look away. 

The world they live in is cruel. Although he thinks that Dirk is less likely than Reiner to run into life or death situations, it still doesn’t change the fact that anyone can lose their life any second. Then wouldn’t Dirk live the rest of his life regretting the things that he never did, things he never said?

“I… wouldn’t mind if she and you guys all stayed. There’s more than enough room.”

Dirk won’t meet Reiner’s eyes as he admits this. Reiner honestly doesn’t know if he should feel touched.

*

He’s not too sure how long they stayed down there, talking about mundane things. But they realize that something must have happened at the sound of frantic but muffled sounds.

Reiner feels uneasy. 

“I’m going to check that-”

“Don’t go. I-if it’s a robber, Mr. Kenny will take care of it.”

“Mr. Kenny?”

Dirk nods. “He’s a special Military Police member who protects us.”

Reiner files the name away for future use. 

“If that’s the case, then hide and seek’s over. I should get back to let everyone know I’m fine.”

Dirk hesitates. Reiner fights off the annoyance and gently touches his shoulder.

“Hey, thanks for the good hiding place. Let’s play again some day.”

Without waiting for an answer, Reiner runs out.

*

Mike finds him first. 

There’s a brief moment of a relieved sigh from Mike’s lips before he takes on a serious look.

“Bertolt and Annie are both gathered in the dining room. I’ll take you there. Have you seen Eren?”

“N-no, I haven’t seen… W-what’s going on? What happened?”

Mike begins to lead Reiner towards the dining room as he speaks.

“There were these flashes of light-”

A flash of light? Like when someone shifts into a Titan? If Bertolt had shifted, none of them would be standing, just because of the sheer mass the Colossal Titan would take up (not to mention the heat wave). And it sounds like Annie is in the dining room with him. It can’t be either of them. So either Eren found the Founding Titan or…

The sneering smirk of Ymir comes to mind.

They had left her on the other side of the Wall. But with how lithe and fast her Titan is, climbing over the Walls and coming here wouldn’t have been much of an issue. Did she follow them here? 

“-can’t find Eren.”

It seems that Reiner blanked out of most of Mike’s report. But despite that, he feels like he’s gotten the hang of the situation.

“Please let me help!”

Mike shakes his head. “You stay in the dining room. As soon as we find Eren, we’ll bring him there. Our first priority is protecting you kids.”

“But… I… I can’t lose Eren, too!”

Reiner wonders what Mike saw in his eyes when he glanced down. But in the next moment, Mike stops to grab Reiner by the shoulders.

“We will protect all of you. You are not going to lose anyone else.”

You know, Reiner has done a lot of foolish things. He’s believed in a lot of dumb lies, too. The young Warriors could all attest to it. In fact, they could each probably give you five separate occasions when Reiner has done something incredibly stupid.

But when an adult looks that serious as they promise you that everyone is going to be okay, you believe them.

Against all reasons otherwise, Reiner trusts Mike’s words.

*

Bertolt and Annie both pull Reiner into a hug as soon as he arrives to the dining hall. They must have been terrified. And now the three of them will wait for Eren to walk in through the doors next, grinning like a cat that caught its prey.

There are some Survey Corps members positioned as guards here. The Commanders and Erwin are nowhere to be seen, possibly already running around to figure out what has happened. Reiss and his wife are both in the room, but Dirk and Frieda are missing. Reiner makes sure to mention the wine cellar to them to check for Dirk.

“You were with Dirk?” Bertolt asks.

Bertolt, Annie, and Reiner huddle together while warily watching the door.

“Yeah. I was down in the wine cellar, so I don’t really know what happened. Mike said something about flashes of light?”

Annie nods. “Yeah. I was with Abel and Florian in their room. There was no mistaking it.  I’m… worried.”

A loud sound catches all of their attention. 

They may be away from battlefield, but there’s no way that Reiner could ever mistake the sound of gunshots. The gunshots dies down for a bit before starting up again. It sounds like there’s an intense fight happening outside.

“I-isn’t that…?”

But the people within the Walls don’t have guns, right? They only have those flying machines and blades and spears. They’re supposed to be primitive. S-so maybe that wasn’t a gun. Maybe that was some other weapon! That thought doesn't calm him down.

The fear on Annie’s and Bertolt’s faces must also be reflected upon his own.

If they rush out now and shift, can they find Eren and get out of here? Or would that just make more of a mess? It’s possible that it’s not even Eren that’s in trouble. It could really be just some robbers like Dirk said. But is that a risk that they should take?

The doors to the dining room bursts open. The Survey Corps members are carefully carrying the injured in their arms.

“Please make room on the table!”

They turn the table into a makeshift bed to nurse the injured. It’s not just Survey Corps members. There are also people whose uniform is darker colored. The wounds they have look very much like to be knife wounds, probably from the blades that the Survey Corps members use.

“W-what happened? What’s going on?” Reiss demands as his wife tries to hide the injured from her children.

“T-T-Titans!” one of the darker-colored uniform man wails. “W-why? How did they get inside?”

Reiss turns pale. He glances around for someone else to fill him in. 

Reiner glances at Bertolt and Annie. The three of them come to a consensus without speaking. 

They run out of the dining room and towards the sound of gunshots.

*

Reiner recognizes that billowing smoke as the one that appears as a Titan’s body disappears. The body is too covered by the smoke to make out clearly, but the size seems too large for it to be Ymir’s small Titan. Then is it exactly as he feared? Did Eren…?

“… that I’m not good enough?!”

Levi is yelling at Erwin, who looks grim. Mike is struggling to stop Levi from lashing out. And now that Reiner is paying attention, it looks like Levi is bleeding from a nasty looking wound on his stomach. Hange is trying to stop the bleeding, but Levi looks too agitated to listen to them properly.

“Every second we waste here is a second we could’ve used to get him back!”

But the one thing that Reiner cannot look away from, the one thing that Reiner is having a hard time registering, is the tattered red scarf in Levi’s hand.

“You can’t go after them. Not in your condition,” Erwin says gravely. 

“You saw what happened to everyone else who tried to fight against Kenny. I’m the only one who can do this. So shut up and let me go,” Levi hisses.

Whatever Erwin might have said is interrupted by Reiner.

He didn’t mean to. It’s not that he wanted to butt into their conversation. But he has to know.

Is that scarf…?

He clutches the scarf in Levi’s hand, examining it. Levi releases the scarf so that Reiner can bring it close to himself. There are faint marks of a patch job that Annie did. Despite having been washed few days ago, it already smells of gunpowder and blood. Yeah, there’s no doubt about it. This scarf is-

“W-where’s Eren?”

Bertolt and Annie slowly stands on either side of Reiner. Annie takes the scarf from Reiner’s hands, clutching it close to herself. Bertolt squeezes Reiner’s shoulder. But it doesn’t feel comforting at all.

“H-hey… p-please tell me t-that Eren’s okay.”

The expression on Levi’s face is more than enough of an answer to draw their own conclusion. Reiner thinks he heard a sob, but he’s not sure who made that sound. Which one of them sounded that broken?

Oh, is it all of them?

Levi grits his teeth. He surprises them by kneeling before them, his cold eyes glinting with determination.

“Eren will be okay. I’m going to go get him back. You don’t have to worry.”

Liar, Reiner wants to accuse. That can’t be true. There’s no way that anyone within these Walls would be on their side. All they have is each other. All they have is-

“Please trust me.”

Eren, is it okay to have hope?


	10. All of us will sing together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I've said, I'll be taking a bit of break after this chapter. Don't be shocked if I start posting other stories. It's not that I abandoned this one. I just want to get my head in order before I figure out exactly where to take this story.
> 
> Warnings: Physically, mentally, and emotionally breaking children, gore, torture, unnecessarily brutal violence

“S-Sergeant Major K-Kruger…?”

The Marleyan soldier glanced at Eren with a coldness that made Eren want to turn tail and run. This man’s glares were always so damned terrifying…

“M-Marcel… T-that’s…”

But Marcel just squeezed Eren’s hand encouraging before grinning at the soldier.

“Owl, this is my partner, Eren. As long as he’s by my side, we can do anything. That’s why we’re here to ask you for your cooperation. Will you and the Eldian Restorationists lend us a hand?”

The man raised one elegant eyebrow at them. "What a farce. We'll be used by two children?"

"We're not just kids, you know," Marcel said with a confident grin. "We are Warriors."

*

If Marcel could see him now, he’d praise Eren for being a genius.

To use a childish game like hide and seek to gather intel like this! Honestly, Eren has become quite clever and resourceful.

He’s going to assume that Bertolt and Reiner will be thorough in examining these hallways (and therefore, finding information about the Founding Titan) and look for where Erwin and the Commanders might be staying. They are most likely discussing what to do with the four of them now while swapping information that they have.

If they want to get out of here without being killed, they’re going to need this kind of intel, too.

See, Marcel? Eren isn’t completely hopeless when it comes to strategy.

_“Eren, I get that you’re the Attack Titan, but there’s a limit to using suicide charge every single time… At the very least, vary things up a little. You’re way too predictable!”_

“Oh, Eren! What are you doing this far away from your room?” Hange asks with a friendly smile. “Don’t tell me you missed me so much that you ran all this way here?”

“Ms. Hange, do you have any more of those apple taffys?”

Hange makes a dramatic show of wiping her tears. “You just want me for those treats? Eren, you wound me so!”

Despite saying such words, Hange takes out a small, packaged candy and tosses it at Eren with a wink.

“Don’t tell the others I gave you one.”

“Thank you, Ms. Hange!”

_"Do you even like these apple treats? Don't you think that strawberries taste better?"_

_"But Marcel, all the pictures of the deal that Ymir made with the devil is depicted with an apple. Since it's the fruit that's closest to the devil, it's the most fitting for someone who'll kill god, don't you think?"_

*

Eren hides the taffy in his pocket for now. It seems that he has successfully shaken Hange off of his scent by asking for this treat. But since it’ll be too suspicious if he asked her where Erwin and the Commanders are, he just waves her goodbye after using the hide and seek game as an excuse.

And now he seems to be somewhere near the dining room.

Jeesh, where can those old men be hiding? Can’t they do Eren a favor and put out a sign that tells everyone where they are? Or maybe the problem is that this mansion is too damned big?

He notices someone standing outside on the lawn through the window. From where he is, he thinks it might be Frieda. Wasn’t she with Annie? What’s she doing out-

There’s a man in a dark uniform near her. Eren can’t make it out well from where he is, but it kind of looks like this man might have… a rifle…?

Huh?

Wait a minute! Aren’t the people within these Walls supposed to have primitive weapons? What do you mean a rifle? And to approach a young girl with a weapon like that, then…

Eren lucks out. The window can be opened, and there aren’t any annoying screens to block his way. He jumps out the window and runs to help Frieda.

“Hey!” he yells out.

The man with the rifle glances towards Eren. He quickly pulls his hat down to hide his face before… flying off? It didn’t look like he had a vertical maneuvering equipment. But that had to have been what he had. Eren thought only the Survey Corps have those. Is that man a rouge agent? A thief that stole the equipment? Should Eren report that to Erwin?

“Are you alright?” Eren asks Frieda, who looks at him quizzically.

“Y-yes. I’m fine. Did you… rush out to save me?”

“The weapon that man held is very dangerous,” Eren explains to her.

Frieda smiles kindly at him. “There’s no need to worry. Kenny won’t bear his fangs at me.”

Kenny…? Wait, was Frieda trying to meet up with her lover out here? A-and… Eren interrupted? Oh!

Eren feels his cheeks heat up.

“S-sorry. I’ll be taking my leave-”

“No, please stay. I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”

Eren figures she means it in a “I’m going to convince you to stay with us for dad” kind of way. He doesn’t want to hear it. He really doesn’t care what they think. In fact, he’d much rather go back to what he was doing, if she’s not in actual danger.

“I have to be getting back,” he says as he begins to turn away from her.

“What do you want to do with the Founding Titan?”

He stops in his tracks. When he turns back to look at Frieda, she just gives him that same kind smile from before. Gulping lightly, he faces her fully with bravado.

“Alright, let’s talk.”

*

“By now, I assume you’ve figured out that the current King is a fake. And if you haven’t figured that out then… Well, I suppose I’ll have to commend you for getting this far without a brain.”

Amazing.

That kind smile never falters on her face as she blatantly insults Eren like this. Nobles are terrifying.

“Should you be so eager to give out those kind of topic secret information to someone who might be an enemy?”

Frieda laughs. A cute sound that does nothing but makes Eren want to run the other way. How can someone make something as gentle as laughing feel so menacing?

“Even if you’re the enemy, what can you possibly do? You’re just a child.”

_"Listen carefully, Eren. If you're facing against someone smart in a battle of intelligence, there's just one thing you can do to win. You have to make yourself look as weakest and as stupid as possible. Bring down their guard. Now, try that against me!"_

_"… Marcel, if you tell me to do that after giving me that advice, you'll see it coming from a mile away."_

_"Oh… I… didn't think this one through."_

That’s right. Look down on him. It’ll give Eren an extra advantage. She probably doesn’t realize that he has a Titan power. If he can time this just right, he might be able to figure out who the Founding Titan is, too.

“You got me,” Eren says in what he hopes is an innocent manner. “I’m just a powerless child!”

Frieda’s smile finally drops. She glares at Eren for a second before smiling again.

“Indeed. A ‘powerless child’ who managed to cross the ocean and a field of Pure Titans to get inside of these Walls. Of course, you had friends with you. But it still doesn’t change the fact that you’re here now.”

She holds out her hands. With the light from the house framing her, she looks a bit like the holy maidens in churches. Eren finds himself tensing. 

“I ask you again, what do you want to do with the Founding Titan’s power?”

What? Is she supposed to be a judge? If he answers wrongly, she’ll say he doesn’t deserve this power? And if he answers correctly, then will she give it to him? Who is she to be able to make that kind of choice anyways? … Huh?

Does she have it…?

_“Just because you kill a god, it doesn’t mean anything will change. All you’re doing is selfishly satisfying your desire and then running away."_

“I’m going to change this world,” Eren says, echoing Marcel’s words from the past. It won’t do to tell her the truth about wanting to kill god right now.

The look on Frieda’s face seems sad. “Is that so? Then I’m sorry. Only those with the royal blood can use the Founding Titan. Even if your intentions are good, there’s nothing you’ll be able to do even with this power.”

Only the royal blood, huh? So it’s Marcel’s theory number 14.

“Alright, then I’ll dictate to you how I want the world to change. You can do that much, can’t you?” Eren asks without much hope of hearing an affirmation.

“I’m afraid not. The First King prevents us from using this power for our own gains. Even if it’s for the sake of this world, our hands are tied, too.”

… H-huh?

“Then… what’s the point of having power?” Eren demands. “What’s the point of a power that can change the world, if you can’t even use it? I can’t use it because I’m not royal blood, and you can’t use it because of some dead guy? Then it’s the same as the power not existing in the first place!”

“Right? It's such bullshit!”

For a second, Frieda looks like a normal girl. A normal, teenage girl who is annoyed by the world, just as much as Eren is. Then the moment is gone. She suddenly grips her head with a terrified expression on her face. And Eren sees firsthand exactly what this “Will of the First King” is like.

This is the expected norm?

Someone within the royal family has to inherit the power of the Founding Titan every thirteen years. For that purpose, the family has to be this large. That’s why their mansion is so huge. And whoever receives the power of the Founding Titan then has to constantly live with this First King in their head until their term is up?

This First King who has all the powers in the world but decided to cocoon himself up within these Walls? This First King who abandoned the rest of the Eldians to suffer at the hands of everyone outside? The First King who, by all intents and purposes, should be dead?

_“What a waste.”_

“Do you like living like that?” Eren asks her.

He doesn’t think she heard him. She curls up into a small ball on the ground, possibly sobbing, judging from the way her shoulders shake.

“Once your 13 years are up, you’ll be passing that onto another member of your family. Are you okay with that?”

For a second, Eren recalls Marcel’s soft sigh and his reluctance of letting Porco inherit the powers of a Titan. If this was Marcel, he’d want…

_"You knew, didn't you? You've always known? That Marcel told the instructors horrible things about me so that Reiner will become a Warrior and not me? Hey Eren, do you plan on living by clinging onto Marcel like that until your life is over? Why couldn't you shitheads just tell me why you wanted Reiner to have the Titan power instead of me? Why won't the two of you just trust me for once?"_

The dagger is out before he can finish his train of thought. The cut he makes is shallow. It’s not like he needs it to be anything big. As long as he’s bleeding…

She looks up at the flash of light.

Is her eyes that bright because of that light? Or is it because of hope? Or perhaps it’s not hope at all?

Because in the next moment, she bites down hard on her own hand, drawing blood in what has got to be a terribly painful manner. Why doesn’t she just use a dagger like a civilized human?

Her Titan lunges for him, probably mistakenly believing that she’ll gain the upper hand if she strikes first. But Eren is a trained Warrior. He has learned how to most effectively use his Titan from the countless missions he has gone on.

The only hard part of this is stopping himself from letting out his signature yell.

He too easily pins her down. If fighting against other Titans were this easy always, he’d have a lot more clean wins under his belt. He opens his mouth, ready to bite down when-

Something sharp hits his shoulder. He glances down and sees that man from earlier (Kenny?) with his rifle out as he flies towards Eren.

How annoying.

But in the end, that’s all this is. The rifle isn’t as powerful as he feared. Yes, it still catches him off-guard that those within the Walls have guns. But if this is the most power they can out of it, then it won’t be enough to pierce anything.

Eren turns back to the nape and bites down.

_“And no matter what, don’t you dare hesitate when you kill god.”_

Hm? Why is he thinking of that at a time like this?

Frieda shifts, trying to free herself from his grasp. But this has gone long enough. He rips her out from the nape of her Titan. He feels her bones crunch under the weight of his teeth. And as her blood trickle down his throat, he wonders if that was fast enough. Was it enough to put her out of her misery before the pain kicked in?

Was it as fast as Ymir when she killed Marcel?

He feels like the world is spinning. That’s odd. It wasn’t like this when he inherited the Attack Titan. Is this just because he already has a Titan power? And this is just normally what happens when you have more than one in your body?

_“No wonder Marcel never told you anything. He knew you would mess up. Just like this.”_

Eren pulls himself half-free from the back of the neck of his Titan. But his body is sluggish. His head is beginning to throb. There’s an acidic taste in his mouth that feels like a precursor to vomiting. Is this the First King’s will? Is he trying to stop Eren from absorbing the Founding Titan?

Hah. Joke’s on him.

If there’s one thing Eren has spades of, it’s his stubbornness.

Like hell he’ll let this power go now.

If only this damned headache will just go away…

_“If you do, you’ll lose everything.”_

 

*

 

The boy wakes up suddenly as if a switch has been flipped. What had he been doing just before he woke up? Where was he?

And why were his arms and legs encased in…? What is this? He thought he was on the ground, but it’s clear that this isn’t.

He gives his arms an experimental tug and is relieved to find that he can pull himself free from whatever this gucky thing is. When he pulls his legs free, too, he finds himself rolling off of whatever this is and landing face-first on the grassy ground.

“Ow…”

The red scarf around his neck loosens. How long has he been wearing this? He feels like this scarf is important somehow, but he can’t recall. He wraps the scarf more securely around himself, feeling oddly warm by this simple gesture. Feeling a little calmer, he looks up at whatever it was that he had been connected to.

And freezes.

“What… is that…?”

A giant human? Is that what it is? But the face is all… And what’s with that teeth? What the hell is that thing? It… can’t be a human, right? And more important, had he been inside of that thing? What…? Just what’s going on? It looks like there's steam covering it, too. Huh? Is it disintegrating? Gross. What is that thing?

“Hey kiddo.”

Those words are the only warning the boy gets before something warm presses against his temples. When the boy looks up, he is first greeted by a cold set of eyes. A man is holding a strange… weapon (?) in his hands.

The boy does not recognize this weapon pressed against his temples, but his instincts are screaming at him that this is dangerous.

That this man will kill him.

“I’ll give you three seconds to explain yourself,” the man tells him.

The boy does not understand. Explain himself? For what? From what? And how the hell is he supposed to explain whatever it is that this man wants when he can’t remember anything?

“Who… are you?”

There’s a small pause of shock before the man chuckles. He pulls the weapon away from the boy’s temple and lowers his hat over his eyes for a bit.

“You have balls, I’ll give you that,” the man says. “I’m Kenny. Some might know me as Kenny the Ripper, but you probably don’t know about that since you’re from outside of these Walls.”

Walls? Kenny the Ripper? Yeah, none of these things are ringing any bells.

“Now then, kiddo, your turn.”

Even if Kenny says that, the boy doesn’t know what he doesn’t know. At the very least, that strange weapon is no longer held against the boy’s temple. But for how long will that last? The boy’s every instincts are telling him to run. That there’s no way to win against this man.

“I… was hoping that you’d tell me. Hey mister, who am I?”

He doesn’t know how to read that look on Kenny’s face. To be honest, he’s starting to wonder if maybe he should have ran the other way instead of trying to engage in a conversation like this.

“You’re kidding.”

Kenny’s voice is flat. Disgusted, even. He grabs the boy by the hair and yanks his head back.

“That’s seriously the best lie you could think of? You ‘lost’ your memories? Did you truly believe even for a second that would work?”

What intense anger. It’s suffocating just being near this man. The boy desperately tries to free himself from the grip, but he’s not making any difference. Just what is this strength level difference? The boy feels like this is something terribly shameful. His eyes begin to sting with hot tears, and he can’t tell why. Is it because this is painful? Or is it something else?

Then just as suddenly, the man wraps one arm around the boy, releasing the grip on his hair. Kenny leans back just in time as a blade cuts through the air.

“Tch. Didn’t think I’d see you here, Kenny.”

The new man who appeared before them have two blades held loosely in each hands. He glares down at Kenny and the boy with a slight sneer… that completely disappears at the sight of the boy.

Huh? Do they know each other?

“If it isn’t Levi. I was hoping you’d stay away. But if you insist on sitting with the big kids…”

Kenny puts his fingers into his mouth and makes a high-pitch whistling sound. Then he jumps and…

Are they flying?

How? What?

The boy can’t understand what’s happening. This isn’t making any sense. Well, he supposes none of this made any sense to begin with. But if they can just stop for a bit to explain things-

Loud explosions fill the air, making the boy flinch. He buries his head against Kenny’s chest.

“Hey, are you serious right now? That’s not going to make me believe you,” Kenny accuses.

“What’s going on here?!” and “The fuck?! Is that a Titan?” fills in the silence between gunshots.

Oh, that’s right.

Guns.

That’s what this strange weapon is called.

This realization makes the boy hopeful. If he can remember something like that, then it's just a matter of time that he remembers who he is, right? He just needs to wait?

Kenny lets out a curse as they are knocked from the sky. The man with the blades… Levi? He comes after them with a speed that can’t be normal. Kenny levels his gun towards Levi and-

“No!”

The boy doesn’t know why he felt the need to shove Kenny’s arm. Why did he move to protect this Levi? Do they know each other? Or is this just instinct? Kenny feels dangerous, so the boy is choosing to go with anyone who seems to be an enemy of Kenny?

One of Levi’s blades stabs into Kenny’s shoulder. Probably due to pain (or perhaps it was planned?), Kenny drops the boy. Levi probably could have done it. He probably could have killed Kenny then and there.

But Levi turns and races towards the boy who is plummeting to the ground.

Is that desperation on Levi’s face? The boy doesn’t understand why. Who is this man and why is he trying to save the boy? But you don’t need to understand reasons when you just want to live.

The boy holds his hand out, hoping that Levi would grab him. His scarf is starting to unwind from around his neck from all that he’s gone through. From the way Levi is reaching, the boy is fearful that he’ll choke if Levi were to grab hold of the scarf. Then the safest thing to do would be to take it off, right?

There’s a pang in the boy’s heart. He feels like this is wrong. That even if he were to choke to death, he shouldn’t take this scarf off.

But his life is more important than feelings of things that he cannot remember.

He takes off the scarf, only to realize that Levi moved much faster than he expected. Levi’s hand almost touches the front of his shirt and-

Something slams into the boy, knocking the wind out of him. It takes him a second to realize that he’s now in the arms of a woman with a terrifyingly cold face. Her clothing looks similar to what Kenny is wearing. Are they working together?

“Attagirl, Traute!” Kenny cheers. “Take that kiddo away! I’ll deal with this!”

The boy watches as the battlefield gets further and further away. The once deafening gunshots slowly quieten into faint tremors. The woman gets on a horse and rides with the boy tucked safely in her arms. Scenery of beautiful green fields under the moonlight is the only thing around them for a while until they finally arrive at their destination.

And the boy finds himself in the Underground.

*

The kick to his face shouldn’t have been unexpected, but it always catches the boy off-guard. He can’t breath. Is this blood in his mouth from his nose? He can’t tell. A weak cough leaves his mouth. It feels wet. Did he cough up blood again?

“You’re killing me here, kiddo,” Kenny sighs as he squats next to the boy.

The boy is held in place painfully. His hands have been pulled behind him. He doesn’t remember what the contraption they used to fire a spear (Or maybe it was a lance? A spiked pole? It’s thicker than a spear. Thick enough that the diameter is about the size of his palm). But now the spear rests in the ground, staked through both his hands behind him. He’s been kept in this half-falling, half-upright sitting position for who knows how long, supported only by the spear behind him.

“All you have to do is just tell me about this Titan power. What did you and Frieda talk about? How did you turn yourself into a Titan without that serum? C’mon, kiddo. Throw me a bone!”

The boy can barely breath. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to talk, even if he knew the answer. But he has no recollection of this “Titan” or “Frieda.”

“I don’t… don’t know,” he manages out.

Kenny lets out a disappointed sigh that sounds fake. “I thought you’d be smarter than that, kiddo. But you leave me with no choice. You brought this on yourself.”

“P-please… I… I d-don’t-”

It takes him a second to realize what has happened.

He slowly looks down at his feet. His right foot is gone. Chopped rather cleanly with an ax that he didn’t see Kenny move.

Scream. He wants to scream. Or maybe he is screaming? He can't tell. He feels like his mind has been disconnected from his body. His eyes are seeing something that his brain cannot register. 

Oh god. Oh god. Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh-

The pain hits him all at once. He writhes, squirming to try and find a way to lessen the pain. But all that does is make it worse. Every movement makes his leg throb. 

Make this stop. Make this stop. Make this stop.

“Don’t be like that, you big baby! You’ll heal it in no time anyways! Who cares if your foot’s gone for a bit? C’mon, if it bothers you that much, why don’t you just tell me, kiddo? Tell me! What did Uri see?”

He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know.

“Still don’t feel like talking?” Kenny sighs again. This time, it sounds grudgingly respectful. “Jeesh, no wonder Levi was so taken with you. That’s some guts you’ve got there. Then shall we make a deal? I’ll stop all of this and take you under my wings if you just tell me.”

“P-please… Marcel… help me…”

Kenny slams his foot against the boy’s stomach.

“Not that again! What the hell is a ‘Marcel?’ Is that a secret code? Is it a person? C’mon, just tell me something! If not, I’m taking your other foot.”

Is he sobbing? Is he drooling? Or perhaps this is the blood? The boy isn’t sure. But everything feels wet. Wet and aching. How does he manage to acutely feel every stab of pain? Why can’t he get used to this feeling already?

“I don’t… don’t know… don’t know…” he moans in hopes that Kenny will believe him for once.

Kenny clicks his tongue. “Your choice.”

The ax falls on the boy’s other foot.

And he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t get it. Why is this happening? What has he done to deserve this? Because surely he must have done something to deserve it. This can’t just be happening because he had bad luck, right? There’s a reason for this, right?

He’ll be able to figure this out if he remembers who he is, right?

So please, someone…

Tell him who he is.

 

* * *

 

“… You’ve got to be shitting me,” Levi hisses.

Erwin holds his hands up in the air as if to tell him to calm down. Except calm? How the fuck can Levi be calm? Kenny took that shitty brat somewhere, and Erwin wants Levi to just sit here and listen to this noble bastard instead of dragging that brat back?

“I know it’s frustrating. I know the risk of waiting. But you being aggressive right now isn’t helping us. Take a deep breath and stand down.”

Levi hates having nothing to say back to that. But he does as asked because Erwin has yet to fail him.

Erwin then turns to Rod Reiss.

“Sir, I understand that you are upset over the death of your daughter. But I assure you, Levi is not the one who killed her.”

Reiss sneers at the calm on Erwin’s face. Behind him, his grieving wife holds tightly to her children.

“And I’m supposed to just take your word for that? It was always strange that you wanted to take in a slum rat from the Underground. You were just waiting for this chance, weren’t you?”

Erwin frowns. “I’m afraid I don’t understand what you mean, sir. Why would I or anyone want to murder an innocent child? It is very tragic that she is gone. But you’re making this sound like it was a targeted attack.”

Reiss seems to realize his mistake.

Everyone already knows that there’s more than what meets the eyes here. There was a Titan’s disappearing corpse here, for pity’s sake. If Reiss really think that he can pin everything on Levi and sweep that Titan under a rug, he has another thing coming.

“Please!” Reiss’ wife shouts. “We just lost Frieda. Can you not play this blame game?”

“Your husband is dead set on trusting Kenny the Ripper. And you want to talk about blame?” Levi growls.

Erwin lets out a soft sigh as Reiss’ wife sobs.

“Levi, shouldn’t you be resting?” Erwin asks him tiredly.

He must have ran out of things to tell Levi if that’s what he’s defaulting to. Levi finds himself gently touching the wound on his stomach. It’s long stopped hurting. Rather, he’s long stopped registering the pain from it. There’s no time to waste on things like that.

“I’ll rest once I get that shitty brat back.”

Erwin motions for Mike. “Please make sure that Levi gets some rest.”

*

It’s one thing to find out that the Reiss family has hired Kenny the Ripper of all people to lead their personal guards. It’s something completely different to find out that Kenny has ran off with Eren and blamed everything on Levi.

Kenny has always been an unpredictable ass.

If he really had been working for the Reiss family, then he must have known exactly what to say to Reiss to delay Levi. What he can’t figure out is why.

Why did the infamous Kenny the Ripper go out of his way to steal Eren?

Or perhaps that’s wrong? It’s not that Kenny needed to take Eren, but that he needed…? Needed what? Just what happened? What the hell was that Titan’s body? Was Frieda really killed? But her body couldn’t be found. So did that Titan eat it? And because that Titan was… defeated? Destroyed? Her body disappeared, too?

None of this makes any sense.

Levi sighs softly as he stops by the room they put the kids in. Mike notices but doesn’t comment. He just leans against the wall in silent permission.

Behind this door are the three kids he promised to bring Eren back to. Three kids who will doubtlessly be disappointed by the current development.

How should Levi even begin to apologize? He has every intention of keeping his promise. It’ll just take some time. Can they understand-

“-think that’s ridiculous?!”

… Hange?

Levi looks to Mike, who has already moved off of the wall. They meet eyes and quickly open the door.

Hange has Annie by the collar of her shirt, shaking the small girl who is still clutching tightly to Eren's red scarf. Bertolt is curled up in a small ball on the ground, soft sobs wrecking his body. Reiner’s back is pressed against the furthest possible corner away from Hange. His face is pale as he stares at them in complete terror.

What the hell did Shitty Glasses do to these kids?

“Hange, stop,” Mike says.

He moves to ease Annie out of Hange’s hands, only to come face first with Hange’s snarl. Mike, just like Levi, freezes at the venom in her eyes. They haven’t seen her this angry since an expedition outside of the Walls wiped out her entire squad, leaving just her screaming and angry at this godawful world.

“No! I am sick and tired of being left in the dark! You kids know something. You’ve always known something, and we were content to learn it slowly on your terms. But now one of you is missing and you’re talking about destroying the Walls?”

Levi’s head snaps over to her. Destroy the what?

“Hange, calm down,” Mike snaps.

A thick silence fills the room. Slowly, Hange releases Annie. She doesn’t put on her usual goofy smile on her face, so Levi knows that she’s not going to back off of this any time soon. Once Mike is certain that Hange isn’t going to lash out anymore, he turns to the three kids.

“I believe you kids owe us an explanation.”

Mike keeps his voice low and calm. The split anger he displayed at Hange is nowhere to be seen.

Perhaps because of this calm, the kids slowly seem to collect themselves. They glance at each other and come to stand together like they’ve always done. A united front, Levi thinks humorlessly. They're not going to get any answers.

“Our town wasn’t attacked,” Annie says slowly.

Bertolt and Reiner both turn to her in disbelief. They take a step away from her, breaking the united front. It looks like Levi was mistaken.

“Y-you can’t be serious?! You’re going to tell them? T-they’re…” Bertolt trails off when he realizes that everyone’s staring at him.

“We’re what?” Levi asks him.

Bertolt drops his gaze to the ground, trembling.

“You guys are the Eldian devils,” Reiner says. He’s looking down at the ground, refusing to meet anyone’s eyes.

Bertolt glances at him in betrayal. “This is treason!”

Treason? So there is a higher power commanding them? What kind of a sick group sends children to do their dirty work?

As soon as Levi thinks that, he immediately thinks of Kenny. Right. There's plenty of sick people in this world.

“Eren said if one or more of us die, then the remaining Warriors should destroy this place. Make all of you feel the same kind of despair we did. But…” Reiner finally looks up, his eyes wet with tears as his voice shakes. “But he’s not dead, right? You’re going to bring him back to us, right, Mr. Levi?”

What a mess.

Levi has absolutely no intention of abandoning that shitty brat to Kenny. Even if these kids didn’t beg him to, he will drag Eren back to his friends. That promise hasn’t changed.

“T-that’s not what Eren would have-”

Bertolt’s words are interrupted by Annie. She turns to glare at Bertolt, holding the bright red scarf in the air between them.

“But Eren isn’t here right now. Marcel isn’t here, and Eren isn’t here. Our mission was over the minute we lost Marcel. None of us can do this ‘infiltration’ crap without him. We all knew that but went with Eren anyways to kill time. And look where it led us! I… I want to go home. I want to go home with all of us. But that's not possible. I've already broken my promise with Pieck that I'll make sure all of us comes back. So at the very least, I'm going to make sure that those still left alive can go home."

“Out of all of us, Eren’s the fastest healer,” Reiner adds. He turns to Bertolt, his gaze kinder than Annie’s. “There’s absolutely no way that he’s dead. You believe that, too, don’t you, Bertolt?”

Bertolt hesitates, glancing between the two of them. His hand seems to touch something on his wrist… Oh, a bracelet? Have these kids always been wearing one? Now that Levi pays more attention, he realizes all three of them have one. Does Eren? He honestly can’t recall.

“We’ll figure out going home later. Right now, let’s just get Eren back,” Reiner continues in a soothing tone of voice.

“T-there’s no way that these people will agree. We’ve fooled them for too long. They’ll be too angry and-”

“Bertolt,” Levi interrupts, “I’m pissed as hell that you guys hid things from us. But you guys had your own circumstances. For now, let’s do what Reiner said. Let’s focus on getting Eren back. I promised you, didn’t I? I have no intention of breaking that promise.”

The three kids stare at Levi with something akin to hope. And isn’t that hilarious? Who is he to be giving hope to these shitty brats? He doesn’t even have a plan. He doesn’t know where Kenny ran with Eren. But he’d be damned if he ever gives up.

“Okay,” Annie says, nodding.

“Please bring him back,” Reiner adds.

Bertolt hesitates again before he sighs. “W-we’ll tell you everything. So please just bring Eren back to us.”

They’re not even going to negotiate for their own lives, huh? These kids are so…

“Levi? Are you here?” Erwin asks, knocking on the door.

When they open it, Erwin’s face is pale but determined. He throws a set of vertical maneuvering equipment at Levi.

“Kenny got in contact with Reiss using one of his men. They’re pinning everything on you, and Reiss is buying every word. I need you to-”

Erwin pauses, his eyes glancing at the kids and then his soldiers in the room. Levi wonders what kind of conclusion he came to, because he straightens and becomes the usual calm strategist that Levi has gotten too used to seeing.

“I want you to go get Eren back. Right now, he’s our key witness who will be able to prove your innocence. So make sure to keep him safe when you find him.”

Even without being here for their conversation, Erwin somehow seems to have landed on the correction conclusion. What a terrifying man. By phrasing it like that, he completely neglects the part where Levi will be branded a criminal in the meanwhile. But because Erwin phrased it like that, the kids look even more hopeful.

That's not a bad thing, right? To let these kids have something to hang on to?

“I’ll bring Eren back to you,” Levi promises the kids. Then to Erwin, he says, “I expect a raise when I get back.”

“What about a promotion? You can be Captain of your own squad.”

Levi narrows his eyes. “I don’t like babysitting.”

*

It’s a bit vexing.

Because of how the situation turned out, Levi won’t be able to hear the truth. But he supposes that’s fine. He doesn’t need to know that to rescue Eren.

He is just a cog. Erwin is the mastermind who can make the entire machine move. So for now, it’ll be for the best that the children tell him the truth. Erwin will surely be able to help those kids.

Just like he helped Levi.

“Hang in there, shitty brat. I’m coming.”

 

* * *

 

It’s been four days since they’ve arrived at Paradis Island, and there is no sign of the five kids.

Kruger glances at his watch. They might be able to make a case to wait one more day, but the higher ups will doubtlessly call them back. This is unlike those children to be this late. But what is done is done. Kruger shouldn’t test his higher ups’ patience any longer than this.

“Prepare to head back,” Kruger commands.

His soldiers jump to do his bidding. They’ve all been aching to go home. The fact that they had to take a pit stop here had been a topic of ire for most of them.

If anything, what Kruger is dreading is the conversation with Zeke about this.

Pretending to be a Marley soldier is such a pain.

*

“I was under the impression that we were to stay until I got my little brother back.”

Even if Zeke points that passive aggression at Kruger, there’s only so much he can do.

“So you’d rather ruin your brother’s mission by bullheadedly going for an extraction that wasn’t asked for?” Kruger asks, leveling Zeke a cold look. “And if that’s the reason why the mission goes wrong? Are you prepared to deal with the consequences of losing the Founding Titan, Jaeger?”

As expected of an Eldian, Zeke lowers his head. He agrees to the commands of his superior Marley officer.

Look, Kruger gets it. He would much rather not have sent bunch of kids on a mission like this, too. But the higher ups had been convinced that only these kids (“We’re Warriors, Mr. Kruger,” Eren had cheekily told him once) could do this. Marcel, with his eyes shining in excitement, took off before Kruger could try to reason it through with him. Which meant that Eren matched him, giggling and grinning (“We’re partners, don’t you know?” Marcel often said). Their eyes set forth on something that Kruger cannot see, cannot hope to ever see.

“We’ll be able to ‘go to Heaven’ without dying, you know?” had been Marcel’s mysterious words. “It’s a chance of a lifetime! Eren and I will finally…”

Finally what, Marcel?

What did he want so desperately that he disregarded Kruger’s warnings and everyone’s worries? Was he able to grasp whatever goal he had been running towards?

Was it worth it, Marcel?

Was it worth dragging his fellow Warriors into unknown territory? Was it so worthy that Marcel broke his promise to Kruger that they’d check in at the three month’s mark to let him know of their progress?

It was a mistake to trust these kids.

But Kruger doesn’t have any definite proof of their betrayal. All he can do now is to wait.

And hope.

 

* * *

 

“Jeesh. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you actually love this. You a masochist, kiddo?”

There’s something familiar about that word. The boy cannot place it. Cannot think through the haze of pain. But he thinks he can faintly make out vague shapes of children behind Kenny. Are they really there? Or is this just another pain-induced hallucination?

“Then why don’t we try something new? These children are slaves I picked up for pretty cheap. Don’t worry. They’re all broken and not at all useful. That’s why I got them. To give them a new purpose.”

Kenny’s grin is terrifying. Is he having fun? Is this fun for him?

Because for the boy…

“Every time you refuse to speak, we’ll cut off one of their limbs! Hahaha! Isn’t that great? You get a break from this pain, and these slaves gain a new purpose!”

The boy doesn’t understand. Just what is he supposed to know? What does Kenny want? Why won’t anyone believe that the boy doesn’t know anything?

“So think very carefully before answering my questions. They can’t grow their limbs back like you can. So once it’s gone, that’s it for them. If you don't answer me, we'll be forced to have to buy more. Now then, shall we try this? What did you and Frieda talk about?”

If the boy stays silent, he knows he’ll damn those poor children that have nothing to do with this. But he doesn’t know what to say to answer Kenny. The best he can do is sob and beg for mercy, but that’ll just anger Kenny again.

“I don’t… don’t remember…”

Kenny giggles as if that’s exactly what he expected the boy to say. Belatedly, the boy realizes that this has stopped being about getting information.

This man is high off of the pain and torment around him.

It doesn’t matter what the boy says, what the boy remembers. It’ll all be used as amusement for this man’s sick purposes. Telling the truth was never an option.

“Guess you’re losing an arm, sweetheart,” Kenny tells one of the slaves.

The boy can do nothing but watch as a new kind of torture begins in front of his eyes.


	11. Moonlight, starry skies, fire birds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know what I want to do with this story. 
> 
> If the themes of "madness" and "hope" are something that you do not enjoy or you personally don't enjoy tragic and bittersweet endings where nearly everyone dies, I highly recommend dropping this story.

“So this is Paradis Island,” Porco mumbles as they survey the shoreline.

“Nervous?” Colt asks him with a nervous smile.

“Aren’t you the one who’s nervous?”

Colt lets out a shaky laugh that sounds less like a laugh and more like a series of staccato yelps. Porco honestly worries for this guy.

“Pock! Are you bullying Colt again? Honestly! We’re on a mission now. You can’t fool around like that,” Pieck scolds with her hands on her hips.

“Stop it with that damned nickname! We’re not kids anymore,” Porco snaps at her. “I’m on a mission with you right now. You’re not my superior, and you’re not better than me. Don’t you dare look down on me."

“P-Porco, you know that’s not it,” Colt stammers.

And damn it, Colt’s right. Porco knows that. From the soft expression on Pieck’s face, she probably already figured all that out, too.

Turns out he’s just as nervous as Colt is.

Zeke clears his throat, catching their attention. “Commander Magath, if you will?”

“I’m sure you’re tired of hearing me say it, so let this be the last time. Your mission is to recover the five Titans that were sent out two years ago. If they’re still in the middle of their mission, you are to let them be and return. However, if they show any sign that they’ve steered from Marley’s goals, Porco and Colt, you two are to relieve the defectors of their Titan powers. If there are more than two, then bring the rest back home to be dismissed from their duties.”

Magath pauses to look at the four of them, looking tired.

They are, after all, sending the last remaining of their Titan onto this island. Porco figures that’s all there is to the regret in Magath’s eyes. Regret of trusting someone as cunning as Marcel.

Porco will make sure that regret changes to trusting any of them.

“To send even more children out to do our dirty work…” Magath mutters.

“They’re Eldians. It is a privilege for them to hold the power of the Titans,” Sergeant Major Kruger interjects. To the rest of them, he gives them a chilling glare. “Make sure to remind everyone of that.”

“Yes sir,” Zeke tells them. The rest of them echo hollowly a second behind.

Kruger doesn’t look like he’s convinced by their answers. The Sergeant Major looks disgusted more than anything, to be honest.

“Then we’ll be off,” Zeke informs them.

*

The group of them gets a good distance away from the shore before turning to Pieck.

“We’ll be relying on you,” Zeke tells her.

She smiles like this is something natural that happens every day. But Porco is still not used to seeing Titan transformations, no matter how long it’s been. Or perhaps it’s because of how long it’s been? He and Colt haven’t been on a mission with any of the Titan Shifters since Marcel and the others left.

They help the Cart Titan wear the prepared small walled-in-cart for the three of them to sit in and for their supplies. The plan is to have Pieck carry them to the Walls without engaging in any battle. From there, they’ll just have to play it by ear. As much as they do want to plan ahead, there’s too little they know in order to make this mission a success.

A success…

It took them about a year’s worth of near constant bad mouthing to be allowed this chance. The higher ups of Marley were more than content with sitting back and letting things proceed as it were. They insisted that since Marcel said it could take multiple years, that they wait just as long. This trust in Marcel was what Porco and Colt had to break in order to be allowed this.

And even then, it was quite obvious that the higher ups expected them to return empty-handed.

“Trust in Marcel,” is ingrained deeply into every single one of them, it seems.

But there’s one more thing that Colt and Porco wanted to figure out while they’re on this mission.

“Then to pass the time, shall we play cards?” Zeke suggests as he pulls out a pack of cards from his pocket.

Figure out whose side this man is on and decide if it’ll be better in the long run for Colt to eat him.

*

“Looks like I win again,” Zeke chuckles, looking quite proud of himself for beating kids who are about 10 years his junior.

Porco tries hard to hold back from saying something snide, because he’s not a sore loser.

“Colt almost won that time,” he says instead.

Okay, fine. He is a sore loser. So what?

It makes Colt shoot him a look of disbelief for throwing him under the bus. But why can’t Colt see that it’s not throwing under the bus? This is Porco’s way of bragging about Colt’s ability! Yeah. That’s what this is.

The look in Colt’s eyes seem to accuse him of otherwise.

“Indeed. If it turns out that we’ll return empty-handed, why don’t you consider inheriting my Beast Titan in the future, Colt?” Zeke asks lightly.

Porco will admit that he’s impressed with Colt’s ability to keep his face calm at the question. He thought for sure Colt would start panicking, believing their plan to have been seen through by Zeke.

“To be honest, I was really shocked that Eren won’t be inheriting your Titan, War Chief,” Colt says meekly.

“Oh, do call me Zeke when we’re not in battle. It’s too formal to be called that when we’re just playing cards.” Zeke’s smile seems sincere, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. So that’s what Pieck meant when she said that this man’s a snake. “I did ask Eren if he was interested in inheriting the Beast Titan before he received the Attack Titan. Haha… his eyes were so cold like he was looking at vermin. ‘Why would I want your shitty leftovers?’ is what he told me. Isn’t it terrible?”

Terrible, this man says. But he’s grinning widely like it’s the best thing he’s heard. In fact, even his eyes are sparkling like he’s enjoying the memory.

Just as Pieck had said, Zeke seems to be a total fool for his little brother.

“If it turned out that Eren has betrayed Marley’s cause, where would you side on things?” Porco asks him.

Zeke lets out a soft hum as he pretends to think. He collects the cards and begins to shuffle them. “Where, indeed…”

Not good enough.

It’s not enough to convince Porco that he’d side with them. Pieck had been sure that if Eren stood against Marley, Zeke would doubtlessly follow to protect his little brother. But Porco doesn’t see it. It’s one thing to be a fool for your brother, and a complete another thing to betray your country for him. Porco doesn’t see the same amount of conviction in Zeke as he has for Marcel.

“What about you, Porco?” Zeke asks. “If Marcel stands on the wrong side, what would you do?”

“I will do the right thing,” Porco says.

The right thing, of course, being that he beats up his brother and shake him for not trusting Porco yet again. But there’s no way that Zeke would know that. He, like the Marleyan soldiers, would believe Porco’s heart to be in the correct place.

“I hope it won’t come down to that.”

*

“What do you think we’ll find?” Colt ventures to ask.

Zeke pauses in handing out their cards for a second before resuming. He has a pleasant smile on his face, but again, it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“The same thing the higher ups believe. The Marcel and the others are deep undercover and us being there is just going to make things dicey for them.”

If he truly thinks that, why did he agree to come along?

Zeke finishes handing out the cards and looks at his own dealt hands with a soft, “Oh?”

“Do you think we’re on a pointless mission?” Porco can’t help but to ask him.

“The only truly pointless missions are those that exist to prevent you from seeing your family,” Zeke tells him with a kind smile that again doesn’t reach his eyes. “If I can see that Eren has grown well in these last two years, I’ll be satisfied.”

Still not enough, Porco thinks as he glances at his own dealt cards.

Whose side is Zeke on? When push comes to shove, will he side with them?

Or is it better to kill him now?

Why is it that Porco can’t come to a decision?

*

They stop playing when the sun goes down enough for them to not be able to see their cards clearly. But sitting in this darkness in complete silence isn’t exactly all that exciting either.

Just how far away is the Wall anyways?

“It seems odd.”

Both Porco and Colt turn to stare at Zeke.

“We haven’t encountered a single Pure Titan thus far.”

“I-isn’t that a… good thing?” Colt stammers.

Zeke lets out a soft sound that seems to denote that he’s thinking.

“The original plan was to lead all the Pure Titans inside the Walls after Bertolt kicked it down. So it stands to reason that we haven’t seen any,” Porco points out.

Still, Zeke continues with that soft sound. Porco doesn’t like this.

“What do you think happened?” he asks, trying not to sound too irritated.

“We never did hear what Marcel’s plan of infiltration was,” Zeke says casually.

Porco feels Colt’s nervous gaze directed at him.

“D-do you think… t-that… m-maybe Marcel told them about… stuff?”

No, Colt. Just… Just stay quiet. You’re not helping anyone.

“I’m sure Marcel is more intelligent than that,” Zeke says lightly.

But it’s too light.

“Sir, are you accusing my brother of treason?” Porco demands. Because if he gets mad, at the very least, he might be able to turn the conversation away from dangerous territories. 

Zeke chuckles, but it only serves to put Porco more on edge. “I just think that a plan made by a 10 year old is given a bit too much trust. But I’m sure you guys agree with me. After all, isn’t that why the two of you pushed for this mission?”

Porco doesn’t justify that with an answer.

“There’s a light over there,” Pieck reports.

The three of them quickly rush to look at where Pieck is motioning towards.

“Is it really a light?” Colt asks, squinting in the darkness. “I can’t really tell.”

“It’s light,” Pieck assures them.

For there to be light this far from the shore… Porco doesn’t like this. The syringe that will turn him into a Pure Titan is in his pack. This one (and Colt’s) was made specifically from Pieck’s spine, a request that Porco is infinitely grateful that the higher ups agreed to. He doesn’t want to become a slave to Zeke’s whims.

If it turns out that the light is part of Marcel’s plan, then they have to either figure out whose side Zeke is on now before they arrive at that light.

Kill this man before they get there…

“Well, we should be able to get information from whoever that might be,” Zeke decides. “Pieck, let’s take a detour.”

“Alright.”

*

They sit in relative silence as Pieck makes her way towards the light. As the minutes pass, Porco can see it clearer and clearer.

It’s a building of sorts.

There’s faint light coming from inside of the building. That must be what Pieck must have spotted. But damn, just how good are Pieck’s eyes to have seen that? She's always been good with details, but this is ridiculous good eye-sight, isn't it?

“Well, I suppose we should figure out how to deal with this,” Zeke sighs. “We shouldn’t just carelessly approach them.”

If this was Marcel, he’d want to approach it slowly. One person will sneak in and get information and return. Using that information, Marcel would form multiple plans for them to use.

“The first thing to do would be to check around to see if they have any guards set up. We’ll knock one down and I’ll pretend to be one of them,” Zeke volunteers.

Yeah, Porco doesn’t like that at all. That relies too much on Zeke’s perception.

“You’re the War Chief. It wouldn’t do for you to do the grunt work of getting intel,” Porco argues.

“But I doubt they have any uniform or soldiers of your size,” Zeke points out.

Porco can’t believe he’s already out of points to argue. He drops his head in his hands. What would Marcel have done? What would he have said? It’s no good. All he can think about is the time Marcel decided that he wanted to learn how to make Eren’s favorite apple tarts and ended up giving up halfway because he disagreed with how much sugar to put in. When Eren had heard, he tried to help out and the tart ended up a goopy, purple mess that Eren shrugged and said, “I’ll just give it to Zeke.”

What did happen to that abomination they created? Did Zeke really eat it? He can’t imagine this dignified man in front of them… Actually, if Eren were to ask him to, Porco can see clearly this man eating every last bite, even going as far as to lick the plate clean.

Why the hell is Porco’s brain thinking about that when they need to figure out whether to eat Zeke or not before they arrive at the building?

Damn it.

This is why Porco lost his Titan Shifter spot to Reiner. It has nothing to do with Marcel telling the higher ups to not trust Porco. It has everything to do with the fact that when things go wrong, Porco’s mind wanders from the present.

“Besides, we’ll be sharing the intel anyways. It doesn’t matter who gets it,” Zeke says.

It’s no good.

There’s no way to convince this man otherwise, and they still don’t have a clear idea on whether or not they can trust him.

The only thing left to do is to tie him up somewhere and figure this out themselves.

*

There are few trees near the building that gives them a good place to hide. The trees, though, look relatively young like they’ve been recently planted. Porco wonders if these were planted here after the building was built.

Pieck is to wait hidden here, in case they need a quick get away. But Porco doubts they’d be using her as an escape. He has a different agenda from Zeke, after all.

The building itself is pretty plain. It looks like a log cabin built for the sake of simplicity and not for comfort. The lights from inside doesn’t flicker like it would with a candle, but there’s no way that these Eldian Devils can have electricity. There’s more questions than not about this place, and it's starting to make Porco frustrated and mad.

From where they are, they see two guards. One holds a lantern and the other holds two blades, one in each hands. The two of them seem pretty relaxed, laughing lightly about a joke that must have been said.

Attack them both, steal one of their gears. That’s Zeke’s plan.

At least, that was.

But when they have one of the guards stripped, Zeke holds up the various belts and hoops in the air in dismay.

“Why do you need all of this?” he asks the two unconscious guards. “What is the point? What do they do? And what are these rectangular things?”

“S-should we wake one of them and ask for help?” Colt suggest.

“No, don’t be stupid,” Porco says firmly.

Zeke lets out a frustrated growl. “Who designed such convoluted-”

“Hey Moblit, Dita! Hange wants to know if you guys want tea!” someone shouts out from by the log cabin.

Porco drops his head in his hands. How? Just how the hell did their plans get this screwed up already?

“Are you remotely dressed?” Porco asks Zeke in a low whisper.

“No!” Zeke hisses back.

“Moblit? Dita? Are you guys there? … Squad Leader! Our guards are gone!”

They’re fucked.

There’s no if’s or but’s about it. If they’re caught like this, there’s no telling what the Eldian Devils might do. Given that, they have no choice but to…

“Colt, let’s hide.”

Porco ignores the alarmed look on Zeke’s face.

“You’re our War Chief. Go get intel for us,” Porco tells him.

“I’m your War Chief, how dare you-”

Zeke’s words are interrupted by the next yell.

“Moblit! Dita! If you’re dead, I’m coming to avenge you!”

“Squad Leader, please not so loudly!”

“But if someone attacked my men outside the Walls, it has to be Titans! Ahhhh, I haven't seen any in so long! I've missed you, my pretties!”

By Zeke’s side, one of the guards seem to have woken up from the yells. Luckily, both Colt and Porco are hiding at this point. All that guard sees is a half-naked Zeke, trying to put on the various belts that they’ve taken off of that guard.

Unsurprisingly, Zeke is caught rather quickly.

*

“This isn’t what it looks like!” Zeke yells when the lanterns are shone at him.

Porco can’t help but to note that those lanterns’ lights don’t flicker. Whatever power source these people have, it seems to be powering that lantern as well as the lights from inside of the building. What are those? Is that something that they can use?

“Really? It looks like you’re stealing my men’s clothes to sneak into my compound,” the woman that the others refer to as “Squad Leader” says in a surprisingly jovial tone of voice. “If that’s not what you’re doing, then do enlighten us.”

Zeke opens his mouth and then shuts it. After pretending to think for a bit, he lets out a sigh.

“Yeah, you’re right. That’s exactly what I’m doing.”

… No wonder Eren has zero respect for this man.

“You could’ve just knocked on the door. We would’ve welcomed… Ah, what were you guys called? Eldians, right? Oh, oops. We’re all Eldians, aren’t we? Haha. I keep forgetting,” the Squad Leader continues, laughing.

That sounds like this is a recently-gained information that she knows. Porco glances at Colt, who looks a little like his eyes might be spinning. He gently shakes Colt to get him to focus.

“Go get Pieck. Tell her to come in human form but be ready to change,” he directs.

Colt gulps nervously but nods. His moves are quiet enough that it doesn’t catch anyone else’s attention. That and Zeke’s providing quite a lot of entertainment for these folks to realize that Zeke came alone.

“Ah, is that so? My mistake! I should most definitely have trusted your hospitality,” Zeke says, laying it just as thickly. “There’s… what? Four of you here? Even if I disguised as one of you, you guys would’ve realized I wasn’t one of you in seconds!”

“That and you can’t put on the gear.” The Squad Leader motions at the belts.

“Yes, that too.”

While they’re talking, the other member comes around to untie the guards and make sure they’re okay. It seems that Zeke is watching them warily just as Porco is.

“And I’m sure you didn’t come alone,” the Squad Leader continues. Then more loudly, she yells out, “Come on out! Don’t worry! We’re friendly! We won’t kill you guys! … Marcel told us all to be friendly.”

Porco feels like someone stabbed his heart.

So it’s true.

He thought he accepted it when Pieck guessed two years ago after they waved Marcel and everyone off at the harbor. But it seems that a strange part of him had held onto the idea that his brother wasn’t a traitor. That his brother didn’t sell his entire family off to be turned into mindless Pure Titans. That his brother cannot be that stupid, that selfish.

Goddamn it, Marcel. Why the hell couldn't he have said something to Porco before doing this?

“I see. So he is a traitor,” Zeke says. Loudly and clearly for Porco to hear.

Time to make his move.

Porco reaches down and picks up a decently sized rock. He’ll hit Zeke’s head with this. It won’t be enough to kill him, but it’ll be enough to render him useless long enough for Colt to take the Beast Titan. Then they’ll work with these people to find Marcel and figure out what the hell is going on.

“Eren will be sad if he heard you say that,” the Squad Leader continues.

Zeke freezes.

No, the truth of the matter is, Porco is the one who froze. Porco’s the one who suddenly can’t make a move. Even without ever having seen it, he can imagine it. The look of disbelieving accusation in Eren’s eyes as he whispers, “You killed my brother?”

The rock falls from Porco’s hand with a soft thud. It gives his location away to the enemy.

But he can’t.

He can’t hurt Eren like that.

“Squad Leader, here’s… a kid?”

Porco raises his hands up in the air. “I’m surrendering. So let me talk to Marcel and Eren.”

 

* * *

 

This shitty game has gone for long enough.

No matter how Levi turns it in his head, he still has no idea how he ended up in this position. Well, no. That’s not quite true.

This is all Erwin’s fault.

Erwin’s fault that Levi ended up above ground. Erwin’s fault that Levi joined the Survey Corps. Erwin’s fault that he ended up running for his life from Reiss two years ago. Erwin’s fault that Levi is now known as the “Criminal who stole the four children who came from beyond the Walls.”

Thanks to that shitty lie, people now think that Levi is a shitty pedophile.

But he supposes that thanks to that shitty lie, they were able to get the three kids away from Reiss and the nobles. To Levi’s knowledge from the brief information exchanges he’s had with various Survey Corps members, each of the three are currently in different locations, all separated in case one place gets ambushed.

Although Levi understands strategically why Erwin decided on that, he can’t help but to feel that this is too cruel of a thing to do.

But as someone who has yet to manage to find Eren in the past two years, Levi doubts he’s allowed to complain.

“Not here, either,” he grumbles.

He releases the trembling children onto the ground. With a sigh, he takes out his handkerchief to wipe the blood off. Unlike Titans, humans always left unnecessary blood on his hands.

Perhaps he had been too hopeful of this rumor.

“Immortal Kid” is what the whispers on the Black Market had said. Someone who was able to regrow organs after selling them. Any attempts to scam him or steal back the money were all met with violence from the group that protected him. It sounded outlandish enough for Levi to believe that it might be his Shitty Brat.

But it looks like he was wrong.

“P-please don’t kill us,” one of the kids whimper.

“I have no plans to do so.”

“L-liar! Y-you’ve been going around killing children. W-we’ve heard of you!”

… Hold up.

Levi’s reputation is through the muck as it is. What do you mean killing children? He’d understand if there was a rumor that said he was trying to find a specific kid in the Underground. But he’s never hurt… He’s never killed anyone recently.

“A lone man attacking groups of children in the Underground, leaving no one alive.”

“That’s not me,” Levi says dismissively.

“That man is short and has skills that no one will be able to match.”

Levi shakes his head. “Nope. Not me.”

“He’s the former Humanity’s Strongest Soldier!”

Shit. It is him.

He rubs his temples. Which shitty bastards have been using his attacks to kill children?

“Mikasa! Now!”

He underestimated them.

The realization sinks in as something hard strikes the back of his head.

*

Levi spent the first six months after Kenny kidnapped Eren chasing after every rumor. He devastated farms and nobles and trades, all the while believing he was getting one step closer.

It wasn’t until Erwin contacted him to tell him to switch his strategy did he realize exactly what he had been doing. The rumors he had followed were all cleverly planned. They manipulated him to attack Reiss’ enemies in terms of politics and business. Levi had unwittingly been aiding both Kenny and Reiss.

So in the next six months, he switched his targets. He ignored all rumors and just set fire to anything that Reiss owned. Eventually, Reiss must have gotten fed up that Kenny couldn’t do squat about Levi, because Kenny was no longer wearing the Military Police uniform when they next met.

“Yo Levi. I was fired,” was what that shitty man had the nerve to say for himself.

“If you were fired, why didn’t you bring Shitty Brat with you?”

Kenny dared to grin and said, “I’ll trade you information if you stop targeting me.”

And because Levi was that stupid, he agreed.

“The kiddo ran away about three months ago. It was pretty impressive. I was out fighting you, and that kiddo incited a rebellion with the slaves I got him for company. They pretty much killed everyone but one, who reported this to me before he bled out. Think kiddo did that on purpose so I know not to chase him.”

Levi opened his mouth, realized that he had nothing worth saying, and closed his mouth.

“I know what you’re thinking, and you’re wrong. One of the slaves I picked up was apparently an Ackerman. How was I supposed to know that damned cousin of ours settled down with an Oriental? It looked like she imprinted pretty hard on that kiddo, too. If you’re going after them, watch out for her.”

“You have got to be shitting me. Why didn’t you say you lost him earlier?”

Kenny shrugged. “You weren’t in the listening mood.”

When Levi turned to leave, Kenny stopped him again.

“That kiddo’s lost his memories. Whatever it is you expect from him, it’s probably long gone by now. It’s more merciful to just let him live as he wants in the Underground. At least he won’t be taken advantage of by nobles with an Ackerman guarding him.”

 _“You think the memory wipe won’t work on you?”_ Hange had once asked Eren.

And with certainty, Eren had replied that the King would have to kill him and his friends if they want the knowledge to be silenced.

Levi smirked at Kenny then.

“If that’s what you think, then Shitty Brat’s got you. He’s quite crafty about things like that.”

But Kenny just looked at him with pity in his eyes.

*

These shitty kids dared to pour water on his face to wake him up. From how badly it stinks, he won’t be shocked if it’s sewer water.

Shitty kids with shittier manners.

It looks like he’s in the ruins somewhere. Except that describes about 80% of the Underground, so who knows where he really is. The kids seem to have gone out of their way to decorate this place with linen as curtains. Do they think that makes them fancy?

Well, Levi has to admit that it gives them a semblance of comfort, even if the fabrics clash horribly with one another.

The kids bring Levi in front of a small alcove of fancy fabric. There’s a hint of a couch inside of it, but there’s too much fabric to be able to tell reliably. And upon that couch is a small sitting figure, gazing down at Levi with too green of eyes.

“Kid, we brought him!”

Ah, would you look at that?

The rumors aren’t wrong at all.

“You’ll have to forgive me for greeting you while sitting,” ‘Immortal Kid’ says with a pained smile. “I haven’t quite recovered.”

“Don’t ask for forgiveness, Kid! This is the guy who’s been killing us!”

Eren has lost quite a lot of weight. That’s the first thing Levi notes. His hair has grown out quite a lot, too. Does no one around here care for how they look? They all look and smell filthy, too. Eren is sickly pale on top of all that. But Levi isn’t sure if he just looks that way due to the lighting under the alcove and being surrounded by so much clashing fabric.

Belatedly, Levi realizes this might be because Eren sold his organs and is now recovering from that. Has been selling his organs, he amends in his head. Because according to the rumors…

“Wrong. I haven’t killed a single one of you shitty kids,” Levi protests.

“Like hell we can believe that! Every time you show up, our guys are killed. You think that’s a coincidence?”

“What would I get out of it?” Levi points out.

He can’t believe he has to defend himself to bunch of children about this. Erwin better give him a nice pay raise for this shit he’s been through.

“Sick pleasures. You’ve already killed those four from outside of the Walls, didn’t you? I heard the Military Police talking about it.”

Levi sighs. “Military Police doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Never does, never will.”

“Mikasa, he’s being mouthy!”

“Then you punish him.”

“B-but he’s… scary.”

Oh, Levi’s scary, huh? Granted, they did only tie him with rope. If they really wanted to hold him back, they should’ve used something sturdier or at least checked him for blades. Hell, they even left his vertical maneuvering gear on him. Don’t they know how dangerous these things are?

Why are these kids so shittily stupid?

“How do you plead, Mr. Children Killer?” Eren asks Levi.

“We are not playing this game. Shut up and let’s go, Shitty Brat. Your friends are waiting.”

With that, Levi frees himself from the rope. Immediately, the kids nearest to him scramble to get away from him. Honestly, the discipline here is so lacking.

Eren hasn’t moved from his position on the couch. Actually, Levi isn’t sure if Eren can move. Recovering, he said. How long has it been since he’s started to heal? Reiner insisted that Eren is the fastest healer among them, but he never gave any concrete number for that.

“Can you not move? Here, give me your-”

There’s a knife to his throat.

A kitchen knife, by the way.

Levi doesn’t try to laugh at the irony of the situation. That seems like the perfect way to piss of this Oriental girl next to him.

“Mikasa,” the other kids have said.

“Ackerman,” Kenny had said.

“Not another move, midget,” she hisses.

“You sure as hell make me do the shittest things, Shitty Brat.”

Levi knocks the knife out of her hand with ease. She might be an Ackerman, but it’s clear that she’s too used to being underestimated. He takes full advantage of that. He knocks her down by sweeping her feet. When she scrambles back up, he kicks her in the face.

She has good enough reflex to roll back with the kick, lessening the impact. She wipes her nose while glaring at him. Can she not find an opening? For an Ackerman, she’s quite disappointing.

Or is this just the difference between their levels of training they’ve received?

“If you don’t call her off, I’ll end up killing her,” Levi warns Eren.

“I thought you didn’t kill children?” comes the teasing remark that Levi doesn’t expect.

The Eren that Levi has met two years ago was a crafty but sweet kid. Teasing with someone’s life on the line doesn't seem like something he would do. He is more honest for that, isn't he?

Eren’s grin doesn’t look too confident. Levi thinks it’s the pain that’s preventing him from smiling as innocently as he once did.

Or perhaps it’s what Kenny did?

“I’m taking you to a doctor,” Levi decides.

He ignores the attacks Mikasa tries to launch at him, dodging them with ease to pick Eren up in his arms. As he’s thought. Eren’s lost a worrisome amount of weight. Just how much organs did this idiot donate? Even after Levi warned him about… No, not about this. He warned Eren about bartering his pride. He should have been clearer with his words.

“P-put me d-down…”

There’s no fire behind those words. No bite, either. In fact, Eren looks a little confused as he holds his head… Oh, not confused. Does he have a headache?

Kenny had said that Eren lost his memories. Perhaps he really did…?

“Shitty Brat, do you not remember me?”

“There’s… a lot of people… who claim to know me,” Eren grits out, clutching his head.

“But I do know you,” Levi explains. “And you know me, too. Remember? I told you that if you ever need help, you just need to say my name and I’ll fly to you. Eren, what’s my name?”

For a second, it looks like Levi got through. For that second, Eren looks like he has it on the tip of his tongue and-

Mikasa has picked the dropped kitchen knife back up. She doesn’t swing it wildly, which would have been much more preferred. But she comes at Levi with a terrifying jab that probably would have killed him, if he were any normal person.

But these kids forgot the most important thing when taking an enemy to your hideout.

They really should have taken away his vertical maneuvering gear.

And once more, Levi takes flight inside of the Underground.

*

“G-go back… You…”

There’s finally anger in those eyes. Anger and tears of frustration. His struggles are weak; Levi can barely feel them. It seems to have finally sunk in for him that Mikasa can’t protect him.

“You seriously don’t remember me?” Levi asks him.

“I-I don’t… know you.”

And Levi prepared himself (or as much as he could, anyways) for what might happen once he lost his memories of the kids, but he never thought that Eren would forget him. No, more importantly-

“What about your friends? Do you remember them?”

“You mean… the ones you just left behind?” Eren grits out. His headache seems to have worsen from the way he’s grimacing.

“No, not those guys. Your friends. Annie, Bertolt, and Reiner?”

There’s no sign of recognition. Just what the hell did Kenny do?

“The view from before was different, but do you remember flying around like this?” Levi tries.

When Eren makes no move to seem like he recalls, Levi motions around them, feeling frustrated.

“Just look. The rush of the wind. The view of looking down on everyone. You don’t remember this? You begged me to teach you how to fly like this. Remember? To slay a god?”

There.

It’s gone in a flash, but for a second, it was there. His memory isn’t completely gone. It can’t be.

“I know how to make you remember,” Levi says. “I’ll just put all you shitty brats together. That’ll jog something up.”

“H-hey, before… w-when you said that my name was…”

Frustration pools in Levi’s stomach, but he tries hard not to lash out at the kid. He doesn’t know what happened. Whether this is something of Kenny’s doing or something from before that (That Titan corpse is still not explained, not even by Annie, Bertolt, and Reiner).

“Your name is Eren,” Levi says as gently as he dares.

“I see… So I do have a name.”

“You came from outside of the Walls. T-that’s where we met. A Titan attacked you and your friends, and I saved you.”

There’s a soft scoff. “That’s awful convenient,” Eren says.

Levi lets that comment go.

“Your head still hurt?”

“Just a bit. Not as much as before.”

“Does it normally hurt like that?”

Eren shakes his head. “Do you really know me?”

How to answer this? Levi knows that there’s a lot that Eren kept quiet as part of his mission. The other three ended up telling them all about it. And as much as Levi wanted to hear those words from Eren himself, he gets the feeling that that day might never come.

That innocently laughing kid who grinned widely when Levi praised him for getting the math right to buy a baked good is gone.

“I know your nature,” Levi says evenly. “And I know of your circumstances.”

“Then where were you? In the last two years while I was lost without my memory, what were you doing, ‘Mr. I know who you are?’”

“Desperately looking for you, Shitty Brat.”

“And those friends of mine? What were they doing?”

Paying with their lives in exchange for a chance to save you, Levi cannot bring himself to say. Because if he says that out loud, then it'll come to light just how pathetic he really is. Two years. It took him two years to finally hold Eren in his arms.

“The same thing,” he lies.

“You said that I came from beyond the Walls, and that I have three friends. Are all four of us the children you supposedly killed, Mr. Humanity’s Strongest Soldier?”

“You don’t look dead to me,” Levi points out.

“If you’re not the one who killed all those children, then the real culprit is probably attacking those guys right now,” Eren says.

It’s surprisingly matter-of-factly. Almost like he doesn’t quite care. Like he’s just reciting something from a book. Compassion has been what Levi believed Eren’s best quality to be. But here, it seems that Eren’s lost that.

Just what the hell did Kenny do?

“Your friend Mikasa is strong,” Levi reminds him.

“Doesn’t matter how strong you are. A loss is death.”

That's most definitely something Kenny taught Eren.

Levi perches on the rooftop of a building. “If you agree to come with me obediently, I’ll go right now and save them.”

These green eyes seem too cold to be the arrogantly grinning child who claimed he’d kill god.

“If you take me away, they lose their livelihood and method of surviving. It’s a choice between whether they die swiftly by someone who delights in murder or slowly of starvation and disease. In that case, why wouldn’t I wish for quick deaths for them?”

It’s not even like Levi can promise to take all of those kids either. In order to leave the Underground, he’s going to have to sneak out. And Levi might be good, but he isn’t that good. He can’t take bunch of unruly and undisciplined kids past the Military Police that guards the entrance and exit of the Underground.

Levi hates to admit it, but it’s not that Eren lost his compassion. It’s that he lost his naive filter of the world.

“You’re too young to think like that,” are the irresponsible words Levi wishes he could bring himself to say.

“Yeah, you’re right,” he says instead. “The Underground is just that kind of place.”

He takes off again, letting Eren take one last look at this filthy place.

 

* * *

 

“… What… the hell?”

Reiner can’t bring himself to meet Porco’s eyes. He can’t meet Pieck’s. He can’t meet Colt’s. He most definitely cannot look at the deathly terrifying accusation in Zeke’s.

“I’m… I’m sorry,” he chokes out, his head permanently stuck in a bowed position. “I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t protect anyone. M-Marcel is…”

He expected for Porco to punch him. He expected for a spiteful yell full of curses, a violent confrontation. To be honest, he might have been looking forward to it. Craving it, even. It would’ve felt like a fitting punishment. Like he’s finally atoning for the sins he’s been carrying for the last two years.

“What about Eren?” Zeke asks, his voice cold.

“T-they… they promised…”

“Eren is safe,” Hange lies with probably a pleasant smile on her face (Reiner doesn’t look up to check). “He’s being guarded by who we call ‘Humanity’s Strongest Soldier.’”

Liar. Liar. Liar.

They haven’t recovered Eren. They don’t even know where he is or if he’s still alive. The last report from Levi was hopeless at best. They betrayed everyone and everything for a semblance of hope, except look where that got them.

“Have you… come to reclaim the Titans?” Reiner asks while facing the ground.

“Only if we deem it necessary,” Pieck stresses.

He imagines that she must have glanced at Porco worriedly. That everyone who knew about their past would look worriedly at Porco. But he doesn’t look up to check. He doesn’t want to know.

Zeke clears his throat, making Reiner flinch.

“War Chief” is a fitting title for him. His voice is kept smooth and calm after the initial panic of being caught. And even then, he seemed less panicked and more curious. With a voice of an incompetent man, he’s slowly gathering intel from everything he sees and hears. Has his reputation grown any more from the last time they met? Back then, Zeke’s plans have always been cold and cut-throat. Is it the same? Will he deliver the judgement that Reiner knows he deserves?

“So Eren’s a hostage,” Zeke sighs.

“Don’t think of it like that! We’re on the same side, you know!” Hange tells them cheerfully.

“And by using that as your leverage, you got them to tell you everything,” Zeke says, now addressing Hange.

The air feels cold. Are these two meeting eyes, glaring at one another as they try to assess the situation? Are they fighting a mental battle to see who will come out a victor? Reiner can’t bring himself to look up to check. If anything, he’s just thankful that Erwin isn’t here to add to the stress.

“As the War Chief, I am disappointed, Reiner,” Zeke says.

Reiner flinches at suddenly being addressed. But this is what he deserves, he reminds himself. He nods, still keeping his head down in a bow.

“But as Eren’s older brother, I am thankful you kept him your priority.”

… Huh?

He feels Zeke’s hand on his head, ruffling his hair.

“It was hard, wasn’t it? Leave the rest to me.”

Reiner looks up as Zeke pulls away. The War Chief moves to stand, a noticeable distance away from everyone. His hands are in his pocket, possibly with some kind of a weapon in there to draw blood.

“Why don’t we make our allegiance clear right here and now? Marley? Eldia? Founding Titan? I don’t give a shit. I came here for one reason and one reason only: For Eren. Anyone with a different goal, step up now. I’ll crush your skull.”

There’s not even a speck of emotion on Zeke’s face. He’s looking at them like one would insects. Here he is, their War Chief with zero tolerance for disobedience. The only one to have escaped with their life after disobeying Zeke is Eren.

Just his dearest younger brother.

Even Hange seems to understand the gravity of the situation, because her smile is gone. She’s looking at Zeke like she’s finally starting to grasp what kind of a man he is.

What kind of a group they all are.

The first to break the tense silence is Pieck.

She throws her arms around Colt and Porco, laughing delightedly. “I told you! I told you both! He is on our side!”

Pieck releases them and pushes her bangs back from her face, just casually showing off the bracelet.

That’s right. Their bracelets…

Reiner covers his own with his hand. When he looks up, he sees Pieck’s confident grin.

“Two years ago, we weren’t strong enough to back you guys. But we’ve made our preparations, too. Eren is following through Marcel’s last plans, isn’t he? Then even if Marcel’s gone, this is exactly where we need to be. Sorry to disappoint you, War Chief Zeke. But our priority has always been each other.”

The three of them look so sure as they glare back at Zeke. Despite claiming to be on the same side, it feels more like a challenge to a fight. How can the three of them look so confident when they don’t even know what the plan is?

Why does it look so much like all three of them have grown stronger? Why do they feel so reliable, so powerful? So mature?

“How lucky! It seems all of our priorities line up!” Hange says brightly. She glances at Reiner with a soft smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. “Isn’t that right, Reiner? Marcel’s plan is for us to all work together?”

When did Reiner become a broken doll who has been strung up to move to someone else’s will?

Why can’t he bring himself to do something as simple as speak his mind?

“Yes, that’s correct,” says his traitorous mouth that refuses to respond to his will.

Ah, that's right. That has been taken from him since he was born. Since his mother wrapped her arms around him and whispered to him the stories of his Marleyan father. Reiner has never been able to express who he is without Eren next to him.

Unlike these three who have found a reason to keep marching on, Reiner is stuck back in that time when Eren disappeared. A helpless and lost child who cannot move without orders, no matter whose they are. Because if Eren isn't here to support him, what is he but a puppet, meant to be used by everyone? 

 _Don't be a pawn,_ Eren once told him.  _Think for yourself._

But Reiner realizes that he doesn't know how to do that. He doesn't think he's ever known how to do that. If Eren isn't here, then who is Reiner Braun? 

Zeke sighs and relaxes as if he’s relieved by the whole situation. He takes his hands out of his pocket and turns to Hange with a friendly smile.

“I believe we should start this over then. I am War Chief Zeke Jaeger of the Warrior Division. I’m Eren’s older brother.”

“And I am Squad Leader Hange Zoë of the Survey Corps. Currently, I’m in charge of Reiner and these idiots. Ah, since we haven’t said it earlier, let me take the opportunity to say it now.”

Hange offers her hand that Zeke takes. The two shake hands in a friendly manner that feels much too fake.

“Welcome to Paradis Island.”


	12. Until the sunrise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a really random note, I now have a [Twitter](https://twitter.com/bertererei). I'll try to post how stories are going. Feel free to follow if you don't mind AllEren content and bunch of kittens/puppies!

“Here,” Levi says.

He makes sure to hand the dagger to Eren, in case this stupid child cuts his hand on the blade again. Eren stares at the dagger now in his hand curiously before turning back to Levi.

“I’m going to come at you. Defend yourself.”

Those are clear enough instructions, right? They’re something that even a child would understand, right?

So why is it that when Levi lunges for him, Eren drops the dagger to the ground and raises his arms in the air in surrender?

“What are you doing?” Levi demands.

“I’m too tired to heal. I don’t want to get injured.”

“No. You don’t get to do that. Pick up the dagger.”

Eren dares to sigh. He picks up the dagger and looks to Levi, waiting. Shitty Brat has the nerve to look like Levi is causing him a headache. Fine. That's how he wants to do it? Levi was planning on going easy on the brat, but he changes his mind.

“Defend yourself,” Levi repeats. 

This time, when Levi lunges, Eren… 

He allows himself to be pushed around by Levi, gracefully falling to the ground without any resistance. Levi feels his temper flare.  Is this brat… looking down on him? 

“Didn’t I tell you to defend yourself?” Levi hisses.

Eren shrugs. “I don’t want to.”

With a sneer, he grabs Eren by the front of his shirt and forcibly stand him back up. The dagger falls harmlessly to the ground from the brat's hands.

“Alright, why?”

“Whether I defend or not, the outcome is the same. There’s no way for me to defeat you.”

“Therefore, you’re not even going to try?” Levi surmises.

Eren nods. “I don’t want to he-”

Levi kicks the kid’s face with enough force to knock something loose. A tooth, probably. And for a second, Levi sees it. The flash of rage in those green eyes, like a beast about to lash out. Good. There it is. There's the Eren that Levi has been looking for. Then the second passes and Eren just sighs tiredly.

There’s no sign of smoke. Levi thinks that’s just what happens when the damage is internal. There weren’t any smoke to denote that Eren was recovering from his organ loss, either. Still is healing? Levi isn’t sure. But seeing that the brat is all languish and slow, Levi thinks Eren might not be fully healed yet.

“Do you delight in kicking children, Mr. Humanity’s Strongest Soldier?”

“I find corporal punishment to be the most effective against shitty brats like you,” Levi says lightly.

“How terrifying. No wonder people think you killed those poor children from outside the Walls.”

Levi snorts. He grabs Eren’s head and checks inside of his mouth to make sure that the tooth is growing back. It’s slower than he’d expected, but he sees the white of the tooth poking out from the gum. Shitty Brat doesn’t even protest against the rough treatment.

“And yet one of those shitty brats is in front of me, refusing to defend himself.”

With a light knock on Eren’s forehead with his knuckles, he releases the kid.

“Isn’t your healing too slow right now?”

Eren nods. “I told you. I’m tired. You’re dragging someone who is still regrowing their organs without feeding him. And now you want me to play with knives. There’s a limit to being insensitive, you know.”

“I’ll stop if you call me by name.”

Shitty Brat dares to heave another sigh. He rubs the back of his neck, looking more tired than before. 

Perhaps Levi should stop by an inn and let the kid eat something other than military rations? But can he really afford to do that right now? They’re still within the Wall Sheena and nowhere near Survey Corps safehouse. The goal is Utgard Castle near the perimeter of Wall Rose, where Bertolt should be with Mike and his men. It’ll still be a while before Levi can get there.

And right now, the most important thing is to not get discovered by the Military Police or anyone who will make this travel annoying.

“Is saying my name that complicated, Shitty Brat?” Levi growls. He just barely resists the urge to kick the kid again.

“But once I say it, you’ll start treating me like I remember something, right? That’s troublesome, too.” Eren sits down on the grass and picks up the dagger. Then he holds the handle out for Levi to take back. 

“Do you really remember nothing? Absolutely nothing comes to mind?” Levi asks.

He takes the offered dagger back and puts it away. But he doesn’t sit down on the ground with the brat. 

“If it was that easy to remember, then I imagine I would’ve been in a lot less pain much earlier.”

Levi assumes Eren means Kenny. Without meaning to, he reaches over and ruffles Eren’s hair. Eren flinches at the contact but doesn’t pull away. Is this a good thing? Are they getting closer? Levi can't tell. Just a little, he wishes he had Hange's knack of disregarding public decency to bring others' guard down.

“C’mon, Shitty Brat. Break time’s over.”

“Why can’t we travel by cart?” Eren grumbles. But he dutifully gets on the horse as Levi instructs.

“In case you forgot, I’m a criminal.”

Eren rolls his eyes. “Like you can’t escape from the Military Police.”

*

It occurs to Levi that there’s something wrong when Eren starts to teeter totter on the horse. He grips the kid close to himself and finally feels it.

The sweat-soaked clothes. The slightest rise in temperature of the small body. The raggedy way Eren breaths.

Shitty Brat has a shitty fever.

Levi mentally curses and urges his horse to change direction. He tightens his grip on the kid.

“Hold on. I’ll get you to a doctor.”

“‘M fine, Mikasa,” Eren mumbles, half-asleep. “I’ll heal.”

Yes, but how much will Eren suffer in the meanwhile? It’ll help, Levi knows, to let Eren heal for a bit so he can travel to Bertolt as fast as he can to see if Bertolt can knock the memories back to Eren. But he can’t stop the worry in his chest. He knows logically that Eren will be fine.

That Eren is the fastest healer.

But Eren also hasn’t had the chance to sit down to rest and eat since Levi dragged him from the Underground. For that matter, Levi doesn’t have any evidence that Eren was well taken care of down there either. Shitty Brat was surrounded by other kids. Even if he traded organs for money, there's a limit to how much the shops down in the Underground would have accepted money from kids. Did they even have anything to eat down there? Levi assumes so, since they were able to get those fabric they hung up.

He has a choice.

He can find an inn and then fight off any signs of Military Police. He can find a place to hide to let the brat rest. Or he can ignore all of this and just keep riding.

He doesn’t like any of the outcomes.

But he needs to make a choice.

“Eren,” he calls.

The kid mumbles something that Levi can’t make out. 

And he arrives on a decision.

*

He ties his horse to the tree after putting Eren down on the ground, back against a different tree. They’re mostly hidden, but the forest within Wall Sheena isn’t as dense as the forest out in Wall Maria. If someone peers too closely, they might realize that Levi is hiding here. 

There’s no body of water for him to get clean water. All he has are the little bit left in his canteen. There should be some military rations in his pack somewhere, too. But he doubts Eren can keep that down right now.

Eren’s breathing is shallow, and he keeps trying to mumble something.

Levi really wishes he’d just shut up and sleep. He puts his black jacket (It seems the habit of wearing the military uniform dies hard. He feels awkward without a jacket or a cape) over Eren, but it looks like it’s just disgustingly soaking up sweat instead of helping.

“Shitty Brat, how am I supposed to help you?” Levi asks as he kneels next to Eren.

But the kid doesn’t answer. Just mumbles something incoherently.

How are you supposed to help kids, especially if they have a fever? Levi thinks he’s supposed to let it run its course. Eren should be able to heal all of this anyways. But he can’t seem to bring himself to stop caring about this. 

The fear of losing someone he spent 2 years hunting seems to be clogging up his brain.

A soft sigh leaves his lips, and he finds himself trying to think back to his own childhood. Before Kenny, there was a short period of time in his life when he got sick, his mom used to pet his hair while singing. Should he try that?

It can’t hurt, right?

He puts his hand on Eren’s hair. While gently mussing the disgustingly sweat-soaked hair, he clears his throat awkwardly. He hasn’t sung in forever. Does he even remember how to do it? As long as it’s not as obnoxious as Isabel’s, it should be fine, right?

Ah, whatever. 

It’s not like Shitty Brat will remember it anyways.

He mutters the words to the song that he can’t believe he still recalls. And after a bit, he feels confident enough to sing a little louder. He sits down comfortably and pulls Eren’s head against his shoulder. And he sings the soft lullaby from a long ago memory.

Almost as if understanding Levi’s intentions, Eren’s breathing slowly evens out. He lets out a soft content sigh and leans into Levi’s touch.

“… Thanks, … cel…”

Levi doubts the stupid brat actually said his name. He wonders who Eren is thinking of when he gave that thanks.

Is it one of the new kids he met Underground? Or is he subconsciously calling out to his friends?

Levi wonders which one is better.

*

Shitty Brat must be feeling better.

Levi curses under his breath for letting his guard down. He should’ve seen this one coming. He knows how crafty Eren can be. 

This just goes to show how soft-hearted Levi has gotten when it comes to that brat. 

His horse and Eren are both gone. But it looks like Eren might have been too scared of waking Levi, because he didn’t take anything that Levi has, not even his equipment or knives. In fact, Eren left Levi’s jacket on Levi, almost like a thoughtless parting gift.

Not that Levi will allow this to be goodbye.

Shitty Brat thinks he can run away now after Levi finally found him?

He puts his fingers in his mouth and blows, letting a shrill whistle fill the air. 

There are two things that Eren didn’t consider when he ran away like that. The first is the loyalty of a Survey Corps horse. And the second is…

“N-no! Not this way! Argh, you stupid horse!” is Eren’s yells that fill the air before Levi’s horse arrives back within five minutes of whistling.

Levi’s own childish pettiness.

“Hey Shitty Brat, seems you’re feeling much better,” he greets as he yanks Eren off the horse. 

He tosses the small dagger at the kid, feeling slight ire when Eren catches it correctly. So he can do it. He can do it and he pretended he couldn’t two years ago.

Shitty Brat, always making a fool of Levi.

“Defend yourself.”

*

“You’re a brute! A horrible, terrible brute! No wonder you’re a criminal!” Eren whines at Levi as they ride.

The smoke from Eren’s healing is a lot more obvious now that the wounds are external. Just a little, Levi wants to tell him to stop healing so he can see where they’re going. 

“I like you better when you were dying. It’s quieter,” Levi growls.

“You cut off my hand! If I didn’t dodge, you would’ve knifed me in the stomach, wouldn’t you?”

Levi purposefully goes quiet to let the implication grow. 

“W-w-wait, really?” Eren asks. He turns his head towards Levi with wide eyes. Then Shitty Brat has the nerve to smack Levi’s chest repeatedly with his one good hand. Levi should've cut both of them off. “Really? Are you serious? You were going to knife me?!”

“Shut up already! Where you always this loud and annoying, Shitty Brat?”

There’s a small pause before Eren grins widely. “Ehhhhh? What’s that? Weren’t you desperately searching for me? Hey, Mr. Humanity’s Strongest Soldier…”

Levi only realize that something is wrong from the way Shitty Brat is fluttering his eyelashes. Fluttering…? Like he’s…? Eren leans in close, invading Levi’s private space in a manner that Levi remembers too well from his days in the Underground. 

Of all the annoying habits, Shitty Brat had to pick this one up?

With a soft sigh, Levi pulls the rein sharply to stop his horse. It jerks the brat forward and then harshly into Levi’s chest. Before Eren can complain, Levi grabs him by the front of his shirt and yanks him off the horse and onto the ground.

“Ow! What the hell’s your problem?!” Eren yells as he scrambles back to his feet.

“You think I don’t recognize poisoning tactics from the Underground, Shitty Brat?”

Eren flinches as if he didn’t expect Levi to recognize it. He pouts and kicks at the ground, pretending to be a sulking kid. “You couldn’t have pretend to fall for it? For me?”

“Then I’d be dead.”

Shitty Brat has the nerve to act surprised. 

“Throw the poison away. I’m not taking you until you do.”

“Then I guess you’re not taking me,” Eren responds with a cheeky grin.

Levi draws his blade. “Or I can cut off your limbs and carry you off. Your choice.”

A second passes. Then another. And then…

“You’re the worst human in the world!” Eren yells as if that’s supposed to be an insult. 

He wipes off his mouth carefully, even though Levi gets the feeling the poison can’t hurt him too much. Then he reaches into his pocket and tosses three pouches to the ground. Has he been carrying that the entire time? And if he has at least three, Levi wouldn’t be shocked if Eren has other things hidden on him.

Better be careful.

He holds his hand out for Eren to take to pull him back onto the horse.

Oddly enough, Eren accepts without further complaints. Levi pulls out his dagger and stabs the brat’s hand just in time to prevent Eren from stabbing him with a needle. Jeesh, the nerve of this kid. He honestly contemplates cutting off both hands (the other one has majority healed up to his knuckles), and then changes his mind.

“Ow! What the fuck?!”

“Where the hell did you even get this?” Levi snaps. “Throw it away!”

“Apologize to my hand first!”

Levi pulls the dagger out of Eren’s hand. “How long did you spend time with the prostitutes?”

“That’s not an apology!” Despite those grumblings, Eren lets Levi pull him back onto the horse. “And how did you know that I spent time with prostitutes?”

“I spent my fair time in the Underground,” Levi says.

He realizes that he probably could’ve phrased that better when Eren gives him a disgusted look. But luckily (or perhaps it’s unluckily?), Eren lets out a sigh and leans back, resting his head against Levi’s chest. His long hair tickles Levi’s exposed skin, not to mention it stinks. Levi’s going to give this Shitty Brat a long hot shower and scrub him raw once they get to that castle.

“They probably felt bad for us since we were all children. We spent about two months with them before some of the customers noticed Mikasa. I didn’t want to cause trouble for the people who cared for us, so we left before Mikasa tried to kill one of the customers.”

“You the leader of the group or something?” Levi notes.

“Hey, do you know what those kids were? They were broken slaves that Kenny bought for cheap. None of them can think for themselves, not even Mikasa. When I asked them if they wanted to live, they asked me what that was. What is living? What’s the point of fighting? What’s so great about surviving?”

Eren goes quiet as they ride. Even without him finishing the story, though, Levi gets what he means.

Those kinds of broken people cannot survive on their own. They probably used Eren as a crutch to figure out the standards of living. Or perhaps it’s better to say that Eren clung selfishly to them to keep his loneliness at bay. 

And with Levi dragging Eren away… 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t take them with you,” Levi admits.

“No, you’re not. Because if you’re sorry, then I’m the bad guy for feeling relieved to leave them behind.”

Levi doesn’t know what else to say to console Eren, so he remains quiet.

 

* * *

 

The report from Hange arrives sometime in the early morning before Erwin goes off to breakfast with Shadis. It’s written vaguely enough to be suspicious to the right people. But for anyone else, it’ll read as a boring report from someone who had too much time on their hands with not enough to do.

Erwin can’t help but to feel awed every time he reads them.

“Aren’t you in a good mood?” Commander Shadis growls, looking annoyed.

“It’s nice to eat such a delicious breakfast. Aren’t you in a good mood as well?” Erwin asks him with a polite smile.

Shadis massages his temples. “If I didn’t have to deal with this paperwork you’ve thrown at me, I might actually have the time to look at food.”

“Stress is good for you, Commander!”

“I’m going bald because of it. Someone with a full head of hair will never understand.”

Erwin offers a charming smile. “But now you match with the other two Commanders!”

This breakfast is something that has been set up every two months as a way for the higher ups to keep tabs on Erwin’s activity. That’s not a surprise to anyone. After Levi’s “sudden and irredeemable” betrayal, the three Commanders became all but desperate lapdogs of the nobles. So every two months, one of the Commanders oh-so-bravely takes time out of their busy schedules to sit with Erwin to have breakfast while grilling Erwin on every little detail on what he’s been up to and whether Levi has contacted him.

Honestly, it’d be flattering if it wasn’t so annoying.

Hange’s letter wasn’t stressing enough for him to justify skipping this breakfast, but he knows that time is short. As soon as this is over, he’s going to have to switch with his body-double to venture outside of the Walls. Just what could have happened out there?

How times have changed that Erwin’s squad now operates as a small subset of Survey Corps that doesn’t inform the rest of the group what they’re doing! Gone are the times when they can make grand showing of a united front. Or when he could easily twist Shadis arm into getting them more space for training.

But that, too, can’t be helped because of the events that transpired in the last two years.

It began with the Commanders turning to firmly side with the nobles, dropping little suggestions such as they should perhaps turn the kids over to Reiss to let them live peacefully. Erwin understood that if he waited too long, he would lose the opportunity to not only protect these kids but to keep their knowledge and power within his control. So he smeared Levi’s reputation with the rumors that these kids have all been taken by the former Humanity’s Strongest Soldier.

While everyone was distracted by Levi and his attacks on the nobles’ businesses and farms, Erwin masterfully created fake documents and turned the three children into Survey Corps recruits. It would be too suspicious if all three of them were under his power, so he asked both Mike and Hange to move up in rank.

Despicable, isn’t it?

Due to the unknown status of the King’s ability to erase memories (the three children couldn’t give a straight answer about it. It seems the only one who might know something might be Eren, but he’s still missing), Erwin had no choice but to keep things as legal as possible while still hiding these kids in plain sight. Keep them nearby enough to not lose them, but not too close that it’ll become suspicious.

That’s how things began, anyways.

“This is until Eren is found,” became a mantra among Erwin’s squad members. He suspects it’s the same for those kids as well. And with each passing day that Levi doesn’t report back that he has Eren, they’ll continue to count down in this miserable secretive existence.

To be honest, Erwin is starting to believe that Eren might not have the answers they need either. What can a young ten (… twelve now, he supposes) year old know more than what they’ve already been told? They’re putting unrealistic expectations on that small back. 

Perhaps it’ll be best for everyone (especially Eren) for him to not return.

“I see that you still haven’t volunteered to go on the expedition outside of the Walls since two years ago. You were always so eager to go. Why haven’t you?”

Erwin keeps his expression pleasant, if not a little sheepish. “I still feel horrible that my trust in Levi was so misplaced. I’ve begun to question whether my judgement is sound.”

It’s a lie, of course. Shadis probably realizes it, too. But Erwin’s words are textbook perfect. There’s no way for someone like Shadis to pry past the defenses set up to get to the truth. That’s why Shadis has always been the perfect puppet to play Commander for Erwin.

“It’s already been two years. Aren’t your men getting restless? I thought Hange would ask to stay with you, but she’s already moved on to be on the same level as you. Even your right hand Mike has his own squad now. Has your drive completely shriveled up?”

“It’s unfair to compare me to eccentrics like them,” Erwin chuckles.

Shadis doesn’t buy it for a bit. But what can he do? He’s never been good at playing these games.

“We’ve made quite a lot of progress outside of these Walls while you’re playing house in here. That is… Erwin, your genius would be appreciated out there.”

Erwin makes a show of shrugging helplessly. “I apologize, but there’s still so much things to do here.”

And until Eren is safely back under his watch, he cannot make any careless move that might get his memories erased or these kids taken.

That’s why he sent Hange outside of the Walls. That’s why he sent Mike to move and observe in areas Erwin would be too noticeable to go to. That’s why Erwin has been playing the meek man whose ambition has disappeared.

But well, Shadis still seems clueless about that.

*

Separating the kids was something that was inevitable.

Erwin understands that strategically, but he still can’t quite forgive himself for it.

“Annie,” he greets the “soldier” who has been waiting for him to finish his breakfast with Shadis.

“Squad Leader,” comes the cold response.

When Erwin walks forward, Annie falls into step behind him. She doesn’t make small talk as Hange would have. She doesn’t even smile like Mike would have. She silently and accusingly stares at Erwin’s back as she has always done since she joined his squad. 

The perfect reminder of what they still must do.

“I plan on taking a stroll outside once we return. Will you join me?”

There’s the smallest intake of breath that lets him know that she understands his meaning. But when he glances back at her, her face is neutral, if not a little cold. Same old Annie.

“Understood.”

He smiles. “It seems Hange found some new flowers. Her report described them quite lovingly. It would be nice to see if we can get those flowers inside of these Walls.”

She doesn’t respond to his words or the meaning behind them. But he’s certain she understood his message. 

_ Get ready to leave. We are going to meet the new forces Marley sent. _

*

What Hange has done is currently the biggest controversy the Survey Corps have caused since the four children entered these Walls. After all, she didn’t have permission from the higher ups to set up a log cabin, of all things, outside of the Walls to “further her experiments on Titans.” 

But seeing that no one outside of the Survey Corps has the guts to venture that far outside of Walls to drag her back, the nobles have sat back with the belief that she’d die by a Titan’s mouth soon enough. The lack of memory wipe from the top makes Erwin quite suspicious. But he also doesn't know if it's due to distance or something else. If only they had more information on how exactly the memory powers of the King works, this wouldn't be such a headache. For now, Erwin remains optimistic while getting ready for the worst.

Outside of Wall Sheena, Hange has received quite a lot of admiration and love from the people. 

“The Bravest Soldier of Our Generation” is the title the people lovingly refer to her by.

It’s been nearly six months since she’s been comfortably living outside of these Walls in her log cabin. Granted, the reason why she could do this is because of Reiner’s Armored Titan that protects Hange’s squad. But that’s a secret to anyone not involved with these children. 

For the most part, they left the Pure Titans alone so that it wouldn’t be too suspicious when Survey Corps’ typical expeditions suddenly return with astonishing success. The only exception, obviously, was to get Hange to her spot to build a log cabin (Erwin suspects Reiner must have built it in Titan form).

There are two-fold reasons why Erwin asked her to do this.

The first is the obvious push it’ll give the people within the Walls. Survey Corps recruits numbers have never been higher thanks to Hange. This was the best course of action Erwin could think of while minimizing people’s lives lost. After all, if they went along with the kids’ plans of destroying the Walls, it’ll cause too much of a disturbance on the populace to allow for a more organic development. But Erwin is keeping tabs on that idea, just in case things get that bad. It’s why he does his utmost best to keep Bertolt close to Wall Maria as possible. 

The second is to keep her eyes out to see if any more troops will be sent after them. Annie had been convinced that at the very least, “Zeke Jaeger” will be coming after them. 

“He has a huge brother complex when it comes to Eren,” she explained.

“What’s a ‘brother complex?’” Hange asked.

Annie made a face like she really didn’t want to think about it. Seeing that, Reiner volunteered the information. 

“It’s when you obsess over your brother to a disgusting degree that it borderlines incest. The sister version is ‘sister complex,’ by the way.” 

“And… Zeke is like this towards Eren…? This doesn’t ring alarm bells?” Mike’s brows furrow in worry.

“If Zeke does come after us, then the best weapon you’ve got is to convince him that Eren is on your side,” Annie continued, ignoring Mike.

“But the problem will be if you still haven’t found Eren by then,” Bertolt added quietly.

“That’s not a problem. We will get Eren back,” Erwin promised them.

And it’s been two years since that discussion with no sign of Eren being back in their grasp.

But thanks to Hange, they’ve had messengers freely move from the Walls to Hange’s log cabin without any show of alarm. That means Erwin can sneak out as a messenger to meet up with Hange and her “flowers” that have shown up. Actually, the Survey Corps (outside of Hange’s group) have started to become one of the best messenger groups around. It makes Erwin a little depressed at times when even the civilians call them “Mail Delivery Group” when not praising Hange.

They’ve been making these small progressive steps towards opening up the borders of their Walls. The question now becomes what these “flowers” want.

*

Typically, it’s about five hours ride on a horse (assuming no Pure Titan interference) to get to the log cabin. They’ve lost quite a few messengers during this trek, so messages are always sent by a group of five.

Erwin has no problem sneaking Annie in with him. Oulo, Petra, and Eld are the other three who will be coming with them. They’ve shown remarkable judgement as messengers as well as deep loyalty to the Survey Corps. Once Levi returns, Erwin has every plan on forcing leadership position on him by shoving these three at him. 

Hah. That’s what you get for daring to take this long, Levi.

Well, that might be a little too rude to these three, though. Since their eyes are set on Hange.

“The message we’ll be delivering to Squad Leader Hange is from Squad Leader Mike,” Erwin tells them as he hands each of them the letters.

It’s clear that Oulo, Petra, and Eld are not fooled by Erwin’s disguise. But they’re surprisingly calm and level-headed in terms of going along with Erwin. It makes him quite happy to know that there are still those who support his quiet leadership.

“Any questions?”

“None sir,” Eld tells him.

Petra smiles encouragingly at Annie. “If you have any questions, come ask me. You’re new to being a messenger, right?”

Annie nods stiffly.

“Just think of me as your big sister!”

*

Due to some mishaps in dodging Pure Titans (Erwin doesn’t trust these three enough to reveal Annie’s identity to them just yet), it’s nearly nighttime when they arrive at the log cabin.

“Squad Leader Hange! We’ve brought Erwin!” Oulo announces.

Since they’re this far out in Titan territory, there’s no need for secrecy, but Erwin would appreciate it if they pretended for just a bit longer. 

The door to the log cabin opens and Hange runs out, waving her arms in the air. Seeing that, the three messengers run to her, rushing to be the first to hand Hange Mike’s message. Hange takes all of them with one swipe and opens them all even though she probably just needs one. 

She’s too caught up with it to even say hello to Erwin. Moblit, Hange’s Vice Squad Leader, gives Erwin and Annie apologetic looks while taking their horses. Once upon a time, Hange asked Erwin to find someone quiet but reliable with a great sketching ability. When Erwin heard about Moblit, he was completely prepared to kidnap him from the Garrison and force him onto Hange. But as it turned out, Moblit is another eccentric just like Hange. Erwin still doesn't know what exactly about Hange Moblit liked enough to request being part of her squad, but since everything worked out as he needed it to, he decided not to question it.

“The guests are inside,” is all he says on the topic.

He must not have read Hange’s message, if he’s referring to them as “guest” and not “flowers.” Erwin better make sure that they’re all on the same page before they leave. This kind of sloppiness is only allowed in this small haven.

“Wait, Erwin. Have you seen what Mike wrote?” Hange asks. 

Her usual cheerful expression is gone. Everyone quickly sobers up to match her seriousness.

Erwin smiles. “Yes. Levi did it. We have recovered Eren.”

Annie’s cold expression finally falls after two years. She turns to Erwin, eyes wide and lips just a hint of a smile. It’s a look Erwin isn’t used to seeing. But he thinks its suits her much better than the cold mask of a soldier.

“But our battles are just starting. Can I trust you to be our vanguard, Annie?”

Her eyes flash in determination. “Please leave it to me.”

Erwin glances at the three messengers. “I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you three to leave.”

“No, let them be, Erwin. They’ve proved themselves to me,” Hange says. She grins at the three. “Right? You guys are on our side?”

“Of course, we are!” the three of them chorus, eyes bright with spirit.

Good. They’ll need all the help they can get.

*

The determination wavers when Annie sees the four “flowers” waiting for them inside the log cabin.

Erwin isn’t sure how to judge them. The tall man with sharp look in his eyes must be Zeke, Eren’s brother and the holder of the Beast Titan. The girl with long black hair has to be Pieck, the holder of the Cart Titan. But who are the other two boys? And why does Marley continuously send children to do this? Do they not have any seasoned soldiers? For a military state, that does not bode well for them.

“I am so sorry!” Annie leads. She bows to the four of them, repeating those four words almost desperately. 

It sounds less and less like Annie is being their vanguard and more that she’s apologizing to her once comrade in arms. In the end, isn’t he doing the same thing as those Marleyan soldiers? Erwin can’t watch this. 

He puts his hand on Annie’s shoulder, stopping her.

“The apology should be coming from me and the rest of the adults here,” he tells the four. “For the things that we couldn’t prevent, for the things we couldn’t be there for, and for the things that are to come. But before that, shall we start with introductions?”

*

Reiner joins them a bit later, seemingly returning from guard duty. He perks up at the sight of Annie, but his expression falters when he sees Erwin. It seems that his reputation with these kids have gotten worse. He can’t even offer any comforting words that won’t sound insincere. 

"It seems odd to me that Eren would trust someone who is as low ranking as you," Zeke tells Erwin with a judging stare.

"The higher ups aren't exactly open-minded, I'm afraid," Erwin informs him.

"They were rude to us," Reiner tells Zeke. Then, seemingly as if he realizes his mistake, he corrects it with, "They called Eren a ‘bad child,’ and that they’ll only give alcohol to good-”

Zeke stands up, his face livid. Erwin rushes to assure him that they did not give alcohol to any of the kids, but it falls on deaf ears.

“How dare they?! Eren is a sweet and kind child! There’s no one in the world who is as gentle as he is! Why, if he were to smile, the flowers will start blooming! Those bastards! I’ll rip them to shreds!”

Brother complex, Erwin realizes, is a terrifying thing.

Erwin clears his throat to return the attention to the matter at hand.

“It was a strategic move on my part to not seek power to keep the King’s attention away from me. But I have not neglected gathering men to my cause. Has Hange filled you in on the political situation within the Walls?”

Zeke nods. “Yes. You of the ‘Survey Corps’ are being kept under strict watch due to the betrayal of one of your most trusted men.”

“He betrayed the true King, not us. He is still the most powerful person within these Walls. In fact, we have him currently protecting Eren.”

In the corner of his eyes, Erwin sees Reiner’s head snap up. Reiner glances towards Annie with a questioning look and is answered with a small nod. The change is instantaneous. Reiner suddenly straightens. His face is bright, eyes shining with hope. Once upon a time, Levi told Erwin that Eren was the key. That if he could get Eren to play along, the other kids will fall in line.

Erwin realizes just how true those words are. To think he just laughed it off, thinking it the words of a foolish man’s favoritism.

He has a lot to apologize to Levi for.

Zeke seems mollified somewhat at the mention of the most powerful person protecting Eren. Erwin hopes that’ll keep him distracted for now.

“My goal is to take down the King peacefully and give power and knowledge to the people. Of course, I realize that there’s no way we can have a completely bloodless revolution. But I want to minimize the losses as much as possible.”

“A fair goal,” Zeke tells him with a calm that feels apathetic. “Unrealistic but understandable.”

“Afterwards, I want to aim for Marley. Depending on their reaction, I’ll go from there to decide whether they’re on our side or not.”

Zeke nods. “Too optimistic. You clearly have no idea how Marley works. Either Eren held it back for your sakes or you’re not actually working with him.”

The cold looks are from all four of them. Erwin can’t even blame them. Of course, they’d think he’s a liar. He has offered them no proof that Eren is actually on his side.

And to be honest, Erwin isn’t even sure if Eren will be on their side after they failed to protect him from Kenny. But as long as Erwin holds Annie, Bertolt, and Reiner, he is still in the game. For now, that's all he can ask for.

“If it’ll make you feel better, we can talk shop after you’ve seen Eren. Would that make you more amiable?”

Oh, all four of them perked up. Actually, Annie and Reiner did, too. Erwin honestly worries for this group. This? This is the best that Marley sent? This group of children (Despite the beard Zeke has, he doesn’t feel like an adult) are the most terrifying weapons they have?

How laughable.

“Since you’re insisting, I suppose we have no choice,” Zeke decides for them.

But none of them look like they’re against it. 

“Now then we’ll have to figure out the best way to sneak you-”

Hange laughs. “Erwin, this is when we burst through the gates and yell out that the hero has come home! While everyone is distracted with me, you take these guys to see Eren. See? Problem solved.”

“Are you sure, Squad Leader Hange?” Moblit asks with a worried frown. “What if the Titans attack this log cabin?”

“Pure Titans don’t bother with buildings,” Reiner reminds him.

Moblit’s lips pull into an anxious frown. “But we’ve seen that that’s not always the case. There are always abnormals, remember, Reiner?”

“Then we’ll rebuild it. It’s just a house. Much better to abandon it than to lose this chance,” Hange concludes.

Erwin nods in approval. “Then let’s go announce the return of the Bravest Soldier of Our Generation.”

“Good thing Pure Titans aren’t as active at night!” Hange says.

The four newcomers look shocked at those words. So it is exactly as Annie, Bertolt, and Reiner said. Although they might know a lot more about the world outside, their own knowledge of Titans is superior.

For now, Erwin will have to use that as their advantage.

 

* * *

 

“Eren? Porco says that he’s sorry,” Marcel said as he knocked on the closed door.

“I do not!” Porco growled unhelpfully next to him. He held his still bleeding nose without looking too concerned with the red droplets on the carpet below him. Marcel hoped Eren’s grandparents won’t mind too much.

Eren could probably hear Porco through the closed door. Once, just once, Marcel wished that Porco would work with him instead of challenging everything that stood in his path. 

As if understanding how Marcel felt, Reiner grabbed Porco by the shoulders and dragged him away with the excuse of getting his nose looked at. Porco, of course, protested the entire time. Luckily, Reiner had enough sense to mention the dropping blood and how that would trouble Eren’s grandparents. And because Porco wasn’t a mannerless slob, he agreed to get his nose looked at.

But it wan't like Marcel didn't know where Porco came from.  Recently, Marcel had been taking Eren’s side a lot. He really should talk to Porco about it later to make sure his brother didn’t feel lonely.

But right now, Eren came first.

Hah, look at him pretending that this is only for “right now.” Eren had been his first priority for a long while now. 

“Hey Eren?” Marcel called through the closed door.

“It was my fault!” came the clearly frustrated voice from the other side of the door. “I know I was in the wrong. I know that.”

“If you know, then why did you punch Porco?”

There was just a small bit of silence before the door opened. Eren’s arms wrapped around Marcel, desperately seeking comfort from a nightmare only he could see. Marcel immediately hugged Eren back, holding tightly as he could to show his support.

“I… think I’m going mad,” Eren whispered, his voice just barely audible.

“What makes you think that?”

But Marcel was already running through the last few weeks, looking for any signs that might make Eren think like this. And the only thing he had was the fact that Eren could remember all of the previous Attack Titan’s memories. Then could it be that…?

“That’s… that’s what he said. That I’d go mad. That all the Attack Titans go mad. M-Marcel, I… I don’t want to go mad before everything is over. I…”

Eren looked so small as he shook in Marcel’s arms. There had to be something that Marcel could say, something he could do to comfort Eren’s fears. But what should he say? What could he possibly do? The only thing he could think of was their promise to each other. But that kind of childish talk was bound to make Eren uneasy right now. So instead, he should…

Marcel gently pressed their foreheads together. “Hey Eren, you won’t go mad if you make me your-”

*

Ymir wakes to the sound of the rooster’s crow. Time for the daily grind, huh? 

She sighs softly and rubs her eyes. 

Damn that Marcel. 

Sometimes, it feels like he’s right there, taunting her with his memories. They’re very rarely complete. It’s always something fragmented and disjointed as if this is his resistance against her. The only thing she gets from those fragments are that he loved his family dearly, both his blood-related family as well as the Warriors.

There’s a sharp knock at the door before Ymir hears Krista’s angelic, “Good morning, Ymir! Ready for today?”

If Ymir has to compare, she’d say that the feelings he held for his family (For Eren) is similar to how she feels about Krista. 

“Yeah! Give me a few and I’ll be right with you!”

*

Two years ago when she was finally freed from the crazy Warriors who wanted to kill her, she was at a loss for what to do. But it wasn’t like she could just stay outside the Walls, where the Pure Titans could come and gobble her up at any second. So she came over the Walls, too. Just not through the Survey Corps like the Warriors did.

From there, she wandered.

Eventually (probably because of her own past), she found herself at the church within the Walls of Sheena. And what should she learn but that the True King of the Walls had an illegitimate child on this very farm?

“This will be useful to Eren,” was the first thought that came to her mind that couldn’t have been her own.

And because she was so disgusted by that, she refused to go anywhere near that place. Except what good was that, because she ended up here eventually. Almost like she was led here subconsciously. Or perhaps it was just fate. Or perhaps this was just part of Marcel’s grand scheme of things to try and drive her as mad as Eren.

Tired and exhausted, she crawled into the barn with the cows to sleep and-

“It’ll be more comfortable if you use a bed.”

Ymir met Krista.

Although she insisted that she be called “Krista,” Ymir knew that this was “Historia Reiss,” the illegitimate child that Ymir didn’t want to meet.

Because when the Warriors finally come after Ymir (and they will. Of course, they will. Or if they won’t, then Eren will. Eren with his vicious green eyes that hungers for Ymir’s painful death. Eren with his desperate green eyes that kept searching for Marcel when he stared at Ymir), her selfish nature would throw Krista at them in hopes that she be saved. Because that’s just the kind of person she is.

She knows that but she can’t even begin to tell Krista the truth. 

That as long as Ymir is here, Krista will be in constant danger.

Or perhaps that will make Krista happy? Because sometimes, when they talk of the future, Krista’s eyes get dark as she stares out into space. This is someone who does not believe in the future. Someone who has already long given up.

It’s probably because of that.

Neither of them have a future.

Ymir finds it impossible to leave Krista alone.

*

“Ahhhh, but I don’t want to do chores!” Ymir complains as she does every morning.

Krista puts her hands on her hips and gives Ymir a good scolding, the way she does every morning.

It’s part of their routine. Ever since Ymir first arrived here, they fall into this routine with smiles on their faces. Then Ymir will complain some more as she follows Krista to do their chores. Like they do every morning.

Sometimes, Krista will drown out Ymir’s complaints with songs. Other times, Ymir will cease her complaining just long enough so they can talk about mundane nothings. Today, it seems, will be a talking kind of day.

“Hey Krista, I’ve got a riddle for you. If someone is going mad, what would you turn into to prevent it?”

“Going mad? So like going crazy and not getting angry, right?”

“Yeah.”

Krista tilts her head to the side and taps her chin. “You can prevent someone from going mad by turning into something? Then it has to be… Hm… Oh, I know! A rooster!”

“A… a rooster?” Ymir echoes, dumbfounded.

“That’s right. A rooster. Then when someone goes mad, all I have to do is… Cock-a-doodle-doooooo… them back to reality, you know?”

What… what an innocently adorable answer! Ymir covers her face to stop herself from laughing too loudly. Krista throws her hat at Ymir in response.

“Then what’s the answer supposed to be?”

Ymir manages a casual shrug as she continues to snigger. “Who knows? But I rather like your rooster.”

“If you’re really happy about it, then stop laughing!”

*

One day, when the Warriors get here, they’ll ruin this small happiness Ymir has. That’s why she wants to find as much as she can about Marcel in hopes of using it against them.

Leave Krista alone, she could potentially beg.

But when she recalls the expression on Eren’s face (the cold look on Annie’s face, the apathetic ones from Bertolt and Reiner), she knows that he’ll laugh. She knows that they’ll sneer down at her.

“Is that girl important to you? Then why don’t I show you exactly what you did to me?”

That kind of cruelty is something that Ymir believes more and more Eren will do as more of Marcel’s memories become available for her to see. That boy named Eren wasn’t quite in the right mind. She knows that’s true from the way he reacted to her from the first time he kicked her. And the most recent memory she recalled seems to confirm that.

_ “I… think I’m going mad.” _

And whatever it is that Marcel turned himself into, it was enough to keep that boy’s sanity intact. 

Until Ymir got involved.

For that, she does feel guilty. For that, she feels like one or two apologies will never be enough. For that, she understands that the only thing she can do to atone is to die. Die painfully by Eren’s hands. Allow herself to be slaughtered, ripped apart.

But surely, if she can figure out what it is that Marcel turned himself into for Eren, then it might be enough, right? It might be enough to stop Eren from killing her or hurting Krista. 

If she can figure out how to prevent someone from going mad…

“Cock-a-doodle-do…” she mumbles under her breath and feels silly for doing so. “Yeah, I can’t see that working on someone like him.”


	13. The war that never ends continues for eternity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember how I was like "Cannibalism used as a gag! Teehee!"? So it turns out that it's not a gag. No worries though. It's just lightly implied in like one or two lines. So you can very easily ignore it. Haha.... >_> I'm sorry. Kenny has single-handedly brought up the rating of this story.....
> 
> Warning: Implied cannibalism

There’s a ghost in the corner of his mind, just barely in view before disappearing again. The ghost has a sad voice. He doesn’t know how he knows that since the ghost doesn’t speak. Or perhaps it’s more that he feels sad every time he thinks he caught a glimpse of that ghost? Or maybe it's just that the ghost itself exudes sadness. Which, now that he thinks about it, is kinda weird that he knows since he can barely see it on a good day.

He knows that the ghost isn’t actually there because no one else can see it. 

At the very least, no one makes any move like there’s a ghost, so he assumes no one can see it.

Because if they could, this ghost would’ve also have been part of the torture, right?

Or maybe that ghost was. It always appears just before he feels like he’ll lose his mind in pain, in grief, in guilt. And somehow, seeing that ghost always centered him. The mind he thought he’d lose feels calm, almost whole again. So that when Kenny began again, he found himself despairing just as much as last time or perhaps more.

Because the level of grief deepens every time, or something like that.

It made Kenny absolutely giddy. “How the hell are you not insensitive to this by now? Kiddo, you’re killing me here!”

“Kiddo.”

It was the only thing he was called by. So it’s only logical that he takes that on as his name.

“Kid.”

So that every time someone called him, he would remember. The pain, the terror, the guilt, the desperation. He etches them all into his heart and soul, refusing to ever forget anything again. Every wound he received and healed. Every child that died for his sake, every child who limply allowed themselves to be hurt for his sake. Every slave that Kenny brought in, laughing delightedly as he comes up with something new, something  _ fun. _

_ “I don’t understand. What is this ‘living?’ Why must we fight for it?” _

There are times when those questions drag him down until he feels like collapsing by the side of the road. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know why he feels this fire in his heart. Like he must continue on forever. Like he must fight against this. It’ll be easier to give up now. Much, much easier…

Then he sees the flash of a ghost, just out of his vision. And he finds himself moving again.

Forward. Forward, forward, and even further beyond that horizon. Advance forward.

Rage. Fight. Kill. He has to keep going. He has to. 

No matter what stands in his way. No matter what tries to stop him. 

Even if everyone around him bleed out and die, even if his own body is broken to pieces and unable to move anymore. Even if his own mind is shattered to the point that he can’t quite remember why.

Advance. 

*

“Welcome to Utgard Castle, Shitty Brat,” Levi says.

Kid stares at the castle they’re approaching. It looks terrifying and dreary. Aren’t the things above ground supposed to look beautiful? Or is that just another lie the prostitutes told them to give them “hope?” Because so far, Kid hasn’t seen anything more beautiful than the fabrics that line their makeshift home and the awkward smiles on those kids’ faces.

“It looks abandoned,” Kid complains. It feels like he’s been doing that a lot lately.

But Levi accepts all of his tantrums with a slight annoyance that makes it clear that he’s about done with Kid’s complaints. So why doesn’t he just punish Kid? Levi is more than powerful enough to do so. He’s made that clear plenty of times. Why doesn’t he, just like Kenny, let go of his tightly held control over his violent urges?

All adults are disgusting like that. 

They pretend all they want to be more mature, more calm, more knowledgeable. But in the end, they’re nothing but scum. Even those prostitutes that helped them for a while (Mikasa doesn’t want him to know about it, so he pretends not to know in front of her. But those women were planning on selling them to the highest bidder for money. That’s why they were taken in. That’s why they were taken care of). 

“It has to look that way so outsiders don’t accidentally come in.”

“And you want to live there?”

Levi smacks Kid lightly. Not enough to hurt, just enough to be a warning to stay silent. It looks like Levi will be absolutely unbearable when they train later. For someone who used to be a big named soldier, he has no manners. No wonder he looked so at home in the Underground.

“Your friend is waiting for you there.”

So Levi has been saying for a while now.

But Kid is still in doubt. Levi has said a lot of things that makes no sense or doesn’t match up. But more importantly, Kid is getting sick and tired of this expectation that Levi seems to have (that Kenny used to have a long time ago). Just what the hell is his memory supposed to reveal that makes these people so desperate? What the hell did his former self run off with to be caught up with these monsters?

For a second, he thinks he saw a flash of that ghost. But when he glances around, there’s nothing there.

“What? You need to shit?” Levi asks.

No tact at all, this man.

“No. I thought I saw something… Hey, in that castle… Are there any ghosts in there?”

Levi snorts. “You believe in ghosts? How cute.”

This man is so damned annoying.

“True. If ghosts did truly exist, I’m sure they’d come after you first, Mr. Children Killer.”

Kid thought Levi would smack him again. At least, that’s what Kid prepared himself for. He doesn’t expect the almost sad smile on Levi’s face.

“Yeah. I’m sure of that, too.”

Then Levi’s eyes take on a determined glint as he urges the horse to pick up the pace.

“So you don’t have to worry about a single thing, Shitty Brat. I’ll protect you for sure.”

Grudgingly, Kid has to admit that that was pretty cool. 

*

The castle is most definitely not empty. Despite how creepy it looks from the distance, the signs of someone living here becomes more and more obvious as they get close.

“Those shitty idiots,” Levi grumbles, probably picking up the same things Kid is. “No one’s supposed to be living here.”

“No wonder Kenny took me. You guys are sloppy.”

Any other jabs, Levi always rolls with. He might smack Kid lightly or say something back sharply. But it seems this one crosses a line.

Levi goes quiet. There’s a dark look on his face that seems like he’s reflecting his past mistakes. 

It makes Kid horrifically terrified enough that he swears to never bring this up again.

*

“Gunther, where’s Mike?” Levi calls as he helps Kid off of the horse.

“Squad Leader has been called in on an emergency. I was informed to take care of you when you arrive. We’ll heat up the bath water for you and start dinner.”

Levi looks annoyed at the answer but responds in affirmative. This “Mike” person is someone important. Kid makes a note of that for the future.

“And you must be Eren,” Gunther says with a kind smile. He squats down so that he’s at eye-level with Kid. “My name is Gunther. I’ve heard a lot about you from various people, but I’d like to get to know you by talking to you. Will that be alright?”

Kid quickly lowers his gaze and shyly fidgets. He peeks up at Gunther’s soft smile and ducks his head with a blush. After a moment’s hesitation, he reaches for Gunther with a shy smile-

_ Smack! _

“Don’t poison people in front of me, Shitty Brat,” Levi snaps.

“Fuck! What is your problem?” Kid exclaims, rubbing the back of his head. “And I already tossed out all of my poison because of you, remember?”

Levi kicks Kid’s back. “Then what the hell is this lump you’re hiding back here?”

“Obviously it’s a bruise from all the time you’ve kicked me!”

“Oh?” Levi grabbed Kid’s shirt and lifts it up, forcing the small pouch of poison to fall to the ground. “Your bruise just fell off.”

“You’re so fucking annoying!”

It earns Kid a kick to the face and a bloody nose. While Kid is busy trying to orient himself after that bout of violence, Levi gives Gunther a warning.

“… absolutely don’t trust Shitty Brat, especially if he’s being that cute. If any of you die because you guys put your guard down around him, I’m going to laugh on your graves.”

This man is a monster. But at least Kid’s thoughts seem to be echoed on Gunther’s face.

“B-but to kick a kid is…”

“It’s fine. He’ll heal.” Then Levi grabs Kid by the back of his shirt, yanking him up to stand. “C’mon, you need a bath.”

*

Like everything Levi does, he’s merciless when it comes to baths, too. He scrubs Kid down until Kid is certain that this isn’t skin they’re looking at but the muscles underneath it. When Kid says that, though, Levi snorts.

“Don’t be stupid. Even if I scrub that hard, you’ll just heal it anyways.”

Isn’t that the same as an admission, though?

They give him clothes that doesn’t smell like the Underground. It makes Kid quite confused. The clothing is most definitely not the uniform everyone else (Well, Levi isn’t wearing one either) is wearing. So did they go out of their way to buy this for Kid? Or is this just someone’s old leftovers? But the quality of the fabric feels new and stiff enough that it can’t be a hand-me down.

He decides against thinking about it too much, though, because he feels exhausted after the bath.

The smell of food is nauseating. 

Objectively, he knows that that’s wrong. The food is supposed to smell delicious. The giant feast that is prepared for Kid and Levi is so grand that it feels almost as if the food is overflowing from the table. This luxury is something Kid has never had before. 

In the Underground, even if they had the money to buy food, most of the people refused to do business with kids. The food that Levi had on him when they were traveling were all military rations. And the food that Kenny fed Kid was… 

_ “Drink up! Hahaha! What? You angry? Why? I’m finally feeding you! Don’t you love the taste of blood spilled and the flesh ripped for your sake?” _

…

Perhaps it’s no wonder that he can’t taste. But food for him has always been something he had to eat in order to survive. As long as he eats, he can heal. It didn’t matter what it tasted of or what it looked like. At last, it stopped mattering after Kenny.

“Is this… really all for me?” Kid asks, feeling uncertain.

He stops and quickly looks around, waiting for Levi to strike him when he least expected it. But Levi seems to be elegantly drinking his tea instead. The other Survey Corps members seem to glance at Kid curiously.

“It’s okay. You can eat,” Gunther tells him with an encouraging smile.

Kid doesn’t know how to say that he doesn’t think they should’ve prepared so much food, especially when it looks like all this food is just for him and Levi. Did everyone else already eat? 

“It’s weird that you’re not hitting me for whatever dumb reasons,” Kid tells Levi in hopes of taking the attention away from himself. 

It works. Everyone’s eyes turn tiredly towards Levi. But no one dares to scold the Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. 

“If you want me to hit you, I will,” Levi says.

This guy always turns everything around on Kid. But there isn’t much that Kid can say as a complaint. Feeling peeved, he picks up a loaf of bread and bites into it. It’s hot, forcing him to pull it away from his mouth with a flinch.

“You alright?” asks a soldier with kind eyes.

“I burnt my tongue,” Kid explains.

For a second, their eyes meet and Kid finds himself freezing. This soldier… 

His head throbs. Kid grips his head, trying to make the headache go away. Why is it hurting so much? The last time it was this bad was when he met Levi back in the Underground. Back then, he saw a flash of the ghost, and the headache went away. He probably won’t get that lucky today, huh?

_ “The number one person I have to save is you.” _

Hm? Who said that? No, it’s his voice, isn’t it? He said it. Who is he talking about? Who is he saving? What is he saving them from?

“-en… Eren! Can you hear me? Is your head alright?”

The soldier’s brows are furrowed in worry in a manner that seems far too familiar. The thought “you never change” enters Kid’s mind, but he doesn't know why. Have they met before? 

“Eren?” the soldier calls again. He reaches forward to touch Kid and...

“Don’t touch me!”

He pushes away from the soldier, causing his chair to tip back. But that’s just fine. Kid uses the chance to run. Where is he running to? He doesn’t know. It’s not like there’s anywhere left for him to go to. But he knows that he needs to get away. He needs to run. He needs-

Levi trips him and holds Kid down with his foot, looking confused and a little annoyed.

“For two seconds, can’t you just be normal?”

When Kid tries to wiggle free, Levi sighs and kicks him harshly in the stomach. He repeats the kick until Kid finally goes limp. 

“T-t-that’s…”

Levi glances up from his kicks at whoever spoke. “What? You want to take his place?”

There’s no more objections. 

See? All adults are scum. As long as they’re not the ones getting punished, they’ll always turn the other way.

“Feeling calmer, Shitty Brat?” Levi asks.

The steam of healing obscures Kid’s view of Levi. To make sure that he heals quickly from this abuse, Kid supposes he should eat.

“I’m hungry,” Kid announces.

With a soft sigh, Levi helps Kid back to his feet. Levi forces Kid to sit back at the table to eat. A glance around lets Kid know that the soldier from before isn’t there anymore. Did he leave? Or…

“I thought you were hungry?” Levi asks him.

“Y-yeah. I’m eating.”

Was that soldier a ghost, too?

*

At the very least, they leave him alone long enough to stuff himself full (He doesn’t know what anything tasted like. But it’s the first time Kid has been allowed to eat until his stomach protested). Levi then takes him to a room that Kid assumes he’s supposed to share with Levi. 

And although it looks like Levi (and Gunther) wants to talk about whatever, Kid drops on top of the bed and falls asleep.

He hoped that he’d be able to sleep all the way until morning, but he finds himself awake in the middle of the night. Levi is asleep in a chair, which looks downright uncomfortable. But Kid is really grateful that Levi didn’t try to take the bed or kick Kid out of it. But since the chair looks like a miserable way to sleep, Kid makes sure to put a blanket around Levi.

There’s a small urn in the corner of the room that Kid assumes is for peeing in the middle of the night. There’s also a cup and a pot on the table, possibly for Levi to drink tea. Otherwise, the room is pretty bare. It’s set up so that Kid can’t use “I wanted a drink of water” or “I needed to pee” as a reason to leave the room.

Not that Kid needs a reason.

He tiptoes out the door, doing his utmost best to not feel too giddy about getting past Levi. Then he’s off.

*

He doesn’t have a destination. Hasn’t had one since Levi dragged him up here. There’s no place for him back in the Underground. So what should he do? Should he just trust Levi and stay here? But the man is a little deranged with how violent he is. Is he really a safe choice?

Well, he supposes he can decide that later. For now, he’s a little curious about this castle and the members of the Survey Corps here. If he does something wrong, Levi will doubtlessly beat him. But Levi also gave him freedom by saying that it was the Survey Corps members’ responsibility to not be killed by him.

So he’s going to be a downright brat to them all! That’ll show them!

“Shouldn’t you be resting?”

Kid flinches at the voice. Even though he only met that soldier briefly today during dinner, he recognizes it. He shrinks away from the worried look in the soldier’s eyes. So not a ghost, right?

“W-what’s it to you?” Kid growls, bearing his teeth.

The soldier looks sad at that. It makes Kid feel guilty. He doesn’t understand himself. Who cares how a soldier feels? He’s never felt guilty over careless words before. Why does he have to start now?

“Are you still hungry? After you fell asleep, I made some pie. Would you like a slice?”

Kid finds himself taking an uncertain step away from the soldier. Noticing that, the soldier looks at the ground.

“I… see. Sorry.”

There’s another throb of pain in Kid’s head. He touches his head lightly, trying not to show his weakness to the soldier before him. But it seems the soldier might be sharper than he thought.

“Eren?” the soldiers asks softly.

Don’t come near, Kid wants to beg. The closer the soldier gets, the more intense the pain becomes. And Kid has never been weak to pain, but it’s been a while and it seems his tolerance has dropped down. 

Then for just a second, Kid sees it. The faint smile of what has to be the ghost, just behind this soldier. Then the ghost is gone, leaving Kid alone in the hallway with the soldier.

His headache is gone, he realizes belatedly. As always, seeing that ghost always eases any discomfort he feels. The ghost that always seemed sad looked like it was smiling behind this soldier. Is that a sign? A sign for what? To trust this soldier? But why? Who is this soldier? What is that ghost?

But more importantly, does he even want to find the answers to these questions?

“What… kind of pie?” Kid finds himself asking.

The soldier perks up at those words. He smiles delightedly and ducks his head shyly. Something about this is so damned familiar that it makes Kid want to puke. 

“Apple,” the soldier says.

It falls like a forbidden whisper between the two of them. Kid feels a shudder go down his spine. It doesn’t even make sense. Why does he feel so uneasy? It’s just a damned apple pie.

“Y-yeah, I want a slice.”

*

They return to the dining area where Kid ate dinner. And although Kid ate like crazy just hours before, he finds that he’s starting to get hungry again. It must be due to the constant healing he has to do because of Levi. Damn that man.

He sits down while the soldier walks into the kitchen to bring out the apple pie and some plates and utensils. The soldier sits down next to him with a soft smile and begins to cut a slice for Kid.

“You’re not going to eat?” Kid asks.

The soldier gives him a rueful smile. “I don’t feel right taking a treat meant for you.”

But didn’t he say that he made this pie? This guy made this pie for Kid? But why? 

There’s quite a lot of “why”s that keep invading his mind. A small part of him believes that if he were to voice them, then the soldier (while looking like he’ll burst into tears) will patiently explain it all to Kid. But if there’s anything that Kid has learned from the Underground, it’s that you cannot trust anyone. It’ll be for the best to ignore these mounting questions and observe for any sign of danger.

“H-how does it taste?”

“It’s bland,” Kid says after his first bite.

The soldier seems to droop at those words. “I see… So that wasn’t enough sugar. This baking business is harder than I thought it would be. How does Colt's mom do it?” 

“But I don’t know what pies are supposed to taste like,” Kid explains. He doesn’t mention that he cannot taste. There’s a bad feeling in his gut that says that he shouldn’t mention that to this soldier.

“Next time, I promise to make it sweeter.”

… Sweeter?

Kid hesitates. “What does that mean? I-I mean, I know that it can mean someone who is kind. But… a ‘sweet’ pie? What is that?”

He doesn’t know how to describe the look on the soldier’s face. It’s not quite despair. At least, Kid doesn’t think so. The despairing faces he’s seen in the Underground doesn’t look quite like that. It’s hopelessness, that’s in there. But that’s not everything. There’s something a little more…

“Hey… what’s your favorite food?” the soldier asks slowly.

Kid shrugs. “Can’t say. Maybe Mikasa’s mashed potatoes? Ah, but it’s more of ‘mashed salad’ with the weird things she likes to throw in there. There wasn’t that much flavor for us in the Underground. I… guess the food during dinner tasted good? I don’t know. I just remember it was hot. Maybe I ate too fast.”

The look on the soldier’s face puts Kid on edge. He quietly grips his fork tightly. If the soldier lunges for him, he won’t be able to fight back with power. He needs to be smart about this. Maybe he really should have paid more attention to when Levi tried to teach him how to fight. Damn it. He doesn’t even have any poison on him, because Levi took everything before the bath.

“… I… didn’t want to believe it. But it is true, isn’t it, Eren? You don’t remember anything.”

“It’s all blank,” Kid says, keeping his voice as light as he dares. He keeps the fork close to himself as he prepares for any fight the soldier might throw.

But the soldier just drops his head in his hands, the smallest of sobs escaping his lips. “I thought you were playing. That you had a plan. But you… you were just…”

“I was just what?” 

Kid spins the fork in his hand to draw attention to it. But the soldier seems to be too caught up in himself to realize that Kid even spoke. A spin of the fork isn’t big enough of a movement to catch attention. Then can Kid get out of this room before the soldier snaps? 

“You don’t even go by ‘Eren’ anymore, do you? What did they call you in the Underground? I bet that’s the name you’re more comfortable with.”

The soldier says that without looking up at Kid once. It makes Kid hesitant whether to answer him or not. Does this guy really want to know? Or is he just blabbering whatever comes to mind?

But there’s a thick pause of silence between them. So he must want to know something, right?

“They called me ‘Kid.’”

The soldier lets out a wounded laugh that sounds bitter and scornful. “How very fitting for you.”

“If you had a problem with ‘Eren,’ feel free to yell at me or whatever. I’ll even throw a bonus of a ‘sincere apology’ to ease the blow or whatever. But if you get physical, I’ll fight back.”

“… Pfft… How sincere can that kind of an apology be if you can’t even remember what you did wrong?”

The soldier’s voice is soft, almost gentle. He finally lifts his head from his hands to look at Kid with a sadness that seems final. Kid doesn’t know how else to describe it other than that.

“It doesn’t matter if I can’t remember it. As long as I put feelings in my apology, it’ll be sincere.”

“No, that’s not sincere at all,” the soldier says.

Kid wonders why he didn’t realize this earlier.

The world spins, and he finds himself dropping the fork. He grips his head, trying to will back the headache that’s suddenly forming. His mouth feels dry. His eyes keep trying to close. Damn it. He was too careless and trusting. Because of the ghost, he let his guard down too much.

Was it the apple pie? Or was it the fork? Either way, he’s been drugged. Or maybe it’s poison? He can’t tell at this juncture.

“You…” Kid grits out.

The soldier’s hand feels warm against Kid’s cheek. “You feel familiar. Your eyes look familiar. Your anger is so damned familiar. So why is it that you can't remember? It’s you. It’s you right here. I can sense that it’s you. So why can’t you tell that it’s me?"

Kid's consciousness is fading in and out. He's sure that if he wasn't clinging to be awake with every fiber of his being, he would've already blacked out. 

"Is it that you don't want to remember? If that's the case then…"

The soldier's hands wrap around Kid's throat. And damn it. Damn it. He's struggling as it is to keep awake. What do you mean he has to be choked on top of that?

"… Then it'll be better for you to die."

Kid desperately try to claw at the soldier's hands and arms, but there's no real strength behind his actions. Faintly, he realizes that the soldier is still talking. But he can't keep his attention on that as well as try to fight to stay awake and to breath. Damn it. If it was just the poison, then he would have been fine after a few minutes. But to be choked as well…

Something hot lands on Kid's cheek. In his blurring vision, he sees the tears fall from the soldier's eyes. It looks like the soldier is still talking, but Kid can't hear it. 

He can't…

In a flash of red, blood spews out of the soldier's throat. All Kid sees is the terrified and guilty look on the soldier's face as he disappears from sight. 

Was that…?

His movement is sluggish as he turns to look for Levi. But it's not the Humanity's Strongest Soldier that's rushing to his side. It's…

"Mikasa…"

It seems that's his limit. He collapses in her open arms.

*

The next time he's awake, his head is resting on Mikasa's lap. They are still in the castle, judging from the texture of the walls and the floor. But it looks like an empty storage room somewhere.

"You… came for me," Eren manages out.

Mikasa brightens at the sight of him and smiles. She gently runs her fingers through his hair.

"Yes. Are you feeling better? I'm sorry I took so long."

"I'm fine. Thank you for coming. Uh… A-are the others…?"

Mikasa shakes her head. "No. After  _ that midget _ took you, we were… attacked. If I stayed, it would have taken too long. So I left.”

They both know what that means. Mikasa put him over their lives. He supposes he has been expecting something like this, though. He condemned them all to die down there when Levi dragged him away. He just didn’t think he’d feel this upset when he heard the confirmation.

"Are you angry at me?" Her voice is soft. 

Is she worried? She doesn’t need to be. He knows that she only did what she had to. Those kids would not have survived out here. More so, she wouldn’t have been able to give chase if she had to take care of them. 

_ “You’re all here anyways for my sake. So this much is the least you can do, right?” _

"I figured they wouldn't be able to survive. I'm glad that at least you got out alive. Thank you for coming."

The two stay in silence for a beat. Then Kid recalls his situation before he lost consciousness. 

"The soldier from before-"

"I slit his throat. He won't bother you again."

There's something about this situation that bothers Kid. A nagging feeling keeps trying to catch his attention without telling him what the problem is. 

"Was… I not supposed to kill him? He was choking you. Kid-"

"No, it's a good thing that you saved me. He was trying to kill me, so if you hadn’t, I would’ve suffered at his hands. But… I just get this weird feeling… It's probably nothing. Let's not worry about it."

Mikasa nods, looking relieved. "I haven't seen  _ that midget _ yet. But I killed anyone else that looked to be on guard. If you're feeling better, we should escape now. It’s been about ten minutes since I killed that soldier who tried to choke you. So we haven’t lost too much time, but if we don’t hurry to leave, we might have to fight to get out."

Although Kid understands where Mikasa is coming from, he finds that he can't quite agree with it.

"And then where will we go?" He asks.

"Don't know. But we can figure that out as we move. We don't have to worry about taking care of others, so you don't have to sell your organs anymore. I can steal food or get a job or something. But you don't have to live like we did in the Underground."

"That man will chase us again." 

Even though Kid didn't say Levi's name, Mikasa seems to understand who he is talking about anyways. 

"Then I'll kill him before we go."

Immediately, Kid finds himself thinking that that's impossible. That not even Mikasa will be able to fight against Levi and win. That man just isn't human.

"Kid, I won't let anyone keep you caged. That has always been my promise to you. Do you trust me?"

She should already know the answer to that question. He reaches up and pulls her down so that their foreheads touch. Although he doesn't say anything, she seems to understand the meaning behind his actions anyways.

"Then let's get out of here."

*

“Do you know how to ride a horse?” Mikasa asks dubiously as the two of them saddle up two horses to go.

“Sort of? I rode with that man, so I think I know the basics of it.”

Mikasa has borrowed the Survey Corps vertical maneuvering equipment for the sake of using the blades. Kid thinks that it looks kind of awkward on her, but that could just be because the equipment looks like it wasn’t made for people their size. They might have to dump it before they go, though, because Kid isn’t sure how to mount it on a horse. But if they could figure out how to use it, it could come in handy… He’s not sure at all what to do. Just in case, should he also take a pair for the future? 

“If you want, you can ride with me for a bit until we’re out of this area. Then we can ride slowly so you can learn.”

There’s a grateful smile on Mikasa’s face. But just for a second. Because her attention is drawn away towards the entrance of the stable. She draws one of the blades in the same breath as her lips pull back into a snarl. Her eyes seem like a feral beast’s, ready to fight to the death.

And yeah. 

Kid didn’t think too much about it.

Everyone said that there were four of them that came from beyond the walls. Levi said that “Eren” had friends waiting for him. 

But it never occurred to Kid to think that maybe these “friends” all have the same ability as he does.

That they’re immortal like him.

“Mikasa, don’t!” 

He stands before her like so many times before. Him, the perfect shield. Her, their best fighter (their only fighter). But facing against the soldier who no longer has any sign of injury, Kid finds this situation too hopeless.

“Do you have a place in mind to go?” the soldier asks them.

Mikasa lets out a growl, but Kid shakes his head. Then he turns to the soldier, who looks like he’s completely geared up. He hasn’t drawn his blades yet, but Kid doesn’t know when that will change. If this man decides to fight them and can heal as Kid can, then they’re pretty much fucked, aren’t they? Even if Kid isn’t in danger of being killed, Mikasa will refuse to leave. 

“Or are you planning on riding back to the Underground?”

“There’s nothing back there for us,” Kid answers honestly. “I thought it might be nice to take a stroll above ground. The air here smells differently.”

The soldier chuckles, looking calmer than when he tried to choke Kid earlier. But it feels fake. Like he's just putting on a pretense for the sake of keeping himself sane. 

“If you don’t have a destination, why don’t you come with me? There’s a place you must simply visit.”

“And why should we listen to a murderer like you?” Mikasa snaps.

For a second, Kid thinks he heard a soft sigh. A soft whisper of words that he just barely caught. Something so nostalgic by his ear side. But when Kid looks around, it doesn’t look like anyone else spoke. 

What was that? Did he almost hear something? Was it the ghost that keeps haunting him?

“I can’t be considered a murderer when my target is standing next to you, can I? Not to mention, you were rather cruel yourself to the soldiers on guard duty.”

Mikasa tenses by Kid’s side. She doesn’t justify her actions, but her darkened expression tells them both the truth. She can use the excuse “matter of survival,” but they all know the truth is that she went further than she strictly needed to. Not just to make sure the dead stays dead, but because that kind of corruption is something you need in order to survive in the Underground.

A twisted sense of pleasure in the torment of others.

Kid suspects that it’s something that’s been planted deep within them by Kenny. But it’s served its purpose for when they had to survive in the Underground. So he never said anything about it. And if staying silent will keep Mikasa’s blades sharp, then he was more than willing to be an accomplice.

Such has always been their existence in the Underground.

“But I get it,” the soldier says. He smiles at them but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Haha… I wanted to do it myself. Rip them all apart for their fake smiles and concerns. I kept wondering how that would feel. Feel their blood drip down to the ground. Watch their entrails hang out of their bodies… These last two years were hell.”

The soldier draws his blade. Kid immediately puts his hand over Mikasa’s to stop her from doing anything unnecessary. But it doesn’t look like the soldier cares about what they do.

Almost apathetically, he starts killing the horses.

“W-what are you doing?” Mikasa asks.

“Hm? Making a clean getaway, of course. If you don’t do at least this much, they’ll just drag you back. Shouldn’t you know at least this much?”

No, the part that terrifies Kid isn’t the mindless slaughter. It’s the bored expression on the soldier’s face. Because at least Kenny and Mikasa both take pleasure in drawing blood. But this man doesn’t look like he cares. Like it won’t make a difference to him whether he kills ten or hundreds of thousands of people. 

When the soldier finishes, there are three terrified horses in the stables, kicking up a fuss. Kid is rather shocked that the loud neighing isn’t enough to alert the rest of the Survey Corps members here.

“I sprinkled some sleeping drugs on everyone’s food and drink,” the soldier tells Kid when asked. “Even Humanity’s Strongest Soldier won’t be able to open his eyes until midday.”

“Aren’t you getting ahead of yourself? We didn’t agree to go with you,” Mikasa snaps.

The soldier pauses for a second before he seriously asks, “Are you curious about your past at all? Do you want to leave your memory lost forever?”

To be honest, Kid can care less. He is who he is, whether he has his memories or not. Besides, it’s safer to not have those memories. The only reason Kenny let him (let all of them) escape to the Underground was without a doubt because Kid didn’t have the memories Kenny wanted. So if he were to regain them, he would become a target again.

Returning to that dark room that always reeked of blood is not an option.

But saying his true feelings is dangerous. This soldier said so himself. He would rather Kid be dead without any of those memories.

That means, he absolutely must pretend.

“Do you have a way for me to remember?”

The soldier smiles.

*

“Ah, that’s right. Since you lost your memories, you don’t know who I am, do you? I’m Ber-”

“Your name is ‘Nameless Soldier,’” Kid interrupts.

The three of them are riding out on the three horses that still look uneasy. Mikasa is riding behind Kid, and Kid is doing remarkably well for someone who lost control of the horse when he last rode alone. Their third horse is pulled along by the rein as they ride. 

There’s a small pause before Nameless Soldier lets out a small chuckle. “Isn’t that a mouthful? Why not just say ‘Idiot Soldier’ instead?”

“You want to be called an idiot?” Mikasa asks, raising a brow at the soldier.

“I think it suits me quite well. Or, if you want, you can even call me the ‘Waiting Soldier’ or ‘Wasteful Soldier.’”

“Now you’re just giving yourself a bunch of nicknames!” Kid complains. “Just be ‘Nameless Soldier.’”

The soft smile on Nameless Soldier’s face looks tortuously sad. “Alright, Kid. I’ll be content with that.”

For just a second, Kid feels like he can see a shadow of a ghost by Nameless Soldier’s side. He doesn’t know how he knows, but he thinks the ghost might be smiling again. Is the ghost trying to tell Kid something? He feels like it might be.

“Something on my face?” Nameless Soldier asks.

Kid shakes his head and focuses on getting away for now.

 

* * *

 

Pieck’s eyes are sharp as always.

Annie won’t be shocked if Pieck has already seen through all the lies. But they don’t have a chance to sit down and talk. Not with the way the Survey Corps members keep crowding around them as they prepare to depart from the log cabin. 

“Ah, this reminds me of the time when we first met,” Hange remarks lightly to Annie and Reiner. “Why don’t you two ride the cart, too? We can all ride it like we did back then!”

Since they can’t exactly approach the walls with Titans and the newly arrived Warriors cannot ride horses, they’ve prepared a cart to be pulled by horses. Pieck looks like she’s having a grand old time as she gets on the cart with Zeke, Porco, and Colt. Their supplies have also been moved onto this cart. Annie eyes the barrels suspiciously. It has to be Titan spinal fluid. 

Now that she thinks about it, they never mentioned anything about spinal fluid to the Survey Corps, did they? Will that become a weapon for the Warriors? Or will it end up turning against them? Annie resents her past self for relying so heavily on Marcel’s plans instead of learning how to think strategies. 

“Yes! Do join us!” Pieck says, holding her hands out for Reiner and Annie. “We have so much to catch up on!”

It makes Annie actually consider abandoning her horse to join them. Sit with them. Tell them everything that happened while listening to what they’ve been up to. Pretend that they’re gathered together at Galliard’s or Jaegers’ house as always. Pretend that they’re waiting for Marcel and Eren to come join them with Bertolt. 

Pretend.

“Don’t be silly. If we’re attacked, I’m not going to be sitting ducks like you.”

Colt’s face falls comically as Porco lets out an alarmed shout. Pieck tilts her head to the side as if realizing something. Zeke is conversing with Erwin about something so he’s not focused on them.

“T-that won’t happen!” Reiner rushes to explain while giving Annie an annoyed glance. “Besides, what’s there to be worried about? The best Shield is right here!”

“Yes, yes. We’ll feed you to the Pure Titans that appear instead,” Annie says with a shrug.

“You’ve spent too long with Mr. Erwin. Your personality’s all nasty!” 

“No, I’m pretty sure yours is just as bad. Spent too much time with Ms. Hange and her Titans, didn’t you?”

“But Annie and Reiner,” Pieck interrupts, “That kind of nastiness is more like Eren’s and Marcel’s when we’re facing our enemies!”

There’s a bitter taste in Annie’s mouth. From the shocked expression on Reiner’s face, it seems he didn’t realize it either. 

And isn’t that a laugh?

Without realizing what they were doing, did they end up emulating the people they wanted to see the most?

“No, no! That’s wrong. Nastiness is Marcel’s specialty. Eren’s too dumb to get things like that,” Porco protests.

“I’m pretty sure Eren’s said some things to make you cry. Like that one time after a practice drill. He called you an idiot for shooting him when he was on your side,” Colt recalls.

Porco shakes his head vigorously. “I didn’t cry! And it wasn’t because he called me an idiot. It was because he punched me! I was in pain!”

“So you did cry,” Pieck points out.

Porco’s red face can be seen even in this darkness. “Shut up! I said I didn’t! The ones that are nasty are you guys!”

Annie didn’t realize just how much she missed this. Just how easy it is for them to fall into their usual banters and laughter like nothing is wrong. How lovely it is to hear their voices outside of slowly fading memories. How wonderful it is to see them before her.

And soon, Eren and Bertolt will be here, too. 

All that’s left will be…

“Reiner, while out here, did you ever…?”

Despite not completing the question, he seems to know what she’s asking. He shakes his head no.

“I think she’s hiding within the Walls.”

“Tch. Making us go around in circles…”

“You didn’t see her when you were traveling around?” Reiner asks.

Annie shakes her head. “She seems to at least know enough to stay away from the military.”

“What are you two talking about?” Colt calls out to the two of them.

Reiner looks like he’ll back out of the conversation, so Annie answers.

“The Titan that killed Marcel. We’re still searching for her.”

Porco makes a small movement that catches all of their attention. When he realizes that they’re all looking at him, he clears his throat and looks at the ground. Then…

“When you find her, can you leave her to me?”

He looks up seriously at them. 

“Do you know what you’re asking?” Pieck asks, her voice soft.

“Yeah. I’ll eat her and take back the Jaw Titan. You guys think so, too, right? That I’m the perfect person to inherit it next.”

They’ve been thinking about this for a while, haven’t they? Things such as who will get what Titan next. Things such as what they’ll find once they come here. Did they ever think that Marcel will be dead? That the rest of them were so incompetent that they allowed the most important person to slip through their fingers?

“Are you… really okay with that? W-wouldn’t that become hard for everyone?” Colt asks hesitantly. “If you take on the Jaw, then it’ll be like…”

“Like we have a really stupid Marcel on our hands,” Reiner concludes.

There’s a tense silence for a second before Pieck bursts out laughing. Immediately, the tension disappears as they join her to laugh. Annie finds herself smiling, too.

“Eren will probably appreciate you not confusing him like that,” she says.

Porco gives them all an annoyed glare. “You guys all suck! Just watch. When Eren sees me, he’s going to-”

They have no idea what Porco thought Eren would say. But he goes strangely quiet. He curls up into a small ball, looking like he’s sulking at whatever the Eren in his head said. 

“That bad, huh?” Colt says. He rubs Porco’s back consolingly.

Erwin clears his throat to catch their attention. He gives them all a charming smile that Annie has all too gotten used to seeing.

Shit. 

How much did he see? What did he get from this? How much information did they give away in that brief moment of joy?

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but we should start moving.”

*

She wants to talk to them.

She wants to tell them everything. Every little detail and ask what she missed. Because she must have missed something. Because at least if she’s looking for what she missed and what she could have done differently, she has something to focus all of her energy on. She’s not just drowning in everything that has happened in the last two years.

But as long as Erwin’s eyes are sharply regarding all of them, she knows she won’t get that chance.

_ “W-we’ll tell you everything. So please just bring Eren back to us.” _

That had been their promise. The only thing that kept them going in the past two years. That Eren will be given back to them and in return, they’ll tell the Survey Corps (tell Erwin) everything.

And for the most part, they did.

They told the Survey Corps about the Pure Titans and Titan Shifting. They talked about the Marley and the Warriors Division. They talked about their powers and the potential devastation they can cause. They talked about some of the plans and theories that Marcel had.

But they never talked about the specifics of their relationship with each of the Warriors outside of what would be useful in a fight.

They didn’t say a thing about Porco being Marcel’s brother.

They didn’t mention a thing about Colt.

They didn’t bring up how close Porco is to Eren and Reiner.

And most definitely, they didn’t say anything about Pieck’s observations.

That’s why Annie can’t just foolishly walk up to them to talk. She’s already given away too much information. And now that Eren is back, she cannot afford to give up anymore.

Eren will punish them how he sees fit when they see each other again, although she gets the feeling that it’ll be too light for what they’ve done. He’s always been too kind for his own damned good. To think Eren truly believed that these corrupted adults around them would ever side with them.

And then…

Ymir’s damning grin flashes in her mind. That ugly Titan that dared to mock them before running off to the trees. 

Everything else can come after that.

 

* * *

 

Levi’s head pounds like he’s drank too much the night before. Except all he drank was a bit of black tea, so Shitty Brat must have snuck something into it.

This is what he gets for putting his guard down. 

And if Eren thinks that putting a blanket around Levi’s shoulders is all that’s needed for forgiveness, that Shitty Brat is sorely mistaken.

“I’ll kill him,” he growls. “Then I’ll cut off his legs so he can never run again. Every time he heals, I’ll keep cutting them.”

Two years.

It took him two shitty years to finally find Eren. And now Shitty Brat has ran off to who knows where after killing this many people and horses.

“The route they took is towards Wall Sheena,” Gunther reports. “Three horses were taken and the rest killed. They also made sure to empty out the gas from all the vertical maneuvering equipment. They killed anyone who weren’t asleep because of the sleeping drug…”

“Bertolt never looked like he could take the initiative, but it looks like seeing Eren gave him a push,” Gelgar grumbles. He kicks at the ground, looking frustrated.

“To be honest, this isn’t something that I can see Bertolt do. The way our soldiers were killed is too brutal. It… looks like it was done by someone who enjoys watching others bleed,” Gunther continues. 

He doesn’t dare look towards Levi, but Levi knows what he wants to say.

“Eren was with Kenny for a long time. It would be more terrifying if he didn’t become twisted like that.”

Both men shudder at those words. Levi supposes it could be terrifying to think about. But a sadistic streak is much easier to deal with than a mind that doesn’t bend under Kenny. An apathetic mind is truly a monster to face. Faintly, he recalls a conversation a long time ago about Eren being masochistic. Those days are long gone, huh?

To be honest, Levi feels grateful to know that Eren isn’t a monster. Shitty Brat is a crafty little brat that’s annoying as hell, but he’s still human.

Levi can still reach him.

“Pick which one of you will be coming with me and which will be delivering this message to Mike. I’m going to go get us horses to chase after them.”

“What message, sir?”

“That Eren ran off with Bertolt. Most likely he’ll be going after Annie and Reiner next. Assume that Eren is as dangerous as me or Kenny with a broken moral compass and that he’s the one who spilled all the blood here.”

For just a second, Levi thinks about the Oriental girl from the Underground. If she has somehow broke her way out and chased after them for Eren, then it’s not too far-fetched to believe that’s why three horses were taken. She has the strength for it, but Levi isn’t sure if she has the brains to actually give chase like that.

Then perhaps the reason why those two are going towards Wall Sheena is to go back Underground to pick her up? Either that or Bertolt told Eren lies about where Annie and Reiner are to keep those two safe. Seeing that Eren’s memories are gone, that’s not as likely. Annie and Reiner are less likely to be Eren’s priority right now.

Hah. What a thought. 

After everything those three have done to get Eren back, now they must do everything they can to keep themselves safe from him.

Goddamned Shitty Brat. Why can’t anything ever be simple when it concerns him?

“… Scratch that. Eren’s plan might be to go back to the Underground. I’m going to move with that in mind and follow him towards Wall Sheena. I’ll drag him back, so make sure Erwin has a plan to deal with the politics. And put extra guards around Annie and Reiner so they don’t disappear.”

“Understood!”


	14. Tonight the fire burns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mentioned Human Trafficking
> 
> Look guys, I have an end chapter count! I actually think it might be closer to 17-18 more so than 19, but that might just be because 19 is such an ugly number that I don't want to end it there. But we'll see what happens as I write. This story has a bad habit of taking up a lot more chapters than I first imagined.

The blade lodges deeply in Nameless Soldier’s shoulder, but the guy dares to smile coldly at Mikasa.

“What a brute,” he says almost carelessly.

He kicks her off of him with a simple movement. But it lands like a brick. Is this just the difference in their heights? But that damned midget from before was like this, too. Then perhaps this is just something the Survey Corps drills into you?

An insane strength, enough to protect Kid?

Then if she were to join…

Nameless Soldier pulls the blade out. Immediately, his shoulder begins to heal, leaving a trail of smoke from the wound. 

Just like Kid.

So that’s how he survived. 

But with the answer to that question, she finds herself thinking of hundreds more. Is this something that can be passed on? If so, how can she get it? It’s something they’ve wondered often when Kid wasn’t within earshot. If he can heal everything then he must be an immortal. And if he’s immortal, what would Kid do once the rest of them dies? How lonely will he become? Or will it not matter to him at all? After all, don't you know? They're all only here for his sake.

But if there’s even a remote chance of her staying by his side for all eternity, she’ll take it.

“You could’ve just asked me instead of stabbing me,” Nameless Soldier says. 

He tosses the blade to the side and returns to preparing their breakfast. Completely nonchalant. Since he greeted them in the stables, he hasn’t shown any real emotion like he did when he was choking Kid.

It frightens her.

“Would you have answered?” Mikasa asks.

He pauses in cleaning the roots he found earlier before resuming like nothing’s wrong. But Mikasa saw that pause. 

Bastard.

They rode all night to a nice enough forest to hide in. Nameless Soldier ordered for Kid to get water from the stream (How dare he order Kid around!) then told Mikasa to get firewood (She only did so because Kid asked her to). When she returned, he was preparing breakfast (Can they trust this guy near their food?), which brings them to their current situation.

“I got water,” Kid announces as he returns with three canteens. 

He glances at the steam still coming off of Nameless Soldier’s shoulder and then at Mikasa’s position on the ground. It’s not quite disappointment that’s on his face. But she feels ashamed for her weakness anyways.

In the Underground, there was no one who could match her. But she’s starting to realize just how small the Underground is compared to the rest of the world.

“Mikasa, if you’re going to hit him, go for his legs. If it takes him as long as I do to recover, then we’ll at least have put a good distance between us.”

While saying such things, Kid hands one of the canteens to Nameless Soldier. He doesn’t sound too serious, though. Otherwise, Mikasa would have been tempted to do just that to get Kid away. 

“How cold, Kid. I thought we were starting to get along!” Nameless Soldier complains without any feeling. He accepts the given canteen without looking.

It puts Mikasa on edge.

These two move and talk at times as if they’ve known each other for a long time. Like even if Kid doesn’t remember, their interactions are instinct enough that they don’t need memories. It’s a familiarity that even Mikasa doesn’t have with Kid. Even if they don’t voice it, it’s clear that Kid was Nameless Soldier’s comrade a long time ago.

Kid was a Survey Corps member.

Nameless Soldier holds up the food he’s been preparing. He doesn’t look to where Kid is. He just holds it up as if he expected Kid to be waiting to be fed. And what boils Mikasa’s blood is that Kid does exactly as expected. He opens his mouth and eats without any hesitation that it might be drugged again. Is that just how deep their trust go? Or is this Kid being an hungry idiot?

Kid chews quietly as he turns his attention away. He walks to Mikasa to give her a canteen. And as if startled by the silence, Nameless Soldier suddenly snaps his head up.

“What? Is there someone nearby?” Kid asks him. His eyes dart around for any sign of danger.

“It’s not bitter?” Nameless Soldier asks, staring wide-eyed at Kid.

Ah. A sign of emotion. There’s no more of that apathetic smiles as he speaks. 

Mikasa supposes she shouldn’t feel so surprised. Of course, it’ll be Kid that drags out this person’s true self. As long as that emotion isn’t murderous intent aimed at Kid, she’ll turn a blind eye to it.

“Bitter?” Kid asks him, tilting his head to the side. 

“The… the root I fed you. It’s not too bitter? Normally, you’d get upset and…” Nameless Soldier trails off with a sigh. “Have you lost your sense of taste? Or is this you finally maturing?”

He looks lost like that. The instinct part of him that knows who Kid was before cannot help him. And thanks to the damned midget giving her an excuse to drop their burden, Mikasa is now the only one in the world who knows best who Kid is.

The only one left who has been with him through Kenny.

Mikasa wonders if it makes her a villain to find glee in that.

*

Mikasa can’t tell you about her childhood the same way Kid can’t talk about it.

She just doesn’t remember.

Sometimes she has a dream of something fluffy and warm. Of bright laughter and gentle kindness. A feeling quite like when Kid grins at her or when she plays with Kid’s hair or when there's a pool of blood leaking from someone's body. She imagines it was something that she had before she was branded a slave.

For as long as she can remember, everyone called her “broken.”

Everyone always said so with disappointed sighs as they sold her to her next owner. And when she couldn’t be sold anymore because she was too “broken,” she stayed in a dark cage in the back with the other “broken” slaves. Until one day, Kenny bought them all.

For her, the “hell” that Kenny put them through wasn’t anything special.

They were all slated to die anyways. They’re too “broken” to be of use to anyone or anything. Most of them were too tired to shout out or scream when their limbs were cut off and held out for Kid to eat. Mikasa watched without any feeling, knowing that she will be next one day. And on that day, she’ll be free.

“Are you really satisfied with that?”

Kid’s eyes are green. That’s a fact that Mikasa learns only after they leave Kenny. But in that dimly lit room that stank of only blood, she truly believed his eyes to be that of a beast’s. Brilliant gold so blinding that she feared she’d be consumed.

“You’re just going to give up like this? Don’t you want to keep living? C’mon, fight! Stand up! None of you are bound with chains. So help me break out! Then we can all run away and live!”

“I don’t understand. What is this ‘living?’ Why must we fight for it?”

He went silent at that, staring at them with a blank look of incomprehension. Then…

“Ha… Haha… Hahahahaha!”

The laugh that left Kid’s mouth was different from Kenny’s. It sounded wilder. With a bite of anger that made them flinch away from him. Almost like a mad dog’s barks. Thinking back on it now, Mikasa wonders if maybe that was the only way for him to depict his tears.

“That means you don’t care, right? Whether you live or die? Whether this nightmare never ends or not? Then give it to me! Your lives. Your bodies, your souls. You’re all here anyways for my sake. So this much is the least you can do, right? Break me out!”

None of them knew how to say no. 

But to blame it just on that would be selfish. 

Mikasa wanted to know. What was it about this “living” that made Kid that desperate? What made his eyes burn so brightly? What was it like to feel? 

So she agreed to help. And because she moved, the others slowly followed. 

It took them a few weeks to organize everything. Then another few days to wait for the opportune time. And then… 

They chopped off Kid’s hands so he can escape. He didn’t cry out, just grinned widely like a madman, looking so much like Kenny in that second. Without looking back, he charged relentlessly forward. 

And that’s when Mikasa saw it. 

A small bracelet on the ground that’s been soaked with who knows how much blood. She doesn’t have a reason why she picked it up. 

Ahh, that’s a lie.

She picked it up because it was soaked in Kid’s blood and she couldn’t take Kid’s hands that have been staked to the ground.

It probably started then.

Or maybe it was something that she always had? 

Some kind of a sickness of the mind. Because this is sick, isn’t it? That’s what people always says when her knife plunges deep inside of them. 

_ “Why are you grinning like that?” _

Grinning? Was she?

She didn’t know. Still doesn’t know. But it’s an itch. Something like a fire in her heart. Something that will doubtlessly swallow her whole if she doesn’t move, if she doesn’t draw blood. If she doesn't bathe in it.

There is no “Children Killer” in the Underground. Or rather, if there is, then it is most likely referring to Mikasa’s own deeds.

She didn’t lie to Kid when he asked about those left behind.

She did really abandon them. But they weren’t attacked. She just understood that if she didn’t hurry, she would lose sight of him and that damned midget. 

But all the other attacks? 

It was her.

It was always her.

She’s a broken slave who lived for so long in dark cage of a back room somewhere. And when Kenny bought her, she was left in that dimly lit room that always stank of blood. That was always drenched in misery.

Even the Underground is too bright for her.

But Kid smiles at her.

Kid ruffles her hair and calls out to her gently. 

Even after seeing the bloodshed she caused, he grins and thanks her for a job well done.

He doesn’t say that she’s broken. He doesn’t say that she’s sick. He doesn’t look away from her. 

That’s why, no matter where he is, she’ll give chase. No matter what kind of enemy stands before them, she will fight.

She will break him out of whatever dares to cage him in.

"Break me out," he once ordered her.

Therefore, this is her job. Her duty.

Her reason to live.

*

They rest for a few hours in that forest. None of them sleep because they can’t agree on a guard duty shift.

Mikasa wanted Kid to at least sleep a bit, but he refused to close his eyes and let Mikasa and Nameless Soldier fight. They don’t trust Nameless Soldier to not kill her and take Kid, so that’s out, too. And Nameless Soldier obviously doesn’t want his limbs sliced off while Mikasa and Kid run.

So they’re at a stalemate.

“Since we can’t rest anyways, let’s just travel,” Kid suggests.

Nameless Soldier shakes his head. “Even if we’re not resting, the horses need it.”

How annoying. They should just abandon the horses and go without. Then again, she had been enjoying riding with Kid, even if he's not too good with the horses. Should she admit that she can ride better than him? But it seems like she might have waited too long to say that. 

“Okay, then let’s play a game,” Kid decides for them.

“What kind of a game?” Nameless Soldier asks. 

His smile at Kid makes Mikasa want to claw his eyes out. Don't look at Kid, she wants to yell. Don't you dare think you deserve to see Kid.

“What’s your plan to get my memory back?”

Nameless Soldier chuckles. “That’s not a game. But I’ll answer if you’ll answer some of my own questions.”

Kid agrees, even though Mikasa would rather they sit in silence.

“Do you know anything about the King within these Walls?” Nameless Soldier asks.

From the curious expression on Kid’s face, it’s clear that she’s not alone in feeling caught off-guard by that question. 

“No,” Kid says.

The smile on Nameless Soldier’s face looks patronizing. Or maybe that’s just Mikasa? Because Kid is listening attentively. Does he care for royalty? He never seemed all that interested in things like this before. 

“He has this ability to manipulate memories.”

“Memories? That sounds stupid,” Mikasa says at the same time Kid says, “Why would a King waste time with someone like me?”

Nameless Soldier’s lips twitch into a smile. It’s clear that he’s ignoring Mikasa. “Because you are the last person to have seen his eldest daughter before her disappearance.”

Mikasa doesn’t trust this guy. Everything he says comes off as insincere lies. Surely, even Kid can see that? His apathetic, fake self is too damned cloying to be anything but. This kind of a snake should never be trusted.

“Jeesh, what a guy I must have been,” Kid remarks with a grin, “to have met with a real princess!”

For a second, Nameless Soldier looks like he’s been struck. Like the air has been punched out of his lungs and he doesn’t remember how to breath. Then he must have remembered himself, because he chuckles lightly.

“A ‘real’ princess, huh?” he mumbles.

“Did I say something wrong?” Kid asks him.

Nameless Soldier smiles that sickeningly sweet smile that Mikasa absolutely hates. “Just reminded me of something… Well, my turn to ask! What have you been doing in the last two years? Who is this girl… Mikasa, you said her name is? How did you two come to meet?”

“She helped me escape from Kenny. We’ve been together since in the Underground.”

Mikasa straightens at the impressed look on Nameless Soldier’s face. That’s right. She’s not useless. She’s-

“So because you’ve been helping Kid, we couldn’t find you for two years? Wow, how amazing.”

But when he says it, it sounds like an insult. Mikasa scowls.

“And what of you? If you’re that desperate to beg the King for Kid’s memories, then you must have some kind of a bond with him before he lost it all. Why didn’t you search for him in the last two years?” she demands.

“… Why…? ‘Because if it’s Eren, he will be able to save us. No matter how bad things get, Eren will come for us.’ … That’s the kind of foolish things we believed.”

“Save you? From what?” Mikasa asks.

Nameless Soldier pauses in answering with a frown. “Hey, are you okay?”

Kid is clutching his head in pain. How did Mikasa miss that? She rushes to his side, but he shakes her help away. She feels hurt. Bitterly, she can’t help but to wonder if he would have also waved away Nameless Soldier’s help.

“I’m… fine,” Kid grits out. 

He doesn’t sound fine at all.

“Is your head…?” 

She doesn’t know how to finish that. She doesn’t know what she should be asking. It’s clear that Kid isn’t fine. So what should she do to help him feel better?

“I’m fine,” he repeats. He sounds a lot better this time. “Sorry for worrying you.”

Nameless Soldier watches them like he’s been clued in on a secret. When Mikasa glares at him, he just smiles politely as if she’ll ever believe him. She wishes there was a way to get rid of him quickly.

*

“What are you hoping would happen when I get my memories back?” Kid asks as they prepare to leave the forest.

“The Walls would move, revealing multiple 50-60 meter tall Titans. They’ll then stack on each others’ shoulders, creating a staircase of sorts to the heavens.”

Both Mikasa and Kid stare at Nameless Soldier in disbelief. That… that’s a joke, right? That has to be a joke? 

“W-why do you want to go to the heavens…?” Mikasa asks slowly.

“To kill god, of course,” Nameless Soldier says with a light laugh. 

When he realizes that both of them look like he’s lost his mind, his laugh turns sheepish.

“It’s not as convincing when I say it, huh?” he says as if that kind of ridiculous notion would ever be convincing from anyone’s lips.

“What are you going to do after you kill god?” Kid asks.

He’s… not actually convinced by what this crazy soldier is saying, right? Mikasa doesn’t have to worry that they’ll now be on a quest to kill a god as well? Except at the same time, it’s not like they have any plans or aspirations. Even if it’s ridiculous, if she’s with Kid, she feels like it might not be a bad thing to try to do.

Kill god, huh?

“Do… after?” Nameless Soldier echoes helplessly.

Kid nods. “I mean, you’ve killed god. Doesn’t that mean you can do whatever you want with the world? Isn’t it a waste to not do something? Hey Mikasa, if you can do whatever you want with the world, what would you do?”

Huh? H-her?!

They’re now both looking at her, waiting for a response. The first thing that comes to mind is bloodshed. She wants to dye the entire world red. An endless torrent of suffering and torment for her to enjoy. But that’s not something she feels comfortable sharing with an outsider like Nameless Soldier.

“A world without a cage,” she says evenly.

Kid gives her a grateful smile, and she finds herself blushing at the sight. As always, he’s so gentle with her.

“So what about you?” Kid asks Nameless Soldier. “What do you want to accomplish by killing god?”

“Happiness for my family,” he answers after a second of thought.

“Pfft… You’re surprisingly a normal guy,” Kid tells him.

Nameless Soldier seems content with that, though. “What about you? What would you do with the world?”

“I don’t know what ‘Eren’ would have done. But I, as Kid, will destroy it.”

Both Nameless Soldier and Mikasa turn to stare at him. At their expressions, Kid laughs brightly. It doesn’t match his words at all.

“Then let’s get going!” 

“W-wait, Eren, explain yourself…!” 

Kid sticks his tongue out at Nameless Soldier. “Nope!”

“I want to know, too,” Mikasa admits.

Kid giggles. “Then both of you are out of luck!”

It happens within seconds. 

In one moment, they’re asking Kid to explain himself. In the next, they’re under attack.

The title “Humanity’s Strongest Soldier” is not just for looks. That is the unfortunate truth that Mikasa learns. 

She finds herself flung in the air, unable to do anything but watch as a blade pierces through Kid’s shoulder. Another soldier has their blade against Nameless Soldier’s throat. Useless. Why are all of them so damned useless?

“You have fucking nerve to run, Shitty Brat,” Levi growls lowly.

How did they get here so fast? It looks like Nameless Soldier is just as confused as Mikasa feels, so at least it’s not that he betrayed them. Then did the sleeping drug wear off faster than he assumed? Or is this damned midget just that blessed?

Mikasa changes her mind. If she can change the world to be whatever she wants, then she wants this man to suffer. 

“We are going to get my memory back,” Kid says without missing a beat. 

That makes Levi pause. He glances at Mikasa and Nameless Soldier as if to silently ask them for confirmation. 

“We figured you wouldn’t let us go. And it just so happened that Mikasa was breaking in at the same time we were leaving,” Nameless Soldier says, weaving the lies with the truth seamlessly.

Neither Levi nor his soldier friend look all that convinced by that. Mikasa won’t be shocked if it’s because Nameless Soldier is typically not a trustworthy person to begin with. But she supposes thinking like that is not too helpful right now.

“Mr. Levi, will you help us?”

Mikasa watches in disbelief as Levi pulls his blade out and offers his hand to help Kid back up. Kid’s shoulder is already surrounded by steam. But really? That’s it? It’s that easy?

“Go ride to Utgard Castle and wait for Mike and the others,” Levi orders the other soldier. “Report to them exactly what happened.”

“S-sir, you can’t seriously think to-”

Levi cleans his blade and puts it away. He glances at the soldier with a raised brow.

“Gunther, you have your order.”

The soldier hesitates a second longer before he decides on, “At least prepare better traveling supplies before going. If you-”

“We’ll buy anything we need on the way,” Levi says. “It’ll just be the same thing I’ve been doing. Make sure Erwin knows that I’m purchasing things under his name.”

It’s a clear dismissal. The soldier looks dissatisfied before he finally leaves. Then Levi turns his attention to the three of them.

“Now, explain yourselves. What’s your shitty plan that made you think this kind of behavior is okay?”

*

“You guys were easy to find because you’re too inexperienced as a rider,” Levi scolds Kid.

Levi is showing both Kid and Mikasa the basics of riding a horse. Mikasa managed to get the hang of it in a few minutes. It makes Kid pout at her. But the truth of the matter is, in order to keep up with the pace that Levi set, Mikasa stole a horse to follow after them.

How else would she have been able to keep up?

But Kid was so cute to offer her a ride behind him that she couldn’t bring herself to mention it. And now, it looks like he's too frustrated at her to listen to her properly. Oh well, what's one more secret?

“No good. You’ll just ride with me, and we’ll switch horses when one gets too tired.”

Mikasa frowns. “If he needs to ride with anyone, it’ll be with me.”

“I don’t trust you,” Levi tells Mikasa bluntly.

“I can ride with-”

Levi glares Nameless Soldier into submission. 

As Mikasa thought. 

This midget is their true enemy.

 

* * *

 

They stop about an hour or so away from the Wall. 

“Why are we stopping here?” Zeke asks, keeping an eye on this suspicious “Survey Corps” members.

Aside from the obvious fact that they clearly are lying when they say they have Eren, it seems they’re being as honest as they can without showing too much of their hand. Zeke doesn’t know if Eren does trust these people (or did. After all, he left Reiner and Annie under their supervision). But for now, this is the closest lead he has to find Eren (From the way Reiner and Annie reacted to Erwin’s words about seeing Eren, Zeke guesses that these two haven’t seen his little brother in a long time). Pieck seems more or less on the same wavelength as him. But Colt looks much too clueless while Porco seems more caught up on the news of his brother’s death.

Zeke supposes he doesn’t blame Porco for that. If they had said instead that Eren had died, then he doubts he would have been able to keep his cool as Porco is doing right now. So for that much, Zeke will give credit where credit is due.

“There are a few things we should have mentioned earlier, and I apologize for this delay. But the truth of the matter is that we don’t know who can and cannot be trusted within these Walls. Last time, we made the mistake of announcing these children’s arrival and suffered gravely for it,” Erwin explains.

He makes a motion for the other squad members to pass out bloodied bandages. 

Zeke grimaces at the unhygienic nature of this. Filthy devils. Do they not realize how much germs can be passed along with this?

“So we’ll pretend that we’re bringing home the injured members of Hange’s squad.”

Disgusting. So damned disgusting that Zeke wants to puke. 

But the kids are dutifully following instructions to warp the bloodied bandages around their limbs. It’ll be a shame for him to not be able to keep up with them. He better keep his eyes on Colt and Porco to make sure they don’t suddenly get sick. If they do and die, Zeke isn’t sure what he can do to help them. In fact, does the Survey Corps even have enough medical knowledge to prevent disease? 

Maybe he should’ve asked about that before accepting this?

“Everyone good? Okay. Then I’m going to ask you guys in the cart to keep quiet. No matter what we say, it’s for the sake of cover.”

That sounds suspicious as hell.

Does Eren really trust this man with such thick eyebrows? Zeke doesn’t believe it for a second.

Eren is rash and, at times, careless with his words and actions around those he believes are not threats. Especially with Marcel’s death weighing heavily on his sweet heart, he was most likely too vulnerable to make rational decisions when these vultures swooped in. 

But Erwin promised that they can meet with Eren. 

For now, Zeke will hang onto that faint hope. And if it turns out that Erwin is lying, that’s fine, too. He’ll just open the barrels filled with his spinal fluid and turn everyone around them into Pure Titans. Sure, he might have to sacrifice Colt and Porco, but Eren will eventually forgive him. 

Even if he doesn’t, at least Zeke can offer himself to grant one of the kids the Beast Titan. If Porco does get his brother’s Titan back, Zeke supposes he’ll end up being eaten by Colt. 

How aggravating.

He was rather looking forward to being killed by Eren’s hands.

*

The people within the Walls are so carefree. It makes Zeke just a bit envious. 

If he and Eren had been born within these Walls, they would have had a normal relationship… Except what does that mean? To be “normal?” To be “carefree?” At the very least, Zeke imagines that Eren would be a lot more receptive towards him since he probably wouldn’t have tried to kill his little brother. How sweet would that be? Would Eren blush and and ask for hugs and kisses as he used to do when they were younger? Would Eren still throw a fit whenever Zeke has to leave? Would Eren demand two or three stories before bed, just because he doesn't want their short time together to be over and for Zeke to go to his own room for the night?

Or perhaps that’s just wishful thinking?

Just as planned, they roll the cart away from the masses of people celebrating the return of their hero.

Hange waves cheerfully at the people, laughing as she yells back to answer the crowd. From how Erwin and Hange were talking earlier, Zeke knows that there’s going to be more to this “return of a hero” than meets the eyes. But Zeke doesn’t really care about their political structure.

For now, he keeps his eyes set on Erwin’s back as they move to the medical compound, Reiner and Annie close behind.

*

The soldier that approaches them introduces himself as “Mike Zacharias.” 

His lips pull into a thin line at the sight of the “injured” members of Hange’s squad, but he doesn’t say anything about it openly. Instead, he pulls Erwin to the side to whisper whatever news. 

Zeke sees the tension between them and understands that he won’t be seeing his little brother any time soon.

These damned bastards just keep…

“We have a problem,” Erwin tells them when he returns. “It seems Eren’s memories are gone.”

Oh, isn’t that fucking convenient? 

“He… seems to have killed everyone on guard and ran off with Bertolt. As of now, we don’t know if Bertolt is a willing accomplice or if he’s been kidnapped,” Erwin explains.

… This is either a complicated plan Erwin came up to keep them distracted because they don’t actually have Eren or it’s a plan that Eren devised because he doesn’t want to see Zeke.

At this moment in time, there are enough evidence for the truth to be either theories.

“Did he really lose his memories? That just sounds like what he’d normally do if he was forcibly told to obey,” Porco tells Erwin.

Erwin (and the other soldiers) make a face like they didn’t expect that. As Zeke thought, these people don’t really know Eren. More and more, Zeke is starting to believe that these people never had Eren to begin with.

Then where did his cute little brother go? What is he planning to do? Who should Zeke side with in order to see Eren again?

“Right now, we have Levi… that is, the Humanity’s Strongest Soldier chasing after him. I wish I can tell you more, but as of now, that’s the best I can do,” Erwin tells Porco.

Not good enough. 

“My brother is-”

Zeke is interrupted by Annie.

“If Eren lost his memories, doesn’t that mean that it’s the King’s influence? Is he finally making a move? If so, then aren’t we all in trouble?”

“I was under the impression his abilities won’t work on you guys,” Erwin sighs.

“Looks like we were wrong,” is the cold answer he receives. 

Reiner seems to have arrived at a conclusion after deep in thought. He clears his throat and then says, “If it’s the King making a move, then there’s something we can use as a bargaining chip to keep our memories and to twist his arm to make Eren remember again.”

“Oh?”

“The King has an illegitimate daughter named Historia that he kept hidden away. We can use her.”

“How do we know that this information is true?” Mike asks Reiner.

There’s a small grin on Reiner’s face. “Remember that incident two years ago? Dirk told me then.”

“I see. Then let’s go look for her-”

“Wait,” Zeke says, interrupting Erwin’s order. “I still don’t see a single reason to believe your words. Why do we have to dance to your tune?”

From the surprised expressions on Annie’s and Reiner’s faces, it seems they didn’t think Zeke would be against this. But they should understand just how suspicious all of this is. Even Pieck, Colt, and Porco look reluctant to blindly trust this man before them. 

Then with a soft sigh, Annie pushes her bangs out of her face. The simple movement brings attention to the bracelet on her wrist, a gesture Zeke has seen Pieck also use in front of Porco and Colt. A secret hand signal, huh? How clever. 

“Then why don’t we divide the forces, Squad Leader Erwin? Take Reiner and go after this ‘Historia.’ I’ll stay with the naysayers and keep them out of the public eye. That should be easier to do in the long run than try to keep all four of them hidden. After all, you can’t exactly bring four ‘injured’ soldiers to the hidden illegitimate child of the True King, can you?”

The look in Erwin’s eyes is something Zeke recognizes from his own time on the battlefield. 

Distrust.

Then Erwin closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He has that damning polite smile on his face as he nods.

“Alright. Let’s go with that then. I trust you, Annie.”

*

“We’ll ride to Utgard Castle. I don’t think they’re done cleaning all the corpses yet, so please excuse the stench,” Mike tells them in the carriage. Another cart should be bringing their supply over (by that, Zeke really means his spinal fluid).

Since it would be odd to continue to be transported in the cart, a carriage has been called for them. At the very least, they can get rid of those disgusting bloodied bandages. Zeke can only hope that they won’t have to do it again.

Annie’s expression is cold, refusing to show any sign of how she really feels about the whole thing. Zeke suspects that it has to do with Mike’s and his own presence. 

The minute the two of them leave, the young Warriors will talk and share intel, huh? So if Zeke wants to learn anything, he’ll have to pretend to leave them alone.

Just what are these kids hiding that they require such absolute secrecy? 

Zeke feels impatient. But he reminds himself of his goal. He’s already waited more than two years to see his little brother again. What’s a few more days?

*

It’s because of how late they were up, riding in the carts. That combined with the feelings of relief after seeing Annie and Reiner… 

No, Zeke has no one to blame but himself.

There are two things Zeke realizes when he comes to.

The first is that he’s been tied up and seems to be on a moving cart.

The second is that the rest of the young Warriors are glaring down at him except for Annie, who must be driving the cart. Zeke assumes that they’re on the supply cart, because all of their things are here, including the barrels of spinal fluid. 

Was it a sleeping drug? 

Did Annie knock him and Mike out to make her escape with the other Warriors? Is that what that signal was when she showed off the bracelet?

Damn it. He was too naive.

“Rest assured,” Pieck tells him with a sweet smile. “We’re going to go rescue Eren, because it’s clear that the Survey Corps members are lying. But we need your cooperation. There’s nothing I can say or do to make you side with us. But I’m hoping that our time together as comrades will make you believe me.”

These are the people that Eren has chosen as his comrades. The people that Eren fearlessly marched into battlefields for.

For better or for worse, Zeke can trust them.

“If we’re rescuing Eren, I’m on your side,” Zeke says without hesitation.

Her smile widens. “I’m glad you agree.”

 

* * *

 

“Cock-a-doodle-dooo…”

Krista stiffens but otherwise shows no sign that she heard. Ymir can’t help but to find that endlessly cute. So she cups her hands around her mouth and repeats.

“Cock-a-doo-”

“Oh shut it!” Krista snaps, her cheeks flushed red. “I get it! It was stupid! You don’t have to keep crowing at me!”

She puffs her cheeks adorably and resumes sweeping the floor aggressively. Even her angry and sulking face is so cute.

“Don’t be like that! It’s not stupid at all!” Ymir insists.

She takes the broom from Krista’s hands, knowing Krista won’t let go. It ends with Krista awkwardly falling towards Ymir’s embrace.

“I’m crowing to keep myself from going mad! So you should just join me.”

Krista gives her a pouty glare that’s much too cute for Ymir’s heart to take. But after a bit of hesitation, she crows, too.

“C-cock-a-doodle-dooo…”

Ymir tightens her hold around Krista. “Ahhhh, you’re so damned cute! Alright, louder now, cock-a-doodle-dooooooo!”

*

When Ymir first came here, Krista was more muted. 

She smiled kindly without it ever reaching her eyes. She obeyed any instructions to care for the farm without any complaints. And no matter how lonely she looked, she never reached out to anyone. Rather, she was forbidden to.

She kind of looked like a life-sized porcelain doll. Like how Eren used to… 

For just a second, she thinks she can hear it. Marcel’s mocking laughter in her head, reminding her yet again that he hasn’t given up.

“You’re dead,” she grumbles under her breath. “Shut up already.”

“Did you say something?” Krista asks as she glances up from peeling the onions.

“Yeah, I said it’s creepy how you can peel those without your eyes leaking like mad. I’m standing way over here, but I still feel my eyes sting!”

Krista giggles and proudly sticks her chest out. “That’s my secret, Ymir! I’m actually a witch!”

“Oh, I’ve never seen a witch as cute as you,” Ymir remarks, knowing it’ll get a rise out of her.

It does that exactly. 

Krista pouts. “I’m going to turn you into a newt for that!”

“Ehhhhhh? But Ms. Witch, that was a compliment!”

“I’m a witch! I don’t take compliments,” Krista says, throwing her head back in a haughty manner.

Ymir can’t help but to laugh. Krista grins at her, knowing that she’s won this round.

 

“Pfft!! Hahahahaha! What the hell, Eren? Don’t you fit the nickname ‘Princess’ too perfectly?” Porco laughed as he pointed at a beet red Eren.

Eren, who lost a bet against Pieck and Annie, wore Annie’s frilly dress. Both Annie and Pieck kept telling him to stop fidgeting as they tried to figure out how to tie the corset properly.

“See?” Annie muttered. “Who wants to wear things like this? Stupid dad.”

“I think you look good,” Colt told Eren encouragingly.

“Yeah. Green is definitely your color. It matches your eyes,” Reiner added, grinning widely at the look of annoyance on Eren’s face.

Bertolt nodded in agreement with Colt and Reiner. “I’m sure your ‘Knight’ will agree.”

Marcel covered his mouth to stifle the sound of his own laughter the best he could. Eren’s glare promised him something painful later. 

“Mr. Knight,” Pieck called, “that’s your cue to compliment your Princess.”

“Y-you look… pfftt…” is all Marcel managed out before he burst out laughing, too.

“You Galliards are exactly the same. I expected more from you, Marcel,” Pieck sighed. “Eren, petition for you to pick a new knight!”

Annie chuckled at that. “Obviously, I’ll be your knight, since I’m the strongest here.”

“I’m your shield, so it makes since that I’ll be your knight,” Reiner decided.

“No, no. You’re a shield, so you can’t be a knight,” Porco protested. “And Annie, you can’t be a knight. You’re the one who hits Eren the most.”

They all stared at Porco.

“Hey Porco, you don’t want to be a knight?” Colt asked, looking surprised.

Even Marcel had to stop laughing long enough to stare. Right. Porco gave him the nickname “White Knight.” But Marcel never asked about how Porco himself felt about the ideals of knighthood and chivalry. Personally, Marcel found the whole thing too idealistic and not at all useful. But there was a certain charm in being the Knight to Eren's Princess.

Porco made a face. “Who wants to be caged by code of knights or whatever? But if I have to be one, I’d be… the really cool and dashing and morally ambiguous Black Knight!”

“Lame,” Eren said mercilessly.

“W-w-what the hell’s up with that?! It’s not lame at all! You just don’t understand-”

Pieck, who must have finished tying Eren’s corset a while back, cleared her throat and held up a camera. “That’s nice, Pock. No one cares. Now hold still, Eren, we’re going to take a picture to remember this moment always!”

“H-huh?! Y-you never said anything about-”

Pieck’s smile turned threateningly as she looked at the rest of the guys in the room. “Hold him down.”

They all-

 

“Ymir? Did you hear me?”

She snaps out of that memory. Even though she’s back in the present, she feels like she can hear Marcel laughing, “Did you think I’ll let you off easy?”

“Ymir?” Krista calls again.

“I-I’m okay. Sorry. Got lost in thought,” Ymir says, trying hard to focus on Krista before her.

“Can you start getting the soup ready? The onions are done, so I’ll get the potato next.”

“Y-yeah. Leave it to me.”

Krista looks at her worriedly one more time before leaving to get the potatoes.

“Are you trying to drive me as mad as Eren?” Ymir asks in the empty space of the room. 

She thinks she hears a soft snigger in the air as her answer.

*

Ymir suspects that the two elderlies who live on this farm with Kirsta and herself are actually servants of the King or whatever. They never talk, especially not to Krista. They did stare blankly at Ymir for a bit, but they leave the two girls alone to do whatever they want.

In fact, Ymir won’t be shocked if they won’t be bothered if Krista stops doing her chores around here.

Mealtime used to be all four of them crammed together on a small table clearly meant for two. No one would talk, making eating feel like a chore. 

But recently, Krista has taken to eating with Ymir in the kitchen while the two elderlies eat at that small table. It gives them plenty of time to talk even more. Thinking about it, Ymir supposes it’s a little weird. They spend almost every waking moment together. How can they not run out of things to talk about?

But when she’s with Krista, she feels like there’s hundreds if not thousands more that she wants to say. Little mundane things like how much Ymir loves the way the wind plays with Kirsta’s hair or how Krista’s eyes will sparkle in mischief when Ymir says something off-color. Or even things like the way Krista takes an extra few seconds to blow on her hot soup. Or the way her eyes sometimes seems to change color depending on the weather. Or even the way Krista's expression gets quiet and muted whenever she sees the other children play.

She wants to know everything that Krista is thinking of. Even if it’s something boring as the way the light falls upon the fields or the sound that the cows make when you poke them a little too much. Ymir wants to know everything about Krista. About how she grew up. About what she knows about the world. About everything and anything, no matter how small or big.

And in return, she wants to be known by Krista.

“… supposed to be a festival to welcome her back! I can’t believe that we get to live in the era where people can live outside of the Walls!” Krista squeals in between blowing on her soup.

“Shall we go see the festival?” Ymir suggests.

Krista shakes her head wistfully. “I can’t leave the farm. But man, I can’t imagine how cool it must be. To be able to leave these Walls whenever you want…”

It’s at the tip of Ymir’s tongue. The truth of the world. What lies beyond those Walls isn’t this cozy little adventure in a log cabin like the Survey Corps described. It’s Marley. Marley and the Warriors.

It’s Eren.

She’s so terrified out of her mind that she wants to laugh at herself. What the hell’s wrong with her? She should just say it. Let Krista know just how cruel this world is. That there’s no escape out there. Whatever hell they’re in here is the lesser of the two evils, except it can’t last. 

Nothing can last.

“I know. I know. Outside is the Titans. But… maybe it won’t be so bad to be…”

“Krista, you don’t mean that,” Ymir snaps.

She feels bad when she sees Krista flinch. But Ymir needs to make sure that Krista understands just how horrible it is to be a Pure Titan. To mindlessly roam the world with no end in sight… The nightmares of her past sixty years… 

“Those Titans are… I am…” 

How easy is it to tell someone everything about yourself?

If Ymir is serious about learning everything about Krista, then she should be able to return in kind, shouldn’t she? So why is it that she keeps hesitating? Why does she always…?

“Have you thought of it, Krista? What you want from your life? What you want to do in the future?”

Idiot. Coward. Why does she have to run? Why does she always run away? If Eren was here, he’d…

_ Fuck off, Marcel. _

“At first I thought I’d be satisfied to just stay here. To quietly live the rest of my life on this farm. Quietly live and quietly die. But… after I met you… I…”

Krista pauses, staring Ymir in the eyes.

“I want a future with you.”

It seems just a few days ago that Ymir thought Krista didn’t believe in a future. That Krista has long given up.

But it turns out that they’re a lot more alike than Ymir realized.

“Ymir, run away with me. Let’s abandon this farm. Let’s go together. Somewhere, just the two of us. We can even go over the Walls and hide from the world. As long as you’re with me, I can face anything!”

The correct answer is to refuse. The Warriors are coming for Ymir. Eren will chase her until the ends of the earth.

But she can’t help but to have hope.

Because Eren hasn’t come for the last two years. In fact, according to the rumors, one of the Survey Corps members killed him and the Warriors that came.

So if-

_ Eren isn’t dead. People with eyes like Eren’s can’t die that easily. _

Ymir knows that. Even without Marcel’s taunting voice in her head, she knows. Knows from Marcel’s memory just how quickly Eren can heal. Knows that her luck is too shitty for Eren to be dead.

But Krista’s eyes are so bright with hope. Hope for the future that she never had before. For the first time since Ymir has gotten to know Krista, Krista is expressing her desire to live. 

Ymir can’t extinguish that, no matter how easy it would be.

“Yeah. I want to share the rest of my life with you, too.”

Because that much is true.

At the very least, her sincere wish of being with Krista is true.

_ But I won’t let it happen. _


	15. The justice that I have come to believe in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a fluff chapter. lol. But I promise things will start to get fun again in the next one. ^^

“So let me get this straight,” Porco says, his lips curved into a scowl. “You guys just… gave away all the information to the Survey Corps in exchange for a promise that they’ll get Eren back for you? That’s fucking stupid! Why didn’t you just go and destroy the Walls like Eren told you to? And yeah, I get that his plans are always suicidal and final, but at least it wouldn’t have been treason!”

Annie’s lips press into a thin line. 

Seeing that expression, Pieck opens her mouth to defend Annie when-

“What the hell would you know, Pock? You weren’t there.”

Porco’s face flushes red. They all know what’s coming next. He’s going to complain about Annie’s use of his nickname that he hates so much.

But Annie doesn’t give him that chance.

“You didn’t see Marcel get eaten in front of your eyes. You didn’t hear our terrified screams. You didn’t see the way Eren’s eyes lit up when they told us that they bore the ‘Wings of Freedom’ on their backs. You didn’t see the gentle way the Survey Corps treated us. You didn’t stand there when we met their fake King and then later the True King within these Walls. You didn’t feel the desperation when they told us that Eren was gone.”

For a second, Pieck thinks that Annie will release control of the horses to kick Porco. But she doesn’t. She doesn’t even glance back at him to glare. She just calmly urges the horses forward while talking as one would about the grass growing. Her temper seems to be under a lot better control than before. Is that because of the constant stress of pretending to be a Survey Corps member?

“And you absolutely weren’t there when they swore… when the Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, who can kill a Pure Titan alone, promised to get Eren back.”

Her voice quivers as if she’s just barely holding back a sob. And not for the first time, Pieck regrets making Annie promise her to take care of those dumb boys two years ago. She should never have let Annie go after them alone. She should've just let the boys be. Because she doubts she would've been able to sneak away on that boat as well.

“I… don’t think you chose wrong,” Pieck says firmly. She glares at Porco, daring him to disagree. “Given everything that has happened, I think you guys made the best of a really cruddy situation. Annie, you weren’t wrong.”

There’s a small pause before Annie pulls the horses to a stop. “This is our usual meeting spot. I doubt Bertolt will be able to make it here with Eren, but we’ll wait for Reiner.”

She starts untying the horses to give them some time to rest without the reins. Seeing that, the rest of them get out of the cart (except for Zeke, who is still tied up) to stretch their legs.

Quietly, Annie leans against Pieck so that their shoulders touch. 

“Thank you,” she whispers.

The fact that Annie felt the need to thank her for that makes Pieck’s heart ache.

*

Reiner arrives some time in the late evening, looking like he’s been rolling around in the dirt. By that time, the group has eaten some of the rations that they’ve brought while discussing the merits of hunting. Annie shoots him an annoyed look.

“You’re late.”

“Yeah, yeah. I waited until Squad Leader Erwin talked about where to search before making my move. He was really tight-lipped about things until the others got there. And it was a pain to make it look like a bandit attack.”

With that, he takes out a pouch from his bag and tosses it to Annie. She catches it and opens it, revealing what must be money inside of these Walls.

“This isn’t enough for a night at an inn inside Wall Sheena,” she reports.

Reiner looks shocked at that. “Eh? No way! But I took everything they had! What do you mean…? Ugh. Those greedy bastards. They raised the prices again?”

Grumbling, Reiner begins to take out Survey Corps uniforms from his bag and hand those out. 

“We’ll just put it on Commander Shadis’ tab then,” he decides.

“What should we do about Zeke?” Colt asks, motioning at the man, who is watching their every move.

Reiner looks hesitant for a second before he asks, “Did he agree to go along with us?”

“Yeah,” Pieck tells him.

Then Reiner nods. “Trust comes only after it’s given. Zeke, can we trust you to not betray us?”

“I have no intention of doing so,” Zeke tells them. He looks annoyed at being treated like a kid, but he at least knows enough not to lash out at them. He may be the War Chief, but that doesn't mean anything against three Titan Shifters and two trained non-shifting Warriors.

At Reiner’s second nod, Pieck moves to untie Zeke. It’s only after she does so that she realizes that without a second’s hesitation, she moved to obey his order. Is this a good thing? She isn’t sure just yet. The only person she used to do that for was Marcel, because she knew what Marcel’s priority was. But for everyone else, she always gave it a second before obeying (especially if it was Eren's plan).

Does this mean that she trusts Reiner as much as she trusted Marcel?

There’s a bittersweet feeling in her chest. 

Zeke thanks Pieck and then accepts the uniform given to him. He looks at it for a bit before saying, “We don’t have to wear those crazy belts?”

“The crazy belts are only really necessary outside of the Walls,” Reiner explains. He taps the rectangular objects that both he and Annie has by their sides. “It’s for these. They’re called vertical maneuvering equipment. For lack of better words, they help us fly. But within the Walls, we’ve been forbidden from using them, thanks to Mr. Levi.”

“You guys keep mentioning this ‘Mr. Levi.’ Is he that strong?” Porco asks.

Both Reiner and Annie nod seriously.

“If we’re unlucky, we’ll have to fight him to get Eren and Bertolt back. If that happens, then I… wouldn’t be shocked if we don’t all make it out alive,” she says. 

“I really hope we won’t have to face him, but if we do… Revealing that we’re Titans might be detrimental for us. He’s just that kind of a monster,” Reiner adds.

And this is the person who was in charge of “guarding” Eren, huh? Their Princess sure has gotten tangled up in some scary things. Not to mention they’ll have to rescue Bertolt, too. More and more, Pieck sorely misses Marcel.

What kind of a plan would he have come up with in this situation?

“Then let’s get the horses set up. Our next stop, an inn!”

*

Pieck is a little impressed (if not a little worried) at how well this disguise works on the people of the inn. In fact, the people look at them with adoring eyes filled with respect as they offer the best rooms and food at a discount. She thinks it helps that Reiner spent so long with this Hange outside of the Walls.

“Squad Leader Hange? She’s a bit of an eccentric. But if she wasn’t, we wouldn’t have made this much progress. She’s an inspiration to every single one of us!”

The crowd cheers and offers to buy them even more food, but Reiner shakes his head.

“We’re going to take the rest of our meal in our room. There’s still some… things to discuss, you know?”

An excited man yells out, “Are you guys on a secret missions?”

“If we were, I’m afraid I won’t be able to say anything about it,” Reiner tells him with a grin. “But Squad Leader should be coming towards Wall Sheena soon. So please show her this much support!”

The crowd excitedly parts and lets them through, but not without first dumping even more food on their plates as they pass.

Pieck finds it a little excessive and gross, but she knows enough to go along with the good mood. She does note Porco’s absolute disgust with Reiner and Annie’s cold attitude. Although she knows where they’re coming from, she wishes they would hide it better.

None of their hands are clean. 

None of them have any rights to judge each other.

*

Reiner got two rooms for them. One large one for the guys to share and a smaller one for Pieck and Annie. She gets the feeling the two of them are supposed to be back up, in case Zeke does something.

Porco unsurprisingly punches Reiner the minute they’re in the privacy of their room. If this was in the past when Reiner’s build wasn’t this big, Pieck imagines that he would have stumbled and fell, dropping the plate of food in his hands. But he doesn’t. He just calmly takes the hit and calmly allows Porco to talk.

“You disgusting fuck. Have you been lapping for their attention the entire time like that?” Porco hisses.

At least he knows to keep his voice low.

Reiner looks at Porco with a cold calm that Pieck doesn’t remember him possessing before. There’s a light steam on his cheek before it disappears. A quick healing job for a small wound.

“What would you have done, Porco? What would you have me do? We are currently masquerading as Survey Corps members. If we can’t do something as simple as lip service, then what’s the point of wearing disguises?” 

With that, Reiner puts his plate down on the large table and sits down. The rest of them slowly follow him except for Porco. 

Pieck wants to reach out to him, but she gets the feeling right now, anyone who approaches Porco will be met with violence. If Marcel was here, he would deal with Porco’s fuming anger with a calm and soothing tone of voice that makes everything feel like things will be fine. If Eren was here, he’d take all of Porco’s anger and return it twice-fold so that Porco won’t have any chance but to drown in the retaliation. 

To have both of them missing is like missing a limb. She knows logically that she can function without it, but it sure does make daily life hard.

“Hey, I’ve been thinking about it,” Reiner says, a little more casual. “Why did they chose me to inherit a Titan instead of you? I don’t think it was because Marcel said something. And I’m pretty sure my scores were lower than yours. Then it’s probably because of this, isn’t it? You, Porco, have no idea how to put your pride away for the sake of a mission.”

Porco doesn’t seem to have an answer to that. Instead, he just angrily sits at the table and shovels food in his mouth. Colt discreetly pats him on the shoulder, but Porco shrugs it off. He must really be angry if he’s treating Colt like that.

Seeing no move objections, Reiner pulls out a map from his pocket and spreads it on the table for all of them to see. Some parts of it has already marked in red and blue. Pieck wonders where they are in relation to those marks.

“We are currently right here,” Reiner says, pointing at one of the city names. It’s closer to one of the marks in blue than the red. “The blue is what we know as Reiss’ property… Uh, that’s the True King within these Walls. But all of those were already hit by Mr. Levi without any real change in Reiss’ behavior. Therefore, it’s likely that Reiss didn’t keep Historia on his own property.”

“And the red?” Pieck asks.

“Potential areas Historia might be.”

Zeke frowns. “I imagine you also want us to check the blue areas too, just in case?”

“Yes. Just in case.”

“That’s a lot of areas. It’ll take us a while to go through them all,” Annie mumbles, looking tired.

“Which is why I want to try something different.” Reiner takes a deep breath and turns to Zeke. “When you turn people into Pure Titans, can you get them to answer your questions? For example, if we were to turn everyone in these areas into Pure Titans, could you pinpoint where Historia is?”

From the way Zeke’s face falls, they all know the answer even before he speaks. “I’m sorry. Their intelligence level is rarely that high. Not to mention, some of the more strong-willed ones will disobey me.”

Pieck sighs. That’s a no-go, huh? If Marcel was here, they’d have a more reliable plan. But she supposes it’s unfair to compare Reiner to someone like Marcel. The dark look on Reiner’s face seems to echo her thoughts.

“I… hoped we wouldn’t have to do this, but I suppose it’s all we have. We’ll poison the water supply with Zeke’s spinal fluid. We’ll have to move all night to do this, though, so get ready for that.”

“W-w-wait a minute! Y-you can’t be thinking…?” Colt whispers.

Reiner gives them a pained smile. “Sorry, guys. I’m not as smart as Marcel. This is the only thing I could think of in the short time we had.”

Pieck doesn’t think he has anything to apologize for. This is something that they have all decided upon a long time ago, isn’t it? That everyone outside of their family is an enemy. So this kind of plan is fine, since it’s for their family’s sake.

“We’ll turn everyone that drank the water into Titans. Then we’ll take that horde to Reiss and threaten him. Either he returns Eren’s memories, or we unleash… It’s a bit crude-”

“No. It’s the most logical next step. I’m impressed that you were able to come up with this,” Zeke tells Reiner with a kind smile.

Although it’s a compliment, Reiner doesn’t seem to take it as such. He’s probably thinking of what Marcel would’ve thought of in this situation. Pieck wonders for how long he’s burdened himself with such useless thoughts.

“There’s a problem with your plan, though,” Pieck says.

Reiner’s expression falls to despair. “So it wasn’t enough,” he mumbles.

“Ah, no. That’s not what I mean. We can’t poison the water because the spinal fluid is… uh… it’s not fluid. It’s in gas form.”

Both Reiner and Annie look blank at that. That makes sense. Since this isn’t something that they’ve explored until recently.

“So uh… it’s like this…”

*

“How frightening,” Annie remarks after they explain.

Pieck personally feel that as the person who can control this, Zeke is the truly frightening person. Or perhaps the true frightful people are those at Marley who thought to weaponize the Titan Fluid in the first place.

But they’re not talking about her personal feelings right now.

“Okay, this changes things for the better,” Reiner says. “Instead of waiting for someone to ingest the fluid, we can just go right away after spraying the fluid.”

“I’ll go with Pieck. Give me the map,” Annie decides.

Reiner blinks. “H-huh? Just the two of you?”

“Colt and Porco will be the safest here, even if they do have gas masks. I don’t have the cart to transport a lot of people and things, but I’ll need at least one person to help me take care of the barrels and figure out the terrain. That rules out Zeke. Reiner, you’ve spent most of your time outside of the Walls with that Hange person, right? Then that just leaves Annie,” Pieck points out.

“R-right. Okay.” Reiner hands the map to Annie. Then to both of them, he says, “Good luck and be careful.”

“We’ll be back here in the morning. Prepare us something nice to eat,” Annie orders.

Reiner sighs and rubs the back of his neck. “Jeesh, what was the point of getting two rooms?”

“Oh, why don’t you use it, War Chief?” Colt suggests. “You probably don’t want to spend the night with us brats.”

For a second, it looks like Zeke would protest. But his eyes sweep around the room, and he seems to realize his position.

“I see. Thank you, Colt. That is very thoughtful of you.”

*

The truth of the matter is that the barrels have straps on them just in case something like this happens. Of course, Pieck can only transport two of them at a time without her cart to carry all of them in. But they were designed so that she’d be able to spray any area by herself to maximize their usage.

When Annie sees that, she lets out a small chuckle.

“You look like you’re ready to go to school, Pieck.”

“You shouldn’t take spinal fluid to school, Annie.”

Pieck thought that Annie might be disturbed by her Titan voice since she hasn’t heard it for so long. But Annie’s lips curve into a slight smile, putting that fear to rest. 

“I’ve divided the areas for us to go to,” Annie says. 

She spreads the map out between the two of them, shining the strange lantern that never flickers. Pieck makes a note to ask about that later when they’re not discussing strategy.

“We’ll hit the furthest areas first. I think we should be able to cover this entire region with those two barrels. Then we’ll make a pit stop back here to pick up the next two. Because most of this is farmland, there might not be as many Pure Titans as we would like… This will probably take all night. Ready for a long girls’ night talk session?”

So she hasn’t forgotten.

Pieck smiles. “I really missed you, Annie.”

“And I missed you, Pieck.”

 

* * *

 

“So let me get this straight,” Levi says, trying really hard not to lose his temper. “Your grand plan is that perhaps maybe Reiss will show an ounce of humanity and just give you your memories back because you mentioned his daughter.”

Shitty Brat has the nerve to nod. “Yeah, that’s pretty much it.”

Levi smacks the back of Eren’s head and ignores the sharp hiss from Mikasa and the soft whimper from Bertolt. He considers telling them to mind their horses instead of Eren but then ultimately decides that they need to hear this, too.

“That’s too naive. It’s already been two years since then. That man is pragmatic enough to know that his daughter is dead by now. He’s more likely to just grab you guys to be tortured and experimented on.”

“Then what else are we supposed to do? It’s not like he’ll just listen to us if we ask for help. He’s too ‘pragmatic’ for that, isn’t he?”

Levi didn’t expect his words to be turned around on him so quickly. Shitty brat. Why does he pick these things up so quickly but not things that will help with life?

“Have you learned absolutely nothing from the Underground?”

From the small pause, Levi knows that Shitty Brat has it figured out. Good. He’s not completely clueless.

“Urm… Excuse me, but what does that mean?” Bertolt asks.

“If you want a man like Reiss to talk, you need to break a few bones,” Levi tells him.

That seems to be enough for Bertolt, because he pales slightly but nods. Mikasa looks annoyedly at Bertolt but otherwise doesn’t speak. Levi gets the feeling that something happened between the two of them.

“What a pain,” Eren mumbles. “Why does everything you want to do involve someone getting hurt?”

“That’s just how this world runs, brat.”

Levi doesn’t like that he can’t see Eren’s expression due to their position on the horse. Knowing this brat, he’s most likely thinking something completely unnecessary like-

“Too bad you got rid of all of my poison. I could’ve done some reeeeeeeeaaaaalllllllllllllllly cool things with those!”

“I’m sure,” Levi says, rolling his eyes.

Eren glances to the side at Mikasa. “You don’t have any on you, right?”

“Sorry, Kid. I never liked those.”

“Any chance you have some?” Eren asks Bertolt.

“I used the last of it to drug everyone back at Utgard Castle.”

Oh. So it was this guy. Was it under Eren’s orders? Or did he choose to do it in hopes of creating some time to escape? Levi makes a mental note to keep his eyes on him, just in case.

“And you’re not going to let me get more, right?” Eren asks Levi by leaning back so his hair tickles Levi’s chin. The smell of soap soothes Levi more than he thought it would. He also appreciate finally being able to see the brat’s expression.

“Nope. You’ll use a dumb excuse like ‘I need to test this out’ to use it on me.”

Shitty Brat dares to pout at him. “You should just fall for it!”

“I’ll consider it when you remember who you are.”

There’s a look in Eren’s eyes that makes Levi pause. Now that he thinks about it, he never asked. Does Eren even want to remember? Sure, his memories with Kenny is probably not something he wants to ever recall but… Would remembering everything that happened to him, losing that “Marcel” guy and leaving home to come here… Would it really be better for him to remember all of that?

“Hey, how strong are you compared to Kenny? If you two were to fight, could you win?”

Immediately, Levi recalls the fight from two years ago. Despite having clear victory over Kenny later, that’s the one loss that he has not been able to forgive himself for.

“I lost to him once because I underestimated him,” Levi admits. “But if we were to go against each other now… Even if I have to forfeit my life, I won’t lose.”

The look on Eren’s face is that of disbelief. Is it really that hard to believe that someone stronger than Kenny can exist? Is that also the result of the time he spent with Kenny?

“You lose if you forfeit your life,” Eren tells him with a scowl. “That means you’re weaker than him!”

“Don’t worry. I won’t let anything happen to you this time.”

There’s a small pause before Eren grins cheekily. “All I have to call your name, right?” 

“Exactly.”

Just a little, it feels like he’s talking to the Eren from two years ago.

*

Around midday, all three kids start nodding off.

Levi forces them all to stop and hide in a forest to deal with this headache.

“We haven’t rested at all,” Eren says with a yawn.

“It doesn’t matter if you sleep or not,” Levi tells him. Then he turns to Bertolt and Mikasa, who look like they’re struggling to stay upright. “But you two are riding on horses. If you fall while we’re galloping, you’ll die.”

With an annoyed sigh, he points at the ground. “Sleep. All three of you.”

“I thought it doesn’t matter if I sleep?” Eren asks.

Levi kicks him to shut him up. “I’ll keep watch.”

*

Although it looked like Mikasa is too suspicious to sleep, once Eren lent her his lap, she goes out like a light. Bertolt leans against Eren’s shoulder to sleep, even though it looks uncomfortable due to their height difference. And Eren settles with his back against a tree.

Seeing the look on Levi’s face, Eren dares to grin at him.

“I have nothing else to lend you, Mr. Humanity’s Strongest Soldier.” 

“Like hell I want anything of yours, Shitty Brat.”

Eren sticks his tongue out at Levi. “You’re not cute at all!”

“Who the hell wants to be cute to a brat?”

*

Bertolt wakes up first, most likely because of how uncomfortable he must be. He has somehow ended up a good distance away from Eren and Mikasa, one arm hugging a tree trunk and one leg kicked up high into the air. And although Levi has seen lots of strange things in the world, this easily outdo all of them in terms of strangeness.

With a look like he’s just had a nightmare, Bertolt sits up, stretching his sore muscles. He relaxes when he spots Eren, frowns at the sight of Mikasa, and freezes when he sees Levi. After that moment’s pause, he scrambles to stand up, straightening himself to be presentable. 

“S-sir,” he greets.

“Don’t bother. Even if I’m wearing the Survey Corps uniform now, I haven’t been a supervisor in a long time. Sit back down and relax.”

“Y-yes…” 

Slowly, Bertolt does as bid. An uncomfortable silence settles between the two of them. The silence wasn’t so bad when it was because of the children sleeping, but now that one of them’s awake, Levi feels awkward.

“Do you hate me?” Levi finds himself asking. “I promised you to bring Eren back. But this was the best that I could do.”

Bertolt hesitates for a second. “I… am a bit disappointed, but I’m more frustrated at myself. While you were working hard by yourself, we sat back and waited. If we had also moved back then… Surely Eren would…”

It never ceases to amaze Levi how endlessly kind these children are. It would be much easier to blame everything on the incompetent adults around them. But they chose to march forth without even glancing at the adults around them. Is that their pride? Or is it more that they have never learned to rely on adults?

“I don’t want to repeat that mistake. This time around, I plan on staying by his side through it all.”

“Bertolt, I heard from Gunther that you’re quite talented on the vertical maneuvering equipment,” Levi says.

“Y-yes, I am.”

“If things go south, grab Eren and fly out.”

Bertolt looks at him curiously. “What will you be doing?”

“If things truly go south, I imagine I’ll be facing against Kenny. I’ll clear a path for you. So you just worry about getting Eren out of there.”

“What about Mikasa?”

Levi shrugs. “She can figure out her own path.”

Although he says that, he’s pretty sure that girl will suddenly figure out how to use the vertical maneuvering equipment she stole for the sake of chasing after Eren. Levi was the same, after all. Ackerman blood and all that. 

“If… it turns out that Eren can’t remember, what will you do?” Bertolt asks.

“Go back to my original plan. Reunite you two with Annie and Reiner.”

Bertolt looks at him surprised. “Reunite us? T-that was your plan?”

“I figured seeing the most important people to him will jog something back.”

For a second, it’s hope that shines in Bertolt’s eyes. But it’s quickly dashed by whatever dark thought that must have entered his mind. He laughs humorlessly.

“That’s bad, then. The most important person to Eren is Marcel, and he’s long dead. Eren will never remember.”

So that’s what Gunther meant about Bertolt. Quiet and shy and overflowing with compassion. But the minute anything goes wrong, he has a hard time focusing. This kid probably relied heavily on the other three to get through the mission. And after being separated from them, he probably never figured out how to stand on his own. If Eren doesn't remember, this guy will probably do something dangerous like trying to kill Eren or something. 

Good thing Shitty Brat can heal himself.

“That’s not true,” Levi says. “Eren said he loves all of you dearly. That’s why, even if he doesn’t remember now, if he sees all of you guys again, he will. That’s just how important you guys are to each other. It’s that simple.”

Bertolt’s lips twitch. “I sure hope it is as you say, Mr. Levi.”

Levi hopes so, too.

“After all, if Eren doesn’t remember, you’re stuck as the criminal who kidnapped the four of us.”

How nasty. Levi was under the belief that Bertolt was the kindest out of the three left behind, but it seems two years with eccentrics from the Survey Corps have twisted them somewhat. That's probably better for these kids, though. It's a hard enough life without childish innocence they used to have. This twisted personalities of theirs should protect them better from this shitty world.

“Even if they clear my name, it won’t do any good. It’s been two years since my name has been smeared. No one will be able to forgive the man who torched that many farms to the ground.”

Bertolt looks surprised at that. “If you think that, why did you chase after Eren?”

“Because I made a promise.”

Levi recognizes that look on Bertolt’s face. The bitter disbelief of someone who has lost all hope. At this point in his life, words are probably too cheap to ever make up for what happened. But once upon a time, Bertolt believed in Levi’s word, Levi’s promise.

That’s why…

“Once Eren’s memories are back and you kids are united again, I plan on disappearing. When that happens, why don’t you entrust your guilt and self-loathing to me? I’ll take all of your negative emotions and disappear. So you kids just live happily.”

A pause of silence settles between them before Bertolt smiles.

“You’re surprisingly quite manly.”

“The hell that’s supposed to mean?”

“From how brutal and violent you are with Eren, I would never have guessed you’d be this cool!”

“… Are you trying to piss me off on purpose?”

Tch. Shitty kids. Not a single cute bone in their bodies.

And quietly, Levi hears a whisper of “Thank you.”

*

Levi wakes Mikasa by kicking her stomach. But it seems that she has actually been awake for a while and waiting for his attack. She lashes out like a cat, pulling out a small dagger that he hadn’t realized she had been carrying.

But her grip is too weak. She has plenty of openings. Jeesh, how did these kids manage to survive for so long in the Underground when she doesn’t know the first thing about knife fights?

Levi stomps down on her hand with the dagger, pinning it against the ground. With his right foot holding her hand, he simply swings his other foot into her face. She has enough sense to turn her head slightly so his foot doesn’t collide with her nose. Her instinct is good, but she’s still far too lacking in techniques. 

“Get up,” he tells her as he eases off of her hand.

Mikasa slowly gets up, glaring at him all the while. She glances around quickly, taking in that Eren is still asleep and Bertolt is pretending that he didn’t see her get beaten. Then she turns to face Levi with a sneer on her face.

“Your techniques are worse than a new recruit’s. If you’re going to wear the vertical maneuvering equipment, might as well as learn how to use it. Come.”

*

At the very least, he will say that Mikasa is a more enthusiastic learner than Eren was. Perhaps the difference is that he’s teaching her how to fly while he tried to teach Eren how to use a knife?

Well, a knife fight will come later. Right now, it’s more important to teach these kids how to run away if things get bad.

“Keep your eyes on how much gas you have at all times. And don’t forget to look around your surroundings,” Levi warns her as they make another lap through the forest.

“Tch! You don’t have to remind me!”

Probably because she was too busy glaring at Levi, she ends up running straight into a branch. She lets out a snarl like a beast. With her eyes locked on Levi, she takes off again.

“If you can’t get the hang of this, how are you going to protect Eren?” 

Frustration coils her muscles, giving her an extra push. But that’s a waste of gas. She’s too hot-headed for this. If the situation isn’t what it is, Levi would like to teach her a bit more, but that’s probably wasting too much time.

By now, Eren should be awake, too.

They should eat and make their way to Reiss.

“Enough for today,” Levi tells her. 

*

Eren has a giant pout on his face when Levi and Mikasa returns. From the light smile on Bertolt’s face, Levi can already guess what the problem is.

“How come I get stabbed a whole bunch of times but Mikasa gets to fly around? That’s not fair!”

“You should’ve grabbed one of these if you wanted to learn,” Levi scolds him.

Eren crosses his arms. “Even if I have one, you won’t teach me because you can’t stab me if we’re flying!” 

Just where does this stupid… Levi sighs.

“Once the whole Reiss thing is resolved, ask your friends to teach you.”

There’s a sharp look in Eren’s eyes as if he realizes Levi’s intentions. Then he lets out a loud complaint as he turns his attention to fuss over Mikasa’s wounds. It was only for a few seconds, but Levi is sure that Shitty Brat knows about his plans to disappear. 

He wonders if that’s a good thing or bad.

*

Gunther had the foresight of packing last night’s leftovers as well as some rations that he left with Levi before obeying his orders. Levi makes a mental note to tell Erwin to give him a bonus.

The four of them sit awkwardly together to eat. 

“Alright, so here’s the plan,” Levi says when he can no longer take the silence.

The kids flinch and turn to look at him. Why are they all so frightened for? Shitty Brat better not have said stupid things to the others… 

“By the time we arrive, it should be late at night. I’d imagine that Reiss will be home by that time. We’ll rest and take note of their guards. Then we’ll strike at dawn.”

“Why wait so long?” Bertolt asks, brows furrowing.

“Because if we rush in blindly, we’ll be the ones who suffer. We will not repeat two years ago. First, we’ll check around for any traps that they set up and use it against them. Next is to figure out their guard rotation and habits. If there’s anything we can take advantage of, report it. And at dawn, when their guard should be the lowest is when we’ll strike.”

The kids nod, looking reluctantly impressed. These shitty brats, did they think that Levi was all strength and no brains? 

“All we’re going to do is kidnap Rod Reiss. Got it? Leave everyone else alone.”

This last sentence, he makes a point to glare at Mikasa. She clicks her tongue but otherwise doesn’t protest.

“Are we allowed to kill in self defense?” Eren asks, surprising Levi.

Is he trying to give Mikasa wiggle room? That’s not kindness. That’s naivety of a dangerous level. But all three kids have determined glints in their eyes, and Levi realizes that if he’s not careful, he’s going to have the entire Reiss family’s blood on his hands.

What part of he’s trying to get rid of his criminal image does these shitty brats not understand?

“The only ones you’re allowed to kill are the guards,” he decides. “If anything looks dangerous, just run. Especially you, Shitty Brat. You don’t even have a vertical maneuvering equipment.”

“Then give me yours!”

Levi smacks his forehead and moves on.

“After grabbing Reiss, we’re going to borrow one of his storage sheds to talk to him. You three wait outside while I convince him to work with us.”

All three of them open their mouths so Levi holds his hand to shut them up.

“If Reiss starts screaming, more guards and possibly the Military Police will come after us. That’s why I’m leaving you three outside, got it?”

They don’t look happy, but at least they’re mollified enough to let it go.

“The rest of the details, we’ll figure out as we go. Now, if you’re done eating, let’s ride.”

*

“You’re really weird, you know that?” Eren says without glancing back at Levi.

“So I’ve heard.”

“Do you really think Kenny will be there?”

Levi feels himself stiffen at the question. He forces himself to relax, but he’s certain the brat felt it. 

“Were you awake?” he asks.

Eren hums, refusing to answer that with something that sounds neutral. Levi figures it’s pretty obvious what the answer is, so he lets it go.

“I don’t know. Last I saw him, he told me he was fired from Reiss’ services. But that doesn’t mean he couldn’t have been rehired. He is one of the best for a reason.”

“Then why do you work for the Survey Corps?”

Levi recalls Furlan and Isabel. The looks on their faces when they left the Walls for the first time. “The air outside is different,” he recalls. But that’s not something he thinks he can say to someone who came from outside of these Walls. 

“For freedom,” he says finally.

“Would working for Reiss pay better?”

Levi realizes what Shitty Brat is trying to ask without saying it. How annoying. If he wants to know, he should just say it instead of dancing around the subject like this.

“Reiss will never hire me. He thinks I killed his daughter.”

Eren goes silent. Seems like Levi hit bulls-eye.

“Shitty Brat,” Levi says, “My loyalty is to Erwin. And until you’re safely back by your friends’ sides, to you. No amount of money will sway me.”

Levi pauses for a second longer to see if Eren has any more questions. But Eren stays silent for the rest of the ride.

*

They arrive at the Reiss household that they visited such a long time ago. It looks like Reiss’ land got bigger since last time. Levi feels just a bit tempted to burn it down.

“Two hours of rest break,” he tells the kids. “Then we’ll rotate shifts to figure out their guard positions.”

“Yeah, yeah. We know. You’ve already repeated the plan so many times. Don’t tell me you’re nervous, Mr. Humanity’s Strongest Soldier?” Eren asks with a cheeky grin.

“Show some respect, Shitty Brat.”

While he’s scolding Eren, Bertolt begins to scratch something on the ground with a stick.

“If you’re making a blueprint of the layout, don’t use the ground where anyone can chance upon it,” Levi advises.

Bertolt flushes red and quickly smudges what he drew with his feet. “R-right. Sorry. Do you have paper I can use?”

The other two shakes their heads no. Then the three of them turn to look at Levi.

“I don’t have anything,” he tells them.

“No choice. Take off your shirt,” Eren orders Bertolt. 

Perhaps what terrifies Levi the most is that Bertolt obeys without question. Why do all these shitty kids have to be so infuriatingly stupid about the most important things? 

Levi quickly stops them.

“No, no, no. Just draw the shitty blueprint in your head. What’s so hard about that?”

Shitty Brat dares to sigh dramatically like Levi’s the one who’s the problem here. “Obviously the problem is that we’re not all visual people! Not everyone can just create the perfect blueprints in their heads.”

“That’s because you’re not trying hard enough. Come here-”

“No! You can’t make me!”

This dumbass, why the hell is he screaming for? Did he forget where they are?

Both Bertolt and Mikasa must have understood Levi’s ire. Because Bertolt quickly puts a finger against his own lips while Mikasa puts her hand over Eren’s mouth.

“We’re in enemy territory,” she reminds him.

But it’s too late. 

“Who’s there?!” The guards seem to have heard.

Levi shoots Eren an annoyed look and receives a helpless shrug in response. 

“Change of plans,” Levi growls. “Just charge in.”

He draws a blade with one hand and grabs Shitty Brat with the other. With a look at Mikasa and Bertolt, Levi takes off for the residence. The two follow him without a moment’s hesitation.

*

The good news is that Kenny most definitely hasn’t been rehired. In fact, the people here seem to not be part of Kenny’s inner network, because none of them can keep up with Levi. 

But that might be a curse in disguise as a blessing, because he now gets to see exactly how twisted these kids are.

“Mikasa, what did I say about killing?” Levi snaps.

“It was self-defense,” she responds coldly. But her eyes are locked on the way the guard’s mouth flaps open and close as blood dribbles out of his throat. There’s just a hint of a grin on her face that makes it much too clear what she’s thinking.

On the other side, Bertolt ruthlessly slices off another guard’s legs, leaving the guard to bleed out. There isn’t a flicker of emotion on his face. Almost as if he can care less about leaving someone screaming and begging to die.

“Why are both of you so shittily extreme?” Levi wonders.

“Mr. Levi!”

Thanks to Eren’s warning, Levi manages to stab another guard in the shoulder before the gun fires. Sure, it’s annoying to fight one-handed. But these guys are simple enough that he doesn’t have to think twice. It helps that Eren’s being a decent human being for once and not a shitty brat. If only Eren was as small as he used to be, this would be even better. 

“That room,” Eren says, pointing. “There are most amount of guards protecting it, so it has to be that room.”

The study, huh? How nostalgic. Levi wonders if Eren has even an inkling of a feeling that this place is familiar. Probably not, right?

Levi slices the doorknob and then kicks the door down. And just as guessed, Rod Reiss is in there with the rest of his trembling family.

“Y-you!” Rod Reiss shouts, pointing a gun at Levi with shaking hands. “It’s always you, isn’t it, Levi?!”

First things first, Levi put Eren down and draws another sword. Faintly, he hears the screams in the hallway from Bertolt’s apathetic cuts, followed swiftly by a chilling silence from Mikasa’s. He’ll have to talk with them about this later. But for now, it’s adding to the threat that the “Criminal Levi” possesses.

“Should’ve kept Kenny. This might have actually have been hard,” he finds himself saying.

He belatedly realizes that those words might not be what Eren wants to hear. But there isn’t any expression change on Eren’s face, so Levi decides to think about that later.

“You’re going to suffer for this! I’ll… I’ll have you arrested! A-and hung!”

Levi shrugs. “I’m already a criminal, so who cares?”

One of Reiss’ boys peeks out from behind his mother with a frown.

“W-wait, aren’t you Eren?” he asks.

“Dirk, stay behind your mother,” Reiss snaps.

The kid shakes his head. “Eren! Do you remember me? I’m Dirk! We met two years ago in this very house. That man you’re with right now? He kidnapped you. He’s a bad man!”

Eren’s expression doesn’t change. Levi can’t tell if it’s because he’s not listening to Dirk or because he’s hyper-focused on what Dirk is saying.

“Oh? I’m a bad man?” Levi asks, lips drawing back into a sneer. “I wonder what that makes Kenny the Ripper, the man your father hired.”

“Shut up! That man is no longer working for us. You have no reason to chase us anymore! Look, you even have that kid back,” Reiss yells. 

Is that what he thought it was? That Levi was setting fire to Reiss’ things because of a petty grudge against Kenny?

“We’re not here about that. We’re here for a different reason.”

“Liar! It wasn’t enough to financially devastate me, you need more?”

This man isn’t listening. Levi sighs. Why is everyone so determined to do their own thing?

“I’m saying that’s not it! I don’t care about your farm or your money. I’m just here to-”

“I’ll give you whatever you want! Just leave my family out of this! Don’t hurt us anymore! Wasn't burning all of my property enough for you?”

And the shitty man isn’t even letting Levi finish. 

He’s starting to get impatient. He moves forward, causing Reiss to aim the gun at him. But with the way Reiss’ arm is shaking, Levi doubts it’ll actually hit.

“We’re just trying to survive! We’re normal people! Sure, we have the royal blood in our veins, but that doesn’t mean-”

“The hallway is clear,” Bertolt announces as he enters the room.

It’s bad timing.

Levi has no other words than that. 

Reiss was already winded up. He was getting ready to shoot Levi. And when Bertolt walked in, the shitty man turned towards Bertolt in surprise and accidentally pulled the trigger.

Bertolt stares slowly at his chest before collapsing to the ground.

Three sounds hit Levi’s ears all at once. The shrill scream of Reiss’ wife, the shattering of glass, and the dull thud of Bertolt’s body hitting the floor.

And somehow, Levi manages to prioritize the shattered window. In the same breath as the gunshot hit, Eren grabbed a chair and broke a window. 

Levi doesn’t hesitate. 

He fires the hook of his vertical maneuvering equipment into Eren’s calf before Shitty Brat jumps out the window. It pierces through the muscles with ease, and Levi tries not to think about anything as he drags the small boy to Levi’s feet.

“The fuck are you doing?!” he doesn’t mean to shout. 

It’s only after his shout that he realizes just how small Eren looks. Just how terrified he must be as he curls into a small ball, trembling. And now that Levi leans in close, he hears a soft chant of, “Don’t want to remember. Don’t want to remember. Don’t want…”

Levi yanks the hook out of Eren’s leg, feeling guilty as the small limb jerks before being surrounded by steam. 

“I heard a gun!” Mikasa shouts as she runs into the room. She stops to take in the scene, but she must have only registered the steam around Eren, because her face darkens.

“Mikasa,” Levi snarls, “Eren’s fine. Check Bertolt. Then keep your eyes on the Reiss family.”

The reluctance is clear in her eyes, but she slowly moves to obey. Good. If she gets close to Eren now, Levi doesn’t want to imagine what kind of a nightmare they’d cause. He’s going to deal with problems one at a time. 

He kneels down next to Eren and gently touches the brat’s shoulder. Immediately, Eren flinches away from the contact and tries to scoot away. Levi can’t help but to notice how little Eren does actually move, though. Almost as if he knows that he cannot get away.

That there’s no way out of this.

“Eren,” Levi calls softly, “Do you want to call it quits now? After coming this far?”

Slowly, Eren peeks out of the ball. He’s no longer chanting, which Levi takes as a good sign. But the haunted look on the brat’s face is most definitely not good. 

“I-I don’t… w-want to remember. I-if I do… K-Kenny will…”

The way Levi dealt with people like this in the Underground was to beat them senselessly until they couldn’t feel anything but that pain. Overwrite their previous fear with a new one. And perhaps this just goes to show how soft he has become since joining the Survey Corps, but he can’t bring himself to hurt Eren the same way Kenny did.

“Kenny won’t get you. Even if you remember everything, I will stand to protect you. I promise you, Eren. You are safe.”

The look of distrust is clear. But Levi has nothing else to offer. He would like for Eren to trust him once more as he used to. But he doubts he has the right to ask that of him.

“But you… you said you can’t win against Kenny.”

“Regardless, I will protect you. You don’t have to be afraid. I won’t let him take you away again.”

“I can’t trust you,” Eren tells him honestly.

That’s fair.

Levi wouldn’t trust himself either. And to ask anymore from Eren would be cruel.

But he thought… He truly believed that it would mean more. That his words would be enough to reach Eren. That his sincerity would be enough. That all the cliches in the world would be more than enough to “light” the way or whatever it is that’s written in those fairy tales.

But reality isn’t that kind, is it?

He should’ve known just what kind of a shitty world he lives in. 

If he wants to help Eren, what he needs isn’t fairy tale compassion. What he needs isn’t to cover his eyes to the truth that he’s seeing before him.

He needs to be like Kenny.

Levi steps on Eren’s shoulder, digging his heel in. “You still haven’t figured it out? I’m not giving you a choice.”

With this crisis taken care of, Levi turns to everyone else. 

Mikasa is nudging Bertolt with her foot, possibly her way of asking him if he’s okay. But her attention is on the Reiss family. It seems she’s doing her utmost best to do as Levi ordered, which is a surprise. Did she decide that she’s not a match for Levi? Took her long enough. Bertolt is surrounded by steam, so Levi thinks he’s going to be fine.

But the Reiss family…

“Oh my god. Oh my god. You killed him. You killed him.”

Rod’s wife seems to be chanting that while clutching tightly to her youngest. The oldest boy is pale as he tries to put himself between his father and the rest of the family. Reiss is begging them to listen to him, that it was done in self-defense. That he didn’t mean to kill a kid.

God, can this night get any longer?

“Hey,” Levi calls to them. “Let’s have a calm talk over tea… and maybe some sweets for the kids.”

“Y-you want to eat right now?” Mikasa asks, incredulous.

The Reiss family members are all looking at Levi like he’s crazy, too.

“It’ll help with Bertolt’s and Eren’s healing. No, he’s not dead. Can you please stop crying?”

“B-but I… shot him,” Reiss stammers.

“Yes, and I’m still alive,” Bertolt announces as he slowly sits up. The steam seems more or less gone from his chest. “I’d appreciate not being killed off before my time.”


	16. More than I can comprehend

There’s a knife in his heart.

Every time he catches sight of Eren (and it has to be Eren. No one has that kind of gentleness, that kind of sweetness, that kind of anger, that kind of straightforwardness that makes up Eren Jaeger), the knife in his heart twists. The heart that he thought can no longer feel starts aching again.

It starts longing again for those days long ago when things were simpler. When it was clear what was right and what was wrong.

When the world was upright and everything made sense. When Eren was Eren and Marcel was alive and Bertolt didn’t feel like gagging at something as noble as the words, “Wings of Freedom.” When Bertolt was completely certain about what it was that he felt, what it was that he believed in. When he knew exactly who was on his side and who wasn’t.

But nothing has made any sense at all since the moment on the ship to Paradis Island, when Marcel revealed that there was more to the plan that he never told them. When Annie ripped off Bertolt’s brown scarf around Eren’s neck and replaced it with his old red one that she patched up. When Eren admitted softly that he would save Bertolt first.

Was it then? 

Did he wedged the knife into his own heart then?

Or did that part come later when Marcel disappeared before their eyes? When Bertolt held Eren’s trembling body as he screamed bloody murder at Ymir? When they were taken within these Walls by the Survey Corps? When they were last in this exact dining room at this exact dining table, eating?

The Reiss family servants offer tea for Levi and hot chocolates for Bertolt, Mikasa, and Eren… Kid. They put some sweet cakes before them all before scampering away in fear of the blood-covered Mikasa and Bertolt.

He wonders why he doesn’t even feel a prickle of sympathy for them. Then realizes that, of course, he won’t. He no longer has any sympathy left. Aside from twinges of pain in his heart from staring at Kid, he doesn’t feel anything anymore.

“A-are you happy now? Please leave,” Reiss begs Levi.

Levi is sitting at the head of the table, sipping tea. He holds his tea cup in an odd manner, but Bertolt doesn’t really care about him enough to comment. Kid sits to the right of him. On Levi’s left is Bertolt. Mikasa sits on Kid’s other side, completely uninterested in the food before them. She seems more concerned with how Kid is doing. The rest of the Reiss family stands near the door, watching the four of them in disbelief and fear.

Rod Reiss is the only one who stands by Levi’s side as if that will somehow give him leverage.

“This tea is pretty good. Must be nice having so much shitty money to buy the good stuff,” Levi says in response.

Reiss lets out a low moan. “I-if you want, I’ll give you a box of it. Please just leave.”

Bertolt stirs the hot chocolate in front of him. He doesn’t really feel like drinking it. He doesn’t think he’s the only one who feels that way because neither Mikasa nor Eren… Kid has touched their drinks. 

“I agree,” Bertolt says finally. “Mr. Levi, haven’t we wasted enough time?”

Levi’s eyes settle on Kid, who seems to be staring at the cup of hot chocolate like it might be poisoned. And isn’t that funny? Kid never once suspected anything Bertolt gave him to be poisoned or drugged. That has to be the Eren part of him. That has to be…

The knife in Bertolt’s heart twists.

“The plan was to leave at dawn,” Levi remarks finally. He looks away from Kid and at his tea. “We’re early.”

Something happened between the two of them, Bertolt concludes, mentally rolling his eyes. It keeps surprising him just how much aware Levi is trying to be with Kid. Would he have done that for Eren? Or is this the guilt for taking two years to find and rescue Kid?

“Y-you’re not… going to stay here until dawn?” Reiss asks, his voice a strange strangling sound.

“You guys want to sleep in beds?” Levi asks Bertolt, Kid, and Mikasa.

Mikasa’s head finally snaps up away from Kid. “There's no reason to delaying this so much. Let's get it over with.”

Bertolt can't believe he's agreeing with her. When he came to after healing his chest from the gun wound, Levi had his foot digging in harshly into Kid’s shoulder. The window was broken, and there was steam coming off of Kid’s leg. Even without having seen it, Bertolt can guess what happened. 

Kid tried to run.

“Mr. Levi, are you getting cold feet?” 

There’s another small pause before Levi sighs and puts the tea cup down. He turns to Reiss.

“Hey, the shitty ability you royal bloods have of manipulating memories. Can you give someone their memories back after they lost it to whatever causes?”

Reiss stares at him blankly for a second before his face falls.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You did all of this… You burned my property, you killed my guards brutally, and you traumatized my whole family… All because you wanted to use memory manipulation?”

Levi nods at Kid. “Give him his memories back. We don’t know how he lost it. Does that matter?”

“Yes, it matters! If someone purposefully locked those memories away, then I can drag it out. But if it was lost due to natural means or because he hit his head too hard or whatever, then there’s nothing I can do about it.” Reiss’ face pales as he realizes something. “Oh god. You’re going to blame it on me, aren’t you? If I fail because he lost his memories due to natural causes, you’re going to kill me.”

“We’re not that much of monsters,” Levi says with a shrug.

But no one believes him.

Bertolt stirs his hot chocolate again. 

If what Reiss saying can be trusted, then there’s a possibility that not even the True King can restore Eren.

So it is impossible after all. 

His hand stills. 

If it’s impossible for Eren to return to being who he is, then isn’t it far kinder to everyone (to Eren and to Marcel, especially) to let him go? Before Reiner and Annie realize the truth of the matter and fall into despair like him. Before Mikasa loses her “Kid.” Before this knife in Bertolt’s heart finally ends him.

Let Kid die as a stranger Bertolt never knew.

“Mr. Levi won’t kill you, but Kenny might,” Kid tells Reiss. “Apparently, one of the memories I lost is something important to him.”

Reiss buries his face in his hands. “Every single one of you are fucking monsters.”

“Is that an admission that you can’t help?” Bertolt asks.

There’s a terrified pause as Reiss struggles to answer. It looks like his mind is racing, possibly examining every possible option he has before coming to the inevitable conclusion.

“T-there’s something we can try. But… if we were to do this, I… I need some time.”

“Oh? Who’s delaying things now?” Levi remarks. But he nods anyways. “You have until dawn. If you try to call for help, we will kill everyone in this house except for you, Reiss. Until then, prepare us a room to rest in, won’t you?”

*

“He doesn’t actually need that time, does he?” Bertolt wonders as he settles on one of the beds. 

There are sixteen beds in this large room. It looks kind of like a clinic of sorts, but Bertolt decides he doesn’t want to care about this family to find out more. The four of them settle on beds, Bertolt on his own, Levi on his own, and Mikasa and Kid together on another. Soon, it will be Eren by Bertolt’s side as they journey to Reiner and Annie. And if that’s too hopeful, then it’ll be Bertolt journeying alone after killing Kid.

“He’s probably going to say goodbye to his family and write a will. Let him be. It might as well be his last night,” Levi says, sounding unconcerned. He examines the hooks of his vertical maneuvering equipment, cleaning it for whatever reasons.

A knock on the door makes them all pause.

“H-hello?” one of Reiss’ boys calls as he opens the door. “I… I might be overstepping my bounds, but please don’t kill my dad.”

Annoying. 

Bertolt turns his attention away from the kid to watch Kid and Mikasa. She looks like she’s urging him to do something that he refuses. What are they talking about? Is it about running away? Do they really think that there’s an escape after they’ve come this far? That Bertolt wold allow such a thing?

“We have no plans on killing him. If he ends up dead, it’s because he did something unnecessary.” In the background, Bertolt faintly hears Levi say that.

There’s a small pause of silence before…

“R-Reiner would never do something like this! Bertolt, Eren! What the hell are you two doing?”

…

Reiner, huh?

“Hahaha… ‘Reiner wouldn’t do this…’ You sound so sure of yourself. How long have you known him? Longer than I have? The Reiner in your head must be quite a ‘Knight!’”

He can’t help it. Not when Reiner gets dragged in like this. Not when this damned kid thinks he knows Reiner better. That Reiner is some sort of a saint when he’s the one who said that they should stay here. When he and Annie both decided to trust the Survey Corps. When they both betrayed Bertolt, because yeah, in the end, none of them can do it. 

They can’t bring themselves to abandon even the smallest of hope that Eren might return to them.

“You, who have stayed protected in this nice little estate, have no right to judge us.”

With a look of horror as if Bertolt’s the monster, the kid finally leaves.

Annoying.

Annoying. Annoying. Annoying. Annoying.

Reiner, the saint? Don’t make Bertolt laugh. None of them deserve that kind of status.

Not Reiner, who threw himself at the Survey Corps with shining eyes as if their twisted words can ever be the truth. To try and drown himself in something that isn’t actively sitting around and waiting for Eren to come back. Willingly turning himself into a puppet because that’s easier than seeing reality and thinking for himself (And it is. It really is. Bertolt can tell you all about it).

Not Annie, who waves her self-righteous promise of going home as if wrapping herself in that false belief will make it come true. Always going on and on about all of them being able to go home when it’s clear to everyone, even Bertolt, that it can never happen. Not anymore. They’re too far lost for that. They'll never be allowed home.

Not Marcel, who lied not only to the Marley commanders but also to them, his family. Their oh-so-noble leader who led them all here without ever mentioning any of his secret goals that he told Eren, only to Eren. As if the rest of their lives can easily be discarded as long as his own goals are accomplished.

Not Eren, who matched Marcel, step for step without a single care about the rest of them and what they’d have to do. Their beloved “Princess” who selfishly abandoned them with such a convenient an excuse as “I forgot,” all the while showing signs and dropping hints of familiarity that makes Bertolt want to cut out this aching heart in his chest.

Not Bertolt, the idiot, the fool. He saw the world burst into flame and fall to ruins but he couldn’t do anything but to follow Annie and Reiner. Because if they say so then it must be true, right? He can’t make his own damned decision. Never has been able to. What good is being able to see the truth if he can’t do anything about it? Hey Bertolt, you fucking idiot, if you hadn’t been such an indecisive weakling, then none of this would have happened! If you hadn't hesitated so much, this wouldn't be a fucking problem!

And for that matter, who the hell believes in such fleeting words as “The number one person I have to save is you?” He knew. He always knew that Eren’s priority is Marcel. He knew better than to believe in that lie, but it’s already taken deep root within his heart. He can’t get it out.

He can’t cut it out.

Like this knife lodged in his heart, he cannot get rid of this hope dangling in front of him. 

Then he’ll just have to kill the person that inspired this goddamned hope, right?

“You okay?”

Bertolt flinches and turns to stare at Eren’s worried eyes.

And you don’t understand. That’s Eren. That’s not Kid.

That’s Eren.

His arms wrap around Eren desperately. 

Help him. Save him. Please, please. You said you would. You promised. And Bertolt waited. He’s waited for so long-

“Hey, can you not touch me?” Kid growls as he shoves Bertolt off.

… Ah.

How cruel.

That’s not Eren. That’s Kid.

Slowly. Reluctantly, Bertolt pulls his legs to his chest. He finds himself smiling bitterly at the sight of distrust in Kid’s eyes. 

Not fair. Not fair.

How come Kid always gets to pretend that he’s the victim?

“My bad. I tripped,” Bertolt tells him with a fake smile.

Kid rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. I’m sure you tripped while sitting on your bed.”

*

Reiss faces them at dawn like he’s a soldier off to his final battle. 

Bertolt would find it funny if it wasn’t so damned stupid.

The Reiss family sends them off with brave faces like they’re the ones who are suffering. Every single one of them always pretend like they’re the only victims. Like no one else suffered because of them. Like no one else's suffering matters outside of their own.

Times like these, the smile on his face feels strained.

Because Levi insisted, they have all been given small pieces of bread to munch on while they ride the carriage to wherever it is that Reiss wants to go to. 

“If you try anything funny, remember that we’re all monsters that can’t die,” Levi tells Reiss loudly enough that the rest of his family can hear. “We’ll come back from hell to kill everyone you love.”

With such a threat hanging over his head, Reiss directs them into the carriage.

*

“A church?” Levi asks, his voice flat.

Reiss trembles as he rushes to explain. “I-it’s not just any church! It’s something that’s been in our family for generations! T-this is the place closest to our ancestors, so it will help with the whole memory thing, no matter what.”

“In other words, this is where you guys pass on the Founding Titan to the next person,” Bertolt surmises.

The Founding Titan, huh? The original purpose of their mission. Bertolt hasn’t even thought of it in years.

“What happened to that Titan?” Bertolt wonders.

Reiss presses his lips into a thin line for a second before he says, “Frieda was the holder of the Founding Titan. That’s why I believe that she’s still alive.”

…

How detestable. This man is just like Bertolt, Annie, and Reiner. 

But this begins to answer the question he has been wondering. The last person to have been seen with Frieda was Eren. And judging from the Titan corpse that had been left behind, doesn’t it stand to reason that Eren had already claimed the Founding Titan?

That two years ago before he lost his memories, he had already completed their objective.

But that doesn’t explain why Eren currently has no memories. If he ate Frieda, then she shouldn’t have been able to change his memory. Unless it really was a freak accident that happened? Did Eren hit his head after eating her?

The person who would be able to answer all of these questions is currently sleeping with his head resting on Mikasa’s shoulders. 

Bertolt can’t wait until all of this is over and behind them.

*

Beneath an altar, hidden by a rug, is a stairway leading to a large underground cavern. The cavern seems to be created out of Titan crystallization, emitting their own light somehow. Bertolt can’t help but to stare at the giant place in quiet awe. Is this something that all Titans can do? Or is this only possible due to the royal blood?

“Because of all the crystals, the memory manipulation powers are amplified,” Reiss says as he leads them deeper into the cavern.

And that makes sense, it really does.

But why do they have to go so deep inside the cavern? Shouldn’t the power be same whether they’re by the entrance or not?

It seems Bertolt came to that realization at the same time Levi did. Because Levi motions at the three of them to stop.

“That’s far enough. Let’s do it here,” he demands, drawing his blades in a clear threat.

Reiss doesn’t look perturbed. A little nervous, but that can be because he believes that he’ll die if he can’t get Kid to remember. In fact, he looks far calmer than Bertolt thought he would.

Is he finally coming to terms with things?

“Eren… was it?” Reiss asks.

Kid doesn’t answer, so Levi pushes him forward.

“Hold still,” Reiss says. He reaches over and holds Kid’s hand.

A second passes. And another. Then…

“Uh… Is something supposed to happen?” Kid asks Reiss. “I… don’t feel any different?”

Bertolt doesn’t have a chance to feel despair. 

Reiss makes sure of that.

With a loud laugh, he brandishes a syringe that has to be filled with Titan spinal fluid. That’s right. If this is the place where they passed along the Founding Titan, then of course, Reiss would have access to the spinal fluid. If he uses that then-

There’s no time to think. Bertolt’s arms wrap around Kid to pull him away at the same time Reiss injects himself with the syringe. 

Bright, crackles of light surrounds Reiss’ body as Bertolt, Levi, and Mikasa use their vertical maneuvering equipment to get away. Reiss’ body begins to grow, morphing into a giant Pure Titan that seems much too large to be normal. Just what kind of a mix did Reiss inject himself with? At this rate, the cavern is most likely going to collapse around them.

“Fly out of the church!” Levi orders. 

They make it out of the church, but that’s about it. Reiss’ Titan form destroys the ground around the church as its hideous body stretches out from the ground. It throws its head back and screams for the world to hear. Just like the cries of a newborn infant. 

Bertolt shudders.

“What… the hell?” Levi whispers.

“Kid, your hand!” Mikasa exclaims, catching Bertolt’s attention. 

Now that he’s thinking about it, he probably should release Kid, huh? Well, they’re not exactly out of danger yet. It should be fine to hold him a bit longer. After all, Kid very rarely lets Bertolt get close like this.

The hand that Reiss had been holding has been cut off and covered in steam. Since the only person who has their blades drawn is Levi, that means he must have sliced it off so that they can get away from Reiss. What terrifying split-second decision. But Bertolt is grateful. If not for that, then Reiss would have crushed Eren with that giant body of his. Was the plan for him to eat Eren to become a shifter?

“I’m fine. More so than that, that…  _ thing _ is still growing,” Kid says, uncomfortably motioning at Reiss.

The Pure Titan tries to escape the underground cavern. Every time it tries to shift its weight forward, the ground gives out and falls into the cavern. For now, that’s giving them enough time and space to catch their breath. But if it were to get out… Would it come after the four of them first? Or…?

“What the hell did he inject himself with?” Levi growls.

“Titan spinal fluid,” Bertolt explains to them. “It turns you into a Pure Titan.”

“… I… always thought that Titans were just a myth,” Mikasa mumbles.

Levi points his blade towards Reiss. “A Titan is still a Titan. If I cut the nape, it’ll die, correct?”

“Y-yes. But… a-at that size, there’s no way that your blade will be able to reach the nape,” Bertolt stammers.

“We won’t know until we try! Bertolt, take Eren and get out. Mikasa, follow them. That will be my last orders to you.”

“Don’t be stupid!” Kid snaps. “You’re not going to fight that thing on your own! Let us help!”

Levi turns to him coldly. “And what are you going to do? Stand around and yell at him to stop? You don’t even have a weapon on you.”

“Regardless, we’re not leaving you behind. We’re not leaving anyone behind. L-look! That carriage is still here. Let’s all run away!”

“To where?” Levi asks. 

Kid’s mouth closes with a clack. 

Reiss’ Pure Titan seems to have finally gotten a foothold. It pulls its large body out of the cavern and then pauses. Is it looking for something? Then it must have decided what it wants, because it begins to race towards the Walls.

“What’s it doing?” Mikasa asks.

“There’s probably a town that way. An abnormal in its size and how it behaves… Damn it. I’ll have to borrow one of the horses from the carriage. You guys make it back to Reiss.”

Levi is doing his best to keep his calm to give them a comprehensible order. And now that Bertolt thinks about it, isn’t this a “worst case scenario?” It’s not that they’d be stopped by Kenny, but that they’d be stopped by a Titan that looks like it’s larger than the Colossal…

If Marcel was here, what would he have done?

The minute that thought occurs to Bertolt, he realizes that he already knows what Marcel would have done. 

The same thing that Eren would have done.

Eren…

Bertolt tightens his hold around Kid. But the distinction is clear enough for him. He feels like he can understand, even as the knife twists in his heart. After a second of hesitation, he pulls away from Kid and pushes Kid towards Mikasa.

“W-what are you doing…?” Kid asks as Mikasa protectively stands in front of him.

There’s a hint of fear in his voice. See? Not Eren at all. Eren would be angry. He would stare at that massive Pure Titan with a grin and say, “What? That’s it? You’re looking down on me, Mr. Reiss.”

This here is Kid. He’s someone who looks like Eren, but isn’t him. You can tell from the look of fear in his eyes. You can tell from the way he allows Mikasa to protect him.

This person can never be Eren.

But Bertolt probably knew that. Knew it from that moment in Utgard Castle when his hands wrapped around Kid’s throat and Kid barely resisted. Knew it from the moment when Kid jerked away from him, refusing to be touched. Knew it from the moment when Mikasa arrived to rescue Kid.

Eren may be their Princess, but he very rarely needed saving.

He’s the kind of Princess that saves them. Isn’t that why Bertolt so foolishly held on for the last two years? Because they all knew that Eren will appear before them with a grin on his face and a nonchalant, “Did I keep you waiting for long?”

“Bertolt, what are you doing?” Levi demands. “Didn’t you hear me? Grab Eren and-”

“You won’t be able to fight that thing by yourself, Mr. Levi. Not because you don’t have the skill, but because you don’t have the size. But I can do it.”

Levi shakes his head. “Shut up. Take Shitty Brat and leave. That’s my order.”

“But you’re not part of the Survey Corps anymore. And I… I’m done with waiting for someone to save me.”

He wonders why it took him so long to realize this. Why didn’t he put it together earlier? It would have saved so much heartache. The knife that’s been so deeply twisted into his heart feels like it can be eased out now. The minute he pulls it out, his blood will gush out until he’s completely dry.

But if he doesn’t pull it out, he doesn’t think he’ll be able to heal.

_ “The number one person I have to save is you.” _

No, that’s wrong.

Eren, thanks to that kindness, Bertolt ended up becoming this useless kind of guy. He ended up clinging so tightly to those words that he became blinded by anything else. “If you cannot be the person who can save me, then I’d rather you be dead,” was his thought process not so long ago. He allowed himself to childishly cling to his ideals while throwing everyone else’s kindness back at their faces. 

The people of Survey Corps did truly care about them.

Isn’t that why they went out of their way to teach all three of them how to use the vertical maneuvering equipment? Isn’t that why Erwin asked Bertolt to stay near the Walls as an excuse to keep him away from the politics and other people that made Bertolt anxious? Isn’t that why Levi made that promise so long ago and kept it? Isn't that why Hange ruffled his hair and told him, "If I have a kid, I hope he'd be as kind as you."

Eren, you were right. These people can be trusted. Bertolt just wishes it didn’t take him this long to finally realize it.

But because he refused to let anyone in, because he was so caught up on the idea that Eren would save them and they'd all get revenge on these people within these Walls, Bertolt lost sight of something very important.  

He holds up the bracelet on his wrist for Eren to see, knowing that it’ll be lost on Kid. With a soft chuckle at the sight of Kid’s confused expression, he decides to be content with this.

Let Kid be Kid.

Let him be an innocent bystander who never had to worry about the Marleyan government. Let him have a naive outlook on life, even if it’s a little bloodier than it should be. Let him be protected by Levi and Mikasa. Let him live in a world different from Bertolt.

Because the person in Bertolt’s world is Eren. And Kid is someone who will never be able to reach their sweet yet aggressive Attack Titan.

Kid will never love Bertolt like Eren loves him.

And somehow, he finally feels like that’s fine.

That they’ll all be fine.

“Mr. Levi, please take everyone as far away as you can. When I turn, I’ll end up setting this entire forest ablaze with my Titan. That’s just how destructive I am.”

“I’m not leaving you to fight that thing alone,” Levi growls.

Bertolt laughs. “No, no. You’re not getting it. If you guys are nearby, it’ll inconvenience me. As in, you’ll get in the way. Besides, you promised, didn’t you? You haven’t brought Eren back to us yet.”

He knows exactly when Levi arrives on the correct conclusion from the soft sigh. Levi puts his blades away and gives Bertolt a serious look.

“If it looks like things are getting too out of hand, just run away and find us. We’ll head back to the Reiss’ estate for now.”

“W-wait, I… I don’t… N-nameless Soldier, a-are you really going to fight that thing?” Kid asks.

If this was Eren, he would have pointed at the Pure Titan and yelled out, “Kill it, Bertolt!” He would have given Bertolt an almost feral grin while laughing delightedly. “Show them all why you’re called the God of Destruction!”

Ah, no.

Actually, that’s wrong. Eren would have already transformed. And without any regard for anything or anyone else, Eren would attempt to fight that huge Titan by himself. And out of sheer worry, everyone else would jump in to help.

Bertolt finds his lips twitching in amusement. “I’m not going to fight it. I’m going to kill it.”

Kid stares at him for a beat longer and then…

“G-good luck.”

How very like Kid to accept that Bertolt won’t make it out of this alive. Bertolt finds himself chuckling despite himself.

Mikasa gives Bertolt a small nod, possibly her awkward way of showing respect. Then she leads Kid into the carriage. The driver of the carriage is nowhere nearby (he probably ran off the minute the ground started shaking. How lucky that the horses couldn’t move thanks to the carriage weighing them down). Levi situates himself to drive.

“Last chance. Run away with us,” he says.

“Mr. Levi, I am a proud Warrior. Please allow me to have this much.”

There’s a small pause before Levi sighs. “Don’t you dare die, Shitty Sleep-posture. Eren will never forgive you or me if those he loves end up dead before he returns.”

Bertolt hears the carriage start up and leave.

*

He gives them five minutes of riding away while he chases after Reiss’ Pure Titan using his vertical maneuvering equipment in this forest area. When he feels that they should be out of the immediate danger range, he takes out a dagger that he always keeps on him.

“It’s not just the Knight that saves the Princess, you know.”

Bertolt startles and glances around. But there’s no one anywhere near him, as it should be.

But that voice… It was Marcel’s, wasn’t it? Almost like Marcel reached Bertolt from beyond the grave to give him this one final push.

He lets out a soft laugh and shakes his head. “I’m going mad,” he mumbles amused to himself.

With a simple movement, he slices his palm open.

 

* * *

 

Ymir wakes to the sound of the rooster’s crow. Time for the daily grind, huh? 

She sighs softly and rubs her eyes.

Why must the farm life start so early in the morning? It would be so much better for everyone to start even an hour later, won’t it? 

With such grumpy thoughts, she waits for one of her favorite parts of the morning. For Krista to stop by the door and yell out in her beautiful voice, “Good morning, Ymir! Ready for today?”

Ymir waits. 

And waits.

And waits.

And realizes that something must be off, because Krista is never late. She’s too good of a girl for that.

Immediately, she feels her stomach drop and fear squeeze her throat. No, she tells herself firmly. It can’t be that. It can’t be the Warriors. It can’t be Eren. Maybe Krista is feeling shy after their talks of spending the rest of their lives together. Maybe Krista is feeling under the weather. Or maybe she’s feeling like a rebel and wants to get off this farm.

Forcing herself to take a deep breath, Ymir gets out of her bed. She heads out the door to see exactly what’s happening. 

“Krista is fine,” she mumbles to herself. “She’s…”

Her voice gets caught in her throat at the sight.

The house is partly destroyed by Pure Titans. But that makes no sense. Why are there Pure Titans here? There shouldn’t be any. They’re inside of the Walls. It’s supposed to be safe here. It’s supposed to be…

One of the Pure Titans turns towards her, staring with its unblinking blue eyes. And it takes Ymir a second but she knows those eyes.

Isn’t that…?

“Krista…?”

No. 

No, no, no, no, no.

That’s impossible. It’s completely, utterly impossible. How can Krista be a Pure Titan? That makes no sense. People don’t just randomly turn into Titans! They at least need…

What did they eat last night? 

When she was “sent to Heaven” sixty or so years ago, she was stabbed with a syringe to turn her into a Pure Titan. Then doesn’t it stand to reason that it can be transferred some other way? For example, what if one were to ingest it? It’ll be slower than if it were to enter the bloodstream directly, but it can still happen.

If the Warriors were to poison the water…

She sees it in her mind’s eyes. Eren’s cold glare as he looks down at her. His lips drawn back into a sneer. 

_ “Don’t apologize. She’s the one who ate Marcel.” _

Therefore, it’s okay to poison the water supply, Eren? Then again, this is the guy who thought that Ymir should drink her own blood if she was thirsty. He probably didn’t even think about the casualties. Just like he never thinks about who will get caught up in his suicidal heads-on attack. Just like he never…

He never?

That’s funny. Usually, this is the time Marcel will make a smartass comment about one thing or another. But her head is strangely quiet. Did he finally shut up at the realization of the atrocity that Eren caused? No, he’s not that kind of person. Marcel’s more likely to brag to Ymir about how amazing Eren is or whatever. He’s kind of disgustingly doting like that.

“… dooo…”

Ymir’s head snaps up. Huh? Did she hear that? Someone just spoke, right? What…

Her eyes land on the Pure Titan with too blue of eyes.

“… C-cock-aaaa-dooooodle-dooooo…”

She covers her own eyes. 

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Damn you, Marcel. Damn you, Eren. Damn you, Marleys. And most of all, damn herself for bringing Krista into this. For promising Krista a future when she knew.  _ She knew _ that there can’t be any.

How can there be when Ymir has less than 11 years to live?

“Y-Ymir…”

Slowly, she lets her hands drop to look at the Pure Titan… at Krista. There are traces of tears in those blue eyes. Or is that just Ymir’s wishful thinking? 

In order for a Pure Titan to return to their human body, they need to eat a Titan Shifter. 

Lucky for Krista, Ymir is right here.

She smiles as cockily as she can and throws her head back with pride. “It’s fine, Krista! You’re hungry, right? That’s fine. I’m right here. All you have to do is eat me.”

One of the things that she was always shocked that Marcel never let her see is his death. She thought that he would be the type to try and drive her insane by guilting her with the pain and fear he felt. But perhaps that’s just part of his pride. So she doesn’t know what to expect if Krista were to grab her now and bite down on her head.

She can just hope that her selfish wish to not let Krista realize how terrified she is will be enough to block this memory from Krista.

“Come on! What are you waiting for? I’m right here!”

But Krista slowly looks away from her and towards something far in the horizon. Huh? What’s going on? And now that Ymir thinks about it, isn’t it weird that the other two Pure Titans inside of this house isn’t attacking her? All Pure Titans are mindlessly starving. They should go for the nearest source of food to eat. But these guys are all ignoring her right now to stare off into the distance.

Then they start to move.

“W-wait! Krista!” And when that doesn’t work, Ymir tries, “Historia!”

Krista’s Pure Titan pauses long enough to turn back to look at Ymir. And for just a second, Ymir feels like the Titan smiled. Then Krista’s Pure Titan resumes walking, joining the other Pure Titans that all seem to be going in the same direction.

Abnormals? 

No, that makes no sense. How can there be this many abnormals? 

Then again, there shouldn’t be Pure Titans within the Walls either, but here she is. That means someone else had a hand in this. Someone like…

Ymir runs into the kitchen and rummages through the drawers until she finds what she’s looking for. With a grin on her face, she slices her palm with the kitchen knife.

Because if this is a ploy by the Warriors to get back at her for eating Marcel two years ago, then isn’t this perfect? She now has targets that she can feed Krista… Historia.

Just wait a few more moments, Historia. Ymir will bring the most delicious snack to turn Historia back to normal. Then they can have it.

A future together.

*

She doesn’t know where the Pure Titans are headed, but it’s easy enough to blend in with them. 

Just what are the Warriors planning to do with this many Pure Titans? That’s something that Ymir can’t figure out. Is this something that took them two years to put together? How did they even come up with something like this? What are they trying to accomplish?

Ymir moves much faster than all of them. It gives her an edge to climb on some of the taller Titans to see if she can spot where the Warriors might be hiding. Because surely they’ll be nearby? 

But where?

Where are they hiding? Where can they-

Ah.

She underestimated them.

In one second, she’s holding onto a 13 meter class Pure Titan to look around. In the next, her arms are gone and she’s falling.

There’s a flash of brown, and she sees it.

The Wings of Freedom.

This has to be a shitty joke, right?

Ymir forces herself to land on her feet so that she can try to run away. But it looks like the suicidal group… Right. The Survey Corps (The same group that Ymir recommended to the Warriors to use to get inside of these Walls. The same group that Krista looks up to). The Survey Corps member that’s coming after Ymir doesn’t relent.

And pretty quickly, there’s another one that rushes at her to chop off her legs.

“How lucky. You were here, too.”

It’s been two years but Ymir recognizes that voice.

And isn’t it hilarious? Ymir has lived in fear for the past two years of the Warriors coming after her. Of Eren’s angry eyes, his vicious violence. Of his promise to eat her.

But she never really thought about the others.

Annie fires her vertical maneuvering equipment hooks into Ymir’s shoulders. 

“Reiner, fetch Porco. Let’s get this over with.”

 

* * *

 

“Ah, if it isn’t the Black Knight,” greets the limbless girl that Annie has pinned under her foot.

Porco holds the syringe in one hand while keeping his eyes on that limbless girl. Reiner gives him a squeeze on the shoulder before taking two steps back. He and Annie will most likely fly up the minute Porco injects himself with the syringe. And they’re far away enough from the cart where Pieck, Zeke, and Colt are. So at least he doesn’t have to worry about losing control and going after them.

That should give him precious few minutes to talk to this girl before she heals completely, right?

“So you’ve seen Marcel’s memories, huh?” Porco says evenly.

“More or less. He hated you, by the way. He wished that Eren was his brother instead of someone stupid like you.”

Porco closes his eyes for a second. When he opens them, it’s to the limbless girl’s mocking sneer. Just as Reiner warned. Even without limbs, she’ll pretend to hold all the power.

“No, he doesn’t,” Porco tells her calmly. “If Eren was Marcel’s brother, they would never have been able to stand as equals. Either you haven’t seen that much of Marcel’s memories or you don’t understand how my brother thinks.”

Because if Eren was Marcel’s brother, Marcel would have taken the same view that they should not both become Titan Shifters. So that their parents won’t lose both kids. Therefore, it stands to reason that even if Eren and Marcel stood as equals as brothers, they would never have become the unstoppable duo. 

The limbless girl’s sneer falls. She stares at Porco with clear distaste that he doesn’t expect. He thought that she would keep up that strong act for much longer.

“Truth be told, I really don’t care about your brother or Eren or you. But there’s a girl among the Pure Titans over there that I desperately want to save. Hey… won’t you please let me be eaten by her instead?”

What? Does she think that he’ll pity her because she mentioned a girl? Did she already forget what she called him?

He’s the “Black Knight.” 

He’s someone who doesn’t care about chivalry or honor (Why is it that the minute he thinks that, he hears Eren’s voice from a long time ago telling him that he’s a horrible liar? Shut up, Eren. The only chivalry and honor he shows are to his family).

“Why should I care?” he asks her.

The limbless girl sputters as if she didn’t expect that. “T-that girl is super pretty! Y-you like princesses, don’t you? How cool would it be to save her and be her knight? Isn’t that what you’ve always wanted? Your very own princess like how Marcel has Eren? So just… just save her! I don’t care what happens to me, just save her!”

“Aren’t you misunderstanding something here? I am the Black Knight. That means I don’t do shit like saving princesses.”

No, that’s a job that he long accepted that only Marcel will be able to do.

But it seems that Porco’s words have fallen on deaf ears. The limbless girl keeps going on and on about saving her own princess, begging him to have heart. And this is pathetic enough, but does she really have to make it so embarrassing as well?

“Hey!” Porco snaps, finally getting her attention. “When you ate Marcel, did you care about the fact that you took away Eren’s Knight?”

The limbless girl’s face falls in understanding. 

Well, that makes things easier.

“Yeah. You and that girl, whoever she is? I don’t give two shits.”

Porco injects himself with the spinal fluid.

*

Reiner drops Porco back off at the cart with the others. It seems that in the short while away, Colt has learned how to manage the horses and is now driving the cart towards the Reiss estate.

“W-welcome back!” Colt greets him.

“Hey. Yeah. I’m back.”

“Where’s Annie?” Pieck asks them, her voice just a pitch above worried.

“We hit the jackpot,” Reiner says. “Turns out Marcel’s killer has been living with Historia for the past few years. Annie went to track her down.”

From the way the memories of the illegitimate daughter of the King surfaced at the forefront of his mind after he ate Ymir, Porco has no doubt that that was Ymir’s last resort. Tell them how valuable it is to have Historia in hopes that they will save her. 

“Perhaps we’ll be able to draw out the Founding Titan this way, too. If we remind the King that his daughter, illegitimate or not, has been turned into a Pure Titan, surely he’ll offer himself up,” Zeke muses. 

Reiner makes a face. “Yeah, don’t count on that. Reiss cares more about profits and losses than he does about family.”

Porco doesn’t remark that Reiner sounds personally offended.

“What does your Titan look like?” Pieck asks Porco, looking far too gleeful now that she knows that Annie is fine.

“You’ll have to wait to see it,” Porco tells her smugly.

She makes a face and turns to Reiner. “What does it look like?”

“Oh, it’s-”

“Reiner, if you tell, I’m going to tell Eren that you ate the apple tarts we brought for him,” Porco says quickly.

As expected, Reiner pales. He looks away from Pieck’s shocked eyes. 

“You ate Eren’s apple tarts?!” Pieck exclaims, thankfully changing the topic.

“Are you feeling okay?” Colt asks Porco quietly.

Porco moves to sit in the front with Colt to get away from Reiner’s and Pieck’s conversation. “Y-yeah. I’m fine. A little disoriented, but Reiner said that’s normal.”

Colt nods slowly. “It’s a bit vexing. I feel like I’m being left behind.”

“Want to eat Zeke and get the Beast Titan?” Porco offers.

At the sound of his name, Zeke glances at them curiously. Porco offers him a grin.

“More so than the Beast Titan… what if I got the Warhammer?” Colt quickly blushes and ducks his head. “I-I know it’s unreasonable. But I just thought… Wouldn’t it be cool if our family… and Zeke, I guess, all have a Titan Shifting ability?”

There’s something about what Colt just says that tickles the back of Porco’s mind. Something about that is familiar. But he can’t figure out what. Is it something that was said off-handedly? Or perhaps it’s a whisper of Marcel’s memories buried in Ymir’s Historia-filled ones?

It’s on the tip of his tongue. He’s about to remember something. There’s something-

The earth begins to rumble.

An earthquake? Jeesh, this island is so damned annoying. 

“G-guys! Over there!”

Pieck’s sharp eyes catches sight of the cause of the earthquake. She points off in the distance, where they can all see what looks to be… a Titan? But wait, if they can see it this clearly from this distance, just how large is that thing? 

The ground continues to shake as the Titan writhes. From here, Porco can’t tell at all if it’s attacking something or just struggling to keep that ridiculously large form under control.

“W-what the hell’s up with that body…?”

“It doesn’t look like it saw us,” Zeke says with a frown. “Is that a Pure Titan? Or perhaps that’s the Founding Titan? It looks like it might be bigger than the Colossal.”

“Are you guys okay?” Annie yells as she returns using her vertical maneuvering equipment.

“We’re fine,” Pieck tells her. “Did you find…?”

“Yes. Or at least I’m going to assume that’s her. But right now…” Annie motions at the giant Titan in the distance. “Are we going to do anything about that?”

“We don’t have to. It looks like it’s content to stay wherever it is, and it hasn’t noticed us. We have our plates already full. There’s no need to add a giant Titan on top of it,” Reiner decides.

It still catches Porco off-guard to hear Reiner give them orders. He knows that there’s no way Marcel can give commands from the grave. And with Eren currently missing, it’s not like they have to worry about suicidal heads-on charges. But to hear something resembling sense coming out of Reiner’s mouth makes him feel all kinds of disgusted.

He wonders if that's just his bias. After all, he always thought that if Marcel and Eren weren't around, he would be the next leader.

“Alright. Let’s just worry about getting to Reiss.”

*

The cart shudders as the earth shakes every time the Titan moves. But it seems to have still not noticed them. In fact, that Titan seems more interested in something near the Walls. Porco is just glad that they don’t have to worry about it giving them chase. He really doesn’t know how they’d be able to fight off something that large.

Maybe if Eren was here… 

“Hey guys, Eren’s supposed to be with Bertolt, right?” 

Porco feels a headache beginning to form. Slowly, he turns to look at what Pieck is looking at.

And fuck.

Isn’t that the Colossal Titan by the giant Titan’s side?

“Are they… fighting?” Annie wonders.

Reiner lets out a loud curse. “If Bertolt’s fighting that thing over there, then yeah. Eren’s probably over there, too. Ugh. The Attack Titan would be too small in comparison to those two to do any damage…” 

“That’s on the assumption that Eren remembers and is fighting with Bertolt,” Annie reminds him.

There’s too much that they don’t know right now. If Marcel was here, he’d insist that they gather intel first. And as if understanding that, Reiner looks at all of them seriously.

“Let’s split up.”

They nod seriously.

“Colt, you have the map to Reiss’ place, right?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Then Annie, Pieck, and I will go help Bertolt. The rest of you get to Reiss’ place and threaten them as we planned. If Eren is out there, we’ll bring him back,” Reiner concludes.

That makes sense. It’s a reasonable enough plan. Pieck is the fastest, so she’ll be able to get Reiner and Annie to Bertolt quickly. And as the two who has those vertical maneuvering equipment and Survey Corps training, they would be able to provide support to fight that giant thing. But…

“Take me instead of Pieck.”

It used to be that Marcel’s plans benched Colt and Porco, as the two non-shifters and therefore, the most fragile. The two of them will always be placed out of the line of fire (or as close to that as Marcel could make it with the Marleyan commanders breathing down their backs). But there’s no need to treat Porco that daintily anymore.

He can finally stand with them as an equal.

“The Jaw Titan is just as fast as the Cart. And you guys won’t have to worry about falling off of Pieck’s back without her cart to keep you guys in. Not to mention… if Eren is really there, then I…”

Porco doesn’t know how to finish that sentence. If Eren is really there, then he…? What does he want to do? What does he want to say? What is he hoping for?

“I think I should-”

Zeke’s words are cut short by Pieck.

“Porco, what does your Jaw Titan look like?” she asks, her voice low.

It’s no use hiding anymore, huh?

“It looks just like Marcel’s.”

Pieck closes her eyes and rubs her temples. “I suppose if Eren did lose his memories, the best bet in jogging those would be Marcel. But Pock, if you do this… Eren might…”

He feels all of their worried gazes on him. He knows, alright? They don’t have to look so devastated for him. Besides, Eren is someone who stood as Marcel’s equal. There’s no way that he’ll mistake Porco for Marcel. 

That’s something Porco knows as fact.

“I know what you're thinking, but you're wrong. Eren knows the difference between Marcel and me.  Right now, let’s focus on helping Bertolt and the whole Reiss thing.”

*

Marcel placed his finger against his own lips and motioned Porco to follow him. Curious, Porco did as bid.

The two brothers quietly snuck up behind Eren, who was reading at his desk. With a mischievous grin, Marcel covered Eren’s eyes from behind. Then he motioned at Porco. 

How terribly childish. But this was a side to Marcel that he never showed unless Eren was involved. Porco always hated how much of Marcel he finally got to see because Eren was there. Because doesn’t that mean that if they never met Eren, Marcel would have continued being an airhead that Porco (or anyone else for that matter) could never reach?

“Guess who?” Porco asked from behind Eren.

Marcel gave him a satisfied nod. Then he turned his attention back to Eren, looking like a giddy child.

“Porco’s speaking and Marcel’s covering my eyes,” Eren answered without missing a beat. 

He placed his hands over Marcel’s and pulled them down as he turned to look at the two brothers with an annoyed scowl. Marcel didn’t seem to mind as he wrapped his arms around Eren, laughing delightedly.

“You always know it’s me!” Marcel said, resting his chin on Eren’s shoulder so Porco couldn’t see his expression.

Well, seeing that Marcel was the only one who ever did something so childish, Porco wasn’t too shocked. 

“That’s because it’s you, Marcel.”

Porco felt his cheeks heat up at such cheesy words. It wasn’t even aimed at him, and he felt this embarrassed! How the hell did Eren stand saying something like that? He wondered what Marcel was feeling. Did he feel as embarrassed as Porco did? Or did he feel more…

_ That’s not fair, Eren. If you say something so kind, I won’t be able to…  _

 

“Pock, pay attention to where you’re going!” Annie reminds him with a light kick to Porco’s jaw.

He truly wishes that his Titan can talk, just so he can tell Annie off. Just now, he feels like he remembered something important. No, that’s not quite right. Not “remember” in the sense that it’s something that he experienced. But more as in…

Were those Marcel’s thoughts? 

Is he skipping Ymir’s memories and going straight to Marcel’s? Or is this Ymir’s way of pushing important memories that she believes will help Historia?

Was there something else to Marcel’s plan that they’re overlooking…?


	17. Let’s dance, everybody

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick! Before the anime confirms or denies Porco's hair color! (In case it's a different color in the anime, Porco is a blonde in this story)
> 
> Feel free to ignore the note at the end if you're not in the mood for silly nothings to ruin the atmosphere of the story.

“Squad Leader Hange!” Moblit exclaims as he knocks against Hange’s inn room door. “Squad Leader Hange! Please wake up!”

There has been crazy earthquakes all morning, so Hange figures Moblit is here to inform her that they have to change their route to get to the King. She stretches and gets out of bed to reassure Moblit that there’s nothing wrong. This kind of setbacks are normal.

To be honest, it’ll be better if there are more delays in meeting the King. Because according to Erwin, this is most likely a disguise for a trial to judge her for living outside of the Walls for the past six months without their explicit permission. Although she’s the one who volunteered to come back within the Walls to be the distraction, she sure doesn’t want to deal with the politics. Why can’t Erwin just take care of this for her instead?

“There are Titans inside Wall Sheena!”

This setback, she realizes with a start, is not normal.

Hange runs to the door and kicks it open. “What?!”

“The earthquakes we’ve been feeling all morning? It’s caused by Titans. There are two giant Titans that are currently within Wall Sheena. One is estimated to be about as tall as the Walls. But the other Titan is reported to be larger than that. T-that’s… It has to be… S-Squad Leader, what do we do?”

When Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie first admitted to being able to turn into Titans, Hange begged and begged and begged until Erwin agreed to having a bit of an experiment. At the time (and all the times afterwards), only Bertolt refused to transform, citing that his Titan was too large to hide and too destructive. Then it stands to reason that one of the giant Titans that appeared is Bertolt.

Now the question becomes who is the other giant Titan? Is it one of Marley’s forces? Erwin was planning on taking them to Utgard Castle. Except why are they now inside of Wall Sheena? Just what happened while she wasn’t around?

At the very least, she knows that she doesn’t have to worry since Bertolt is with Mike and the Marleyan kids are with Annie and Erwin. Even if the worst happens, both Mike and Erwin will take good care of those kids. 

“Moblit, I’m going to change and get ready. Tell everyone to meet me in the main lounge in five.”

“Yes!”

“Oh, and Moblit?” Hange calls, stopping him. 

“Yes, Squad Leader?”

She grins. “Send a messenger to apologize to the King. We’ll have to take a rain-check on meeting him to deal with the Titans.”

Moblit pales, which lets her know that he is on the same page as her. But he must have gotten used to her eccentricity while living out in the log cabin, because he doesn’t protest or complain about the fact that they would doubtlessly rush over to fight those giant Titans.

Shame. She was looking forward to posing dramatically while declaring, “We are the Survey Corps! With the ‘Wings of Freedom’ on our backs, we’ll research these Titans that have popped up!”

What was the point of practice saying all those embarrassing “heroic” lines if no one will give her the chance to say it? Stupid Erwin. Even without these, she feels like she’ll be fine. She’s plenty heroic even without such cheesy words, isn’t she?

But maybe she can say it to her squad later. Oulo, Petra, and Eld all get hilarious when she says things like that.

 

* * *

 

“Squad Leader Mike!”

Mike nods even before Gelgar can speak. “I heard.”

Gelgar looks a little disappointed that he doesn’t get to deliver the news, but he stays level-headed. 

“It has to be Bertolt. But who is he fighting against? The Marley guys that arrived? And whatever happened to Eren?” Gunther wonders.

“Squad Leader Mike, what are your orders?”

The rest of Mike’s squad are gathered around him, waiting for him to give them the go-ahead to rush to Bertolt’s side. Just a little, he wonders if that child realizes just how much he is loved. Probably not, right? Bertolt seems too insecure of a person to notice something like that.

Then as responsible adults who were tasked with looking after him, it is their duty to go remind him that he isn’t alone.

“We ride out to Wall Sheena.”

Clean up here is pretty much done anyways. They’ll have to buy new horses and get gas for their vertical maneuvering equipment first, though. Well, it should be fine if they’re a little late, since Levi is with those kids.

 

* * *

 

Nile greets Erwin with a scowl and a low, “The Commanders are here to see you.”

On any other occasion, Erwin might have found this funny or even flattering, but he’s having a mild freak out by the fact that Reiner is missing and he has no idea how the Marleyan forces are doing. All evidence points to Erwin and his squad having been attacked by bandits. But the fact that only Reiner is missing is highly suspect. Did he orchestrate it all to join up with the Marleyan forces? Or was he kidnapped due to his healing abilities?

And instead of looking into this case, the Military Police have decided to lock up Erwin and his men behind bars despite multiple attempts at explaining that they were attacked by bandits. Why do people distrust Erwin on sight now? Is it his face? He practiced his polite smiles so often in the mirror that he thought for sure it was flawless!

… It’s his eyebrows, isn’t it?

“Erwin,” the three Commanders greet him with apprehension.

“My squad and I were attacked by bandits and robbed. One of my men is missing. Shouldn’t that be your first priority?” 

The three glance at one another, and Erwin realizes that these three are not here because of the bandit attack. Something must have happened while Erwin and his men were inside of these cells.

“You don’t know what happened?” Shadis asks him.

So whatever bad thing that happened, they were planning on blaming it all on Erwin. He worked so hard to build up Hange’s reputation so these Commanders would be distracted by her to notice him. But it looks like the target on his back is larger than he anticipated. To think his past accomplishments will now come back to haunt him in the worst way possible… This was a miscalculation on his part.

“I was in this cell the entire night, so I’m afraid I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Pixis nods. “There are reports that two giant Titans that are both taller than the Walls have appeared inside of Wall Sheena.”

Two giant Titans…? Inside of Wall Sheena? 

The only Titan that is supposedly as tall as the Walls is Bertolt (Erwin himself has never seen it since Bertolt refused to transform in front of them). But what is the other Titan? Where did it come from? Did a Titan inside the Walls break loose? Or is this the abilities of the two boys from Marley that Erwin has no information on?

“And,” the Commander of the Military Police adds with hesitation, “this isn’t public knowledge yet. But… there’s also a lot of smaller Titans all around the farmlands of Sheena. As of now, these Titans don’t seem all that interested in the Military Police personnel I sent out. They all seem to be heading somewhere. But they can’t all realistically be abnormals, can they? Do you really know nothing about this?”

Bunch of Titans? Not just the two giants? How many exactly do they mean when he says "a lot?" A lot as in five? Or a lot as in twenty or more? 

Erwin is honestly at a loss for words. Is this something new that the Marleyan forces developed that Annie, Bertolt, and Reiner wouldn’t have known about? Is that why the new group was sent to Paradis? Then doesn’t it stand to reason that Bertolt is now resisting orders (“treason,” those kids have once called it) in order to protect everyone within these Walls? 

No, wait. Bertolt’s with Eren right now. So maybe this is Eren’s Titan form…? 

That can’t be right either. Annie said Eren’s Attack Titan is similar to hers except male. Then what the hell is this?

He shouldn’t have sent Annie away when he knows so little. Those kids always try too hard to take on the burdens of the world upon their small shoulders. Knowing Reiner as he does, he wouldn’t be shocked if Reiner orchestrated the “bandit attack” in hopes of keeping them safe and away from this mess.

They’ve known each other for the past two years, but still these kids can’t seem to trust the adults around them to pull their own weights.

Erwin takes that as his own personal failure.

“I’m afraid I know nothing about this. Furthermore, I’m rather concerned you three believed that I would have anything to do with this.”

“You’re just that kind of a guy,” Shadis says.

Please, at least look a little guilty about falsely accusing Erwin.

“But we would really appreciate any help the Survey Corps can lend us,” the Commander for the Military Police admits. 

Erwin glances at his men, who look expectantly at him. Of course, Erwin plans on jumping into the fray. That’s not even a matter of question. But can these guys keep quiet about the children and the newly arrived Marleyan forces enough to fool someone as sharp as Pixis?

“My squad hasn’t gone outside of the Walls much in the recent years, so I’m not sure what help we’ll be able to offer. But we are not so cold nor so cowardly that we’ll turn our backs and run. My soldiers, let us ride to hell.”

 

* * *

 

Their attention is drawn by a loud screech from the Titan that Bertolt is fighting. 

But that fraction of a second of distraction is more than enough for them to almost collide with a carriage. Luckily, the person driving the carriage is none other than Levi. He reacts quickly enough so that they don’t collide. But his reaction must have been too rough and too sudden, because the carriage tips over.

Without being bothered by the turned carriage, Levi jumps in front of Porco with both his blades drawn. 

It’s not until this moment that Reiner realizes that Levi has never seen any of their Titan forms. He probably thinks that Porco is a Pure Titan. Then that blood lust is most definitely aimed at them, and if he doesn't stop this now, they will all die.

“M-Mr. Levi! It’s us!” Reiner says as he jumps off of Porco’s shoulder. Annie follows suit on the other side.

Levi glances at the two of them and seems to come to the decision to trust them. He puts his blades away and turns back to the carriage. There, an Oriental girl they’ve never met kicks open the carriage door and jumps out. She sees the Titan, her eyes widen in fear, and she draws her blades. 

“Mikasa, put those away,” Levi tells her. “They’re on our side.”

The girl doesn’t seem to quite believe him, not that Reiner blames her. 

But his attention doesn’t stay on these two for long. Because that person struggling to crawl out of the carriage now… Isn’t that…?

“Eren?”

Reiner is frozen a second longer. In that second, Annie rushes to the carriage to help Eren. But Eren refuses her help with a guarded expression that catches both Reiner and Annie by surprise. 

“Mikasa!” Eren calls for instead.

The Oriental girl immediately puts her blades away and rushes back. With a smug look directed at Reiner and Annie, she helps Eren out of the carriage. The two of them chat about this and that like old friends.

The distinction is obvious that Reiner doesn’t know how to react. This person looks like Eren. This person sounds like Eren. But the look of distrust and fear in his eyes in regards to Reiner and Annie is…

Then this imposter’s eyes land on Porco.

Reiner wonders what he expected. For this imposter to react like anyone from within these Walls to a Titan? For this imposter to scream and cower behind this “Mikasa?” For this imposter to laugh at the expression on Annie’s and Reiner’s faces and say, “Got you! It was a joke!”? For this imposter to whistle and reveal the true Eren from inside of the carriage? 

“… Marcel…?”

No.

Of course not. 

He expected this.

That at the sight of the one he believes to be Marcel, Eren will return.

That no matter what he, or Annie, or Bertolt, or even this “Mikasa,” or whoever else tries, they’ll never get anything out of Eren the way Marcel can.

Because that’s just the existence Marcel and Eren shares.

Almost clumsily (as if he’s too excited that he forgot how to walk), Eren runs.

His hands touch Porco’s jaw tentatively. Like he’s afraid that if he approaches too boldly, the Jaw Titan will disappear. There’s a look on his face that’s not quite as bright as hope nor as devastating as despair. Reiner doesn’t know how else to describe it other than that. Eren’s eyes are starting to water, but there’s a faint grin on his face.

Porco gently places his hand against Eren’s back as if to console him.

And Eren breaks. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Fuck. Fuck. I messed up. I messed up. And… B-Bertolt’s… Fuck. Shit. After everything, why did I…?”

Eren pushes Porco’s hand away so that he can see Reiner and Annie. Reiner isn’t sure what kind of expression he should have, so he tries for an awkward smile. No, not quite. He goes for a smile, but it feels all wrong. He can’t tell how much of it is his own feelings of bitterness from the confirmation that Marcel means more to Eren, always has, always will. Or if it’s just the situation right now (there’s a giant Titan that Bertolt is fighting alone. They really should hurry).

But that might not have been what Eren wanted to see. Because he crumples to the ground, curling up into a tight little ball. They can all hear the soft sobs accented by curses. 

Reiner’s body moves before he realizes what he’s doing.

By the time his brain catches up, he’s kneeling in front of Eren, gently trying to coax Eren to look up. And when those tear-filled eyes finally meets Reiner’s, Reiner gently cups Eren’s face. He wipes Eren’s eyes the best as he can.

And isn’t this funny? It used to be always Eren wiping away Reiner’s tears before. It used to be Eren’s curious, “Is this really something to cry over?” It used to be Eren comforting Reiner with his gentle curiosity, because Marcel was always the one who got to wipe away Eren’s tears. 

But no matter what Eren thinks, no matter what he believes, Marcel is dead.

“Eren,” Reiner says softly. “I love you to death, but can you please have this break down after we help Bertolt?”

Annie kicks Reiner’s back for that. 

And yeah, okay. He probably could have phrased that better. But it looks like his point got across, because Eren’s expression turns serious. He wipes the tears off of his face and stands up. He stares towards where Bertolt seems to be emitting as much heatwave as he can to keep the other giant Titan at bay. Then…

“Damn it, damn it, damn it! I’ve got nothing!”

… Yeah, that’s okay. Reiner wasn’t expecting a Marcel-level plan or anything from Eren. He goes to wrap his arms around Eren, but Annie rudely stops him. She gives him a pointed glare as if to say that they should let Eren be right now. 

Reiner’s not sulking or anything.

“If only I could use the Coordinates…”

But that’s new.

“The Coordinates?” Reiner echoes slowly as Annie stares in alarm at Eren.

Eren glances annoyedly at him. “Yeah. Frieda was the holder of the Founding Titan. I ate her… what? Two years ago now? But apparently only those of royal blood can use the Coordinates. Otherwise, it’s just a useless accessory. C’mon, guys. Keep up. This is old news.”

Wait, isn’t this an important information that they were all waiting for? Why is Eren getting mad at them for?! Is this revenge for telling Eren to have a break down later? Can they please keep pettiness to themselves until everyone is safe?

“Wait. Wait. There was that thing that Owl mentioned that the Titan Research Division discovered. A theory to use the Coordinates without being part of the royal bloodline… What was it now…? Ah! Titans! I just gotta touch one! Go forward and touch Reiss over there or… I can go to Reiss’ place and look for another syringe. And using that, I’ll just turn one of Reiss’ kids into a Titan… That’ll take too long. It’ll be easier to just touch Reiss.”

This speed probably only feels fast because Reiner hasn’t been near a rapid-fire planning in a long time. It was something that had been part of their Warrior training. They would be given a scenario, and they had to come up with plans as quickly as they can while the instructors threw wrenches in their plans. Without a doubt, Marcel was the best at this. But that didn’t mean that the rest of them couldn’t keep up.

It just takes Reiner to get used to the speed.

“Do you need someone with royal blood to be a Titan? Are Pure Titans fine?”

“Yes, Reiner! Weren’t you listening?”

The impatience is annoying, but Reiner’s just going to chalk it up to the stress. They’re all anxious to help Bertolt. Not to mention Eren is probably feeling frustrated by having lost his memories. And maybe, just a tiny bit, all of his bottled up feelings from not seeing them for the last two years is making him lash out in anger because Reiner told him to cry later.

“There’s a girl named Historia. She’s Reiss’ illegitimate daughter. We’ll fill you in on the details later, but long story short, she’s a Pure Titan right now at the Reiss estate. She’s currently very docile and not in the middle of a war zone. So I’d really prefer if you’d touch her and not that giant thing over there.”

Eren stares blankly at Reiner for a beat before he grins widely. He pulls Reiner into a tight hug, giggling like a maniac. Reiner hugs back on instinct, but he’s a little concerned by this swing in Eren’s emotions. Was Eren always like this? No, he was always gentler, wasn’t he? And when he wasn’t, it was to fight as the blood-thirsty Attack Titan. It was never this rapid switch. Is this something Reiner should be worried about?

“Reiner! You are positively the bestest person I could’ve ever asked for!”

Then just as suddenly, Eren releases Reiner and moves on to give orders in a calm manner that seems a little like…

Like Reiner’s watching Marcel. 

“Annie, you and Reiner go to where Bertolt is. The Colossal is starting to look a little thin. I bet he’s running out of fuel. I don’t need you guys to kill Reiss’ Titan. Direct him towards the Walls. There should be minimal people around there. Minimizing lives lost is our top priority. Feel free to use the horses from the carriage to get you there faster.”

“Understood,” both Reiner and Annie say without a second’s hesitation.

It’s not until both he and Annie are turning towards the carriage to get the horses that Reiner realizes what just happened. The minute they heard an order, they immediately snapped to obey without another thought. No, that’s not true. If it was, they would’ve obeyed a lot more things from Erwin and the other Survey Corps members. 

They thought they received an order from Marcel. 

That’s why they moved.

Reiner’s look of horror is echoed in Annie’s eyes. The two glance at each other and quickly back at Eren. Because yes, it is important to go help Bertolt, but if there’s something wrong with Eren-

Before they can say anything, they notice a small gesture that makes them relax.

Eren reaches for something that is no longer around his neck. His hand clutches the air, making him stop to actually look down at himself. There’s a small pause as if he can’t quite comprehend that his scarf is missing. That his scarf has been missing for the past two years, because it’s currently back in Annie’s barrack room. 

“Y-your scarf is-”

“It’s fine. It’s not like I’ve worn it for two years,” Eren says, shaking his head. Then he turns to face the Jaw Titan with a sweet smile. “Marcel, I’m going to need you to take me, Mikasa, and Mr. Levi to the Reiss estate. If you can point out Historia to me, that will really help, too.”

“I have to get on a Titan now? No thanks,” Levi grumbles.

Eren rolls his eyes. “I’m not leaving you alone in the middle of nowhere with no transportation. Besides, you promised, didn’t you, Mr. Levi? That you’ll come to my aid if I ask for it?”

“You didn’t ask for it, Shitty Brat.”

But the corners of Levi’s lips curve up into a smirk.

“Mr. Levi, please stay with me. I need your help!”

Levi sighs. “You always make me do the shittiest things.”

Then Eren glances back at the Oriental girl with a grin. “Mikasa, can I trust you to watch my back?”

This “Mikasa” person looks reluctant, but she moves to stand by Eren’s side with a firm expression. Reiner can’t wait to figure out who she is and how she fits into this whole mess. Where was Eren for the past two years? How did he live? Did he miss them at all? … He’ll have to be patient to hear this story later.

With the three of them hanging onto Porco, Eren glances back at Reiner and Annie.

“I know we’re short on time, but it’s good to see you guys again. I’ll see you again soon. So don’t you dare disappear on me.”

Then it’s just Annie and Reiner left.

*

“… What uh… just happened?” Reiner finds himself wondering out loud.

Because he feels like he was just slammed with an airship of emotions that he doesn’t even know how to unpack. And probably because he needs to keep his head cool to help Bertolt first, he finds himself trying to stuff all those emotions inside a small box to put to the side. Later, once they’re all safe, he’ll let Eren cry all he wants while Reiner examines exactly what he’s feeling.

“Hell if I know,” Annie answers. The split second of pause, though, lets Reiner know that she’s probably on the same wavelength as him. 

Don’t feel. Don’t think. 

Just follow Marcel’s… Eren’s plan.

“You heard our Princess. Let’s get to work.”

*

The horses are much too spooked to listen to Reiner and Annie. Taking pity on them, the two releases them from their reins. 

“We lost both of our rides,” Reiner points out with a sigh. 

Annie glances at him before smirking. “Hey Reiner, how long has it been since we had a race? Last I recall, you were dead last every single time.”

“Oh? I seem to recall that I was faster than you on vertical maneuvering equipment,” Reiner can’t help but to rise to the challenge.

“I let you win since you were trying so hard to impress Mr. Mike.”

The two glance at each other before grinning.

“Last one there has to buy everyone a drink!”

“Annie, we can't even drink. Are you sure you're not the one desperate to impress Mr. Erwin?”

*

It’s just as Eren guessed. The Colossal Titan is all but skeletal remains by the time Annie and Reiner arrive (And just saying, Reiner totally would’ve won this race if Annie didn’t trip him as soon as they started). They spot Bertolt trying to use the remains of his corpse to fly safely back down to the ground using his vertical maneuvering equipment. Thank goodness the Survey Corps taught them how to use these.

Annie catches Bertolt in her hands while Reiner punches down one of the giant Titan’s limbs in hopes of tearing it off. It works better than he planned. Perhaps because of the sheer volume it takes up, its body seems fragile enough to be torn apart.

The problem, of course, is that this Titan’s body is just too large. Even if Reiner breaks this limb off, the other parts of its body can still cause massive damage. Reiner suspects that if he leaves to break off the other limbs, this one would’ve grown back by the time he returns.

“Annie! Reiner!” Bertolt yells. 

There’s relief in those words but also worry. He probably drove himself to a corner to try and figure out how to fight this thing. Because the entire area has been scorched beyond repair, but the giant Titan looks like it’s fine to keep going. Bertolt must have panicked too much and burned out too fast.

“It’s no use!” Bertolt tells them, looking like he’ll burst into tears. “Reiss is too big. We can’t kill him!”

But that’s wrong. 

They are not here to kill this giant Titan (Reiss? This is Reiss? What the hell did he inject to look like this?). They are only here as distractions. 

Too bad neither of them are Titans that can speak. It would be easier to calm Bertolt down if they can tell him the plan. But it’s not like Bertolt’s stupid either. He’ll be able to figure out what they’re doing soon enough.

With a nod at Annie, Reiner runs off to see if he can direct Reiss away towards the Walls. 

*

If there’s something within these Walls that has never failed to amaze Reiner, it’s probably the will of the Survey Corps. 

“Yo, Reiner!” Hange says as she lands on Reiner’s left shoulder. She must have used one of her hooks to anchor into his neck to stand there without falling as he moves around. He doesn’t even feel it. “I heard from Bertolt what happened. Man, to think that this is Rod Reiss… Ahhhh, I want to figure out exactly how he became like this! There has to be consequences of making your body this big. And maybe if we can figure out how he got this big, we can try and see if both yours and Annie’s Titans get larger, too! Wouldn’t that be cool?”

“Squad Leader, please focus!” Moblit shouts as he comes to land on Reiner’s right shoulder. He gives Reiner an affectionate pat on the ear that Reiner just barely felt thanks to the armor.

“But don’t you think this is a waste? To just kill this guy right here without doing even the simplest of research?”

Hange never changes, does she? 

But with her are her squad members that have fought alongside Reiner outside of the Walls before. There are also the three messengers with her, but Reiner supposes they must be trustworthy enough if Hange brought them.

… Trust, huh?

“We’re not killing him. We’re just keeping him distracted here by the Walls,” Moblit reminds her.

Oh, Annie must have explained the mission then. That’s good. They’re all on the same page. They’re all following Eren’s plan, whatever it might be. And now that Reiner thinks about it, isn't the reason why he and Annie both thought it was Marcel's plan because there's nothing about a suicidal charge?

“Don’t worry about us and keep doing you,” Hange tells Reiner. “We’re all trained Survey Corps members. We know how to keep ourselves alive.”

Reiner nods to show his understanding. Hange smiles at him like she always has. But somehow, this one feels… a little off somehow. Reiner has no other word for it. It doesn’t look like her usual cheerful smile when she sees a Titan. Is it because of the sheer amount of destruction that they all caused? Is she mad at them? Does she want to scold them?

Does she even realize how easy it will be for him to kill her now?

“Good. After this is all over, let’s have a good long chat to debrief. Until then, hang in there!”

The two jump off of his shoulders. Hange shouts command to her squad members, leading them away. It’s almost like they’re telling him that this area is all his to rampage. That it’s up to him how he wants to stop Reiss.

Hah! He already has full control of this area. If few Survey Corps members get caught up in it, he doesn't…

He finds himself thinking of Eren's order. Minimize the lives lost, he said. If Reiner disobeys, he doubts Eren would do anything to him. More likely, Eren will just be sad, if not disappointed.

Isn't this funny? He thought of himself as a puppet to the Survey Corps. That for sure, he'd be stuck being a puppet for the rest of his damned short life. That he was a broken doll, strung up for the sake of other people’s wills.

But that moment when Eren’s arms wrapped around him. That moment when Eren’s delighted (manic) giggle entered Reiner’s ears. That moment when Eren looked to him and Annie seriously. That moment when Eren reached for his scarf he no longer has. That moment when Reiner saw Eren struggle to get out of the carriage. That moment when he first heard that Eren has been recovered. That moment so long ago, when the two of them sat in the cemetery back in Liberio… 

All those moments together (Maybe Eren’s existence) cut him free from anything that isn't Eren.

_"Don't be a pawn. Think for yourself."_

But he can't. 

What is Reiner Braun without Eren Jaeger? What is he without constantly hanging tightly to Eren, in faint hopes that he'll be seen? That he'll be the one chosen this time? 

As always, it’s Eren. 

Even though for Eren, it’s always Marcel. For Reiner, it’s always Eren. 

_So please… Eren, won’t you look my way?_

*

It’s a feeling unlike anything Reiner has felt before.

One moment, he’s punching Reiss’s giant face and unhinging the jaw. In the next, he feels something like a sharp pain in his head. No, that’s not quite right. It is a sharp enough feeling, but it’s not painful. There’s a soft whisper in his ear, telling him to rest, to sleep. 

Eren said that he had the Coordinates. Is this that power? A whisper of an order in his ear that feels almost like his entire core has been shaken.

It’s rather terrifying.

Reiss’ giant head begins to droop to the ground. There’s steam around its jaw, already healing the damage Reiner has done. But it looks like Reiss is now done. His giant body slowly comes to a stop as it falls to the ground with an earth-shaking thud. Reiner clings tightly to the giant body to get back down to the ground.

“Reiner!”

Bertolt and Annie fly to his side on their vertical maneuvering equipment. They both look worse for wear as they motion for him to join them. So Reiner exits his Titan.

“It worked!” he tells them.

Annie nods with an actual smile of relief. “Trust Eren to pull through.”

“Eren? Ah… A-about him, guys… T-the thing is… His memories…”

“He got them back because he saw Marcel,” Reiner says. Then he winces at the wording. “No, I mean. Porco. He saw Porco, but Porco looks like Marcel so…”

Annie stops him. “Let’s leave cleaning up after Reiss to Squad Leaders Hange, Mike, and Erwin. For now, we have some serious catching up to do.”

 

* * *

 

This is bad.

This is extremely, horrifically, terribly bad.

Porco was so sure that Eren would be able to tell right away that he isn’t Marcel with a single glance. What do you mean Eren is convinced that he’s Marcel? Yeah, sure, their Jaw Titans look pretty similar. And yeah, he and Marcel look similar enough since they’re brothers and all that. But this is Eren. 

Eren, Marcel’s partner. Eren, Marcel’s equal. Eren, the only person in the world who can ground Marcel.

What the hell do you mean Eren can’t tell that Porco isn’t Marcel?!

Is it the memory loss? Or maybe the two years gap? Hey Eren, what the hell’s going on? Explain yourself!

“Reiss’ place is more that way,” Eren tells him gently, snapping him out of his thoughts.

Porco makes the adjustments and continue to run. 

*

“What the hell?” is the sharp hiss Porco hears the man (Mr. Levi, right? Humanity’s Strongest or whatever? Reiner and Annie made such a big deal about this guy, but he’s tiny! Porco bets he can take this guy on, no problem). 

It seems the Pure Titans and Colt and the others have arrived fine at Reiss’ place. Porco stops by the cart with Zeke, Pieck, and Colt on it first to let Eren see them.

“Ah! Eren!” Pieck exclaims delightedly.

“Pieck! Colt! And… _you…_ I should’ve realized…”

Zeke beams. “You acknowledged my existence!”

“I’ll explain everything later,” Eren promises them. Then he tugs on Porco’s hair. “Historia first.”

*

Porco can’t believe how useful Ymir’s last memories are in locating Historia. He uses it (and his agile and small body) to find her relatively quickly. Then he lands in front of the Pure Titan, letting Eren and the extras off.

“Hello Historia, Frieda sends her love.”

Before Eren can move forward, both the extras stop Eren.

“Is this really safe?” Levi demands, glancing around at the other Pure Titans in distaste. “With these many around, not even I can…”

“K-Kid, I also don’t think this is a good idea,” the girl says.

“Remember the people in the cart from before? One of the guys was a really old-looking dude with glasses.”

The other two nod slowly. 

“He’s kind of weird, but he has this ability to control Pure Titans that he creates. In other words, there’s nothing to fear. None of them will hurt you.”

“I don’t trust him,” the girl blurts out.

“And you shouldn’t trust him. When we get the time later, try to kill him, won’t you?” Eren says such terrifying things so nonchalantly. “But right now, Bertolt, Reiner, and Annie are waiting for me. Questions about trust and loyalty can come afterwards. Besides, if all else fails, Marcel here will protect us.”

Porco flinches at the sudden looks of distrusts both extras give him. As always, Eren’s trust in Marcel is so damned blinding. Does he even realize just how many Pure Titans are here? Even if Porco wants to, there’s no way he can fight all of them off while keeping them all protected. If it was just Eren, Porco might be able to run away. But three people?

“That’s why, there’s nothing to fear. Because the best results are produced when he and I are together.”

But will that work if it’s Porco? Will that work just because Eren believes he is Marcel? What if everything goes horrifically wrong? What if Porco will be punished for pretending to be Marcel?

What if…?

Eren touches Historia’s leg.

*

It’s like a jolt of electric current going through Porco’s body. For just a split second, he feels like he can feel it. The entire world laid out before him. Everything connecting right before his eyes. The past, the future, the present. Everything blending into one as a soft voice whispers…

“Sleep.”

And as soon as Poco registers that command, he watches in disbelief as the Pure Titans all around them suddenly begin to fall down. There’s no sign of steam or disintegration, so it looks like they’re fine. Just… asleep? 

So this is the power of Coordinates that can command the Pure Titans? Jeesh, how terrifying.

Porco moves to shield the three of them from the falling Pure Titans, but it seems that he’s a second late.

Levi has Eren protectively in his arms as he dodges the falling Titans with ease. The girl glances at Porco and…

Her eyes flare with anger as she marches towards Porco, drawing her blades.

… Huh?

“What the hell did you do to Kid?” she demands as she points her blades at Porco’s throat.

Who the fuck is “Kid?” And why the hell is she assuming that Porco knows anything?

“Mikasa, that’s a Titan. They don’t speak. Just kill it,” Levi says.

Goddamn it, Eren. Why the hell did you bring these two headaches for?

Porco exits his Titan and greet the two of them. “Titans may not speak, but I can. Why don’t we be civil and talk instead of swinging blades?”

“What the hell did you do?” Mikasa demands, now pointing the blades at Porco.

Is she braindead? Did she not hear what Porco said? Or is she purposefully ignoring him? He isn't sure which answer he likes better.

“What are you talking about? The Pure Titans falling all around us? That’s obviously what Eren did.”

Mikasa shakes her head. “No, I mean to Kid… to E-Eren.”

Levi makes a small motion at Eren, who seems to be asleep. 

Did… did this idiot fall prey to his own order? Eren, goddamn it, why the fuck are you always so… Wait a minute, the orders only work on Pure Titans doesn't it? So why is Eren asleep?! Or is it that because Eren isn't of royal blood, he is susceptible to his own commands?

“I don’t know that much either, so the explanation will probably have to wait until he’s back up.”

Levi clicks his tongue. “Figures. Shitty Brat continues to be shitty. Who’s shocked?”

Porco honestly can’t tell if this man likes Eren or not.

 

* * *

 

This place is familiar.

There are two people sitting at the round table in the small cottage that Eren finds himself in. He’s been here before. Just once, a long time ago.

_“I, and every other Attack Titans before me, suffered so that you can inherit this Titan. We endured and we went mad, all for the sake of you.”_

“Finally! Took you fucking long enough!” the previous Attack Titan exclaims, slamming his hand against the table to emphasize his ire.

“To keep a lady waiting for two years… Honestly! You have no manners at all!” Frieda sighs, shaking her head.

_“I ask you again, what do you want to do with the Founding Titan’s power?”_

“Why… are both of you here? And… waiting? You don’t mean you two were waiting for me?” Eren asks in disbelief.

Someone chuckles lightly by Eren’s side. “Three. It was the three of us waiting.”

It feels like a sharp jab to his gut. All the air in his lungs seems to have evaporated in that precious second. He feels his heart ache as his eyes begin to water. There’s a lump in his throat that won’t disappear. 

It’s been so long.

_“Sorry for making you wait.”_

“Marc-”

With a sweet smile on his face, Marcel grabs Eren’s cheeks and pulls mercilessly. “Hey, Eren. What color is my hair?”

His hair? It’s black, of course. As it always has been. Why’s Marcel asking something so obvious? They’re young enough that Marcel’s black hair shouldn’t have started greying… Unless that’s what Marcel is trying to emphasize? He’s trying to use his hair color as part of the joke of making them wait for so long?

“It’s a beautiful black. Not at all grey,” Eren manages out while his cheeks are being pulled.

Marcel’s smile takes an annoyed tint, but he finally releases Eren’s cheeks. “Is that so? Then how the fuck did you mistake me for Porco?”

Eren opens his mouth to protest and then stops. Porco? What’s Marcel talking about? Porco is back home in the safety of Liberio and…

No, that’s wrong.

Colt is here, isn’t he?

Then why wouldn’t Porco be here, too? T-then doesn’t that mean that the Jaw Titan he saw earlier is…? 

Oh.

“Porco avenged you?” he finds himself asking dumbfoundedly.

Marcel rolls his eyes. “Of course, that’s what you focus on!”

“But uh… Hey Marcel, how are you here? You’re uh… you’re dead,” Eren says delicately.

“You dumbass! We’re all dead here except for you!” the previous Attack Titan reminds him.

… Right.

“No, I mean… you two make sense because I ate you.” Eren motions at the previous Attack Titan and Frieda. “But Marcel’s uh… technically in Porco’s belly?”

Marcel smacks Eren lightly on the forehead before taking Eren’s hand. “Don’t worry too much about it. I doubt you’d get it even if I explain it for four years.”

“It’s Paths,” Frieda says dismissively.

“But what does that mean?”

The three stare at him for a beat before sniggering. And that’s all they’ll say on the topic.

*

Eventually, Eren ends up sitting at the round table with the other three. 

There aren’t any tea or sweets set up. There’s no sign of any tabletop game. It’s just an empty table. Did these three just sit at this empty table with nothing to do for two years…?

No wonder they’re so irritated.

“I told you!” the previous Attack Titan shouts, pointing accusingly at Eren as soon as he sits down. “I told you to not hesitate against god or you’d lose everything! Why the fuck wouldn’t you listen?”

Eren frowns. “I… didn’t fight god?”

Frieda points to herself without saying anything. What…? They don’t seriously mean…?

“Eren, it’s called being ‘sent to heaven.’ And the ruler of heaven is?”

When Marcel breaks it down like that, Eren feels so stupid for not putting it together earlier. He drops his head in his hands.

“You were god? I killed god and didn’t even know anything about it until two years later? W-wait, so you’re telling me that the Founding Titan’s Coordinates are god’s powers? The power that will let me change the world however I see fit?”

Marcel makes a vague motion. “Sort of?”

“What part of the Coordinates only work on Eldians did you not get?” Frieda asks. “Even if you ‘change’ the world, all you’ll be doing is changing the Eldian part of it. If the rest of the world doesn’t change with us, then it’ll be moot. The terrible conditions of the internment camp and the unfair treatment Eldians all over the world receive will not change.”

And with an annoyed scowl on her face, she slams her hands on the table.

“And on top of all of that, you turned my sweet little sister into a Pure Titan! Why didn’t you just use my stupid old dad? He actually deserved it!”

Eren sighs. “In my defense, she was already a Pure Titan when I got there.”

“It’s the principal of the matter!” Frieda snaps at him.

“But now that you have the Coordinates, you should be able to turn all of them back to normal humans,” the previous Attack Titan mentions. “So at least do that for her.”

And it’s a lovely thought, really.

He spares Historia since she’s Frieda’s little sister. After all, it’s the least he can do for Frieda after eating her. But that doesn’t change the fact that Eren needs someone with the royal blood to be a Titan so he can use the Coordinate.

“No can do,” Eren tells them. “I might need to use her in the future.”

Marcel hides his expression by quickly ducking his head. But from the way his shoulders are shaking, Eren won’t be shocked if this guy is laughing (Has his personality rotted since dying?). The previous Attack Titan makes a face like that’s just what he expected. Frieda lets out a soft sigh. With a look filled with annoyance but not shock, she shakes her head.

He gets a small feeling that these guys have already talked about this before.

“And despite being so damned ‘fierce’ and loyal to your goals, you refused to even try to remember who you are in the last two years,” Frieda grumbles.

Eren’s cheeks feel warm. “I-I had Kenny to worry about.”

“I’m sure.”

She smiles, but all he feels is a chill. It reminds him of the time they talked in the gardens. She had been like this then, too. A terrifying coldness of a noble lady.

“Well, if we’re done with all the pleasantries, why don’t we get to the reason why we’re here?” Marcel says.

Right. Why did these three wait two years for Eren? 

The previous Attack Titan points at Eren. “You goal of killing god was accomplished, Silver Bullet. Now how are you going to make those fucking Marleyans pay?”

And here it is again, isn’t it?

Now that he has killed “god” what should he do?

_“I don’t know what ‘Eren’ would have done. But I, as Kid, will destroy it.”_

“Forget about Marley. You need to do something about the rest of the world,” Frieda points out. 

Eren shrugs. “The ‘Kid’ side of me wanted to destroy the world. That should be easy enough by releasing all the Titans within the Walls, right?”

Frieda looks alarmed at those words. Marcel looks thoughtful. The previous Attack Titan grins widely, nodding in approval.

“That’s the spirit, kiddo!”

“Don’t call me that,” Eren snarls.

All three of them look at him surprised. Just a little, Eren wishes there were something to eat or do that can distract him from the man he associates with the nickname “kiddo.” He doesn't even have his scarf, damn it. Stop staring at him. Please.

Probably because he understands Eren the best, Marcel changes the topic.

“We talked about it when we were younger. Do you remember? All the unfair things that we’ll change once we kill god.”

_“Once we kill god, will we really be able to change the 13 years?”_

How can Eren ever forget? 

“The 13 years. The bands we have to wear. The Walls that cage us in. The fact that none of the bakeries give baker’s dozen when you ask for a dozen donuts…”

“That last one is super important!” the previous Attack Titan agrees.

Frieda sighs exasperatedly. “None of those things can be changed with the Founding Titan’s powers.”

“I… haven’t changed my mind about wanting to accomplish those things. But since I’m dead, it’s kind of difficult for me to do anything,” Marcel continues.

Eren understands the unspoken plea. He nods. “I’ll take it on. It’s not like I had any plans aside from following you.”

The smile on Marcel’s face looks conflicted. Even though he hasn’t said anything, Eren gets the feeling he knows exactly what Marcel is thinking of.

“The… the truth is, there was one more plan that I never told even you. I-it wasn’t that I didn’t trust you. But… I… was terrified. That if you knew… That if anyone knew… then…”

It’s not like Marcel to flounder about like that. This must have bothered him quite a lot. A guilty conscious before he died, huh? No wonder he’s around in Eren’s head right now to talk about this.

“If it’s about killing me and the rest of the Warriors, yeah. I already knew,” Eren admits. He pushes his chair back so that it’s balancing on its back two legs. Then he looks up at the ceiling of the cottage so he doesn’t have to see Marcel’s expression.

“You… knew?”

Eren can hear the guilt thick in Marcel’s voice. Tch. So much for not seeing Marcel’s expression.

“It’s not that hard to figure out. You kept yourself at an arm’s distance from everyone but suddenly approached me, the loner and the dead last in class. After listening to my childish whines, you gave me a goal and, in turn, hope. Then you networked. While promising that it was for the sake of our plans, you gathered intel and even chanced upon Sergeant Major Kruger, who gave you the backing of the Eldian Restorationists. And despite saying how much we were going to change the 13 years, you kept insisting that Porco must not become a Warrior.”

Slowly, Eren returns his chair back to the ground. He meets Marcel’s horrified eyes and ignores Frieda’s pitying ones and the previous Attack Titan’s bored ones.

“Wasn’t all of that because you planned on killing all the Warriors?”

“E-Eren… it’s…” Marcel stops himself and takes a deep breath. “Yes, you’re correct. My plan was to kill all of you. Was I… that obvious?”

It wasn’t.

It wasn’t at all.

And if it wasn’t for the two long years Eren spent on Paradis Island, he doubts he would have ever have questioned Marcel like this. If the Survey Corps hadn’t shown him such kindness that contradicted what Eren knew… If Kenny had never taken him in and taught him to be suspicious of everything around him and how it will be used against him… If he had never met Mikasa, whose head is not quite right even if her heart is mostly in the right place… If he didn’t spend the last two years as a blank slate, seeing the world without any previous prejudices or knowledge… 

He would never have realized Marcel’s plans.

“It’s because I’m your partner. I don’t think the others have any idea. Not even Pieck.”

Marcel nods slowly. “I see…”

“But you got sloppy. You should’ve just let Ymir eat me. Then you could’ve eaten her and taken the Attack Titan without any real resistance. Your dreams would have been accomplished because your plans are never off the mark.”

The previous Attack Titan snorts. “You think it was sloppiness?”

Frieda smacks him lightly on the arm. “Let them have their moment. It’ll most likely be the last time they can.”

“Eren, that’s not it. It wasn’t sloppiness. Ah, maybe it was. Just a bit. Because it’s sloppy to develop feelings for those you’re supposed to kill. I… never meant to think of all of you as my family. I didn’t think I’d love you so much that I couldn’t figure out how to function without you. And for a while, I even fooled myself. My ‘partner’ is all I need. If we are together, we can change the world.”

Just a bit, Eren feels like he knows that, too. 

That Marcel loved them fiercely as they loved him. As Eren loved him. 

That Marcel tormented himself with the mounting guilt that came with the knowledge that he would kill those he loved. Those that he couldn’t figure out how to stop loving.

That the guilt and love that Marcel felt was only possible because of Eren. Because before Eren, Marcel was a master at keeping a distance and hiding his heart. 

That just as Marcel became unable to function without Eren, Eren was the same. Without meaning to, their lives became so tightly woven together that neither of them could escape the other. 

And if not for the past two years of losing everything, Eren would never have figured out how to live without Marcel.

“I’m… sorry. I’m going to put you in the difficult position of killing your family. I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry.”

_"I guess it’s more fair to say that it’s a gift for all the Titans. We’re all mad. I mean, we have to be to willingly turn ourselves into monsters."_

So that's what those words meant. That they're all a bit mad.

Then as the one who will have a "particularly bad" madness, Eren supposes he'll just have to dye this world red. 

“Marcel, it’s fine. I told you. I’ll take on your will, so free yourself from this guilt. Tell me the plan.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the worst.
> 
> There is no other word for Dirk to describe his and his family’s current situation. This is just the worst.
> 
> First there’s that awful Criminal Levi that has been plaguing their family for the past two years. He came out of nowhere last night and started to kill people indiscriminately. What kind of a monster does that? On top of all of that, he forced three children to kill with him. Dirk shudders at the memory of the mutilated corpses and the blood soaked deep into the carpets.
> 
> Then there’s the whole confusion as to whether his dad killed one of the kids that attacked last night. And the continuation of that that led to his dad being taken away by the Criminal Levi. From what his dad said, it seemed like this would be the last time they will see him and the Criminal. But that must have been a lie, because Levi is walking around like nothing’s wrong but his dad’s missing.
> 
> All of this is pretty bad, but then a bunch of Titans suddenly appeared out of nowhere and surrounded their estate. Then there was this really weird group of three that demanded to see his father if they didn’t all want to get eaten. And when Urklyn explained that their father isn’t here, the group got really depressed and just camped outside with the Titans… 
> 
> Except now, all the Titans are sleeping all around their house. Dirk honestly doesn’t know if this is better than them being awake. And that’s not even mentioning all these random Survey Corps members that have invaded their home along with the Titans.
> 
> Sure, it’s pretty cool to finally meet the famed Hange, the Bravest Soldier of their Generation.
> 
> But that small silver lining is not enough to outweigh the terrifically horribly bad things that has plagued their family since Frieda’s disappearance. 
> 
> Dirk wants nothing more than to crawl into his bed and sleep this nightmare away. Because this has to be a nightmare, right? What do you mean Titans inside of these Walls? What do you mean two giant Titans are fighting close to the Walls over there? And yeah, he gets that they’re of the royal bloodline, but why do they have to suffer through this?
> 
> But it seems that life is cruel enough to continue its torture.
> 
> “I… I’m sorry. What?” Dirk asks.
> 
> If memory serves, this person’s name is Porco, one of the three weirdos who showed up with the mob of (now sleeping) Titans outside. And that’s fine and dandy, but… huh?
> 
> “Hair dye,” Porco repeats slowly. “You know? To change your hair color? I need my hair to be black.”
> 
> “Y-yeah. My dad has some in the bathroom. I’ll get it for you. But uh… why do you need to change your hair color? It’s not like you have any grey hair to hide, do you?”
> 
> Porco sneers as his answer, making Dirk want to cry. 
> 
> “N-never mind. I don’t need to know,” he decides. 
> 
> Please, he begs in his head. Let this nightmare end.


	18. Tonight our war will end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for sticking with me for so long! I have nothing but sheer respect for all you wonderful readers who were able to trudge through my horrible mess of a writing to get this far. It took me some time to figure out what I wanted to do with this story, and I'm so thankful for the patience and love you guys have shown me. 
> 
> I especially wanted to share my love and appreciation to [CanIHaveAHug](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CanIHaveAHug/pseuds/CanIHaveAHug), [Bloody psycho](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bloody_psycho/pseuds/Bloody_psycho), GalliJaw, [Jenny630](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenny630/pseuds/Jenny630), [Phoenixonfire3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoenixonfire3/pseuds/Phoenixonfire3), [Blonde and Nerdy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blonde_and_Nerdy/pseuds/Blonde_and_Nerdy), [eloquentelegance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eloquentelegance/pseuds/eloquentelegance), [Rowboat Girlyman](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rowboat_Girlyman/pseuds/Rowboat_Girlyman), HailtoChicken, [tetsuyacchi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tetsuyacchi/pseuds/tetsuyacchi), [Mersykun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mersykun/pseuds/Mersykun), [Kemeloo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kemeloo/pseuds/Kemeloo), and [BBLimits](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BBLimits/pseuds/BBLimits) for leaving comments and letting me know how you felt about this story. It really helped me push through, especially whenever I hit a rough patch. I felt like I was on cloud nine every time I read any of your messages, and they made me giddy for the rest of the day. ^^ I can not thank you guys enough for your kind words!
> 
> With this story done, my attention will be on the other two of my unfinished works. After that... I'm not too sure as of yet. Whatever my future work is can be figured out later. But for now, I really hope that you as the readers enjoyed this ride as much as I loved writing it. And I truly, sincerely hope against hope that this ending does not disappoint.

It’s been three days since Rod Reiss’ giant Titan was killed by Hange. 

Or at the very least, that’s the official report.

Reiner doesn’t know if it was Hange that dealt the final blow, but he understands the importance of spreading rumors of a “hero” in these “trying” times. Besides, he doesn’t care who killed Reiss as long as that crazily huge Titan is dead for sure. 

Since then, they have all awkwardly taken residence at the Reiss estate.

Zeke and Erwin are currently at a stalemate, both accusing the other of keeping secrets from each other. But because neither of them trust anything that comes out of the other’s mouth, they have taken to sullenly glaring at each other when the other is in the room. It would be downright hilarious if not for the tension of exactly what rides on these men’s shoulders. 

To make things worse, it’s not just the Warriors and the Survey Corps that are causing the friction. There’s also the Reiss family (since it would be pretty rude to kick them out of their own house. Besides, this place is huge anyways, so it’s fine, isn’t it?) and the three Commanders that Erwin brought with him. If it was just a two front-war, Reiner would have more or less managed. But when you add all these other factors, things start becoming a headache that he really doesn’t want to deal with.

Everyone is clearly waiting for the other side to break the ice in terms of talking about what happened. But they all refuse to be the first to reveal their hands. 

The only upside to this is that since Reiner is outranked on both the Marley side and the Survey Corps side, he can quietly pretend to be clueless and focus on taking care of Eren. 

Since Eren used the Coordinates three days ago, he has stayed fast asleep. 

Porco’s opinion is that Eren fell prey to his own order of the Coordinates, even though that order shouldn’t have affected anyone who isn't a Pure Titan. Bertolt thinks that it might be a clash of two personalities: Eren and Kid. Pieck guesses that it might be relief from all the nonstop action and stress from the last few days. 

Reiner just wants Eren to open his eyes again.

They’ve taken turns waiting by Eren’s side to wake up. When they’re not by Eren’s side, they’re sleeping, eating, or just waiting for something to happen. That’s probably why Annie left on the second day to pick up Eren’s scarf from her barrack room. Colt even borrows the kitchen from time to time to bake some apple tarts to see if the smell will jolt Eren awake (Apparently, he learned how to make all of their favorite snacks from his mom in the last two years. After hearing that, Zeke gave Pieck a long, hard look that made her blush and apologize for lying to him. Reiner didn’t have the heart to tell Zeke that if he were to ever give Eren apple tarts, Eren will most likely declare he hates them and give them up on the spot).

So far, there is no sign of Eren waking up.

On Hange’s suggestion, the guys (minus Zeke, because Reiner doesn’t want to deal with that headache when Eren wakes up) agree to wipe Eren down since he can’t take a bath. Reiner drew the short straw, so here he is with a bucket of water and two towels.

Bertolt helps him out by opening the door.

And the two of them freeze in the doorway.

Because Eren is sitting up on his bed, looking out the window with an expression that Reiner doesn’t remember ever seeing on Eren’s face.

For a split second, he fears that Bertolt was right. Eren and this “Kid” fought, and the one who emerged victorious is Kid. 

Then Eren turns his head towards them. The strange expression melts away into a bright grin at the sight of them. His eyes light up, his cheeks flush a healthy red, and he opens his mouth.

“Reiner! Bertolt! I had this really long and weird dream!”

And it’s Eren.

There was no reason to fear. 

Hell, why would he ever think that Eren would ever lose? 

“What did you dream about?” Reiner asks.

He puts the bucket down by the door and moves to stand by Eren’s bedside. Bertolt closes the door behind them before joining them. And it’s something that Reiner's noticed before, but Eren looks kind of small, even when he’s on the bed like this. It’s weird to get used to after all the time they’ve been about the same height.

There’s a soft look of apprehension on Bertolt’s face. Reiner understands why. After all, typically the words that follow what Eren said should be their journey of the last two years. Of coming to Paradis Island. Of losing Marcel. Of losing each other. Until they finally reunited.

They’ll have to gently tell Eren that his dream was, in fact, not a dream.

“The Armored Titan stole the Colossal Titan’s underwear!”

… Come again?!

“And that sparked a giant Titan War that waged on for centuries! Everyone was divided on who was in the right and who was in the wrong. And because of the atrocities of the War, everyone kept switching sides. There were multiple hard-fought battles filled with many casualties and heartbreaks and betrayals! And just when both sides were starting to run out of resources to support the War effort, the Cart Titan looked at all of us and asked, ‘Why are we fighting over underwear? We’re Titans. We don’t wear clothes.’ And so, the War ended.”

Reiner opens his mouth and then closes it, completely at a loss for words. Bertolt looks just as bewildered and speechless as Reiner is.

Eren looks to both of them with sparkling eyes that are clearly waiting for their reaction. So Reiner puts his wits together and manages to squeeze out…

“Eren, what the actual fuck?”

*

“Where are all the Pure Titans?” Eren asks as he motions out the window. “They were there because of Zeke, right?”

Reiner winces. “S-sort of. I-I mean, it’s his spinal fluid and he was commanding them, but I came up with the plan. So I don’t feel right not taking blame where blame is due.”

“Okay, that’s nice. But where are they?” Eren repeats.

“The Survey Corps took care of them. Except for Historia, in case you need to use her again. Zeke tried to wake them up to command them, but nothing worked. Since they seemed useless and everyone else was getting anxious with that much Pure Titans around, it seemed like a good plan,” Bertolt says.

Eren lets out a soft sigh. “What a shame. Apparently, I should’ve been able to turn them back to normal humans. Guess we can’t test that out.”

Reiner honestly doesn’t know how to process that information.

“S-so you do have it then?” Bertolt asks. “The Founding Titan? The Coordinates?”

"I thought we already established that?" Eren says tiredly. "I mean, why else would the Survey Corps send their strongest soldier after a kid?"

Reiner feels shame settling on his chest. His next words are going to be betrayal. Not to the Marleyan forces, but to Eren. And for him, that’s the same as betraying his own heart.

"We didn't know. None of us knew or even thought to suspect it. At the time, we… we were desperate to get you back. So we promised to tell the Survey Corps everything in exchange for sending Mr. Levi after you.”

Eren goes quiet for a second. When he starts speaking again, Reiner finds himself flinching away from the sheer anger in Eren’s voice.

“Hey, I seem to remember telling you to destroy the Walls if even one of us end up dead or lose our memory. Did my words seem like a joke to you guys?”

“That’s not it, Eren! We were just terrified about losing another family member,” Bertolt argues.

“So you’re telling me that not only did you completely ignore our worst case scenario plan, but you also betrayed Marley for what? For a fucking chance that I might be alive somewhere?”

“It worked, didn’t it?” Reiner snaps. “You’re back with us. Why the hell do you get to throw a hissy fit when you’re the one who forgot us for two years?”

Reiner shouldn’t have been so caught off-guard by the punch. But all he sees is Eren’s green eyes of pure rage before he finds himself stumbling to the ground, holding his bloody nose. He faintly hears Bertolt trying to stop Eren before getting pummeled, too. And now that he’s paying attention he hears Eren’s words.

“You fucks! Why the hell do you always do this? What? You didn’t want to obey because it wasn’t Marcel who said it? Because my orders are always ‘too suicidal?’ You would never have even thought to disobey something from Marcel. But it’s fine to ignore shit when it’s from me, isn’t it?”

“E-Eren, t-that’s not-”

Reiner registers the crack of his own nose before he tastes his blood on his tongue. Eren draws back his foot to kick him in the face again, making Reiner curl up on the ground as the smoke surrounds his face. The blows don’t stop there. Despite having been in bed for the past three days, the sharpness of Eren’s hits land solidly. It feels almost like they’re back in Liberio during training.

“Bertolt! Reiner!” Annie yells as she opens the door. She’s followed closely by Mikasa, who yells out for “Kid.”

The two girls freeze at the doorway at the sight of Eren. Mikasa’s face breaks into a grin but Annie’s eyes are staring horrifiedly at Bertolt and Reiner. 

There’s barely any time to warn them.

Eren abandons Reiner to grab Annie by the front of her shirt. The shock of the situation must have thrown her off, because she would normally be able to defend herself from Eren. But she allows herself to be thrown to the ground, his foot stomping down onto her gut again and again as he snarls.

“Hey Annie, didn’t I tell you to break those fucking Walls? Did my words sound like a nice suggestion to you? Or did it not even register? Do none of you hear me when I speak? Hey! Do you hear me now? Or do you guys only listen to Marcel? Let me guess, if Marcel ordered you, you’d kill yourselves without a second thought?”

Reiner glances over at Mikasa, wondering if she’d run to get help. There’s a look of pure joy on her face as Annie gets beaten to the ground. This person will never help them.

If Reiner wants to stop Eren, he needs to move.

His legs shake. He can’t tell if this is out of fear of Eren or because of some unknown injury he got when Eren attacked him. But he can’t allow something like that stop him. 

Eren feels so small in his arms when Reiner’s arms wrap around him from the back. But there’s no more time to think about that when Eren elbows him hard in the gut. It hurts like hell. Reiner’s nose is still spilling blood into his mouth. His healing just isn’t that fast to keep up with Eren’s aggression. But he can’t let go now.

Not when he’s waited for so long.

“Don’t be stupid!” Reiner manages out (Oh god, he’s spewing blood when he talks, isn’t he?). He tightens his hold around Eren in hopes that it’ll discourage him from struggling more. “If things were so bad that Marcel had to order us to kill ourselves, then even before he does so, we would have all came to that conclusion. Before he had to burden himself with the knowledge of ordering us, we would do it. But you know that he would never ask that of us. Just like you know that we didn’t destroy the Walls because we knew we would meet again. It wasn’t the worst-case scenario!”

Eren stills in his arms. Did Reiner get to him? Does he understand? 

Reiner bravely pushes on.

“You are our fastest healer. No matter what, we knew you’d be able to survive. We knew we’d meet again. That’s why we didn’t go through with it. That’s why we trusted the Survey Corps. Eren, it was because we trusted you!”

The silence that falls after Reiner’s words worries him. Did Eren hear him? Does he understand their feelings? The desperation that sank deep within them at the thought of losing another member of their family? Can he even begin to understand?

Then Eren’s shoulders begin to shake. Then Eren turns around in Reiner’s hold to face him. Then Eren clutches to Reiner like a lifeline and cries and cries and cries.

Helplessly, Reiner finds himself holding Eren just as desperately. He feels his own eyes water. That’s right. That’s what happened back then, wasn’t it? And now, finally, finally after two years, they can begin to unpack everything. There’s nothing more pressing that’s going to force them to put their feelings away.

“That’s not fair!” Eren sobs against Reiner’s chest. “That’s not fair! That’s not fair! I don’t want you to die. I don’t want to lose anyone else. That’s not fair!”

Annie must have gone to the bucket to wet one of the towels. She presses it against Reiner’s nose to help with the bleeding. Bertolt, with a gentle smile on his face, ruffles Eren’s hair and, after a small pause, ruffles Reiner’s, too. Mikasa looks like she’s now bored by the scene and leans back against the wall with an unconcerned expression on her face. Reiner is just thankful that she doesn’t try to impede on their small moment.

Because don’t you know?

It’s been two years since they’ve finally been able to be together again.

*

“By the way, what’s everyone else doing?” Eren asks as he pretends that his eyes aren’t red and puffy from crying so much.

“They’re…” Annie makes a face. “It’ll be faster to take you there.”

Curious, they begin to follow Annie when she stops them. She reaches into her jacket pocket and takes out the scarf that she has taken carrying. The scarf, despite how much Annie must have carefully cared for it, is thin and worn out. It has most definitely seen better days. 

But it’s Eren’s scarf. 

He takes it in his hands gingerly with a soft smile on his face. “I never thought I’d see it again,” he admits. “Thank you for taking care of it.”

There’s something magical about watching Eren wrap it around himself. Like Reiner is watching a transformation. It’s still Eren. It’s always just been Eren. But with that scarf, he…

“Alright, let’s go!”

He makes it feel like everything will be okay.

*

Annie leads them to a bathroom, where a loud shouting match has commenced between Pieck and Porco.

“No, Pock! Don’t do it!” Pieck yells as she holds onto Porco for dear life.

Colt is currently holding the door, staring at both of them with wide eyes. He looks too terrified to say anything.

“Shut up! Stop calling me that! And what I do is none of your business!” Porco declares as he tries to free himself from Pieck’s grasp.

“It is everyone’s business if you’re going to dye your hair!” Pieck protests. “I’m telling you, it’s better to just come clean!”

“No! If Eren wants Marcel, then I’ll just-”

Porco lets out a strangled sound when he spots Eren with Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie (oh, and Mikasa. She’s been quietly following them. It’s kind of weird, but she's quiet so Reiner figures it's fine). Reiner has no idea what Porco’s thought process is, but he immediately goes to try and hide his hair.

“E-Eren!” Porco squeaks. Then he clears his throat and tries to sound nonchalant. “I-it’s g-g-good… No, absolutely fantastic that you are feeling well enough to walk around!”

… Who is Porco trying to be?

But Eren seems to take it all in good stride. He smiles like he’s amused. “Why are you hiding your head? And dying your hair? Porco, you’re blonde. If you’re greying already, it’s fine. Your blonde hair will disguise it!”

The look on Porco’s face looks similar to panic. He opens his mouth, closes it, and then opens it again. But he can’t seem to decide on what to say, because he just covers his face with his hands as he turns bright red.

“I can’t do this! I’m sorry, Eren. That was me. The Jaw Titan is me. M-Marcel is…”

Reiner thought that Porco would be able to finish that without a problem. But he realizes that the reason why Porco stopped speaking is because he looked up at Eren’s expression.

“Were you… going to pretend to be Marcel? F-for me…?” Eren asks in disbelief.

Porco nods seriously. Although his blush is still there, he faces Eren straight on. “Yeah. If that’s what will keep you grounded and with us, I have no problem with it.”

“But we do,” Pieck grumbles and is quickly hushed by both Annie and Colt. She has released Porco, now that he's no longer trying to get into the bathroom to dye his hair.

This is something these two have to solve. Reiner hates to admit it, but he doesn’t have a place to speak either.

“But… I’m the reason why Marcel died,” Eren blurts out. “Because I couldn’t react fast enough. Because I-”

“He was your Knight. He was supposed to die before you.”

Eren looks down at the ground. He lets out a soft and broken, “Oh,” that hangs awkwardly in the air.

“And I’m not someone who can rescue Princesses or protect them. But even I have my pride.” Porco kneels before Eren. “I am but a humble Black Knight. I’m not very strong nor am I smart. But I wish to stay by your side. Will you allow me?”

When Eren finally looks up at Porco, it’s with tears in his eyes. He throws his arms around Porco, burying his face in Porco’s shoulder. The force almost knocks Porco off-balance, but he catches himself. His blush turns a shade darker as he hugs Eren back.

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” Eren sobs. “I’m selfish and cruel. I’ll end up hurting everyone again. But I want you. I need all of you with me.”

Porco lets out a sigh that sounds resigned. “Yes, yes. I know, my brother’s beloved Princess.”

Although he feels just a tad envious, Reiner is man enough to give these two this.

*

“Oh, right! Guys! Listen to this really weird dream I had-”

“Oh no! Let’s not go through that again!” Bertolt groans. 

Pieck raises a brow. “What? What’s the dream?”

And before Reiner can stop him, Eren launches into his spiel as they walk to the dining room for a light snack before dinner.

*

Probably because of all the racket they made while getting to the dining room, it seems everyone else is waiting for them there. How did they all know to come to the dining room? Reiner supposes it’s one of the few rooms with a table and enough chairs for everyone to sit at. Or maybe everyone was hungry for a snack before dinner in two or so hours?

They left a cluster of chairs on one side of the table that Reiner assumes is supposed to be for them. The closest seats to that cluster is taken up by Zeke and Erwin. By Erwin’s side are the Squad Leaders and the rest of the higher ranking Survey Corps members. A few chairs next to Zeke are left empty and then are filled by the three Commanders. The Reiss family fill in the rest of the spaces beyond that. Few of the servants stand around with stiff expressions on their faces. By them are the rest of the Survey Corps and few Military Police members. 

The last batch of apple tarts that Colt made is on the table along with tea prepared by the servants. The cups by the empty cluster of seats, though, are empty. Reiner bets the servants plan on pouring them something warm once they sit and settle in.

As predicted, Eren’s eyes brighten at the sight of the tarts. He bolts for them with a wide grin on his face, completely oblivious to everyone else in the room. He doesn’t even seem to register that Zeke is there. He just grabs a tart and quickly shove it all in his mouth.

“Eren, manners!” Colt scolds.

But the rest of the lecture dies in Colt’s mouth as he stares at the downcast expression on Eren’s face. Does the tart taste strange? Reiner thinks that’s wrong. He had one earlier, and it tasted delicious. Not as good as Colt’s mom’s that Pieck snuck in (that Reiner really hopes that everyone has forgotten about enough to not tell Eren), but still really good.

Bertolt has a sad but knowing look on his face. “You can’t taste?” he asks softly.

Eren nods while sullenly chewing. He trudges to one of the empty seats and sits down, looking warily at the gathered people. The rest of the Warriors sit down by his side. Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie on one side nearest to Erwin. The rest on the other side of Eren, nearest to Zeke. Mikasa chooses to stand right behind Eren’s chair, looking smug despite not having a chair to sit in. Reiner honestly doesn’t get her.

The servants move immediately to fill their cups with… hot chocolate?

Reiner is getting just a tad bit tired with how much sweets the adults keep piling on them. Reiner was rather looking forward to the peach flavored tea that Pieck brought for them from her War Campaigns. 

Eren doesn’t seem to care too much as he mindlessly sips the hot chocolate. He makes a face like something disagrees with him and he pushes the hot chocolate away from himself, looking even more depressed.

“It’s weird seeing you reject sweets,” Reiner tells him honestly.

Eren finishes swallowing before shooting Reiner an annoyed look. “If I had a choice, I wouldn’t reject it either. But the texture’s all weird.”

“It’s hot chocolate,” Reiner explains.

“Don’t care. The texture’s weird,” Eren repeats.

“If you don’t want it, I guess I’ll take it off your hands.”

Eren stares at him for a second longer before sighing softly. He pats Reiner’s chest with a pitying look.

“That’s how you got this big, isn’t it?”

Reiner honestly has no idea how to respond to that aside from covering his chest and scooting away from Eren.

“W-w-w-what the hell are you saying?!”

He feels just a tad that he can understand how Porco feels when they tease him. Reiner feels his cheeks heat up, and he cannot believe that Eren, of all people, would say something so… 

“I’m just saying that you’re larger than Annie and Pieck put together.”

Scandalous.

Faintly in the background, Reiner is aware of both Pieck and Annie covering their chests with amused looks. He can hear the sniggers of the other Warriors and the adults alike. And he gets it. This is a mood breaker before they start discussing something more serious. But does he have to be the butt of the joke? Why can’t it be Porco?

“But I guess I have to extend a thank you to the Survey Corps for taking care of my family,” Eren says, glancing at Erwin and the rest. “I know they’re not always the brightest, but thank you for taking care of them for the last two years. Now, I’m sure you have a lot of questions, but first, if you can fill me in on what happened?”

Reiner wisely doesn’t say anything about having already told Eren. He gets the feeling that this might be a test of sorts to find out what those gathered around the table are willing to say.

“I came to pick you up,” Zeke says immediately.

“Someone other than him,” Eren amends.

Levi sighs. “After you touched that Titan…”

*

Since they’re just discussing what has happened, everyone volunteers information. They keep it strictly facts. Even when Hange tries to interject with her theories, she is quickly shut down. Reiner wonders what exactly they’re so afraid of the “other side” finding out.

“Thus far, we’ve informed the public that Hange took care of Reiss’ giant Titan. But we are stuck on what to say about how and why a Titan that huge appeared within the Walls. We’ve done everything we can to hush up the fact that everyone in the farmlands of Sheena has been turned into Titans, but it’s only a matter of time before someone notices that  everyone is missing,” the Commander of the Military Police concludes. “Is there anything you can offer to lessen this headache?”

Eren gives him a helpless shrug. “If you guys had at least the decency to leave the Pure Titans be, I could’ve turned them back into human. But I can’t really do anything about dead people.”

A thick silence settles uncomfortably in the room. Then…

“So it is true,” Urklyn whispers, his expression tittering the line between anger and grief. “You killed Frieda. You… you stole the Founding Titan from us!” 

“Hey, do you know what it’s like to be a Titan Shifter? To have eaten someone for this power of the devil? Sometimes, it’s a whisper of the previous holder in your ears. Other times, it’s a flash of memory of a life you never lived. Neither impedes on your life outside of driving you insane. But that’s normal enough for us. But for Frieda, that wasn’t all. It’s a feeling quite like an immense pressure that pushes you down to the ground and then further.”

Eren leans in with a smirk on his face like he finds all of this hilarious. Reiner feels like he should’ve chosen a more empathetic expression. 

“He smothers it out of you. Any dissenting opinions or feelings. If you dare disobey the Will of the First King, it feels like any little bits left inside that makes up who you are is slowly, painfully squeezed out of you. So that you are nothing but an empty doll for the First King. That was Uri’s life. That was Frieda’s life. And that was a life that Frieda desperately wanted to protect her family from.”

Urklyn’s lips pull into a scowl. “I’m supposed to believe in the words of my sister’s murderer?”

The smile on Eren’s face is not Eren’s. It reminds Reiner a little when he opened the door to Eren’s room and saw that expression he’s never seen on Eren’s face before. 

Is this Frieda?

“How unusual to see little Urkie have his own opinion for once! I sure hope you didn’t hurt your brain too much to think of it! Don’t worry, Urkie, I’m sure Papa Dearest is looking at you in pride from Hell.”

Such cruel words are spoken with such a polite smile on Eren’s face. Reiner never got the chance to get to really talk to Frieda before. But if she’s really this kind of a person, then he’s glad that he never did.

The Reiss family members look horrified, but Reiner gets the feeling it’s not because of Eren. Rather, it has more to do with how Eren spoke. 

Eren lets out a soft sigh. “Well, as you can see, she’s doing fine.”

“She’s dead, you asshole,” Dirk grumbles.

“And she’s doing better now than when she had to inherit the Founding Titan. Alright. With that established, what else did you have a question about?”

“Is it safe to assume that you can do the same thing the previous King can? Such as manipulating people’s memories?” Erwin asks.

Eren nods. “Yeah. And more since I don’t have the Will of the First King preventing my every move. As long as I can touch Historia or someone of royal blood who can turn into a Titan, I can use this power. Without that, I’ll be the same as any regular kid.”

Reiner feels like Eren downplayed himself way too much with that last sentence. But he understands the sentiment. Compared to the godly things that the Founding Titan’s Coordinate can do, they’re all just powerless children, aren’t they?

“And seeing that you and your friends left Historia alive, I assume you have some master plan?” Commander Shadis asks.

“Eren, you don’t have to answer anything they ask!” Zeke growls.

But those words coming from Zeke will push Eren to answer, won’t it?

It seems that he should’ve given Eren more credit, because Eren slowly looks to each of the Warriors, including Zeke. 

That should have been a warning.

“I plan on killing every single one of you… Except maybe you, Colt. That depends on whether you get in my way.”

Reiner honestly doesn’t know how to react. 

“If you’re… not going to kill me… then…? I-is that because I don’t have a Titan?” Colt guesses.

Eren nods. He pulls his scarf up as if hiding the lower half of his face will somehow make this moment any better. “It’s a very simple plan. When the ‘Goddess’ Ymir died, her power was split into nine different Titans. So if I were to combine all of them into one, then doesn’t it stand to reason that will grant me the ancient powers that turned Ymir into such a fearsome goddess?”

“I-isn’t the power of the Founding Titan not enough?” Pieck asks, confused. Her brows furrow, she seems to be having a hard time figuring this out as the rest of them are. 

“W-wait, what’s this about a goddess? And… nine Titans?” the Commander of the Military Police asks. 

Erwin motions at the three Commanders that he’ll explain later. Then he turns to Eren. “Is this the continuation of your goal from two years ago? Of killing god?”

“I killed god,” Eren tells him. There’s just a hint of impatience in his voice, but he keeps it even otherwise. “But it wasn’t enough. The meager power from that only lets me bend Eldians to my will. What good is that when the rest of the world… when the Marleys refuse to change? If god doesn’t have enough power to change the world, then the next target is the devil, don’t you think?”

There’s a pause as everyone tries to figure out what the hell Eren is talking about. 

The first person to speak up is Porco.

“This is Marcel’s plan, isn’t it? You can’t make plans worth shit. This is too logical and reasonable to be your plan.”

Porco doesn’t look up from glaring at his hands. Even when Eren turns towards him, Porco makes no move to acknowledge him.

“Yeah. It’s Marcel’s.”

“So from the beginning, Marcel planned on killing everyone with the Titan power. While calling us family, he-”

“Yes. And that’s why he chose to die. Because he couldn’t bring himself to hurt those he loves in the end. But I believe that this world needs to be changed. That’s why I’ll push on with this plan, even if it means I have to kill everyone. I will change this world in his place.”

Porco finally looks up to meet Eren’s eyes. “Why the hell doesn’t this shake you?! How the hell can you accept this craziness? Marcel planned to kill you, too! Marcel wanted to… That’s why he didn’t want me to inherit a Titan. So he didn’t have to kill me on top of… He had enough of a foresight to keep me away from the Titan power. But then why did he drag you into it? Out of everyone, you’re the only one he wouldn’t have been able to kill.”

“Because he promised me,” Eren says. There’s a soft blush on his face as if he’s daring to be embarrassed right now. “‘I will give you the opportunity to kill a god…’ That’s what he promised. And since my goal has been accomplished, it’s his turn.”

Suddenly, it makes too much sense as to why Eren cried like that while clutching to Reiner. “That’s not fair,” he had said. 

Yeah, this isn’t fair at all.

“Then I’m sure Marcel had a plan for the Warhammer Titan, too?” Bertolt asks.

Eren nods. “Sergeant Major Kruger said he will take care of it."

"S-Sergeant Major Kruger…? W-wait, do you mean to say that that's the reason why he came with us?" Pieck asks. "Two years ago, too. He came."

"He did what? T-two years ago? You mean he already had the Warhammer back then?! Ahhh, if I hadn't lost my memories, we would have solved all of this that much sooner!" 

"Wait, Sergeant Major Kruger? You mean the Marleyan soldier? Doesn't he hate us?" Annie asks.

Eren shakes his head. "He's the Owl of Eldian Restorationists. He's on our side. Uh… Marcel's side."

Zeke lets out a small sound that Eren makes a point of ignoring. But Reiner feels like Eren should probably address his brother, because Zeke looks like he might have a panic attack. 

"Huh? Wait a second, did you say he came with you? As in he's on Paradis Island?" Eren asks slowly.

Colt nods. "He said he'd wait for us for two weeks before heading back. So if we end up failing, to come back in that time period. Otherwise, he said he’ll be back in six months."

Eren's eyes shine with excitement. And just a little, Reiner finds himself falling for it.

Reiner finds himself believing in Eren, despite everything they just learned.

"How long has it been since you guys got here?"

"Maybe a week?" Porco guesses.

"Then there's no time to waste! We need to go now!"

Erwin stands, clearly with intention to stop them. And almost as if understanding that, Eren turns to him with a grin.

"Have you ever heard of the ocean, Mr. Erwin? Would you like to see the technology beyond the Walls?”

"Don't you dare, Erwin," Commander Shadis warns.

And because that's clearly not enough, Commander Pixis points out, "What about the mess here? There are a lot of people missing and we have nothing to tell the people!"

Eren looks at the Commanders for a second before grinning widely. "It's fine. I'm a 'bad kid' according to you anyways. But if you are that desperate, why don't you stop pretending to be so self-important and tell the truth? What? You think you're the 'chosen ones’ that have to ‘protect’ the people from the terrible truth? _Please._ The King is dead."

“Commander Shadis, you once asked me if my drive has shriveled up,” Erwin remarks with a smile. “The truth of the matter was that I was just waiting for this. Alright before we go, we need a clear plan. Do you mind if we delay for a few hours to figure out the logistics?”

*

It takes until dinner for the Commanders, Erwin, and the rest of the Reiss family to come to an uneasy consensus. The course of action that they have chosen seems to be some kind of a revolution using Hange as the figurehead. But Reiner doesn’t really care all that much about what happens to the people of this Island, so he ends up not paying attention.

Instead, the Warriors have started a mini-gathering of sorts to talk about Eren’s… Marcel’s plan.

"So were you guys going to eat Reiner and me while we were here?” Bertolt asks, looking stricken.

"No. We only wanted the Founding Titan and start laying out the basis to use the people here. Sergeant Major Kruger said there was someone of royal blood he’ll bring at the end of the three months. So we were supposed to check back with him then. But uh… you know what happened instead.”

Zeke lets out a soft, “So that’s why…”

Eren pushes on, ignoring Zeke as always. Reiner feels like Zeke might have something important to say, but if Zeke doesn’t find it pressing enough to bring it up, then he supposes it’s not his place to say anything.

“Every Attack Titan goes mad. Marcel was going to use that to his advantage. With me as the distraction, he will kill everyone.”

That sounds strange. If Eren stands by Marcel’s plan as always, why wouldn’t they just use Eren’s “madness” as the reason why Eren will kill everyone? Why does Marcel have to kill… 

It suddenly clicks in Reiner’s head. And if he now gets it, he imagines the sharper ones of their family has already figured it out. Marcel never told Eren about killing everyone. This is something that Eren figured out…

Huh?

How did Eren figure this out, then? The one who ate Marcel is Ymir, who in turn was eaten by Porco. Then shouldn’t it be Porco explaining it all to them? Or… maybe there’s something else? Maybe it has to do with the Founding Titan? Well, assuming that it’s the Founding Titan, the only other thing Reiner can think of is that this is Eren’s way of protecting Marcel.

Even in death, that guy is well-loved. Reiner wonders if it's rude of him to feel this bitter over this.

“So how exactly does Sergeant Major Kruger fit into all of this?”

“Ah, so you see, Marcel got in contact with…”

*

They’re preparing to leave after dinner when Eren suddenly grabs Reiner by the back of his shirt. 

If this was two years ago (or even a little further back), Reiner would’ve stumbled back by the force and been dragged around by Eren. But his build has gotten much bigger. And he would never say this to Eren’s face, but Eren probably lost a bit of muscle mass in the last two years.

Reiner doesn’t budge by the pull. And instead, he feels Eren smack into his back.

“You alright?” he asks, trying hard to hold in the laughter. 

“I liked you better when you were small,” Eren grumbles. Then a little more seriously, he motions for Reiner to come close. “I need you to do something else for me.”

*

“No.”

Eren groans. “Don’t be like that. You’re the only one who can do this.”

The two of them are next to Historia’s sleeping form. Next to them is Zeke and Dirk, both of whom look to Reiner and Eren with an unreadable look. 

“Dirk specifically asked for you.”

Then why is Zeke here? Well, Reiner can already guess. It would be because of two reasons. The first being that Zeke can “threaten” the others by saying he can turn anyone into a Pure Titan, never mind that they no longer have any more spinal fluid left. But the threat will be enough to stop the unknowing masses. The next reason will be that Eren doesn’t want to deal with Zeke, so he’s sending him as far away as he can.

“If Historia dies, then none of this will work.”

“There’s no guarantee that this will work in the first place. It’s never been done before,” Reiner points out.

Eren nods. “Yeah. There’s no guarantee.”

Don’t agree, damn it. That makes things worse.

“But I have never failed a mission when following Marcel’s plan. I know this will work out,” Eren says.

Reiner hates that surety. Marcel is dead. He has been dead for the last two years. Just how “correct” can his plan be when it was created without any of the knowledge of what’s within these Walls? Why must all of their trust in Marcel and his plans be so unshakable?

Because when Eren grins and stays so sure, even Reiner finds himself believing.

“Alright, alright. We’ll wait for you in the underground cavern under that broken church or whatever. Just… be careful. Your shield won’t be there to take the brunt of any attacks.”

“I’m not going to be attacked,” Eren assures him. “Because I’ll be the one attacking. Hehe. Get it? It’s because I’m the At-”

Reiner groans. “Oh, just drop it!”

*

This is cruel.

They all understand that this is goodbye.

No, Reiner is pretty sure some of the Survey Corps members might still be oblivious to what will happen. But the Warriors understand that this might be the last time they can all see each other again. That whatever they say here, that’s it.

That will be their last words to him.

Although Eren said it was because that’s what Dirk asked for, it doesn’t change the fact that Eren has decided to kill him last. 

“I…” Reiner doesn’t know what to say. He finds himself faltering and falling silent.

“Well, we’ll all see each other soon enough anyways,” Porco says. “Don’t make such a big deal about it.”

Pieck nods. “Yes, that’s a good way to think of it. Reiner, we’ll be back soon.”

“Hold down the fort,” Annie tells him.

Bertolt seems to hesitate for a second before he says, “Well, Eren always said he’ll go back for you, so…”

“Haaah? What’s that?” Porco demands. “When was this?”

"Hm? I mean, I always thought it was obvious. After all, for Eren, it's-"

“Then I’ll leave it to you, Colt,” Eren says as he nods at Colt, who is standing with the remaining Reiss family members.

Reiner wonders what Eren has asked of him. Or perhaps this is just another bit of Marcel’s planning? It doesn’t look like Colt will be headed towards the church along with Zeke and Reiner. Perhaps this is Eren’s way of putting Colt somewhere where he’ll be safe? Reiner would feel better if Colt came with him so that he can keep an eye on him. But he supposes that’s not up to him to decide.

“Kid, wait!” Mikasa calls out. “Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?”

Eren leans in to whisper something to Mikasa, which makes her nod seriously. Reiner isn’t sure why, but he can’t help but to think that it’s a good thing that they can’t hear it. Because the way she’s grinning can’t be good.

Then she seems to think about something for a bit before pulling something out from her pocket and…

Huh?

Now that Reiner thinks about it, has Eren not been wearing his bracelet the whole time?

“That fucking bitch…!” 

Reiner’s head snaps towards Bertolt, who is glaring at Mikasa with a hatred that catches him completely off-guard. He knew that Bertolt and Mikasa had a rocky relationship, just from what he’s heard of their journey. But he didn’t realize it was enough to make Bertolt snap like this.

But to be honest, Reiner is holding back his own anger. This bracelet was supposed to be the sign of their family. To have it soiled by an outsider like that… 

He doesn’t know what else Mikasa and Eren said to one another, but Eren finally heads towards them. 

“Guys! You’ll never believe this! I thought I lost this during the whole Kenny ordeal, but it turned out Mikasa kept it for me!” Eren says as he holds the bracelet up. “Can you help me put it on?”

Reiner’s pretty sure none of them believe such a convenient lie. She probably took it. The only thing Reiner can’t figure out is why. Did she just think that it looked pretty? What is she? A crow that likes pretty things instead of something shiny?

Pieck helps Eren re-tie it onto his wrist. And for just a bit, Reiner is reminded of their journey two years ago.

If, as Eren and Marcel wanted, only the two of them left for this island, would things have been different? If Reiner had been a true shield and was the one to be eaten instead of Marcel… If Reiner had been by Eren’s side so that he was never lost to Kenny…

If Reiner had been the first person to reach out to Eren instead of Marcel, would things have been happier?

“Reiner,” Eren calls out, “I’ll see you soon.”

“Travel safe,” Reiner finds himself numbly saying.

Then they’re gone before he can say anything more.

*

The journey to the church’s underground cavern is delayed until morning so Dirk can spend one last night with his family. 

Reiner doesn’t understand why. But it gives him some time with Colt, so he doesn’t complain.

“This is kind of weird that it’s just the two of us,” Colt admits with a sheepish smile. “It’s usually you and Bertolt, and me and Porco.”

“That’s just how things were. Marcel and Eren were always together. Then there were Pieck and Annie. Everyone had a pair. Except for Zeke, I guess. But he’s not really close to us in age.”

“I always feel so bad for him. Even today, Eren was pretty mean in ignoring him.”

“Yeah, it looked like he wanted to say something pretty important, too. But Eren will be Eren. Just a little, I did think that he might pretend not to remember his brother, just to be a brat.”

Colt chuckles. “Oh, I can see him do that! And if you ever ask him to let Zeke be, he gets so pouty at you! Haha… If Marcel didn’t tell him to be nicer to Zeke, he’d probably never have bothered.”

“To be honest, I’m kind of shocked that Eren left him behind,” Reiner says. “I guess he does love his brother and doesn’t want to kill him.”

The two of them laugh for a bit before a tense silence settles between them. 

“We’re… going to die, huh?”

Reiner doesn’t mention that Colt will most likely be fine as long as he doesn’t stand in Eren’s way. But he gets the feeling that Colt might do that anyways because, like the rest of them, he would not be able to stand being the only survivor.

“Even the 13 years never felt all that real to me,” Colt says softly. “We were always in the middle of a battlefield, fighting for Marley’s cause. But it always felt like we would never lose. That was probably conceited of me, huh? To think such things when everyone else have less than 13 years to live.”

“Colt…”

But Reiner doesn’t know how to continue that. He finds himself closing his mouth shut and looking at the ground.

“I wonder why I don’t feel more bitter.” 

When Reiner glances up at Colt, he receives a grin in response.

It’s something that he has thought before in passing. But everyone matured quite a lot, haven’t they? While Reiner feels like only his body got bigger, everyone feels that much stronger mentally. What makes them so different? Just what happened in the last two years that makes everyone (especially Bertolt) feel like they’ve grown this much?

He doesn’t understand.

“Reiner, when the time comes, die with a smile on your face.” Colt’s grin turns a little shy. “Eren will doubtlessly be regretting these choices a lot. So as his Shield, protect his heart.”

“Protect… his heart?”

The thought never occurred to Reiner before. He is Eren’s Shield. That’s something that he has worn proudly since the first time Eren used his “corpse” as a shield in that mock battle. But he never thought to expand on that. He is a Shield. Therefore, he must physically protect Eren. 

But his heart?

“Is that something that I can do?”

Colt nods seriously. “Yeah. Because Eren chose you. Besides, the next time you see Eren, it’ll just be you and him left in our family. So you have to do it. In all of our places.”

“Wait, Colt. What’s going to happen to y-”

A loud boom that sounds suspiciously like an explosion rings in the air. It’s quickly followed by various gunshots, and Reiner realizes that maybe he should have paid a little more attention to what Erwin and the others were planning.

Colt’s grin looks more like Porco’s or maybe Eren’s. It looks completely out of place on his usual calm and sweet face. 

“That’s our cue. Let’s go! I’ll leave Eren’s heart to you!”

The words stuck on Reiner's mouth is "Wait" and "Don't go." But he can't bring himself to say something so selfish when Colt looks happy to finally stand on "equal footing" as them.

*

Zeke finds him within seconds of leaving the room. The two head out and find Dirk, who leads them towards the wine cooler from such a long time ago. 

“There’s a way out from down here,” Dirk explains. “We are the royal family. You didn’t think we wouldn’t have secret escape routes, did you?”

“Is Historia…?”

Dirk nods, even though Zeke doesn’t finish that sentence. “She’s currently loaded on a covered cart, waiting for us. I believe Mikasa is guarding her right now.”

Reiner makes a face. Mikasa, huh?

*

When the three of them arrive at the cart, there’s already signs of a fight. 

Mikasa, with double blades of the vertical maneuvering equipment drawn, fights off what looks to be special ops of the Military Police. Since those guys tend to move under orders of the nobles, Reiner thinks that this must have been orchestrated by the three other nobles he recalls meeting two years ago. 

“Get on! Let’s go!” Zeke orders.

But is it okay to just leave Mikasa-

“Traute, that’s enough. Let them go.”

“But sir-”

“No, no. It’s more interesting that way. After all, I think these kids earned their freedom when they escaped. Mikasa, let that kiddo know that Kenny’ll gladly take him back in if he ever gets bored of this out here. Hahaha!”

Reiner isn’t sure who those people are or why they’re here. But it seems that they’re purposefully turning a blind eye towards their escape. 

The four get on the cart with Historia and leaves the gunshot filled battlefield.

*

“I should’ve said goodbye,” is the number one regret that sits heavily on Reiner’s heart as they ride through the night.

Although he hopes that he can meet Colt again, he gets the feeling that it will never happen. Colt himself will make sure not to survive past tonight.

One by one, Reiner is losing his family.

*

They get to the underground cavern without any issues. 

The place has been completely destroyed, but there’s enough overhangs for them to hide under. From here, it’s just playing the waiting game for Eren to arrive.

“Dirk, why did you ask for me?” Reiner finds himself asking in the long wait period.

“Because out of everyone, you seemed sane.”

Reiner finds himself making a face at Dirk. Sane? Him? What did the others do while Reiner was out and about for Dirk to draw that conclusion? He glances over at Zeke, who quickly looks away. Mikasa also has an expression that seems to say, “Don’t look at me.” Reiner decides for now to not ask.

“Besides, you know about Historia. So I thought that… you’d understand my feelings.”

Guilt settles in Reiner’s chest. The sympathy that Dirk is looking for is something that Reiner doesn’t think that he knows how to offer. Last time, he so carelessly said things that he didn’t care about. And that ended up with Dirk’s sister turned into a Pure Titan. He doesn’t know if Dirk realizes that that’s the reason everyone knew of Historia’s existence, but he doesn’t want to ask to confirm.

“Besides, Eren asked if I could take you.”

“… H-huh?! Eren did?”

Dirk looks uncomfortably away. “Yeah. He said Reiner has a soft heart. So he didn’t want you anywhere near the ‘bloodshed’ he had to cause.”

A… “soft” heart? What does that even mean? But more so than that, isn’t this something similar to what Colt said? To “protect” Eren’s heart? So is Reiner just supposed to drag Eren away from battlefields? Is that what this means?

“Don’t look at me. I don’t know what that means either. I thought you might have an idea,” Dirk says.

Reiner sighs. “No. I’m as clueless as you are. Everyone just says whatever they want and disappears. It’s… really not fair.”

“Can’t be helped,” Dirk says with a rueful grin. “This world is just that shitty.”

But Reiner supposes it’s not all that bad if they can manage to laugh.

*

"I think I'm glad it's you," Zeke admits while they wait.

Reiner glances at him curiously. "What do you mean?"

"Out of all the Warriors, I feel Eren is safest when he's with you."

What a kind lie. 

"Don't be silly, Zeke," he says with a rueful smile. "He was the safest with Marcel."

But Zeke surprises him by shaking his head. "Marcel may have been the one to draw Eren out of his shell, but he's also the one who condemned my cute brother to this hell. But you, Reiner, you've always treated Eren gently."

Reiner figures it'll be to his benefit to not correct Zeke.

"So I'm glad that it's you that Eren chose."

"Eren didn't choose me. Not when he has Marcel on his mind."

There's a small pause before Zeke chuckles. "My, for a boy with your build, you're quite insecure about your place in the world. Believe me, Eren won't let just anyone sleep in his bed."

Mikasa's head snaps over, and she narrows her eyes. Her hand hovers dangerously over her blades. Dirk is glancing at them all with a confused but a little amused look. Reiner feels a headache coming.

"Can you please not word it so scandalously?!"

*

It takes three days before Eren gets there.

And when he does, it’s in Levi’s arms as the Humanity’s Strongest Soldier flies them down the cavern using the open ground. The other Survey Corps members surround the large entrance created by Reiss’ Pure Titan, possibly as a sign that they’re giving them a go-ahead. Levi puts Eren on the ground and glances around, assessing for any signs of danger.

“Hey guys! I’m back!”

The grin on Eren’s face looks a little off. It takes Reiner a second to realize that the reason is because that’s not Eren’s grin. That’s Pieck’s.

“E-Eren, uh…”

There’s a small, almost shy dip of the head that’s clearly Bertolt. “Yeah. It’s exactly what you think.”

Then Eren turns, facing Zeke with a coldness that has to be Annie.

“Me first, then?” Zeke asks.

“How come you never told me that you were of royal blood?” Eren asks softly. There’s something to his tone of voice that Reiner doesn’t recognize. Is this the Warhammer?

“It never came up. But you must have suspected something if you left me for near last.”

The swagger Eren takes as he walks up to Zeke is most definitely Porco. “How boring. You’re not even going to beg for your life?”

“I’m sorry to disappoint, Eren. But this is something I’ve been looking forward to for a long time now.”

“You disgusting BroCom. Pretend to be normal for once, won’t you?”

Zeke laughs. “Not until you’re being you.”

There’s a small pause before Eren lets out a sigh. His posture shifts to a more neutral one as he scowls. But from the way he’s looking away from Zeke, it’s pretty clear that he doesn’t want to deal with his brother. 

Eren, then.

Reiner’s eyes meet Eren’s. There’s a small pause before Eren’s cheeks flushes red. He grabs his scarf and ducks his head down, hiding the lower half of his face with it.

“D-don’t just stare! Say something!”

Most definitely, that’s Eren.

Reiner finds his body moving on its own again.

He wraps his arms tightly around Eren, knowing that this is probably the last time they’ll see each other again.

Colt said to protect Eren's heart. And Zeke said (they've all mentioned) that Reiner is important to Eren. That right after Marcel, it should be him. Because out of everyone, Eren chose Reiner to be killed last. Eren chose Reiner to come back to. Eren…

It should be fine for Reiner to pretend, just for this short while, to be the only one in Eren's life, right?

He will properly say goodbye with a smile on his face.

Because that's just how much he's overflowing with love.

 

* * *

 

The taste of blood won’t wash out, no matter how many days it’s been.

But he supposes that’s just fitting.

_Hey kiddo, you're going to go mad._

Haha… How nice if that was the case. He would have much preferred to have gone mad over this. Hey, you fucking liar. What the hell do you mean, “go mad?”

Going mad would be easier than dealing with this.

The screams in the cavern are coming from him. He dimly realizes that. The wetness he feels on his face is his own tears. It can’t be blood. He ate in his Titan form. There’s no way that his human form would be splattered with blood. 

There’s a cape over his head, covering him. The smallest show of privacy from Mr. Levi. Or maybe it was from Mikasa? He doesn’t know.

He can’t recall.

_Eren, it’s fine. Don’t cry. Thank you for everything. You… are my most precious person._

Shut up! Shut up! Shut the fuck up! Thank him? For what? For cutting their already short lives even shorter? For drenching himself in their blood? For suddenly springing this up on them, even though he knew - _he knew. He fucking knew from the beginning. That’s why Marcel never said anything. That’s why Marcel went out of his way to keep it a secret_ \- all he had to do was walk away. He never had to accept this plan. He never had to go through with it.

He had plenty of times to back away. 

But as always, he doesn’t know anything but advancing forward.

He doesn’t know how else to live but to take yet another step forward, even if all he’ll ever do is leave behind a trail of destruction in his wake.

_Rage. Fight. Kill. Don’t you dare let anything stop you. Make them all hear your roar._

It’s like a curse.

Ever since he received the Attack Titan, his heart has been burning steadily. 

There’s an itch to move. Keep going forward. Don’t let anything cage him in. Don’t let anything stop him. To hold him back.

Isn’t that why he demanded Mikasa to break him out? Isn’t that why he refused to stop and wait for the Marley forces to pick them up after Marcel died? Isn’t that why he foolishly decided to kill everyone, knowing that in the end, Marcel didn’t want that?

That Marcel wanted to protect his family as desperately as the rest of them did.

_It’s fine. Since it’s you._

Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Who the hell gave you the right to forgive him? Who the hell said to accept him? Why the hell couldn’t every single one of them just let him suffer in misery? Why the hell must they all be so damned kind?

Don’t they understand? 

It’s not fine. It’s never been fine.

He’s not a Silver Bullet. He’s not a Princess that can “save” people. He’s not someone big or grand. He’s just…

He’s just a small doll that once upon a time didn’t know how to be anything but lukewarm.

_I love you to death, but can you please have this break down after?_

The chill of the silence calms him down.

That's right. 

There's no time for this.

He wipes the tears (snot? Drool? What else is on his face? He can't tell) with his drenched sleeves. Disgusting. Haha. How fitting. 

Eren pushes himself up.

The cape falls from his shoulders. Faintly, there's a kind voice in his mind reminding him to pick that up to return it. But a louder voice (his own? Porco's? Would you look at that? He’s already getting confused) drowns it out. 

"Ready?" 

Is that in his head or did someone say that to him? He doesn't know. 

"Can't stay still forever," he finds himself saying.

Logically, it makes more sense that it's Levi's hand that's ruffling his hair. But he knows that hand. It’s much larger than Levi’s. Even though he thinks they might both be just as warm. 

That calloused but calming hand on his head belongs to someone who no longer breathes.

He made sure of that.

"Dirk, if you will take a step back?"

The look of distrust is obvious. It's deserving. And it'll be rather fitting if this ends up a failure (But that's what Colt's for. That's what Erwin's extra plan is for. So things are going to be fine. Even if Eren fails here, the people of this island will be able to figure things out). 

Eren finds himself grinning. 

"Hey, Historia, it's time."

*

This is a light he saw before.

No, no. Light isn’t the correct word. It’s… He’s not too sure how to describe it. The infinity, perhaps? The infinite world stretching on before him. The merging of time; past, present, and future all muddle into one. Every existence, every reason, every life all seem to beat with the same heartbeat. A breathtaking moment photographed to last an eternity.

This is why, he thinks even though this never made any sense in the real world. This is why everything happened the way it did. This is just how everything had to be. That’s just the way the world is.

If that’s the case, then Eren will smash it.

“You have some nerve to call upon me, mortal.”

Eren turns towards the speaker and feels his lips curve into a snarl.

“And you have some nerve to take that form, devil.”

The devil smiles, using Marcel’s lips. “I just borrowed a form from your memory. It would be annoying if you were too busy cowering at my awe-inspiring form to talk. Did I hurt your feelings?”

“I would rather deal with your true form than this,” Eren tells him.

“And I would rather be left alone than to have to help some dumb mortal every few millennia, yet here we are.”

They’re getting nowhere. And it’s not because Eren feels that he can’t win an argument against someone wearing Marcel’s face, okay? Let’s just get that straight. 

He changes the topic because there are more important things to take care of.

“Get rid of it.”

The devil raises Marcel’s eyebrow. “And pray tell me what this ‘it’ is? You mean this form? You mean this world? You mean you?”

Damn this devil for making Eren feel so damned stupid.

“Everything.”

And when the devil continues to look at Eren like he’s an idiot with Marcel’s face, Eren finds his cheeks heat up. He pulls his scarf up protectively up to cover the lower half of his face. 

“You know… the whole Eldians having the Titan power thing. The 13 years. The discrimination… Every single one of unfair things that have happened in our lives. All of it! Get rid of all of it!”

The devil rubs his temples. “Basically, you want me to get rid of everything that Ymir sacrificed to get.”

“Will that get rid of the Titan powers?”

“More or less, I imagine.”

Eren nods. “Then yeah. That’s what I want.”

“You’re… not very bright, are you?”

Flattery will get this devil nowhere. Even if that’s Marcel’s face, Marcel’s voice. Because in the end, it’s not Marcel. That’s not how Marcel would act.

At least not to Eren.

“Look, I just know that I want to get rid of all the unfairness. I want everyone to be treated like normal humans like there’s no distinction between Eldians and everyone else. I… I want my family to never have suffered like that. To not have to wear those armbands. To not have to live inside of interment zones inside of Walls. To not have to fear being killed for the most ridiculous reasons!”

The devil yawns, clearly bored. Are Eren’s feelings not getting to him? Or is it more that as a devil, it feels no sympathy? Then Eren is clearly going about this the wrong way. But what is he supposed to do? What is he supposed to say?

_"If you're facing against someone smart in a battle of intelligence, there's just one thing you can do to win. You have to make yourself look as weakest and as stupid as possible."_

Weak and stupid as possible, Marcel said. There can’t be any harm in trying that, right?

“But all of those things are things that were done by humans. Whether you have the power of Titans or not, things of that nature will still happen. Because you humans just don’t ever learn,” the devil says, waving his hand in the air in a careless manner. 

“Hey,” Eren snaps, “I didn’t ask for a history or a theology lesson. Just get rid this damned thing… Or… Or make it so that it never happened! Stop Ymir from ever making this deal. Unwrite the past two thousand years of history. Surely you can do that much, can’t you, Mr. Devil?”

Annoyance flashes on the devil’s face. “And why should I do that? Ymir at least had the decency to be polite when she asked me for things. You didn’t even bother bringing any offerings did you? So why should I bother listening to the whines of a child?”

Being stupid isn’t working.

An offering, the devil said. All the pictures of the deal with the devil is always depicted with an apple. So that must have been Ymir’s offering. But a fucking apple? That what the devil wants? Damn it. He should have brought Colt’s apple tarts, even if it might have gone bad by now. 

Damn it, Marcel! The advice he gave from such a long time ago is completely useless.

Eren can’t be stupid right now. He needs to think and come up with something apple-related to offer the devil. 

What does he have that can make this devil listen to him?

“My, for a devil, you’re quite kind! You even gave us a hint as to what we need to do!” 

Eren flinches at the polite but cold tone of voice. He glances to his left and sees Frieda grinning at the devil. And as if to reflect the person who is speaking, the devil’s form shifts into that of an old man with a heavy set frown of disapproval.

The First King, Eren guesses.

“But could it be that you’re near-sighted? Can you not see the sheer amount of souls gathered here? It’s all the poor, pitiful fools that have been chained to the 13 years of Ymir’s Curse,” Frieda continues.

“What uncouth manner of speaking from a noble lady,” the devil sighs with a shake of his old head. “How disappointing all of you children of Ymir are…”

“If dealing isn’t working, then we just have to beat him. We have more than enough numbers,” comes a low growl from Eren’s right.

The previous Attack Titan has a nasty snarl on his face as he faces the devil. But, just as before, the image of the First King shifts and turns into someone from the previous Attack Titan’s memory.

“You… fucking bastard…”

Specifically, to that of his beloved.

“Coercion and threats. Perhaps humanity peaked with Ymir,” the devil says, shaking her head.

The problem, Eren can’t help but to think, is that none of them are very smart. Or maybe Frieda is smart, but she’s not having much luck with talking to the devil. Is it their manner of speaking? All three of them are used to getting what they want. So they have a rather coarse manner when it comes to demanding things.

What are they supposed to do to convince this devil…

For just a second, Eren catches a glimpse of it. 

The kind smile of the “ghost” Kid always saw. Except now that Eren remembers, he knows that it’s not just a “ghost.” It’s… 

_“Hey Eren, you won’t go mad if you make me your lighthouse.”_

_“A… what? Marcel, don’t make fun of me! I’m being serious here!”_

_“And I am, too. Think about it. If I become something like an 'anchor' that can ground you to reality, all that’ll do is chain you to me. For someone whose eyes are always set on the distance in order to advance, that will end up strangling you in the future. So I’ll be your lighthouse. I’ll shine my light and guide you. But ultimately, it’ll be your decision to go forward.”_

Marcel’s eyes crinkle in mischief as he motions to his neck area. His neck…? 

Ah.

The scarf.

Eren looks down at the scarf wrapped around himself. Annie has worked hard to patch it the best she can, but it’s starting to tear again. It clearly isn’t meant to last this long, especially not under the constant stress of battles. 

Ymir’s offering to the devil for the deal was a red apple, according to pictures.

Then would a red scarf also do justice?

“I’ve drenched myself in the blood of my family. All the Titan Shifters before me have gathered here in this tiny body of mine. Their memories, their sufferings, their happiness, and their will. In order to selfishly demand our freedom, I give you everyone’s resolve!”

Eren holds the scarf out for the devil to take. 

A stunned silence settles around them. In that moment (It was just a moment, right? It didn’t actually last a century?) that seems to stretch on for far too long, Eren just barely resists the urge to fidget. Was that correct? Is this what Marcel meant? Hey, can someone please speak, because this is starting to get really embarrassing!

There’s a soft chuckle from the devil.

Instead of taking on Marcel’s form again, the devil’s borrowed image disappears, revealing disgustingly yellowed fangs that highlights its grin. Its golden eyes shine with amusement as its scaly (? Hairy? What the hell is that? It looks like scales but in the same breath also like long fur-like hair) body begins to rumble with laughter. 

This isn’t the image of the devil that the pictures depict at all! Then maybe the apple is wrong, too? Maybe it wasn’t an apple that she offered the devil but-

“Ah, if it’s like that, then I suppose I have no choice!” the devil laughs. 

It reaches for Eren’s scarf with its talons. Although its hold is delicate, the scarf is much too fragile. The red threads that were fraying slowly begins to unravel before the devil’s touch.

And Eren realizes that, no. He’s wrong.

It’s not that the scarf is too fragile. It’s that the devil is allowing the scarf to come apart in his hands.

“Have you ever heard of it? The red strings of fate that binds everyone together. Haha. It looks a bit like your scarf here. Binding all the people that you have taken upon yourself.”

The world seems to crack.

Or perhaps that’s just Eren’s perception? The land below him gives way, pulling him down along with the sand. The infinity that stretched on all around him begins to blur and disappear. The people that were with him are all no longer there. 

And it clicks.

It was Ymir’s deal that brought them all together. It was the Titan power they wanted to change so desperately that was the reason why they were together. It was the cruelty of the people around them, the discrimination, the ages-long hatred, that made their bond with one another so strong.

Without that thread, his family is the same as the strangers on the streets.

“As you wished, I shall untangle all of you from your tragic fates. Hahahaha… You mortals are always so short-sighted.”

Eren falls.

  
  


 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

“Porco, wake up! We’re going to be late!” 

5 year old Marcel is awarded with a pillow to the face before his brother scowls at him.

“It’s the weekend, you jerk! Let me sleep!”

“No can do! If you don’t get up to do the chores, I’ll have to end up doing your portion, too!”

“We have all weekend to do them! Why do we have to do it all this morning?” Porco snaps.

But it’s clear that he can’t go back to sleep after yelling like that. With a glare that promises a painful revenge later, Porco drags himself out of his bed.

*

The ring of the doorbell catches the Galliard family off-guard.

“Were we expecting anyone?” Marcel’s mom asks.

His dad shakes his head. “Marcel, do you mind checking who it is? If it’s a seller, remind them we have a firm no-soliciting rule in this neighborhood.”

Although Marcel understands why his dad will choose him over the currently grumpy Porco to get the door, he can’t help but to find it annoying. He was having fun sniping Porco’s chocolate chips in his pancakes.

“I got it,” he promises his parents.

*

A kindly smiling couple greets Marcel with an apple pie.

“Good morning,” the woman says with a sweet smile. “I’m Carla Jaeger and this is my husband, Grisha. We moved in next door yesterday. We’re here to greet your family.”

“Hello! Nice to meet you. I’m Marcel. Let me go get my parents and my brother,” Marcel promises her with a smile of his own.

He’s about to turn and head back to the kitchen when he meets green eyes. The owner of the green eyes blushes and ducks behind the woman’s leg. He looks to be about Marcel’s age. And something about this is so achingly… 

And for just a second, Marcel feels something sharp in his chest, almost as if he’s been stabbed. He feels like he’s being overwhelmed by an intense emotion that he cannot name. Before he knows it, there are tears rolling down his face. And he doesn’t understand himself. Why does he feel so…?

The boy with green eyes shyly looks back at Marcel and looks shocked at the sight of Marcel’s tears. He hesitates a bit before stepping out from behind his mother’s leg to help wipe away Marcel’s tears. Faintly, Marcel is aware of the Jaeger couple panicking and the rest of his own family coming out to see what’s taking him so long.

“Ahh… what should I do? I made a complete fool of myself,” he finds himself saying as he wipes the last of his tears away.

“If…” the boy hesitates for just a second before finishing it with, “if you’re that uncertain, then why don’t you become mine?”

“E-Eren! You can’t just say things like that! I am so sorry, Marcel! Eren is a bit-”

But Marcel isn’t listening to the Jaeger couple. He’s too taken by the look in Eren’s green eyes. He’s too caught up in the dizziness of this strange euphoria that threatens to overwhelm him. 

Finally, he finds himself thinking and wonders why. Why does this feel so much like this is something he has been waiting a long time for? 

“Alright. I accept,” he is dimly aware of himself saying.

And with an extravagance that he never thought himself capable of, he kneels before Eren and takes his hand.

“I will be your Knight to protect you until the end of our lives. Won’t you be my Princess?”

There’s a grin on Eren’s face as he pulls Marcel back to his feet. Marcel feels breathless at the sound of Eren’s giggles against his ear and Eren's arms wrap around him securely. Like this is how it has always been, always will be.

“Don’t be stupid! This time, let’s be god-slaying heroes together!”

  


_Fin._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “… You know, this is exactly why everyone asks to make a deal with you. You’re far too lenient,” Ymir complains as she watches her descendants with a disgusted shake of her head.
> 
> The devil laughs and settles next to her small body. “As someone who benefited from a deal with me, I don’t think you have the right to complain.”
> 
> “They undid my wish! My thousands of years of planning! I think I have every right to be mad.” She glances at the devil and clicks her tongue. “Don’t look so damned happy, you stupid devil.”
> 
> “But how can I not be when you’re grinning so widely?”
> 
> Ymir flushes red. “S-shut up! Why the hell did you even override my wish with theirs, anyways? I thought you liked me best!”
> 
> There’s a small pause as the devil stares at her blushing face for a beat longer. Then it laughs again and looks away.
> 
> “Hey! Stop laughing!” she yells. “C’mon! Tell me the reason!”
> 
> The devil’s laughter is the only answer she receives. But it thinks that the answer so the question is quite obvious.
> 
> _I helped them because they reminded me of us._


End file.
